Sex is Complicated

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   IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years ago

   Hey all I'm writing a new series of hubs about the complications that follow along with sex.  My first hub on this subject tackles teenage pregnancy.  Still though, there are many circumstances that can cause certain complications in a persons life. 
   
   Some might come in the form of physical ailments or troubles, whereas some people might have mental or emotional issues.  Therefore I would like to know what are some of the complications you have faced since being sexually active. 
   
   Mine has been a weight issue.  Sex has become quite complicated in my life due to my weight.  Which has turned into a never-ending, vicious circle.  What's yours? 
   
   I'm off to a MU football game, so I'll be off a while.  But I would like to see where this thread goes.  So I'm not ignoring you, I'll just be back tomorrow.  Thanks for your help!

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      couturepopcafeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Mind if I ask how old you are and what gender?

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         IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         40 and a female.

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      klarawieckposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I don't understand how being sexually active could affect your weight. Unless you are all day going at it and don't eat properly. Could you elaborate a bit on this?
      
      I haven't had any issues related to being sexually active.

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         couturepopcafeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         She may mean sex is affected by weight, not the other way around.  Embarrassed, maybe?  Most women don't realize that men care less about what our bodies look like than we think. (a myth probably perpetuated by all the ogling.)

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            IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Sorry you've got that all wrong.  My husband has told me he hates my new fat body.  But I like it, so......... 
            
            Yeah, I don't need to be analyzed.  Thanks. 
            
            I'm just looking for reasons why sex is complicated to some.  I don't care what others think of my body.  I'm not modest.  However, my husband isn't turned on by my big old pannis.  That's makes my sex life difficult.  What makes yours difficult?  The lack of affection, or a cheating husband?

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               blondepoetposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               'My husband has told me he hates my new fat body'......oh my god he said that to you.........oh that is so wrong......

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                  IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  Why is that wrong?  So you think that a relationship built on lies is better?
                  
                  I don't like to come home and eat lunch with him.  Should I lie and make excuses, or tell him the truth.  Needless to say, I told him the truth.

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                     blondepoetposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     I totally agree people shouldn't lie to each other but when you said he 'hates it' it sounded quite harsh and I thought of your feelings...

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                        Sunny Robinsonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                        I'm with BP on that.  Intimat, you sound like a blunt person who handles things fine.  However, your husband was too harsh, in my opinion.  I'm kind of confused by the relationship between your husband and you.  Like below, I'm reading that you ignored his needs (am I reading wrong?) and stuff... I'm just not too sure here.

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                           bgamallposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                           Yeah, it would be better if he were like ole Abe Lincoln on that commercial we see on TV. Trust me, it wouldn't make things any better. She probably is a person who you can't get through to unless you verbally smack them. I wouldn't try it on my wife. I am a coward.

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                           IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                           First of all, he is autistic.  I married Spock, literally.  He is one of those super genesis.  It is what I love the most about him.  He is an odd duck, that grew into being my swan.  Cheesy I know, but, that is exactly how it is.  Dating Michael was a nightmare.  But..., he is so damn interesting and awesome, I couldn't wait to see him.  He makes me giddy.
                           
                           As for our relationship- we are open and honest. We have to be, and I like it that way. His bluntness...., he doesn't know how to be any other way.  He mentally cannot comprehend "grey areas."
                           
                           For him, he has to have a black and white world, built on yes or no.  Lets go to my lunch thing.  Sure it would be nice to say, "Honey, I'm going out to eat lunch with the girls today."
                           
                           But that doesn't work for Michael.  For Michael, you'd better have an explanation for every detail.  Like "what's wrong with the left overs," or "there is food in the pantry."  Then let's switch logical gears here, because the next questions will be a round of; "where do I plan to sit when I eat," and "I thought you didn't care for what Jane Doe said to you last week" and "why do I want to concern myself with petty conversations," and "what if it starts raining," "do I have the resources to facilitate my "doggie bag" in case it is too hot outside...., and it goes on.  That is Autism. 
                           
                           Therefore, it is soooooooooooooooo much easier to say,
                           "Honey, on my lunch hour you stress me out because you ask me way too many questions.  I don't like eating lunch with you."
                           
                           Michael being autistic understands this a whole lot easier, and he doesn't take it personal.  He really doesn't know how, or care to know how.  That's my marriage.  It may not be for some of you, but, I love my life, I love my husband, and well if sex is my only problem in this crazy world- well then, I can deal with that.  Thank you for your concerns, but seriously, they are unfounded. As for some of your all's confusion, Autism is  confusing, because it exists in a world of unnecessary rubbish. Take out the rubbish, then we all are autistic.  If you want to understand my relationship, watch an old Star Trek episode.

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                              schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                              sounds good. really, it's your business like you pointed out, I agree.
                              I agree sex is harder with weight gain with your situation and
                              Some couples are both over 200 or 300 lbs and that just makes it hard with big bellies and big bellies.....obviously
                              some people are uncomfortable w/ thier overweightness or the other person is or both. Partners like a sexy body if their's is sometimes

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                           IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                           And another thing, I wrote that with my first husband........., and yes to get him to start giving more "activities" to me, I taught him a little lesson about sharing.  For me it worked beautifully.  He was a great lover until his death in 2004.
                           
                           Michael is my second husband.  Sorry about that confusion.

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                              Sunny Robinsonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                              Our concerns were founded on potential hurt feelings and the idea that you two may be having an non-mutual relationship.  That was the implication.  You didn't have to share that information, you were right to say that you don't need to be analyzed.  I apologize for probing.
                              
                              It does give me new lens to work with, though.  My oldest stepdaughter is autistic.  She was very violent, aggressive, and asked no questions.  Simply demanded.  She attacked her younger, much smaller siblings.  She could not or would not verbalize anything, unless it was something she wanted you to repeat back to her -- a line from a movie that she remembers, or a joke she had thought was funny when she was 4.  Come to think of it, she behaves as a 4 year old does.  She doesn't talk, not really, except to say, "SO hungry" or "SO tired".  She still loves her Disney things and wants to wear her 6 year old sister's shoes.  She had to go away for 2 years to an autistic residential hospital to be treated for her violence.
                              
                              What was discovered, though, is that her autism is under control.  She had a new label.  She has a Schizoaffective disorder and she has to be very medicated.  Insurance had enough of it, sent her home to us for a week before her mother picked her up as per the agreement between her parents.  We have custody of 2 boys, her mother has custody of 2 girls.  She is 14.  She is going through the rounds again of being violent because some of her medication was deemed unsafe and they stopped prescribing it to her despite the fact that the residential facility FINALLY found the right combo to treat her violence.  Going back through hospitals to have them witness qualifying events.  What a tiresome cycle.

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                                 IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                                 It is amazing to me how many different levels of autism actually exist. My life is no where near your life in dealing with your step daughter.  However, Michael can have fits of anger when something is out of place.  It's very rare, but if something big like- if I were to throw away all our legal paperwork or broke his work computer- would occur; that would send him into overload, causing him to fly out of control.  However, not for the reasons you think it would.  Like let's say his computer, it is his work computer (which there are seven of), used solely for his work.  He'd become crazy angry over the fact that his work computer was simply touched by someone that doesn't understand his kind of work.  Which is incredibly difficult code writing for DARPA.  It wouldn't be because his code would be lost, and his rage wouldn't be because someone was probing around in his stuff.  No.  It'd be because it is his work computer, and since you are not employed at the same facility, and since you are not working on the same exact thing, there is no need for you to be on his work computer.  Especially since there is a "home" computer in the hearth room.  Now keep in mind sometimes a "simple" line of code, can take him weeks to develop and write. But these little oddities of his, we (family) all know, and we all look out for.  Still, what can I say? I love my nerd!!!
                                 What is also kinda funny is that I had a crush on Spock when I was an adolescent. I thought his hand thingy was too cool. I guess it was just meant to be.  Thank you for being concerned for me, more importantly thank you for apology.

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         IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Sex is also affected by weight, because fat girls and boys have a tendency to not be in shape. 
         
         Think....., I mean being really fat makes sex very difficult.  The extra weight bearing down has actually caused a man to suffocate and die, because his face got buried in his wife's chest, and she didn't realize that she was crushing her husband to death.  Now I'm not that fat, but still....., it is a issue for my husband.  Personally I don't give a rat's butt about what he thinks of my body.  I have plenty of toys, lots of cash to buy what I want, and I've even been given permission to go and find a boyfriend.  I'm just too lazy to do it.  I mean seriously, but nevermind.
         
         This was never suppose to be about me.

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            bgamallposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            That is quite a lot of information.
            
            Perhaps he needs to be more topside, if you know what I mean.

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      proton66posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I like sex, and of course, it is a topic of extreme interest. No doubt, some have problems before marriage, and during marriage.
      
      Because of certain variables, it's not always exciting. I know some do act like they have an "energizer" battery, and some are slowly losing it. Devastating? Of course! But I must say, both partners better be up to par. Imagine one of the partners giving up before it's over? Besides, hormones do contribute to the itchiness of wanting it which of course requires a partner but then, one may not necessarily need another person. As to having a weight issue, it may or may not be a major factor. Perhaps, it's psychological.

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      Sword of Fireposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Sex is complicated. Round peg, round hole. Relationships, love. Now that's complicated.

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   Rajab Nsubugaposted 12 years ago

   Mine is a drug issue!

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   ralwusposted 12 years ago

   hmmmm, yes it can get quite complicated at times. Expeciall when one is unfaithful or doing 'it' with a same sex partner while being involved in straight sex with another.

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   logic,commonsenseposted 12 years ago

   Nothing complicated about it!
   I can give lessons if need be!

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      bgamallposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I was going to say that but I thought it was crass.

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   blondepoetposted 12 years ago

   I think my problem is I have always been a giver. I find it hard to be a receiver as I feel like I should be a giver.

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      logic,commonsenseposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Why is that a problem?
      You do deserve to receive and I can help you with that!

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         blondepoetposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Done deal Logic!!!! xo

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      IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah, my first husband was like that for awhile.  But you know after I ignored his needs for a month or two, I never had that problem again. But yeah, I think alot of people fall into this trap.

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   C.V.Rajanposted 12 years ago

   Thinking too much about sex could probably complicate things too much!

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      IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Oh yes, that is a very good point.

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      blondepoetposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Good point

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      JustJetsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I must agree, too, that this is a very good point.

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   A la carteposted 12 years ago

   While sex can be just that I think that a major problem is relationships and sex. We all want different things from a relationship and what we want can affect sex.

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   rebekahELLEposted 12 years ago

   it's the mind that's complicated. sex is quite natural.

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      logic,commonsenseposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      And I'm all about natural!

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         rebekahELLEposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         

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   Sunny Robinsonposted 12 years ago

   Personally, I don't think sex is complicated.
   
   Sex is an activity, an emotion expressed, a release, and an interactive thing.
   
   It's people's perceptions, society's views, cultural ideology, complex relationships, personal issues, and physical issues that get in the way of things.  People are complicated, sometimes.

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      Sunny Robinsonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      And I would like to add.
      
      Mine was always the pain involved in sex, which has for the most part been resolved now.  I'm also less active, but when it goes there, I'm interested and sex is great.

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         bgamallposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Less active than what?

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            Sunny Robinsonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Well, just less active, lol.  I don't know what I would say as a comparison... less active than say 2 times a week or so.

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               bgamallposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Wow, that was a lot of information.   I hope you know I am just teasing you. It worked.

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      schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      good point

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         proton66posted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Complicated? Would that mean too many bumps in their lives or unresolved issues? One who is free from stress and living the good life, is apt to find such an activity more exciting if libido or erectile dysfunction is not an issue.

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    schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years ago

    My problem is I need someone who has fetishes

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       Disturbiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       My problem is MY FETISHES.... LOL!

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          proton66posted 12 years agoin reply to this

          Nice... can be too much for some people.

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    Stevennix2001posted 12 years ago

    my problem is im all theories and no practice.  trust me, for some reason in real life, all my coworkers always give me sex tips that I never use, as I can't even get a girl to go out with me as it is.  Let alone go out with one to where it'll lead up to sex.  lol  Therefore, I guess you can say inexperience for me and being a bit shy sometimes. 
    
    Although I do have a lot of moves and skills memorized from what others have told me, and i do watch some...er..um...lets just say movies that are very informative about sexual techniques and positions that I have yet to ever put into practice, that I've also memorized. (joke)

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       schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       it's the shy ones sometimes that are the wildest!

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          Stevennix2001posted 12 years agoin reply to this

          Don't you know it. 

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             schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

             yep:P

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       schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       why don't you put up a sexy pic that ought to get the girl going

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    Stevennix2001posted 12 years ago

    you mean something like this? 
    
    
    

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       schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       
       
       Sometimes it's nice to like someone for their mind and personality too

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          Stevennix2001posted 12 years agoin reply to this

          i couldn't agree more. 

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             schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

             How do you find someone like that?

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                Stevennix2001posted 12 years agoin reply to this

                eh, it's hard to say really.  from what most people tell me, they say love happens often when you least expect it.

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    Jasmine JellyBabyposted 12 years ago

    sex is not complicated.. its the penis and vagina that are!!

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       schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       hmm how bout the difficulty of putting them together?

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       IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       lol!  Sometimes that is a complicated ordeal.

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       proton66posted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I agree...

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    mega1posted 12 years ago

    I never realized  . . . wow - people are so complicated and then they also want sex!  woooo!  that's amazing.  I believe that without desire I will find peace, so I am not desiring anything.  I mean ANYTHING.  So if it just happens, that's like, oooh baby! LALALA  LA!!!

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    Hmrjmr1posted 12 years ago

    Just passing along a Widowers Lesson Learned-
    Sex is a lot like sleep in that while it's nice to have it every day, it's not absolutely necessary. But the results of the prolonged deprivation of either is the same.

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    blondepoetposted 12 years ago

    "There is nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed."

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       Kangaroo_Jaseposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       especially in an Australian winter.........

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          blondepoetposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          Lol Roo too right.

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       SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       i actually came across a scene like that....i was quite surprised at what i was looking at...i had to take a second look to be sure........i think they did it purposely because of where they were....it was just too weird and so obvious....i had a good laugh tho!

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          blondepoetposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          Oh dear Lord I thought I had seen you somewhere before
          
          

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             SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years agoin reply to this

             

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          IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          My boyfriend and I were up in the hills outside San Jose, CA- and got busted playing around in our car, which we had parked along the side of the road, by a cop.  That was back in 1990. The cop ask us our age, after he flashed the flashlight in our faces, told us to go home and do our business there.  We laughed, thank god for our blessings, and went home.
          
          I can't imagine what they would do to a couple of young teenagers, who might be playing around in a car parked along side a road today.  Prison probably.

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             china manposted 12 years agoin reply to this

             I was out on a drunk boys night out when my friend came into the bar and told me that he was 'servicing' a young woman out in his car but he had to go home and did not want to just abandon her.  I agreed to go take over and climbed into the car in the dark and just got on with it.  Suddenly a bright light shone in on us and a policeman asked us just WHAT we were doing!  I thought quickly and told him that I was making love to my wife - if you don't mind!!   he shone his light on her - and I was !   

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                Mishaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                LOL Then wife or still wife?

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                   china manposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                   courtesy of a brilliant Cornish comedian called Jethro 

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    Mishaposted 12 years ago

    gotcha

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