I am really desperate... i feel betrayed, cheated... and still he says he loves me, i am everything he wants and needs in his life... but what he is doing hurts so much...so not myself... i hope you understand he cannot live without porn...
It seems that he is addicted to pornography and that is quite normal now, as there are tons of sites which provide this stuff at almost free rate. You must consult a psychiatrist and fix a appointment with him. Take your man to him I hope the doctor will surely help him. Don't have bad feelings about your man because porngraphy addiction is just like other addictions, so he just wants your help to become normal.
All the best and I hope you find a way out of it.
Well, I don't really see this as a big deal, as almost everyone here probably looked at porn, at one point or another. lol. Seriously though, if this really bothers you that much, then it sounds like you should probably talk to him about this, as communication is the best way. Or perhaps, you two can somehow share his passion for porn together. I remember hearing from a classmate of mine, in high school, say he often learned new various techniques from pornography. Therefore, why don't you watch the porn with him, and try to mimic the techniques of the actors to not only enhance the pleasure, but to try out the various techniques. Trust me, you'll be very surprised what you learn from watching experts have sex. Anyways, i hope that helps.
unfortunatelly i cannot "turn" my genitals into 14 years old girl's vagina... he is mostly watching this"type" of porn... and our sex life ... believe me some people could be really surprised how "inventive" couple can be...
Are you serious? Wow, that's a horse of a different color then. You'll have to excuse my comment earlier if that's the case, as I thought you were referring to regular pornography. Not the extreme illegal kind that supports the exploitation of minors. That's a completely different story. I do apologize sincerely if I offended you then.
maybe you should try and please him a little more... you know try osme new things with him.... maybe hes bored of the things you do maybe thats why he watches pron all the time and its not wierd im pretty sure every living male wayches pron for fun i dont think you should worry about it
I dated a porn addict for five years. It was the most devastating experience of my life. Despite being reassured that I was everything he wanted in a woman romantically, sexually and physically, his actions proved otherwise by turning to porn before turning to me. It affected his ability to climax half of the time. When he did climax, I considered it a "victory". Not only did his addiction to porn come before my needs and our relationship needs, but the more it bothered me the worse his addiction got I suffered a lot! And it made me feel incredibly insecure and jealous. Try to determine if your lover is going through a phase. If his problem is as bad as my ex's is, you have two options: 1. Leave the relationship - It will continue to break you down and destroy your bond. The problem could be deeply ingrained in his psyche and could go on for ever. (2) - Encourage him to seek professional help if it not just a phase. It could be fear of intimacy that needs to be massaged through over time. Good Luck!! p.s. My ex's problem with porn ruined his marriage and his subsequent relationship with me. Keep that in mind if your honey's problem is severe.
Thank you for your post, i know for some people it is just fun, they think that is really stupid to make a big deal from the point that a man you love spending hours at the comp masturbating, looking at the pic of the girls who can be his daughters by age... but it really hurts me...and i love him ... like nobody in my life before...
ONe thing I came up w/ in my mind;, that might help, I could be wrong, is go w/ out sex with him for a month or more...so if that changes your perspecitve of him and loosens your love,,,only reason I say this is in one of myhubs I talkied about hte endorphins released when havieng sex w/ someone esp in women....when I sepreatered w/ my bf....i lost alot of my feeling for him...good luck thou.
Perhaps, but YOU can live without him if that's the case. With that smut people indulge in the fantasies of want. If their attention is on that then you cannot ever take that place. Attention is the priority of an individual. You have to be stronger than that. Either you significant other gets counseling and removes the computer from the home and life or you leave. Simple as that.
Its natural for man especially when they love surfing through net. This sites maybe some of the websites visited and many new porn sites that they upgraded to be a more fan sites in the net. Be considerable.
...i don't know much about porn sites...some like reading playboy for example...not sure how much reading there is but....ha ha ha....anyway...i don't think someone who looks at playboy is cheating...if they are obsessed however...then i figure there could be something missing.
What about those obsessed with HP?
Some appear to be unable to live without it!
Tell him that you want to make a video with him. Try to get him focused on making and watching videos of the two of you.
The bottom line is that if he won;t give it up for you, and you can't live with him using it, you need to have a serious talk. I don't have a problem with porn, but I would be worried about a man who would considered it more important than his relationship with his partner.
I am sorry for your experience. I was married to a porn addict for twenty years. They were lonely, hurtful and shameful years for me. For a while I tried to change him, until I realized that I can only change myself. An addict is an addict is an addict. The substance they use to numb the brain may be different, but you cannot make him do anything he doesn't want to do. The best thing for you is to do what makes you happy. It is easy to say, but not easy to do. You have to take a good long look at what you really want in your life, and in your relationships, and then do that thing. It took me twenty years to get out, but I am so glad I did. Good luck to you.
Don't walk away - run. he does not need you - he has his fun...
I know a sick person who thinks his "relationships" with girls in magazines is better than a real girl hahaha you wonder how I met this "freak" !!LOL I told him....screw you (he's just a friend) I said you're CRAZY!!! Real women are obviously better......hmm does this make you think??
I would be tempted to look on his computer when he's not around for evidence of him downloading child porn - if he's into 14 year olds he's breaking the law here, but are these girls actually 14 or do they just look it?
Anyway, call the police. That'll put an end to that!
Honey you don't need a guy a like this...and when he gets caught you will find yourself in trouble too as an accessory after the fact.
unless you cut and paste the pictures here, how are we to judge?
how old is he?
are you married?
do you stay together?
where and when does he watch porn?
Exactly, HomeGirl! He is breaking the law, he is a dirty perv, and the OP would be well shot of him!
Nothing against porn or whatever between consenting adults, but wanting 14 years olds is just sick!
Love often distorts our perception, indeed they say that love is blind. In this case it sounds as though you are blaming yourself for his problem and it is a problem. We can not change others, but, we can certainly propose consequences, which can force decision and choice from the other individual. If there is no consequence, there is no incentive to change. Sounds like its time to define what love is to you. Love does not live in what we say, it lives in what we do and in what we don't do. Best of luck.
oh ok.. i see now..
yeah, best you get someone who isn't into pedophilia pics.. probably isnt the right kinda guy to build a family with....
unless, of course, you plan on buying a home in a prison exercise court
not on minors, if he is happy just watching porn rather than being with her ladylove, then he has a prob,
Try loving yourself. Then leaving him. If he can't live without you, he'll leave them.
How do you know the girls are 14 for sure? There are thousands of 'barely legal' sites out there on the internet where the girls, usually between the ages of 19 and 30, are photographed in clothing typically worn or styled for teens, and then those photos are heavily altered to make the girls being photographed look even younger.
Unless he's looking at bootleg, homemade child porn, don't assume that the sexy teen photo galleries he's looking at are underage girls. The market for 'barely legal' porn is enormous.
I totally understand it, he is not pedophile, but you should understand it, girls on the pic - all look like underaged, you understand what i mean, not developed breast, skinny, blondy, haircut with layers, like school girls wearing.. of course i understand that these girls are maybe 30, but... he is definetely"inclined" to this group... and i feel terrible about it...
If I were you I'd give him the opportunity to change. The problem I have with this is if he really cares then the porn would be gone! If he is looking at young girls then that is entirely a different level! It doesn't matter if the site is trying to make these women look younger or not---it takes a sick person to want to see women look like young girls! I surely wouldn't want to have a daughter with someone who wants a young girl!
It's hard to do the right thing when you love someone! However, your life ahead will be full of sorrow if you don't stand up and do what is right for you! If you can't live with this, then you should go! If you can talk to him, then have a long talk and tell him you are leaving if he can't change!
I'm a jealous gal myself and I'd be pissed. Really....
Lifeallstar1, Mykeydoes and schoolgirlforreal stay out of this forum. Greek one has said younger hubbers to stay away of this.
I'm always somewhere I'm not supposed to be
@greekone as soon as i read the title i thought we were discussing you...
ah Pisean... am 40 years old with a wife, newborn and mortgage...
when I think about going to bed with someone, it is to sleep
wow being father changes many thing it seems...
You'd be surprised how many men watch and use porn daily. Nothing to get upset about, it is healthy.. I wouldn't call it an addiction unless they were doing it constantly through out the day. Even then it still isn't an addiction.
Just sounds like a dude bored with free time to me.
This is way more serious then him just having a porn addiction. If he watches illegal porn, the ISP address will be tracked to your home if he is caught by the authorities.
Also, if you were to have children with this guy, wouldn't you be concerned that he would be sexually attracted to your future teenage daughter.
This is really sad. Please know that you can and will get over this guy, it will just take time. You have to do what's best for you.
I agree L SkKing. And I'd be sort of worried that he would want to look at grown women who are dressing like teen girls! That is not normal!
If there's nothing wrong with it, then why is he hiding it?
we don't have kids together, my son is almost 20, and sad things i look like his girl friend somehow although i am already old enough.... he has 2 kids from his first marriage. 10 years old son.... and 15 years old daughter
oh well, geesh.. if it's not child porn, don't stress yourself out...
most guys look at porn.. it's not a healthy thing to do, but it's not something to break up a marriage over
Well, I see three possibilities here.
1) You learn to live with it because he isn't going to change.
2) He feels it worthwhile to go for counseling and leaves the porn alone (don't hold your breath).
3) You can't live with it and leave.
I think you're probably hoping for the second. Most people would. I'm not a great believer in that kind of hope.
I don't know why I always open my mouth to these threads, but I will just say what I think and leave.
MOST guys, from the age of 14 to 99, love to watch porn. They also love to watch younger looking girls that look like they are 16 to 19.
So IMO it's actually normal for guys to lust after these, it's in their genes. It does NOT sound like he is watching CP, but a "barely legal" type of teen site.
You say you and him have great sex and have it all the time. If so that tells you he loves your body, desires you and wants to have sex with YOU!
He looks at the sites, gets aroused and then makes passionate love to you, what's the problem?
I once knew a lesbian couple. The older girl had a hard time getting aroused. She had to watch porn for 15 minutes or so by herself to get in the mood before she could have sex with her mate.
It worked for them, so whatever works is fine. He MAY have an addiction, and if so then your doomed. But nobody on here can tell you what he is thinking, only you, and you have to talk to him.
But the fact that he seems to want to make love to you tells me he is just watching this stuff as an arousal and fantasy. He seems to love your body and you, so don't feel bad.
but please tell us more about this lesbian couple
ya i second that...we are all ears to listen to that...
Leave him! My husband had an addiction to internet porn and also to watching lonely women exhibiting themselves on their webcams in chatrooms... eventually he graduated to websites catering to married people looking to cheat descreetly. I was hurt by the dishonesty and disloyalty more than the porn. It's not like he invited me to watch with him which in my opinion would have been something erotic we could have shared. He went behind my back and excluded me and I felt betrayed. When he got caught, I forgave him, we went to counseling, he made promises which he obviously intended not to keep, and finally after five years when I had taken just about as much as I could take, I divorced him and I've never felt better. It's a sickness and it will do nothing but ruin your life.
Be prepared for a long bumpy ride or get rid of him, he already has a girlfriend. His porn!
ughhh I am going through this now myself and its sucks. I am finally starting to not feel like a girl at 28 and finally feel like a woman and now my boyfriend wants to look at young girls. Its frustrating! Aside from the porn I get upset when I see him intently and intensely look at girls I know are no more then 16. But I have faith in him and I do believe its the idea of something young and fresh and not the actual intent to go after a young girl. But I do admit I feel very threatened and sometimes unattractive. I am not a tiny girl. I am curvy and my d cup isnt the a cup he is admiring online. But oddly enough the woman before me was actually full figured then I am.... So I guess it is just a fantasy and not something he is actually seeking. I just wear pigtails and lil' dresses and go minimal on the make-up he seems to like that.
Ugh. The reality of addiction and what we really want:
I'm 35 addicted to porn, married for 11 years and my wife still finds it disgusting. Please allow me the to offer some sense of reality.
1. Some men have a huge sex drive, sometimes women do - it is driven by chemicals in the brain
2. For the women: what a man may happen to be viewing is not an indication of what he feels he is missing. (He may not know exactly what he wants, but there is something missing). If i feel inadequate, i may watch some abusive or degrading videos, but i don't actually want to treat people this way. If i wish I had pursued a young blonde, I may watch a scene on it, but I may be satisfied w someone else...read further for more explanation
3. Excessive porn rots the brain. See http:///yourbrainonporn.com for examples
4. Real sex builds confidence. While many women think the answer is more sex or more kinky sex, the reality is often a more emotional need
5. The truth is men often just want to feel empowered. Being romanced/seduced/taken by a women, a sense of "she can't stand to live without me," will drive a man crazy. So many men in relationships just need that extra emotional boost. Even a gay man w no attractiveness whatsoever can sometimes give the man the support he needs.
6. Even if a man never looks, he is aware (through magazines, a past relationship, buddies at work, TV, music, and who knows where else, that there is incredible sex available and there is vanilla sex available. Some guys get the good stuff and the other guys are left w choices like "should i stay in it for the kids?" "will it get better later?" "Will God be mad at me?" "Is there something wrong with me?"
7. While most of us actually know it's an unrealistic fairy tale, we also have had the experience of being solicited for raw passion or one of our buds has, we hear first hand about the girls who enjoy anal or watching porn w their men or who learned how to squirt for their man, or just plain push him on the bed and take advantage of him.
If you actually think it's your age or your looks or your size/shape, you are missing out! We men need the emotional support of a good strong woman to whip us into shape and tell us they believe in us and can't stand to be without us, especially in bed.
One last thought: if you as a woman have trouble getting to your man because you are tired after taking care of the kids, just remember, you will always be their mother, but your man has a choice; and he chose you...at least for now. Will he see it as the best or worst choice he ever made?
Sorry for the bluntness, but this is reality. The days of cinderella and snow white never actually existed.
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