Would you give your spouse a free pass if they gave you one?

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  1. dawnM profile image57
    dawnMposted 13 years ago

    how would you feel if you and your spouse each gave one another a pass to have an intimate relationship with someone else?

    1. mod2vint profile image59
      mod2vintposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Like its time to move on!

      1. luvpassion profile image62
        luvpassionposted 13 years agoin reply to this


        1. profile image0
          Contriceposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          I agree...that means that you are very bored and unsatisfied in the relationship.

          1. profile image0
            sarahsherlockposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            You might as well end the relationship there. The fact that you are telling your partner (or they are telling you) that they no longer care if you are intimate with somebody else is a signal that the relationship as you know it is over.

    2. Cagsil profile image70
      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      If my better half(not that I have one) were to offer, I would tell her to have her head examined. hmm

      Besides, I already give my girlfriends/other halfs enough rope to hang themselves. And, not a single one of them have been able to deal with the amount of freedom given. Which means, they each hung themselves by their own actions.

      If you need more freedom than I offer, then you really don't want to be in a relationship to begin with. wink big_smile

    3. Ben Evans profile image63
      Ben Evansposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      No I wouldn't.  Why be married if you are going to have a free pass.  If my spouse wanted to have an affair it would be hasta la bye bye.

    4. leeberttea profile image55
      leebertteaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      If you're considering such an arrangement, then your relationship is already over. Best to move on before it gets ugly. Of course you could both join a swingers club, and I have known such people as well. Those relationships can last a good long while but eventually they fail, so you just have to be realistic about the consequences and about what you want.

    5. profile image0
      EmpressFelicityposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I can't imagine being in a relationship like that but I suppose it's possible... if there were some major compensating factors (and I do mean major).

  2. Rafini profile image83
    Rafiniposted 13 years ago

    If I loved my spouse...I'd tear it in half, give it back, and walk out the door because he obviously didn't feel the same about me otherwise he wouldn't have given me the free pass.

    1. swapna123 profile image62
      swapna123posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      completely agree smile

  3. jaymelee23 profile image67
    jaymelee23posted 13 years ago

    I agree with everyone. That's not right. Besides, anyone that I have ever known to do anything like that ends up splitting up or divorcing afterwards. It never words out for the good. It can create jealousy and other issues. If you love someone so much, why would you want to share that special thing with a third party?

    1. Chaotic Chica profile image58
      Chaotic Chicaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Ditto!  It's natural to look at somebody hot and be attracted but it's a completely different thing altogether to really want to act on it.  If my husband is giving me a free pass, then I'd bet money that he's already used the one I didn't give him or is darn close to it and wants a clear conscience.  I'm not giving it to him!

      1. profile image0
        sarahsherlockposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        I think you've hit the nail on the head there!

  4. puebloman profile image60
    pueblomanposted 13 years ago

    I thought a free pass was something you gave a prisoner. i guess (hope) my wife's got one. But, yes! Like everyone else, I agree with everyone. Jeeez, I'm becoming more positive by the moment!

  5. SomewayOuttaHere profile image60
    SomewayOuttaHereposted 13 years ago

    ...it's called adultery for a reason...

    1. puebloman profile image60
      pueblomanposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      And what reason's that?

      1. SomewayOuttaHere profile image60
        SomewayOuttaHereposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        ...well puebloman...look up the definition of adultery...whether you are married or not... you are either in or out of a relationship...i guess my def of a relationship includes monogamy....otherwise...i`m not in a relationship...

        1. puebloman profile image60
          pueblomanposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          well if monogamy is what you need in a relationship, if it makes you feel safe, or needed or loved, that fine. Monogamy is not a moral position that's higher than any other preference or agreement, though. Unfortunately the world is full of people who need to impose their view on the rest of us so that they can feel safe, or needed or loved.

  6. Misha profile image63
    Mishaposted 13 years ago

    I feel myself quite good. We have a "free pass" for more than 10 years already, and though my wife uses it more often than me, I still enjoy it occasionally. smile

  7. camlo profile image83
    camloposted 13 years ago

    My ex-wife and I did something like this in our sixth year of marriage ... as I say, my EX-wife.

  8. kmackey32 profile image65
    kmackey32posted 13 years ago

    Never, I love my man way to much to let him and I have no desire to do anything with anyone else ever.

  9. wychic profile image83
    wychicposted 13 years ago

    I understand that there are "open" relationships and marriages where people can do this and don't have a problem...but I can also say that I really can't relate to them.

    For me, I wouldn't want a free pass...and I would have some very creatively homicidal feelings for any woman who tried to get too close to my husband. That said, if my husband allowed such advances, there would be some feelings toward creative maiming (can't be killing the parent of one's children, after all) and an invitation to get all his stuff out of the house very quickly...or leave without it and know beyond a doubt what that faint glow and smoke on the horizon behind him are from. Suffice to say I require exclusivity, and won't tolerate anyone who doesn't also require it of me.

  10. alternate poet profile image67
    alternate poetposted 13 years ago

    If you did then he/she might be your spouse but they would not be your lover.  A 'free pass' at base is a commodity and the ability to think in these terms means you see your partner as a commodity - not as part of you in any way that has been defined as being in love, ever.

  11. profile image0
    ahorsebackposted 13 years ago

    The single most painfull experience of marriage is infidelity, waiting up nights and just the knowing that the other one in the relationship is pulling away. Even knowing that one wants that ,is knowing that it's over! Those who still hang on are niave in thinking a relationship will survive. And those who say "it can help a relationship" are selfish and blind .I ,as a man, wouldn't waste any more time on a one sided relationsip.

  12. Greek One profile image63
    Greek Oneposted 13 years ago

    If she suggested it, I would grant her the free pass...

    and on my way out the door, I would let her know that i was extending the pass for a lifetime

  13. profile image0
    sandieganlizposted 13 years ago

    I agree with those whom convey that it's obviously an escape for one or the other; otherwise, why would he or she ask?

  14. WryLilt profile image88
    WryLiltposted 13 years ago

    In some relationships I think it can work. Especially if the couple are compatible in every other way except sexually. (For instance one partner has a much higher sex drive.)

    1. Greek One profile image63
      Greek Oneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      stop hittin on me WryLit!

      1. WryLilt profile image88
        WryLiltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Sorry Greek I'd only use my free pass on the prettier sex! wink

    2. Lisa HW profile image62
      Lisa HWposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think marriage is supposed to be about "compatible".  "Compatible" is for room mates, co-workers, and figure skaters.  I think marriage is supposed to be about love, and there's the right kind of love nobody would be interested in anyone else.

  15. Fred_Mcallen profile image60
    Fred_Mcallenposted 13 years ago

    Sometimes after an affair the Cheater will offer their spouse a free pass, obviously the result of guilt. But in years of Counseling, I have never known anyone to cash in the ticket.
    A free pass can never work as it creates an open relationship, which by any realistic views degrades the relationship to nonexistence.
    Furthermore, since sex for a woman is a 'choice', and sex for a man is a 'chore', the man would always be at a disadvantage in the game of free passes and open relationships.

    1. profile image0
      EmpressFelicityposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You sure you've got that the right way round? lol

  16. profile image0
    jerrylposted 13 years ago

    If people offer each other free passes, it is obvious that they do not satisfy each other anymore.

    Something, or many things are missing in their relationship.

    There are lots of things that put pressure on couples.

    jealousy, or not trusting each other, power struggles, using sex as a leverage tool, financial pressures, not sharing the burdens equally, etc., etc..

    If they end up offering free passes to each other, it is a clear indication that they tied the knot without truly loving one another, and understanding and agreeing to what their obligations were to be in their relationship.

    The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, until you have sampled that grass a few times, only to find out it was not any greener. 

    After taking advantage of a free pass by either party, the trust has been broken, and this cannot be mended.

    A complete understanding of each others wants, needs and boundaries should be the order of the day, before entering into a relationship or marriage.

  17. profile image52
    John Wiggensposted 13 years ago

    Yes I would, In fact she has an open free pass now. When ever she wants

  18. johnteam profile image61
    johnteamposted 13 years ago

    seen it in a movie,,, but never thought of such thing!


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