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Husband of 2 Months Wants Divorce
HELP! My husband of two months said he doesn't love me anymore and he is filing for divorce. He is in the Navy and he has been stationed in the Middle East for one year. He will return to the US November of 2012. He came back for our wedding (we had been together for 4 years total). In lieu of a honeymoon, we went to Kansas for his leave to visit his family. We fought most of the time. What should I do? I don't want a divorce!!! Everyone is telling me different things.
Get out! Why would you want someone who doesn't want you? It will surely end anyway, you would just be postponing it. You are lucky it is now and not later.
Awwww...my heart goes out to you. I want to help. I don't know your situation except for what you've shared, but I'll share what I have and hope that it helps. First, I acknowledge that relationships can be so very hard--especially with the added stress of your husband being gone. My husband and I have been together just over a year and though we love each other there have been times where we both thought, "Oh my--what did we get ourselves into?!" because the "feeling" of love comes and goes. It is by sheer commitment alone, sometimes, that keeps people together through the hard times. Having said that, I'll say that you can only be responsible for your own actions, not for his. So I would suggest making up your mind and letting that be your guide--then you respond proactively and not by letting feelings, hurt, etc. lead. If you love him and are willing to do what it takes to save your marriage, then just do your part and the rest is up to him. Just show him unconditional love. See if he is willing to talk--tell him you are willing to listen to find out what's going on and you want to do whatever you can to make it work. But if he doesn't want to talk, don't force it. Sometimes the harder you try, the more you push. So show him love but don't push him. Honestly, I would pray, pray, pray if I was in that situation. I was engaged to a man and almost married and it was a 7 year relationship. I prayed and prayed and no matter how hard I tried to make it work, it just wouldn't. Now I can see that it was best. But you are married so that's not really the same. I recently was frustrated because I couldn't convince my husband to understand my perspective in something and felt hopeless and like I had no control. That's because I didn't and we can't control others. I prayed and said, "God, I give this to you. I won't try to make him see it my way--I will just let go, choose love, and let you convince him. The next day he was doing the very things that I was hoping he would do--on his own and without me having to ask. There is something powerful about the act of surrendering to God. He very likely wants your marriage to work out even more than you--seek His help and rest the best you can in knowing you will do the right thing. I hope this helps...
I agree with Polly. Get out. Now. Don't waste any more of your life's time spending it with someone who does not want to spend his life's time with you. There is no future here. At least not a future that will make you happy, give you peace and provide joy.
It's so very sad. My heart hurts for you. But if this is truly what he wants, then you must come to terms with that. It is so easy for all of us to write these words and send them out into cyber space ~ but we are aware that these words are being sent to a real human being, whom we know is hurting.
The sooner you get clarity, and move on to the next step in your life, the sooner the healing can begin. It will clearly take time as this is quite a blow. But there is hope in life. There is hope for a beautiful future for you. This will make you stronger in the end. Just don't let go of you. Keep going. You will run into your future happiness if you just keep going. Hugs to you.
Sincerely, I am sorry for your pain and disappointment..........
But, I have to ask, to all such couples, What are you getting married for? As a society, are we promising all of our tomorrows, just to undo the vows within weeks? THIS is the unfolding of the fabric of society.
Yes, I stand with your sisters who say...........let him go, and then go forth.......I encourage each woman to do their own very best.
As "couples" go.............stop playing games..........Marriage is a committment. It is a VOW,a promise.............can you not keep a promise? are you not to be taken seriously? can you not be depended upon? Are you going to be there through thick and thin, or you going to tuck tail and run like a wild cat?
STOP making promises that you do not intend to keep.
This running is the very reason that each of us, does not believe in the other........
Stop being a part of this doubt.
A husband or a wife of two months........has not yet found their way. Yet, there they are.....throwing in the towel and our culture accepts, tolerates, and promotes this.
Something about this does not add up to supporting our young adults.
You write that everyone is telling you different things. It doesn't matter what anyone says but your husband. He is the one you need to communicate with. Ask him to call you and have a long talk. If he doesn't want you then there is nothing you can do - but I would tell him he will need to come home to make the divorces happen.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
Thank you everyone for reaching out to me in such a hard time...I want to stay married and will do whatever it takes. I don't want a divorce. It's just such a difficult situation because he's deployed and we can't talk much. I want to tell him that I won't sign the papers until he gets home (November 2012) and we have a chance to go to counseling. But, I'm not sure if mentioning that will make it worse? My family says to lay low and just wait...they say that telling him that may push him further away...
Miss Frost,Emotions change from day to day with us human beings. I understand why some have told you dont wait, get out while you can because they dont think it is wise to hang on to something that your husband has said he has let go of. However, you must proceed with an outcome you can live with. If it is possible that your husband is going through stressful times and because you are so far from him he is out of touch with his feelings, then things can change when he gets back. It will be a different life and a different environment with hopefully less influence of others. Secondly, you need to ask yourself, "If I walk away now can I honestly say I tried everything?". If you can then okay but if you have hope then stick with it, this isn't a job or a soured vacation, it's a marriage. There is nothing wrong with being vulernable and continuing to love as your vows stated. It shows your loyalty and gives you peace of mind that you gave it your all. I was married to a Navy man and had the same experience. I hung on and stood for my marriage and even though it ultimately ended in divorce I have never regretted it. I needed to know that I did everything I could. Thirdly and not last, for it is the most important thing you can do...pray! Because no matter what you will find peace and strength from it with wisdom to boot! I am so sorry this is happening, for your words tell the story of how much you love this man. I pray that he sees what a devoted wife he has.
MissFrost...this must be incredibly painful for you. I would encourage you to reach out to your own support network to help you ease things in this difficult time. Unfortunately, from the way you described things it's doubtful that things will be able to be repaired in your relationship. I hope the people that surround you can offer you some comfort and peace as you come to grips with everything. I wish you the best.
This is difficult, I'm not in your shoes nor understand the feelings you have for him, BUT! If someone tells you that they dont love you anymore, the relationship isnt going to go anywhere near happy or healthy waters. Give him his divorce. If you stay with him after those scalding words and try to make the best, you are setting yourself up for a very torturous life. I am sorry.
I know you don't want to hear this, but my advice for you is that it is probably better if you guys get a divorce now, immidetly ASAP, because if he is pushing for divorce already, then imagine what would things be like, further down the line, I ain't seen a pretty picture here. It is better to get a divorce now, then later, when there are more at stake or find yourself trap in a love less marriage. Follow his wish, get a divorce and move on with your life, while you are still young
It is indeed sad that you have to undergo such a situation and I cannot think who could be wrong for such a sorry state of affairs. You should not listen to others because you will always be mislead. you should talk with your husband in a friendly manner and try to win over his love back.Good luck.
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