Do you care what others think or say about you behind your back?

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  1. RPirate profile image59
    RPirateposted 12 years ago

    Do you care what others think or say about you behind your back?

    Does it matter what other people say about you when you're out of hearing range. We come across with two-faced people that have developed this sort of lifestyle. Being a "public chameleon" with opinions that are constantly changing depending on who those people are with. Are you like that? Do you know people like that? Do you care what they say or think about you?

  2. Author Cheryl profile image79
    Author Cherylposted 12 years ago

    It does bother me.  I hate fake people that smile in your face and talk about you behind your back.  I try to be kind to everyone but its very hard when they really mean you no good

  3. xethonxq profile image66
    xethonxqposted 12 years ago

    I think they say I'm intimidating as hell and....cocky.

  4. lburmaster profile image72
    lburmasterposted 12 years ago

    Not entirely. I might get upset at their negative comments because they are incorrect. If they are right in their words, I will regretably ignore the comment. But if they are incorrect mostly I just laugh and debate. And yes, I know many people like that. They are leeches, clinging on only to cause more harm for their own survival. However, in the end they tend to cause their own death with their tongue. Or at least they used to.

  5. razorblades profile image60
    razorbladesposted 12 years ago

    I have to be honest, not really I have three ways of looking a people who see fit to talk about me

    1.  I am delighted for them.  I am thrilled that their lives are going so well that they have nothing to worry about, nothing to concern them other than what goes on in my life.

    2.  If they are talking about me then they are giving some other poor soul a break

    3.  They don't pay my bills, put food on my table, look after my children so they don't get a say into how I run my life and therefore their opinion is irrelevant.

    I know what people say can be hurtful, but actually it can be more hurtful when people actually believe the gossip, especially people who you think should know better.

    Alway remember, if a person is gossiping TO you, you can be 100% guaranteed they are gossiping ABOUT you!

    1. fpherj48 profile image60
      fpherj48posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I LOVE your comment, razor!Especially your 2nd last paragraph.I react harshly to: !. Someone who knows me well &should know better than to believe something "out-of-character" for me.OR 2. A Gossip-Jerk, thinking I blindly believe what they say!

  6. RPirate profile image59
    RPirateposted 12 years ago

    Would you agree with me when i say: We get alike with people around us.

    My suggestion would be a "public chameleon" filter; get involved with people that satisfy your relationship needs.

    When one knows what he's doing - others find out. Good friends are like stars, you only see them when night comes, in this case it's when the trouble comes.

  7. MummyDearest profile image47
    MummyDearestposted 12 years ago

    I used to but not anymore... I used to get very upset when I found out through others about what was said behind my back when I was not around. And then I went on to run my own businesses which meant that there will always an unhappy employee no matter how well they were treated. So I got pretty thick skin.

    Long Story Short...people can say what they want and we can't control them..but we can control ourselves and our emotions and not let it affect us.

    As Paolo Coelho, Author of The Alchemist says :

    What other people think of you is none of your business.

  8. Smart is Good profile image61
    Smart is Goodposted 12 years ago

    I've met that sort of people, they were never my friends but they did made up stuff about me behind my back and then acted like nothing happened when they were with me. At first it shocked me and I tried so hard to prove they were lying. But then I grew into thicker skin and learnt that it's not worth my suffering, I would let the other people eventually realise what was going on. But now I really don't care; I know who I am and the people that I surround myself with make me stronger and I wish everyone could be this strong, because I know it sucks. And no I'm not a two faced person, I say things upfront and honestly, and I haven't got  anything nice to say to anyone then I don't say anything.

  9. profile image0
    reeltaulkposted 12 years ago

    Oh God....back biting never ends!  To some degree you really shouldn't, and I don't mean the shouldn't that means you are acting all thick skinned and you're not.  I mean the shouldn't that gives you andept understanding and explains from the core that they are of no importance to you.  Their life is null of void until they utter your  silly name.  When you think about it if you haven't caused anyone any pain or hurt, there is no reason for them to speak of you behind your back unless kind words are being uttered.  You have to realize that people are so simple and hate themselves to a degree that they must spew their hate else where.  Most of the time it's a dysfunctional attraction of some sort.......shit, just dysfunctional and mind boggling.  Sometimes they feel they deserve to possess whatever this individual posseses.  On the other hand, there will be friends, family and people you deal with that talk unkindly behind your back.  Judst be in the know and know who they are.  These type of people are very dangerous and are usually up to no good.  You have to know how to deal with them if you choose to at all.

    P.S.  this type of behavior is a given for back biters, whether you have experienced it first hand or not

  10. profile image0
    ExoticHippieQueenposted 12 years ago

    My first gut reaction was to say no, especially since I am of an age now where I shouldn't care what anyone says about me.  But that would be a lie.  It would be a lie if anyone said no.  On some level, each of us does care what others think and say about us. If we didn't care, we would have no feelings.  Now, as for chameleons who say one thing and do another, in reference to me, then no, I don't care because they are not important to me.  The only time I care is when it is a person whom I love or care deeply for, someone whose opinion I respect, that kind of thing.  They matter to me, so what they think or say about me matters, too.

  11. momster profile image60
    momsterposted 12 years ago

    Nope. After many years of dealing with back talkers and back stabbers I have come to realize that I have to live with myself and that what others say or think of me does not matter. They are the ones who have to deal with the consequences of their actions when it comes back to them. What goes around comes around. This is me if you dont like it than Im sorry but you dont have to be my friend. Got be hard against those who try to hurt you. The truth will hurt.

  12. bruzzbuzz profile image60
    bruzzbuzzposted 12 years ago

    I used to care what others thought of me but, as I got older, I really don't care anymore. I think most people tear others down to build themselves up. That just shows that those people have real self esteem problems. Who cares what a person like that thinks. I don't.

  13. MazioCreate profile image66
    MazioCreateposted 12 years ago

    In a nutshell, no, I don't care what others are saying behind my back.  In the past,  I've wasted too much of my time and sanity to give others power over me again.  When you worry about what others are saying you are giving them power over your life which can result in you experiencing a myriad of behavioural changes.  There will always be someone who wants to make a comment about what I've said, done, wore etc, but it's their time they are giving up, not mine.  On the other hand, there might well be people saying positive things about me behind my back,  like Rachel Hunter says in the ad, "It may not happen over night, but it will happen!"

  14. onegoodwoman profile image69
    onegoodwomanposted 12 years ago

    To a point , I do...........

    yes, I care about how others interpert me, how I come across.........yes, I do care.

    At the end of the day, I just want to  know a little bit more about who my associates are and those who are working against me.

    I am not going to " change " my basic self, to accomadate others, but IF, I might learn to approach them in a different way.............yes, I care.

    These things apply to my professional life.

    I don't give a tinkers damn, if others think that gardening is drudgery, if goats stink, and chickens are a feathered flock...........

    I AM me..........I am willing to learn and grow, but I am NOT willing to be dictated to, so that, I can meet your approval in class.  I am who I am, and I do, what I do.

    Sometimes, the two , just can not meet.

  15. aisha91 profile image53
    aisha91posted 12 years ago

    No, I don't care if they are just 'other people', but if those people are important to me whom I respect and love then I do care about what they think about me, basically, I want to be the best for the people whom I think great and best too. If ever I'll find them ridiculing me behind my back, or have negative opinions about me instead of saying it to me directly, but heard it from other people accidentally,  then that really hurts. smile I would be really really affected.

    I know some people who always have negative comments on their fellows and I don't befriend them- to avoid harboring negative feelings about them and keep on feeling sorry for the people they are ridiculing. It is just so unhealthy and will keep me away from the kind of life i want to have.

    since, I hate people talking behind my back, I hate to talk people behind their back too unless of course if  it is an appreciation. I always reminding myself that if I were them, what would I feel? That thought is always enough for me to be silent if there is nothing good to say.

  16. That Grrl profile image73
    That Grrlposted 12 years ago

    I come from a family with a negative outlook. I've gotten to the point where I don't put much importance on what they say, especially when I'm not there. Instead I trust people to build their own opinion of me, based on what I do, who I am, etc. Anyone who chooses to believe gossip, rumour, negative stuff is not someone I'd really care about anyway. Long ago I learned to form my own opinion and keep an open mind until I know the facts.

  17. eswar profile image60
    eswarposted 12 years ago

    Yes, because what ever they say the best person to know me clearly is me, but if i could hear anything wrong about me i would only think in such a way that the way i exibited my self is wrong its a failure on my part, so, the comments and criticisms will certainly help me  to know whether i am able to project myself clearly and cleanly. I will not go and quarrel with them for their wrong comments rather i would take their comments as chance to correct myself. Because it is easy to change ourselves than trying to change the other person.

    1. Efficient Admin profile image86
      Efficient Adminposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree. If I have offended anyone I want to be able to fix it or maybe it helps me deal with them better. I can't stand negative talk behind my back without being able to defend myself and fix the problem.

  18. debbie roberts profile image70
    debbie robertsposted 12 years ago

    When I was younger it did matter to me, but now it really doesn't worry me now.
    I'm happy with who I am and if they have nothing better to do than to slate me behind my back then maybe I'm doing something right, people only slate others when they themselves are lacking confidence in themselves and want to bring others down.
    I also have no interest in what others have to say about people behind their backs and I will say so.

  19. athena2011 profile image56
    athena2011posted 12 years ago

    It doesn't even warrant a second thought in my opinion what people say behind my back. If it turned out to be a close friend or family member however that would make a difference.

    I believe that anyone who will bad talk someone else to you, will also bad talk about you to someone else so I'm always trying to stay away from these types.

  20. profile image52
    shona-09posted 10 years ago

    I don't because i mind my own business and get on with my life.

  21. Harishprasad profile image71
    Harishprasadposted 10 years ago

    Most of us suffer from this malady, some severely, some mildly. Though this trait is not generally appreciated, some people find it as an outlet to  feel avenged for something wrong done to them by way of harsh words, cruel treatment , exploitation,harassment etc. I regard this kind  of behavior natural and sane and it seems appropriate too. I myself am no exception to it. Since people know that confronting  directly will not  be conducive and may be detrimental to their career,future,business etc., they indulge in saying nasty things behind the back. In a way, this is good for their emotional being and safeguard against depression and frustration. However, if a person inculcates such kind of behavior out of jealousy and hatred, it is not healthy attitude at all and such a person remains in mental turmoil forever in his life. It is also important that we should not give importance to what people say behind our back,good or bad. If we know for certain and happy for what we are and confident of ourselves, we should not care for what the world  says before us or behind us. Even if someone whispers something said against us by someone, we should not mind it because whom we love and who love us really matter in our lives and the rest cannot be expected to appreciate us even if we persist too hard. Also, we cannot change the old habits of the people. So, it would be better to remain calm and composed in the face of this " back biting" .

  22. erorantes profile image51
    erorantesposted 10 years ago

    Yes , I care about what people said. I do not say anything . I listen, and I keep  silent.  Then, I start thinking.  How wrong they are . When they speak about  something that it is not true.  They are mentally sick because they have no rational thinking. We ignore them. If they say . They want to kill us . We call the police.

  23. padmendra profile image49
    padmendraposted 10 years ago

    It usually happens with anyone, but if I am asked, I will not care and ignore such people. It could be because of some jealousy, some people negatively change with the time or some have a tendency of this kind. Just, ignore, avoid or leave them alone, as I feel it is the best  way to end this issue forever.

  24. Efficient Admin profile image86
    Efficient Adminposted 10 years ago

    It depends if it's true or not.  If they are saying false things, why should I be scorned for something I did not do.  I don't like not being able to defend myself whether they say something true or not, or at least being given the opportunity to fix it. 

    I like to know who the two-faced gossipy people are because I don't want people like that for friends anyway.  When I hear someone else being badmouthed I let it go in one ear and out the other because I prefer to judge a person for myself and don't listen to the negative talk.

  25. lostohanababy profile image56
    lostohanababyposted 10 years ago

    Just like your cute chameleon in the picture.  He can change in a moments notice to 'blend' with the environment.  People have a similar special feature that is really a usual human resource.   We as humans have the ability to 'ignore'.   When I was younger, say about 40 years ago, it was devastating to me every time I learned someone was talking 'trash' about me behind my back, even to the point of finding out 'who' and confront them.  Most times I couldn't find out who were saying 'uglies' about me.  And it would frustrate me even more.   Which on one or two occasions got me 'fired' from a job.  It's more 'cool' and more 'Christian', if you are a Christian, to let them say whatever.  If they or their little buddies come to your face, then you can use best judgement setting matters straight.  By saying directly of 'what is really going on and what you may have really said, and has become distorted out of your range of hearing!

  26. fpherj48 profile image60
    fpherj48posted 10 years ago

    RPirate...........I have absolutely not an ounce of concern over anything an individual may say "behind my back"......That last phrase indicates to me that this person,( whoever he or she may be in relationship to me) needs to be sneaky & secretive with their comments & opinions......meaning that he/she......Knows not a thing about me.

    If they did know me, it would be 100% obvious to them that I am an honest, open and UPFRONT woman.  Anything someone might like to share about me, they are free to (and welcome to, as well)  say publicly and/or directly to me.

    They would also know that I find "gossip" a deplorable and shameful activity.  I have no respect for people who indulge in this sort of behavior.......therefore, there would be no reason I'd care about anything they have to say.

    It is only important to me how I am perceived and thought of by those closest to me.  My family, friends and loved ones are those most important to me, whose opinions really matter.  Because I love them all and want the very best for them, I would strive to be an integral part of their lives and be worthy of their love as well.

    Total strangers, the public in general or people I dislike and disrespect?  Well.....the reality is, I have no time nor need to know what they might think and say about me, whatsoever.   WHY would anyone?

  27. wingedcentaur profile image63
    wingedcentaurposted 10 years ago

    Hi RPirate! I don't know if you're still with us, on HubPages, but I'll go ahead and answer the question anyway---put my two cents in---if you don't mind.

    I think there is something we should admit to ourselves from the start. People talk about other people behind their backs because it is fun. Therefore, there is no use wishing people would change or anything like that. There is no use wishing that everybody who has something negative to say about us would 'just say it to my face.' People are simply not going to do that because, as I said, it is more fun to talk about people behind their backs.

    As for myself, I would hope that people are mostly saying nice things about me instead of bad things, behind my back. I would not be friends with people who are saying mostly bad things about me behind my back. I think we all know the people who are saying mostly bad things about us behind our backs, and are, generally, not friends with them.

    However, I also accept that  my friends may occasionally say less than one hundred percent flattering things about me, behind my back. That is to be expected, I think. You know, I have witnessed people saying to people: 'If you got anything to say about me, say it to my face,' and so forth. You know what effect that had? Do you?

    The people who were talking about said x person behind her back simply added one more item to talk about behind her back. Do you follow me? They talked behind her back about all the stuff they had been talking about before plus the fact that she had the indelicacy to confront them about it!

    Anyway, let me close with this. I, for one, do care immensely what people say and think about me behind my back. I would like it to be mostly positive: though juicy (FUN) conversation is usually not generated with meditations about how wonderful x person is, is it?

    Take it easy RPirate!

  28. Hendrika profile image64
    Hendrikaposted 9 years ago

    I do not care at all. They can even say it in front of me and it will not bother me

  29. Tammy L Bond profile image60
    Tammy L Bondposted 9 years ago

    Definitely not! My mom always said minding your own business is a 24-hour a day job; therefore worrying about what's going on behind my back is a losing battle. One, it takes me off my focus (me!) and there is ALWAYS somebody who's gonna be back there saying something. In the words of Sweet Brown, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

  30. tom yam profile image60
    tom yamposted 9 years ago

    If you care or not it won't make any difference to the people that are stabbing you in the back. I don't let it bother me.

  31. profile image52
    EllieDayposted 9 years ago

    It is very very true. There are people out there that talk about you and whomever else, behind your back. They say things to other people, mostly anyone who will listen, about you, things that they would never have the balls to say to your face. The hard truth is that nine out of ten people will talk about you behind your back. There are two things that are key in understanding this concept. The first being that everyone has their own opinion, whether it's an opinion that is easily persuaded by other's thinking. or if it's a strong opinion that they've formed on their own. And people love to share their opinion's with whoever is willing to listen. Secondly, people want to be liked, most everyone you come in contact with or speak to wants to be liked by everyone. They want to be the "person" with the "inside information" that only they can provide so that other's think that they are interesting and knowledgeable. Everyone wants to know someone who is interesting and knowledgeable. Thirdly and most apparently whomever has something to say about you behind your back, and something totally different to say to your face, is usually envious of you in some way. People create their own opinions, but are more often than not too afraid to let you know that opinion that they have just formed about you from a ten minute conversation, the first time they meet you, because they are afraid that if you hear the opinion, which is usually negative, you won't like them anymore. Which may be the case, you may no longer like that person because of the uninformed negative opinion they shared with you, regarding you or a certain circumstance about your life, and that's okay. Like or dislike what they have said about you, whether it's accurate or not, you will respect them because they had the balls to tell you, and not Joe Blow who happened to be standing next to them when you turned your back. Everyone in the world has areas in their life that they'd like to improve on. For example with myself, I am just learning how to begin to be responsible financially. So yes, I admit I may be a little jealous of someone that I speak to who is financially secure because I wish that I was in their position financially. The difference is when they turn they're back I'm not going to talk about them, or say anything that I wouldn't say to there face, because I'm secure in where I am. It's not ideally where I'd like to be, but I know that and I own it.

  32. connorj profile image69
    connorjposted 9 years ago

    No I don't care what they say behind my back: although, it required many years to realize that there is no need for me to address/internalize or externalize what they think. That in a sense, quite simply empowers what they may think/say. I know who I am, I know my strengths and weaknesses. After all give me credit, I am close to realizing that I may not make the NHL as a player now that I have reached 18 for the 3rd time! So what if I am a weak back checker, Mr. Bowman play me in goal (please)!

  33. Evane profile image63
    Evaneposted 9 years ago

    I do because it's a reflection of who I am and who I'm not.

    1. fpherj48 profile image60
      fpherj48posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      What someone "thinks of you" or says about you privately is merely their "PERCEPTION" of you, certainly NOT a true reflection of you are or are not.  They may see you entirely inaccurately from your authentic self.  This is THEIR problem...not yours!

  34. sweetpikez profile image67
    sweetpikezposted 9 years ago

    I don't care about what they are saying about me. As long as  I am doing my best and righteous thing, I won't be bothered about their business behind my back.Those who are "two-faced" as you described have a lot of time to discuss other's life or they have attitude problems.These problems may include dumping their own issue with other's issue. Simply covering their own mess. Another reason for doing this is insecurity or jealosy. Some people try to pull down others in position or apples of promotion.Why are they doing this?All because of insecurity or jealosy that unfortunately develops to hatred and anger.

  35. peachpurple profile image82
    peachpurpleposted 9 years ago

    my sister in law always talk behind my back, say all the bad things infront my of mother in law, i don't care, its her bitch mouth. Just ignore her.

  36. profile image51
    Nancy L Morrisonposted 9 years ago

    I read the "Five Cardinal Rules of Life" and I now try to live by it. John Tesh had this on his radio show and I thought it was share worthy:
    Especially the second one.
    1. Make peace with your past so it doesn't disturb your present
    2. What other people think of you is none of your business
    3. Time heals almost everything, just give it time
    4.No one is in charge of your happiness except for you
    5. Don't compare your life to others and don't judge them, you have  no idea what their journey is all about.

  37. realtalk247 profile image76
    realtalk247posted 9 years ago

    I care so I can eliminate a person from my life if they don't genually care for me.  Being in my life is a privilege and not a right.
    While one can have a different view of someone that they may not feel comfortable sharing directly, if you do not like someone's character or who they are then you shouldn't be around them.

  38. Enigmamity profile image70
    Enigmamityposted 9 years ago

    You do something or you do not, people will always have something to say. This has been quoted by W.H. Auden as follows: “Whatever you do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say”.
    Apply your own rational thinking if the criticism was really frank and the change intended by the critic will help you make progress or not. If yes, then it is better you make the necessary change else you always have got two ears (one for incoming and another for outgoing)!


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