Would u get into a relationship with someone who has bipolar? And at which point should the person actually tell u they have bipolar?
I would in a heartbeat if she looked like you....
It seems someone very close to u have this problem. If I were you, I will stick to the relation and try to be more tolarent when the person behaves in strange way, as I understand he or she has the problem. I define this as the true LOVE.
To understand this, just put urself in the foot of a bipolar and ask yourself, do you want your loving parner to leave you, because you are bipolar.
Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.
I would get into a relationship with someone I truly loved, and who truly loved me. The rest is damned hard work by both. Both will have to put forth lots of effort to make it work. And that's really the only rub.
More than infatuation. Experienced many things together, survived stressors, seen each other at best and worst, tried over time, and still willing to continue on. And for the record, I'm not in that position, but at some point, I hope to be ready for it.
I actually married someone that was diagnosed, didn't tell me until we had a fight and I asked if he was...sarcastically. Had he told me upfront and I made the choice to stay than I could have dealt better, but not knowing and suffering through it for almost 8 years was just to much for me. Stay away if you are in a similiar situation.
sure, why not.
p.s. it's very possible i have been and didn't know it. if someone is, he can tell me when he is ready and feels comfortable with me.
Not if I knew it, I'd be a good friend, but be truthfull to that person about it, and still be that friend they need.
The manic-depressive episode would be like a merry go round -roller coaster ride! but then...love conquers all, love is unconditional and knows no boundaries. So, yes if i am so into him.
P.S. will make sure he takes his psychotropic med religiously.
I AM in a relationhsip (marriage) with a bipolar girl. 13 years with Pam and counting. None of my six divorces involved a bipolar (or any other kind of bi, darn it), nor did any of 'em last past 8 years, so I guess the variety (within Pam) must have been just what I needed.
As to your obviously very serious question about "when to tell", seems to me that's a play-it-by-the-ear sort of thing for sure. With me, obviously, the "when" didn't matter (I knew pretty quickly with Pam, but I've also been a counselor and social worker and Pam has other issues such as paranoid schizophrenia, just to name one, and had been homeless for nearly 3 years when we met).
Anyway, to get back on track, here are a couple of "hypothetical situations":
1. You "test" the guy a bit and find out he's so narrow minded he'd leave the original Puritans because they were too liberal. Don't tell that dude, ever. Don't look back, either.
2. The subject comes up in "casual" (yeah, right) conversation and he tells you about his bipolar niece who is the apple of the family's eye. Going with that, you say, "want another one?"...that is, if you're serious enough about the dude to make such an offer.
One thing for sure: I'd gladly accept a bipolar girl ANY time rather than a sweetie with, oh, say, herpes or HIV.
Is Biopolar the same as Schzihophenia? Its just it seems to have only existed lately.I had a friend who was a Manic depressive, I found it hard going, and was secretly pleased when she left Town, her Husband didn't want to know, and her Daughter was embarrassed and I spent 6 months visiting a Mental institute, because she wanted Visitors, and they never came. So it is hard, I am sorry to say I wouldn't go looking for one. But I guess you can't dump someone that is sick either. Horrible, situation.
No Bipolar and Schizophrenia are different. Bipolar has to to do more with mood swings and poor impulse control. Schizophrenia is when a person suffers from a delusion, hears voices or sees things that are not there.. The two can be mixed at times ( ie Bipolar disorder with psychotic features)
If the girl told me she was bipolar that would be great! It meant that she already accepted her disease, which is very hard for many people with bipolar disorder, and a very good indicator that she was well on her way to treat herself.
If so, why not start a relationship? If I already loved the person, that would not make such a big difference. Yes, I would have to cope with mood swings. But, if controled, bipolarisn't that bad.If not, than it's havoc. It would be case-to-case, and depending on the commitment of the person to treat herself.
so many people have bipolar, but it is not diagnosed.... if someone had it was getting the right treatment, and was loving and kind....... what would be the problem with that....
would you get into a relationship with someone with a heart defect..... what is the difference really?
My partner has that diagnosis, but we are seeing an end to the worst of it. The medical profession labels alot of these as chronic and there is hope and alot of people lead very productive lives...
There are some great natural remedies, from using quinessences to clear energy and eft, if you know anyone who does theta healing
and I do a form of time line healing. If you know your ancestory, you can clear linkages from different time frames that may be creating inbalances in your life.((())) There are great things you can do. Life can be good and look to the middle answer, when you think black or white, think about whats inbetween those two opposing thoughts.. Breath alot and smile!!!
Yes, and I have been in one! Actually I have a lot of good friends who are depressives or bi-polar!
Probably not, unless I knew at the outset the person was bi-polar. Bipolar people can have personality and mood swings and for me that woiuld be a turn off if I didn't know where it was coming from. Knowing they have the condition makes all the difference in the world and understanding and acceptance of their condition could allow love to bloom fully.
I don't think it matters what anyone 'has', no one is perfect. If the partner is upfront and open in the relationship, taking necessary medication, there should be every opportunity for love and happiness. I have worked with children and adults with bi-polar and they were very loving people!
I did....until she got depressed and gave a cab driver a ride home from Bingo!
Lol are you searious?! I believe you actually i've done some pretty crazy things when i've been depressed
I would have to say yes. As long as I knew up front that he was bipolar I would know what to expect. I can live with someone having problems as long as I care about that person.
if someone has bi-polar or has any form of disability, it does not define who the person is, only it is a part of the person and something they must deal with and those who are close to them.
Would I get into a relationshio with someone who has bipolar?
Somedays I would, somedays I wouldn't, depends how I felt that day.
Depending the severity of the bipolar. My ex was bipolar and he was really bad. If it were like him, no I wouldn't.
For those that say they wouldn't; you probably know someone that is bipolar and don't even know it.
I know moody people that aren't bipolar.
And to answer the question, Yes. I have never dated anyone that I know of that was bipolar. I have dealt with a few family memebers and friends that are bipolar.
Today getting treatment isn't a taboo like it was 30 years ago.
I know people with Bipolar, if I didn't I wouldn't have replied.
Or they know someone who is.
In the UK, we still largely call it manic-depression. My best mate suffered badly in her early 20s - suicide attempts, sectioning in a secure ward, the lot.
you must have more things that you are interested in?
I was in a relationship with someone who has bi-polar disorder, and it was more than I could handle. So, no to this question.
my father was bi-polar, and refused to admit it or get help.
I would not wish to be involved with someone who willing denied they needed help. Romanticly, I am unavailable. As a friend, I would do anything I could, as long as it truly helped.
I don't know that I would, but only because I am such a "fussable" person (as my other half puts it) and need someone who is very level-headed. I do have a lot of up-and-downs and past experience has shown me that it just doesn't work if I have someone who is equally up-and-down...or moreso...though my ex never admitted to any issues so it was a pretty scary situation.
Unfortunately I think all my ex's are bi polar!
i seem to attract them...or I'm attracted to them
If the person accepts the diagnosis and treatment for it then it would be ok to be in a relationship.
Borderline personality disorder is a definate NO!!
borderline personality is the new bipolar. they renamed it, to be more PC
Yip your right borderline is very similar to bipolar but it is different. I was diagnosed with bipolar 11 and borderline when i was 17 thankfully tho i seem to have grown out of the borderline but they are very similar. For me though borderline was definetly the hardest to deal with with bipolar you get periods of stability in between but borderlines more of a daily thing.
Bipolar girl is right.. they are not the same thing. Bipolar can be treated with medications. There are no medications for borderline personality disorder... You have to do some hard therapy for that! Good for you Bipolar girl that you have grown out of it..
Bipolar girl, I admire you for addressing that you have it and being open about it. Too many poeple refuse to accept that there is anything wrong with them.
There are some bipolar bloggers/writers that I greatly admire, but to be in any kind of relationship with them? I don't know. I have a chronic illness of my own, I'm not sure I could handle BP if I was ill--you know?
I'm very grateful that my DH is healthy and he is my rock because I am not always 100%.
The BP people I have known have been very unstable and chaotic which does not mesh well with my personality. So no.
I'm sorry, what I have to say is no, I don't know how to handle them.
Aya - how about accept and put first - without being servile?
Shalini, "accept and put first, without being servile" sounds like a good way to describe truly loving our children. Because the relationship is between unequals, for the time they are dependent on us, we put them first and do what is best for them, but not necessarily always what they want.
Between equals, though, how can you put someone else first, without being servile? For that matter, how can you do what is best for them, if it is not what they want?
Aya - if both accept and put the other first, it would be equal, wouldn't it?
I think it would take a strong person with a large and giving heart to make such a relationship work. Someone who can accept without labelling and judging. Someone who wants the person to get better for his/her own sake, not change for the sake of the world. Takes a lot of loving!
no matter what a person has, there is always something deeper to find in them. a mental health doesnt change the person they are. It just confuses who they really are. Bipolar can go from one extreme to another but they can also go thro long periods of being just fine.
so yes i would have a relationship with someone who had bipolar, and i would be there to hold their hands thro the bad times. everybody needs somebody at some point in there life! x
My husband has bipolar disorder. He refuses medication. I live his disease. He has a very severe form of bipolar, as well, and can be very verbally abusive when he is on a down day. He can be equally loving when he is on an up day. I never know what to expect when he wakes up and it is utterly exhausting. I continuously walk on eggshells just to keep the peace in my home. So the answer to the question is, no, I would never again get into a relationship with someone afflicted with bipolar disorder. Unless they agree to take their medication.
Is it unfair or too much to ask why you continue to stay? It seems to me to make a relationship work, it can't be one sided. It seems your husband is rather irresponsible about his disease, in that doing nothing is his best plan. There are options that include taking meds and improving life-style. There are options where people have made huge gains in their lives through natural means. There are options and he chooses not to make a plan. I'm not sure it's healthy for either of you, but perhaps I'm speaking out of turn here. Just my observations.
It's not unfair at all to ask why I stay. I wonder myself. I still haven't figured it out myself. Perhaps it's that I keep telling myself eventually he will change and we can live the happy life. We've already been together 7 years and I've put up with it this long (yes, I know "but to what price"). Some call it patience, others call it stupidity. I call it simply waiting and watching. Who knows what the future will bring.
Becca, it's seldom that anyone other than you yourself can know when it's time to go (or not go). I knew almost immediately that my 3rd marriage was a very serious mistake. How immediately? Um...our wedding night, actually. Yet it still took me 3 years and 3 months to make the break. Looking back, it was exactly the right amount of time. Took some distance to get that great 20-20 hindsight, though.
Becca, I understand your position perfectly. Based on my bipolar wife's experience, though, agreeing to take the meds might not be enough. Especially since with the onset of dementia to add to that (nowadays), she doesn't always KNOW if she took a given medication or not...and I don't always have the time (or energy) to monitor it for her.
My dad was diagnosed with BiPolar Disorder, or Manic Depression, only after he was discharged from the Army. He did not believe the medication was helping him so he refused to take it, four daughters survived his insanity, but greatly scarred physically and emotionally, think of the children, before you even take a step toward emotional involvement, decide if you want children or not, if you don't, one of you have surgery to ensure you stick to the plan, but if you do want children, be careful who you fall in love with...you have a responsibility to your future kids. I know this sounds cold, but haven't you thought to yourself, sometimes, why does God allow children to experience abuse? We have been given free will, here is one way He expects us to use it wisely.
Why not? If you truly loved the person, why not? How would it be any different than getting into a relationship with a person who has diabetes? They are both conditions that can be treated, not something that makes a person less worthy of love than others!
It's not about being less worthy.. its about being strong enough to put up with the others behaviors if not on medication, and strong enough to continue to support them. Diabeties and Bipolar are not similar. If you don't take you medicaiton for diabeties you get ill... If you don't take your medication for bipolar you can do a lot of things that may drive your signifant other to the brink..
Oh I understand that, I just think that if you truly love someone, it wouldn't matter what illness they have.
I had a roommate with bipolar disorder and also have a relative with it. In addition, I used to work in a mental health facility. When a person with bipolar is on the appropriate medicine, the relationship probably has a chance. But when not on medicine, it can be hard to deal with their depression and all that it brings. When in the manic state, many bipolars make some really poor choices. These choices may include illegal drug use, infedility, debt, and the list goes on. However, I know this is not the case for all people with bipolar disorder. No relationship is easy, and when you stack these circumstances into the situation, it makes the survival of such a relationship even less likely.
Wendy, you need to understand the violent side of Manic depression, beatings, spousal abuse, children locked in closets, being raped...truely it's not only the Schizophrenic illnesses that cause next generational tramas. I loved my dad but I was taken away at age sixteen, as an adult I was afraid to be in the same room alone with him, love could not help that. Dad loved me, the wrong way, my love was that of a child who needed a daddy.
I can relate to what you are saying, truly a sad situation that you were in. It should just be said that the kind of behavior you were exposed to is not inevitable for someone with bipolar. There are a lot of really bad people out there, and a medical condition is not a free ticket to treating other people like dirt. I would hope that if someone suffers abuse, no matter what the name of the condition is would have enough sense to get out of the situation if they can, of course as a child your possibilities were limited.
Sorry that you had to suffer so much, as you say, sometimes love does not heal all.
It's not a question of worthy or otherwise.
Personally, emotional tranquility is important for me at home. I'd find it hard to cope with a partner / spouse who was manic-depressive.
Most people who know me have no idea I have it.
If you understand the disability you can function just fine with the right kind of help.
I'm picking your brain now...
Would you feel like you were being lied to if someone you were dating kept it a secret from you?
Or would you think that if it wasn't an issue anyway, than it's not important?
no, i wouldn't feel lied to. everyone has a right to privacy. i do think it is important but not to the point where the person feels compelled to confide something when he is not comfortable with ME yet.
if the person were a hatchet murderer or bank robber or gay yes i would want to know right away
One problem with BP is that is can be hard to read a situation like this. I do feel compelled, but I'm not sure why.
I'm exactly at that point in a relationship right now. (Great timing for this forum lol Thanks bipolar girl)
It will work out for us or it won't. BP should not be an issue I think. Otherwise I would already have ended it. But I do wonder if I handle it the right way... I'm not trying to avoid it, and I don't want it to look like I'm keeping a dark and terrible secret. But why open the door if there isn't a problem there?
Thanks for the input everybody ;-)
They rock!!! I feel this way because one day you can have a depressed and sad person, and the next day, you are with a completely different person. Never a dull moment.
I just hope that I don't have to wear a hockey mask to date one
I can't believe all the stuff I'm reading on here. Where is the compassion? Everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone deserves happiness. Why are we judging others by something that is beyond their control? However I do agree that if you are in a relationship you should inform your partner of your illness in the beginning of the relationship. This way the recipient can prepare him or herself and ultimately decide to leave or see it thru...If the person chooses to leave don't feel discouraged. Be thankful because better now than later down the road when more emotions have developed.
My best friend is bipolar and I'm not going to lie, sometimes it is very hard. But I have to keep in mind that she has an illness. One that at first she was afraid to tell me about because of some of the reactions she has gotten from others. It is not her fault that she has a chemical imbalance in her brain. I think it is harder for her to deal with than it is for me. She does get overly emotional at times and sometimes we do argue but we manage to work things out because we love and care for each other. I love her to death and I wish I could take away her pain, her frustration. She is a genuinely good person with a heart of gold. She loves with all her heart and is overall a very good friend...It saddens me that she has to live with this illness where sometimes her emotions get the best of her.
Yes of course you should, they are great people.... then again, no you shouldn't, they are really stressy, but perhaps you should, they are great! then again....
You fall in love with someone not because or despite a condition like this, you just fall in love with them, warts and all. Everyone has good and bad properties, you just have to find someone who makes you happy, usually you can live with their shortcomings.
I am bipolar, and of course its not the easiest thing to live with, but if you have the right attitude and recognize the signs correctly you can even live quite well without medication. Meds tend to not only take away the bad but also the good side of BPD.
A new school of thought is that it is less of a disease than it is a strategy for survival, manic depressives have a few advantages, we can work at 120% in the right situations. Many great minds were bipolar. The key is not to go into a downward spiral, an understanding partner could be your biggest asset, but not if either of you are abusive about it. Respect,love and understanding can make all the difference. At the end, if you know your partner or potential partner has BPD, you must be honest about how strong you can be in this situation, and inform yourself about how to handle this odd variation of the human condition.
I do agree with Deborah-Lynn though, one should be very sure whether kids are a good idea, it is hereditary to a certain extent but besides this, manic depressives do have a tendency toward substance and people abuse. The point is, you might get to know someone in his manic phase, and it may be the most rewarding thing that ever happened, there is no larger mania than love, you might not know about BPD until after you tie the knot... or they may develop it later in life. Either way, there are no guarantees in life and after all its a matter of being with the person, not the condition. If he/she loves and respects you enough, they will seek help if things get rough, if not get out.
I am bipolar as well. I have to stay on my meds or I'm an insane woman. I have three children though and I deeply love all of my boys. I wouldn't say that being bipolar is a bad thing for a parent. I do wonderfully with my boys and am not abusive either. I would say it really depends on the situation and whether you are the abusive type to begin with.
I think the key is to educate yourself about the disease and know what you are dealing with. There is a wide range of degrees of severity, many different ways people are affected by bipolar. It is hard to deal with, but knowledge is the key, along with love.
just as a matter of related trivia, when I was a teenager someone suggested an exorcism since it was very obvious to that person that some evil demon had gotten hold of me... for those of you in denial, this might still be an option.
The key is getting though the depression without getting into a fight, then it brings you closer.
I have in the past, and I don't regret it at all. Quite to the contrary. But it is difficult and not to be taken lightly.
I can't put my link on here but I wrote a hub ho heal to deal with someone with bipolar by request, read if you like, it explains alot, Nice to meet you Bipolar girl, I must say we will get along great when we're both depressed. lol
I am involved with a man who has bipolar, and no, I would not do it again. Why? Before I begin, I will state that I am sure everyone who has biplar is different. However, in my case, living with him is like being on the edge all the time. You have to watch how you word everything. Secondly, it seems like they want support but aren't able to give it. It sucks always having to be the strong one and not having anyone to understand or comfort you when you need it.
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