Do you really need 100% confirmation that someone is cheating?

1. 60

   McQueen3486posted 13 years ago

   Let me show you an example (and, no, this is not me I am talking about.)
   
   Two partners, one relationship.
   
   Very likely signs:
   
   1. One partner gets off @ 1:00 am every morning, and doesn't get home until 3:30am.
   2. The same partner views adult material on the internet, approximately 5 minutes after the other partner leaves for work.
   3. The same partner has a roommate that he was involved with in a very "animalistic" manner, and claims that it stopped immediately, once the other partner moved in. They live still live together, the roommates.
   4.The same partner gets angry and defensive, everytime the other partner asks him what is wrong.
   5. The same partner STILL keeps videos of all of his voyeuristic encounters with past partners.
   
   Now, based off of this evidence...
   
   Would you say it is more likely than not, that this person is being unfaithful? If these were the circumstances, would you really need 100% proof?

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      calpol25posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      In answer to your question "Do you really need 100% confirmation that someone is cheating?" If you are married and wish to divorce on the grounds of adultery (cheating) then you will certainly need 100% confirmation to be used as proof when you file the divorce papers.

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2. 70

   dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

   I honestly don't think it's necessary to have 100% confirmation someone is cheating. In fact I would go as far as to say when it's all said and done even if it turned out they weren't cheating it's not likely to make an individual jump up for joy.
   The reason we suspect cheating is because we NEED to have (a reason that explains the change in our mate's behavior). Finding out one's mate is cheating gives them the "Aha!" explanation.
   However lets say your mate spends less and less time with you, quits being affectionate,romantic, and withdraws sexually...ect You hire a dectective or whatever and it's determined your mate is NOT cheating. You're not likely to want to remain in a relationship that is (not meeting your needs) cheating or not.
   Being unhappy should be enough of a reason to end a relationship. (If it doesn't feel right to you then it's probably not right for you). This need to "prove" something wicked is going on prior to ending a relationship is tied to guilt beliefs people hold onto. They think their mate has to do someting "awful" (cheat, beat them, verbably abuse them...etc) in order for their minds to be clear when they walk away.
   The truth is when you realize you and your mate don't want the same things for the relationship it's already over. One man's opinion! :-)

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3. 60

   McQueen3486posted 13 years ago

   I agree. I was trying to comfort my friend, who was hysterical.

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      Cardisaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I keep thinking Steve McQueen is your name....one of my favorite actors.
      
      The situation seems clear to me. I wouldn't want to wait for 100% confirmation. By this time my instincts should have kicked in.

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4. 60

   McQueen3486posted 13 years ago

   Lol, it's from Alexander McQueen..but I do love Steve McQueen.

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5. 70

   stricktlydatingposted 13 years ago

   No you definately do not.  You know a prime example is when people have a strong suspision so they'll go through their partners phone and text messages.  I say don't bother doing this, if you have a strong gut feeling (Or intuition) go with that.  You don't need concrete evidence, if someone's giving you a really bad vibe, that's all you need.

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      Inspired to writeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      stricktlydating I like your answer very sensible.
      
      Many are thinking turmoil within relationships when in reality, a relationship is for enjoyment purposes, getting along swimmingly with your partner, with trust & COMMUNICATION knowing you can leave them alone without fear of them going behind your back!
      
      There should be no doubts within anyone's mind in that relationship & if there is, even a slight inkling of this kind of negativity, this is the time to bring it out with your partner in an open honest & mature discussion, LETTING EACH OTHER KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT out of this particular relationship then, after this, if the person still feels the insecurity because of that GUT feeling deep inside because that problem you brought up was not resolved by your partners ways as they made out to be at the time of your discussion, that GUT knowing that clouds you, your personal intuition, that you are born with, then just drop that person mind body & soul to free yourself up for another that may be just right for you.
      
      Remember, a relationship is a game of give & take, & until we start dating that particular one, we will never know if they are right for us or not.
      
      So, in summary, sometimes you got to break eggs to make an omelette but in a way, there are plenty of fish in the sea so don't put p with bad behaviour from any nasty sharks, instead, get out you rods & start fishing once again!
      
      Regards Dale

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6. 79

   carolinemd21posted 13 years ago

   The signs that you posted above would be enough to leave someone. You don't need 100% proof, but if you really want to find out tell her to buy a cheater action detected camera and put it in the apartment. That will give her proof if she needs to see it.

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7. 68

   rLcasaLmeposted 13 years ago

   If the guy really loved the woman, he would do anything to affirm it.
   If I would be this guy in your example, I would look for another place to shift, and I'm taking her with me.
   Having the faith of your partner is the best thing to have in a relationship.

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8. 64

   Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

   I imagine the hysterical friend has calmed down since this thread was first posted, but this kind of question is a really common one for a lot of people who have similar stuff going on in unhappy relationships - so I figured it was worth pondering.
   
   I wouldn't need 100% confirmation for me to break up with someone who was guilty of that little combo of things (although - really - I think there's the chance Number 1 could be completely innocent (for example, someone may hate going back home to some who accuses him of stuff he doesn't do, or to someone who gets "hysterical").  So, I'd leave Number 1 out of the things I'd break up over for themselves. 
   
   I probably wouldn't allow myself to just conclude that the other person is cheating, though; because even though this had nothing to do with cheating, I've been the victim of people who jump to conclusions based on isolated pieces of "evidence", and it caused serious, serious, damage in a lot of people's lives (including the "accusers" and my own).  So, my thinking is:  By all means break up if that stuff is making one unhappy.  (It's obviously not great stuff to do in a relationship.)  BUT, don't make the jump (and don't encourage someone else to make the jump) without confirmation/proof.  A couple of those things aren't really all that horrible, especially if the person is young and/or unhappy in the relationship.
   
   Number 3 is just a mess and inviting one problem or another; so if I understand the living set-up correctly, someone shouldn't be living with someone else.  Number 5 is just creepy (and reason enough to break up with someone, I think).  Getting angry and defensive is what someone would do if he were wrongly accused, so even if it's also something he'd do if he were guilty; it's not reasonable to think that "angry and defensive" is a sign of guilt.
   
   Someone who gets hysterical may also tend to be someone who "thinks hysterically", so I'd be careful about making that jump in joining that person in accusations of guilt.  The partner could just be immature and/or a little jerk; or even someone at high risk of cheating - but I still think making the jump to being sure he's cheating isn't fair to him or wise. 
   
   I think the real question should be, "Does it even matter if he's cheating?  He's acting iffy and not acting like someone who wants to have (or knows how to have) a healthy relationship.  Does she need to add cheating-for-sure to the list before she breaks up with him (or stops feeling bad about a break-up)?

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   SanXuaryposted 13 years ago

   When people cheat guilt occurs and the the need to lie begins. They never need to lie in most cases but they do it any way. The sins just start piling up. What they do last is the worst. In order to save face and run from condemnation they punish you with utter contempt and cruelty. I hope they all burn in hell as I get to roast marshmallows over their searing flesh. Its even better when they steal your children away and believe that they should be protected from the truth. I hate them all and wish the worst things on them. If you our a cheater you better seek forgiveness on Earth and If you stole their child you will be cursed.

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