How do you feel about people who want to use HP forums as a chat room?

1. 79

   Mary McShaneposted 10 years ago

   Recently I'm noticing new members who have no hubs, no activity where they read or comment on hubs, and only join to participate in self interest and/or bleeding heart questions in various forums. Sort of using HP as a chatroom. Before anyone attacks me for this, please know I enjoy the discussion forums, but look to them as FAQ's and a good info resource that complements our work here on HP. I don't begrudge anyone who wants to ask questions pertaining to writing, tools we use, types of hubs,topics, etc. But when it is personal questions with detailed personal info looking for tea, sympathy and advice, I wonder why they are here.
   
   Yesterday I got email notifications of two newly signed up names asking questions about personal problems, engaging members,some for sympathy, some for advice, and seeming to like the attention they were getting, which I saw by their immediacy of answering comments. Both are new sign ups and had questions posted in forums within minutes of sign up. Gosh, it took me at least an hour to find the forums to read, and these people found them within minutes to ask questions!  So they could be seasoned HP users, who are hiding under another account, Now, for the record, I don't care if anyone has 2 accounts or 20 accounts. Just think we should have better use of the forums, not posting for sympathy and asking advice for the lovelorn in forums for people who have no hub/comment history.  Just my opinion. I get that Freeform discussion means free form, but how free form do we want to go? Do we want to stay on HP topics or do we want to get into asking advice for how to handle our personal problems?
   
   Do you think HP should be used as a chat room for non-writers?  Just curious on your thoughts?

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      moonlakeposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Agree. I don't like it when someone will ask a question about Hubpages and the discussion goes off in a direction of arguments or unrelated comments. You have to wade through all the cutesy stuff to get to the answers.

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         Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         These two new sign ups didn't even break the ice with an HP question. Both wrote one question about an intensely personal problem, asking for advice. And as soon as hubbers answered with sympathy, it snowballed to where the questioner started wallowing in the outpouring of sympathy.
         
         Just looked very fishy to me.

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      The Examiner-1posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      If they do nothing but participate in forums then I do not think that they will last long on here. After all, you have to create Hubs, use the Q&A, etc.
      Perhaps they should get the hints to get on a chat room or start a blog.

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   3. 82

      Jason Marovichposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I don't know what questions/forum posts you're referring to, but I will say this:  many people new to HubPages won't write a hub as their first effort here.  Many simply read the forums and some might chime in now and then.  Often they want to get to know some writers here before they dive in with a hub of their own.  I wouldn't assume it's anything nefarious.
      
      People looking for solutions to problems on HubPages is good for HubPages.  And it's good for HubPages writers, too.

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      1. 79

         Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         @Jason Marovich. I'm all for getting to know people before getting your feet wet in writing, but this didn't look like that to me.  There were two newly signed up names, this is the only one  that I found of the two. Perhaps the other deleted or became inactive account. 
         http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/118432

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            Jason Marovichposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            You're right.  The post is probably an existing writer who needed to use an alias to make the post or someone who accidentally ended up here.  Either way, though it isn't the sort of news I want to read at HubPages, it's nice some people reached out to her.

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               Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               And the people who did reach out are pretty perceptive. I don't think they were ever in any serious danger. So what is the issue?
               
               This backlinks nonsense is, well nonsense.
               
               Which leaves not wanting to be made to feel uncomfortable. Sigh...

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            The Examiner-1posted 10 years agoin reply to this

            Mary,
            I looked up her profile and she seemed to have joined 2 days ago and written that forum 44 hours ago. Meanwhile that is her only activity - no Hubs, no followers, nobody following, noting.
            
            I do not think that she will last long that way.

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   4. 85

      rebekahELLEposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Not really, but people are going to go where they think they'll get attention.  HP is a very active forum.
      I'm certain some of the posts are bogus, people just trying to get a rise out of others.

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   5. 79

      Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you to all who commented. Since posting this question, I have learned that I'm rather naive in my understanding (or misunderstanding) of spam posts. To the lady who emailed me and told me to "can it" consider it done.  Honestly,  I did not see those two new people joining and posting their sympathy questions as Spam.  I was looking at them as sympathy grabbers, attention getters, and nothing more. It never occurred to me that weeks from now their conversation would have been integrated with links and other misdirects. 
      When I posted this question, I was just curious what everyone's thoughts were.  I'll be more selective and careful about what I post.  Thank you for your input.

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         moonlakeposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         You have a right to post this question and I for one am glad you brought it up. I once saw a person post in the forums asking for money,none of that should be going on. The post disappeared fast. It doesn't bother me the playing of games and that kind of thing. I just don't like the personal stuff in the forums.

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      galleryofgraceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I assume most of the time that these are writers looking for more info and opinions on subjects they are researching. Call me naive too!

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      1. 79

         Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         galleryofgrace -- @naivete - a couple of us in that line already. But, you have to stand in line behind me lol.
         
         I found the one new hubber who joined to post a question but not the other. I don't know if they have the capability of deleting topics or not, I never tried it, so I don't know. Here is the one I did find which prompted my asking the above question.  I really do have to stop reading forum questions at 3AM and then I won't ask questions like these lol
         
         http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/118432

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            galleryofgraceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            They made one stark mistake in writing this short story. Absolutely no one is going to get a weekend pass after only a couple days of treatment.

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            1. 79

               Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               It's been my experience that family members are often brought in as part of therapy. If anyone is on the ball, they will intervene with the adult and offer treatment there as well.  I agree galleryofgrace

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                  Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                  If the story is even true, that is.  The weekend pass is the flaw in the story. As you said.

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               Jason Marovichposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               I'm not familiar with psychiatric hospitals; most of them have gone by the wayside here in the US.  It's true, psychiatric floors in hospitals wouldn't allow a patient out on pass; they're either kept for observation or released.
               
               In this case, I'd hide any cynicism and give her the benefit of the doubt.  It doesn't cost me anything.  I don't get emotionally involved with these sort of posts myself, though.

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            The Examiner-1posted 9 years agoin reply to this

            Who was the other one that you cannot find Mary?

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      gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      NOPE!

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      1. 89

         Jean Bakulaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         I got a notification about a new post on this thread, and went back to the beginning to read some of my comments. I wrote about some personal things as an example, my husband was going to lose his job if we didn't move to MN, after working here in NJ for 39 years. But life took a different direction, he died in January. Who did I turn to when I was in shock? Hubpages forums. And I was astounded at the kindness that poured from all of you. Somebody sent me a picture of a horse running by the sea, with a caption, "Say that my morn has just begun, I face the dawn, and not a setting sun." I read those words over and over so many times each day, times when I was so heartbroken I wished I died instead. But I taped those words where I could see them, and they kept me going.
         
         So I reversed my opinion. Sometimes you reach out to the only ones who will listen. It would have been our 35th wedding anniversary tomorrow, and it will be hard, but I am a lot stronger than I was 8 months ago. And I thank you for the huge outpouring of kindnesses.

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            Writer Foxposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            God bless you, Jean.

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               Jean Bakulaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               Thanks Writer Fox.

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                  Jean Bakulaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                  And we need Long Time Mother around here to help us!

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            gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            Jean, you were undergoing a loss.  I understand stating your loss to the HubPages Community and we all felt your pain.  That is different from a person who just want to ramble on.  You DIDN'T do that.  There are people who endless spout minutiae ad infinitum on whatever is on their mind at the moment.   THAT is far different than reaching out to discuss a loss or difficulty at one's lowest and/or saddest point of his/her life.   People(at least I am) are sympathetic to others' lowest point in their lives for that could be us at one moment or another.  God Bless Jean.

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               Jean Bakulaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               Thank you GM, I can't recall if I rambled. But you comforted me and made me smile at the same time. Quite a feat!

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            LongTimeMotherposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            I do hope you'll celebrate your anniversary, Jean. It still remains one of the best days of your life. I will be thinking of you.

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   paradigmsearchposted 10 years ago

   I'm fine with it. Besides, see those income-producing ads at the bottom of each forum page? I'm pretty sure HP is fine with it, too.

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      Dale Hydeposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Your participation on the various topics intrigues me!  I am always seein' ya there.   Brightens my day.
      
      In regards to the OP's post, well, umm..... I don't usually engage with non-publishing members unless there is an issue that prevents them from understanding how to publish.
      
      But then again, I am but a "lonely boy" running around here and there myself at times.

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         paradigmsearchposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks. They are also great for really good rants. I still remember my going after Time Warner Cable.

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3. 79

   psycheskinnerposted 10 years ago

   People with no history who sign up to complain about their spouse etc are a spammer 90% of the time.  They set up a problem, and weeks or months later use another account to reply and recommend an expensive book, pill or psychic hotline.  Sometimes they then sign in again as the first user to say how that product solved all their problems.

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      Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I immediately thought spammer too. But then I wondered how posting a personal problem at HP with such detail would serve any other purpose but to get sympathy and attention from people who are strangers. Why they would choose HP and not some chat room for that topic is beyond me.
      Maybe they think the anonymity of us not knowing them, and them not knowing us (or do they) would be a security blanket. It is an interesting ploy but I don't know what gratification is garnered from posting for sympathy.

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         psycheskinnerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         It is like I said, spammers have learned how to blend in more.  The actual spam post will be added to the thread up to a month later when their account has aged and is more likely to get past moderation.

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            Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            I see. Thank you. I'm rather naive to the tactics, I admit.

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      Earl Noah Bernsbyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Re: Psycheskinner, (Re:Re: Spammer opens an account, asks a question on the forum, waits three months to open another account, then answers the original question with a self-serving link): WOW — that's so devious!  Like Mary McShane, I am tres naive to some of the blackhat stuff that goes into internet marketing.  Before HP, I was still writing in a spiral-bound notebook! :0

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         Jean Bakulaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I believe this topic has been addressed before with the Administration. Should people who are not members of HP be allowed to write on the forums? We need to get people from outside of the site to read our hubs, so in that way it's good. But I know the personal ones get annoying. I don't believe a woman who is obviously either making up a terrible relationship situation to get attention, or is in one, should be posting about it on a writer's site. There must be another place she can vent about her issues. But then 20 women jump in and give her advice. I don't get it.
         
         Earl, I never would have thought people were that devious either! After three years on HP, I learned a lot, and not only about writing!

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            Earl Noah Bernsbyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            LOL — ain't that the truth!  For example, I had never even HEARD of User Generated Content Sites, Keyword Stuffing, Article Directories, Backlinks, and etc., etc., before joining HP.  I didn't have a Twitter account or any social networking presence (not that I have an impressive one now, either, lol).  I thought of writing as writing.  Period. 
            
            There is just so much to learn!

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               Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               After bumping around for a couple of years on this and that site, I joined HP because I believe it to be "the premier" writing site on the web.  I still believe that.  I have stopped writing for other sites (except for my blogs) and have put all my eggs in this basket.
               
               You're right, Earl and Jean, about learning here. I have never seen so many tools and FAQ's addressing so many issues regarding writing, and the nicest people who answer your call for help. I have learned  more about SEO, keyword placement, evergreen writing, etc in the last 3 weeks than I have in the last two years. I'm 66 years old, and proof that you can teach an old girl new things. 
               
               But with all that said, the new accts who sign up for HP with ulterior motives as I wrote above, I think they should be shut down. Here is the one forum question left, the other I can't find.
               http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/118432

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4. 91

   Will Apseposted 10 years ago

   Some people simply cannot stop talking. They talk about anything.
   
   Like other people talking too much.

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      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Any excuse to post this song.
      
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_pRyMShJ0k

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5. 0

   Motown2Chitownposted 10 years ago

   HubPages does have a social element to it that is inescapable.  People come to the forums for many reasons, not all of which have to do with writing, which is the reason for the distinct separation between regular HP forums and topical ones.  It is important to pay close attention to the category you're searching or posting in. 
   
   A lot of longtime hubbers who produce good quality work engage in discussions about a myriad of topics in the HP forums.  The socialization in the forums and their searchability draw all kinds. 
   
   

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6. 94

   LongTimeMotherposted 10 years ago

   I haven't seen those two threads, Mary, but I suspect if they responded quickly to comments it is probably because they were sitting by the computer waiting - which suggests to me they were anxiously waiting for advice.
   
   They may have been led here by a google search result that showed responsible conversations on our forums and decided to start one of their own. Good on them. I'd hate to think that a desperate person would be shunned by our community.
   
   Some forum threads annoy me because I know the answer is clearly given in the Learning Center. That's not the case with personal problems so yes, it makes sense to raise their question on a forum.
   
   Personal problems are, in fact, hp topics if you consider the topics of hubs. We have hubs on a myriad of personal issues - and given that we all writers, it shouldn't take much effort to post a quick reply.

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7. 97

   SmartAndFunposted 10 years ago

   I say the more the merrier. This is an internet forum. I don't care who uses it. Some random new user might turn out to be fascinating or hilarious.
   
   I read the threads which have titles that interest me, and skip the rest. I think I may know one of the threads the OP is referring to. I wasn't interested in that topic, so I never even clicked on it. Simple.

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8. 74

   Marie Flintposted 10 years ago

   I avoid them.

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9. 0

   calculus-geometryposted 10 years ago

   HubPages has never really discouraged it, and now that they've got ads at the bottom of the page, they're probably less inclined to discourage it.  But hey, at least it's easier to wade through the muck since religion and politics got moved off the front page.

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10. 70

    WriteAngledposted 10 years ago

    I really wish that at a minimum this agony aunt drivel that appears here would be taken off the main HP threads and thrown into the "other category".
    
    Over the years, many have asked that forum posting privileges should only be given to people who have produced some hubs. HP staff have always been very resistant to this idea. Perhaps, though, posting privileges could be introduced into the main HP forum. That way the non-hub-producing bleeding hearts could be allowed to whinge away in a dark little corner in the "other threads" section and yet not bore those of us who do not visit there with the trivia of their lives.

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       Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       good idea, and I agree

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          Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          Sympathy. What use is it? lol.

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             Jean Bakulaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

             I never heard of backlinks, SEO, keyword stuffing, and many terms that mean so much in the world of online writing. I didn't understand that when HP readers read our hubs, it didn't make money for us. It was a whole new world to me. I'm still not great at any of this stuff. Backlinks don't seem as important, many sites won't let you link to your own stuff. Everything is changing, and we must change with it. But I've always been happy for the experience. Everyone here is helpful for the most part. Many of us are disappointed with our falling income, but I never made much at first anyway. So I love writing, and any money I make is like a bonus.

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                Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                I know how to cut and paste.

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11. 76

    Barbara Kayposted 10 years ago

    Just a thought and I may be wrong, but maybe they've read some of the relationship hubs here and then saw the forum and thought that what the site was all about. Who knows though? Some people have martyr complexes.

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       Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       could be right. It was posted under Health; Discussions.
       http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/118432

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    2. 76

       Barbara Kayposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       How awful for the poor lady. I wouldn't have posted the above if I had known what was going on.

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12. 94

    LongTimeMotherposted 10 years ago

    Gee, I hope those of you who are being so judgmental are right. Because if you are wrong, you are doing that woman a huge disservice.
    
    I just hope that you are not so self-absorbed and obsessed with your own lives to be completely missing a genuine cry for help. There are, after all, many people in the world who are faced with personal tragedies beyond our comprehension.
    
    If your partner dies and one of your children is suicidal and you ask for help, how will you feel to discover that people are dismissing you in the manner you are dismissing this particular hubber?
    
    Having followed the link to see who you are writing about, I will now go and try and write something encouraging. Hopefully a few other people will have enough compassion to join me.
    
    The rest of you can keep monitoring the new hubber's activities and press the 'report' button as soon as your suspicions are confirmed - if in fact they are.  I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for hubs from someone whose introduction to hp reads like hers.  If she is genuine, I suspect she's going to be too busy to care about SEO for quite some years yet.
    
    You can speculate all you like, but it seems rude and lacking in compassion to talk about someone as though they are 'not in the room' when clearly that hubber could be seeing each and every one of your posts.
    
    And how much effort exactly would it take for you to have written one sentence to encourage this person? 
    
    Sitting in your warm, comfortable homes with your loved ones safely at home around you must be a lovely feeling. But spare a thought for those whose lives are very different. Some of them sometimes will stumble upon hp. Is this how you will continue to greet them?

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       Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Wholeheartedly agree... the fact that these kinds of posts could be spam is always a possibility, but you just have to go where your heart leads you. If you feel it's real, be real. You've lost nothing.

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       jjackson786posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I agree as well. Nicely said.

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       EyezOfDesignposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Well said!

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          Jean Bakulaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          It can be so hard to tell if it's a real cry for help. A person who is really on dangerous ground mentally will probably reach out to someone closer to home, not a forum of strangers in different countries. Our ability to help--if necessary--would be extremely limited, as we are not professionals.

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             LongTimeMotherposted 10 years agoin reply to this

             You don't have to be a professional, Jean, to offer an encouraging word. And in this case if you follow the link you'll see it is a mother writing about her suicidal son who is, in fact, getting professional help.
             
             I absolutely understand someone reaching out in a forum to strangers in different countries. Just as I understand why some people stand alongside a rattling express train to let out their physical screams instead of screaming in frustration in a room filled with family and friends.
             
             I've never done any of those things, but it doesn't stop me from understanding those who do.

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                Jean Bakulaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                I have a bipolar, suicidal brother who makes my life hell, and recently lost my best friend to cervical cancer. I have never been separated from my husband of 34 years, but am alone for two weeks as he is on a business trip, even though he is losing a job he worked at for 39 years. He must train those who will get his job. I am a compassionate person, as probably many of the writers on Hubpages are. I still would never have thought to discuss these things on a writer's site. It is not appropriate. Everyone has problems.
                
                I am truly sorry for yours. But you will not solve them by reaching out in the wrong place.

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                   Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                   my point exactly. tyvm

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                   LongTimeMotherposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                   Like you, Jean, I don't discuss personal problems on hp. I don't feel the need because, like you, I have a husband I can talk with. I can also see why you would have no interest in other people's problems at this time with so much to deal with yourself.
                   
                   To be honest though, if I was faced with any of the problems you are enduring I would be so extremely grateful for your advice and thoughts on what might or might not help to deal with them. I doubt any professional would have your level of understanding.
                   
                   What's happening to your husband is cruel. Training those who will get his job must be extremely stressful. What would happen if gets the flu or something that keeps him home on sick leave until his time is up?  It is not like they could threaten to sack him.  If he has worked there for 39 years perhaps he is driven to continue by loyalty. What a shame his employer doesn't demonstrate the same integrity.
                   
                   I have no doubt about your compassion, Jean. I was just explaining it is a mother (I think she calls herself emptymom), not the suicidal son who was looking for a few words. I certainly didn't mean to hit a raw nerve in you. Your life is clearly tough enough at the moment without needing to worry about me or any other hubber.
                   
                   Just follow your path Jean. Stay strong. Like it or not, I'll be thinking of you.

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       Barbara Kayposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       LongTimeMother, I didn't know this was the post they were talking about or I wouldn't have posted what I did. I'm going to erase it right now.

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          LongTimeMotherposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          Hey, Barbara. I trust you know I wasn't having a go at anyone in particular. I was just speaking up because I would hate for that poor mother to feel as though the entire hp community was dumping on her and not taking her seriously if she is as desperate as she sounds.
          
          Those of us who have been here for a while understand each other enough to not to take offense. But I would hate to be in that poor lady's shoes ... as I know you would.
          
          Thank you for showing your true colours.

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    paradigmsearchposted 10 years ago

    Just ambling by...

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    SmartAndFunposted 10 years ago

    Oh no, it's a suicide thread? I assumed the OP was referring to the thread about "dating after surgery."
    
    Yikes. I hope it is spam and not real. Very sad.

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    psycheskinnerposted 10 years ago

    Aside from the ones that turn out to be not real, I am in a profession where giving online mental health related advice could cause a liability.  So I leave them alone.

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       Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       But you put out a lot of vibes. I get a lot out of them, but if one of your vibes leads me astray, I'm totally suing you.

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          psycheskinnerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          Ironically I am free to give advice about stuff I know nothing about without much risk.  So if you want legal or engineering advice, I'm your gal.

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             Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

             lol. What if you started a relationship advice thread? Are you an expert on that or could you be the next Dear Abby?

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             Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

             We have a problem with a pregnant goldfish in another thread.

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                Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                Which is totally unrelated to PDS's earlier thread about wanting to be in a relationship.

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                   Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                   I think it is probably a phantom pregnancy, brought on by lustful looks.

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                      Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                      
                      
                      That's just really awful.

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                         Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                         Okay, that is a bad dream when I finally get to sleep tonight.

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                            Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                            sorry... drink some water.

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                               Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                               I am now a minor water planet.
                               
                               And quite peaceful. So will probably sleep.
                               
                               Goodnight.

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                                  Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                                  Good night Sir camel-lot.

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                               The Examiner-1posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                               I have fish in my stomach. lol

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                         bBereanposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                         What is really awful is empowering rude people, with that image, to callously make the proclamation; "I've seen fish with better legs."

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                            Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                            hahahaha that's a good one.

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    EyezOfDesignposted 10 years ago

    I am one of those newbies in which you speak of. I found this site after doing a google search in reference to a particular question that I had and it lead me to this website. Thinking that I could get answers to my question on a forum, I joined. Perhaps I did things backwards, because my main concern was getting my question answered, not knowing that this site required you do post a full profile of yourself. If you've been here for a while, you know the rules and the order in which you expect to receive results on the HUB. But it's not fair to judge and put people on blast insinuating that the reason they are here is to misuse this site. If people are misinformed than you should help them, not judge them.

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       LongTimeMotherposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Welcome to HP, EyezofDesign.
       
       I wish I could say that not all forum threads are as poor as this one in terms of questionable attitude and pointless posts, but unfortunately many of them are.
       
       This is what happens when writers get bored and type instead of reading a story to their children or making some kind of effort to make the world a better place.
       
       A short memory means many forget how it felt to be the new person out of their comfort zone and trying to find their way. Good on you for drawing attention to your situation. I agree, people should help not judge.
       
       It embarrasses me that moments after sobering comments on a suicide threat, you were faced with garbage about pregnant goldfish that went on ... and on ... and on.
       
       I look forward to reading some of your future hubs, EyezofDesign. Please don't be discouraged. Fortunately, successful hubbing and making money can be achieved without having to interact with everyone on the forums. It would be nice, however, if you continue making useful contributions. 

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          Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

          Im opening up a can of worms here, but... You really have to be careful about judging your peers. Just as in life, it takes all kinds. Marissa gives phenomenal... technical advice. Paradigmsearch posts both from his mind, and from his emotion, which brings in a lot of comments which is important to keep a community thriving. Will is very brainy and gives solid advice, but he's also quite sarcastic which certain ppl really appreciate. Then there is the entire theist/atheist/political crowd... maybe an acquired tastes as far as subjects go, but again, a thriving part of the community. Every thread cannot be controlled by the tone of one comment or one commentator. Like any conversation, the mood changes and that's ok. We're ppl and ppl were not created to be robots. We are here to communicate about many different things, in many different styles. If any lighthearted comments were made on say... the actual thread where the woman was talking about her son, I can see why you might raise an eyebrow, but to openly criticize ppl for using humor as a way of communication, seems somewhat controlling. We have moderators. They have not deemed it necessary to make an appearance. I would allow them to do their job and try to go with the flow a bit more.

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             LongTimeMotherposted 10 years agoin reply to this

             ROFL. I particularly love the bit says "Every thread cannot be controlled by the tone of one comment or one commentator."
             
             Hmmm. I'll think about what you wrote Beth, and invite you to do the same.

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                Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                Okee doke.

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          Barbara Kayposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          eyes of design, I appologise if anything I wrote was offensive. I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation.

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       Mary McShaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       http://eyezofdesign.hubpages.com/  Welcome, to HP if your intentions are sincere that you wish to write for a writing site.  Forgive me, but I find your appearance here very suspect,  given you just made your account 4 hours ago, have no hubs, followers or following and yet immediate found this forum to write a comment.   My question that is posted waay up at the top of this page plainly asks for opinions about newly signed up members who within minutes in a forum about an intensely personal issue (whether it was true or not) .
       I expected to take some ribbing from some members because that is their personality and they like to  lighten up things. For the most part, members answered with their honest opinions, esp after I found the link to post the thread to one of the members who still has an active profile.
       EyezOfDesign, it is highly unusual that you found this thread within minutes of making a new account, whether this name is an alter ego or not.  The opinions on this thread are those of HP members who answered honestly to a question I posted. TY The members who admonished others for having those opinions may or may not be moderators (future moderators) and they are also entitled to their opinions. But there is no need to apologize to EyezOfDesign or anyone else for any member who writes their opinion to my question on this thread.
       I was simply questioning about new members, who find their way to certain forums and post intensely personal issues possibly in an effort to get an outpouring of sympathy from strangers.
       This subject has been blown out of proportion, there are many sidecar conversations that went off on a lighter note, and some who took this far seriously than it was ever meant.
       Since I am capable of apologizing for myself, I apologize for posting a question about HP site use. This experience has taught me to never question anything that happens here in a stand alone question ever again.  Thank you to all who answered seriously and honestly.  Good night.

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          Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

          You shouldn't apologize at all. It was a good question. Ppl are just ppl and they're gonna take it any which way their mind goes. When it comes down to it, it's all just talk... ppl working out their own ideas and hopefully considering others points. Im sure this thread had a lot of merit... and a few ppl got to share some heartache and get some encouragement along the way... there is always something positive to be found when ppl open up their hearts to each other. Sometimes, I think ppl expect a thread to go a certain way, but as long as there is more than one person commenting, it will never go one way... This is life... it's all good.

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       rebekahELLEposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Very true.  I thought of this after I read more of the previous comments made.  I had no idea of the forum threads the OP was originally referencing.  I'm sure people find the site after searching a question.  If people find the forums and need help, that's different in my opinion than using it as a chat room (which many regulars do.)  Hope you found the answer to your question.

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    SmartAndFunposted 10 years ago

    It could be that the OP of that suicide thread is a regular here and considers some here to be trustworthy sources of advice, but at the same time wanted to remain anonymous with their problems.
    
    Edit: Maybe also, they just wanted a shoulder to grieve on and not necessarily a solution.

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       Jean Bakulaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Smart and Fun,
       
       Yes, that could be true. Sometimes we need a shoulder to cry on, and none is available. That has often been the case in my own life, coming from a small family. Unfortunately, the effect of that is to keep everything inside. Meditation and long walks help me with that, or I would be less sane than I am right now.
       A suicide threat should always be taken seriously. If I sounded cold, that was not my intention. I have sought help for my brother with his mental health issues, and only got anger and scorn in return. But I never ignored the situation if I thought he really meant to hurt himself, I do love him. I do understand that it is hard to be the one making such decisions, and that the people we make them for do not always like what we do to try to "save" them.

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          SmartAndFunposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          Best wishes to you and your brother. Mental illness is no walk in the park.

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    Barbara Kayposted 10 years ago

    Now that I read the post you are talking about, I think this poor lady just doesn't know where to turn. How awful, to go through this right after her husband died. Possibly writing about it just gave her some release.

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    Hamshiposted 10 years ago

    I've been following this thread, read every comment and do not wish to get involved in the discussion here but just wanted to say, I admire your empathetic personality, Longtimemother.

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       LongTimeMotherposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you, Hamshi. I know the easier option is often to just stay quiet or turn away, but I miss the days when people would take the wounded, the homeless and the heartbroken under their wing and offer some kind of support. The day I stop doing that is the day they'll put me in a box.
       
       Thank you for not staying quiet. I appreciate your gesture.

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    brakel2posted 10 years ago

    Chatting is ok to a certain degree. When it goes off the deep end and sounds suspicious or spammy, it needs to be recognized, and people should bow out. Sometimes it is difficult to determine. The other part about a chat room is when it becomes disagreement that goes on and on and fails to serve the purpose of the post. It angers hubbers, and does not look good to new hubbers. It is hard to curb these issues unless staff has  time to do more moderation. However, one hubber who posts to many forums said HubPages is mild compared to others.

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       Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       For sure. Most are out of control free for all's that are eventually shut down due to staff's lack of ability to moderate.

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          Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          Nonsense!

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             Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

             You're nonsense.
             
             I will try to remember their names... lets see... it was an English show... something Boy... was there some kind of show called something Boy? And I don't remember the other one that was so crazy. I'd have to go ask someone ... I don't really talk to those ppl if I can help it.

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                Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                Have been at the nitrous oxide again?

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                   Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                   Maybe... Rocket Boy? Help me! It was supposedly a huge deal. I actually joined a forum that was the residue of that forum... the Boy one... and everyone said it was closed down b/c they couldn't be reigned in. Then that forum got closed and a Bible one did too or it was a regular one that ppl talked Bible on... I could ask someone, but it seems like a step backward. You would recognize some of this though cause they were English.

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                      Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                      If it was an ITV programme I would have been too much of a snob to have ever seen it.
                      
                      Of course, you might be talking about Del boy. Who I have partially modeled myself on as an online writer.
                      
                      PSSSS! Want to buy a cheap laptop?

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                         Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                         Yes, I would love to, but the shipping would be as much as buying a new one.
                         (It wasn't Del Boy, it was more like Rocket Boy or something futuristic.)

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                            Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                            Sorry, I can't help then. 'Rocket Boy' seems to be a US thing.
                            
                            I haven't watched UK TV for at least 10 years. Spent several years in France before heading East.
                            
                            Anyway, I'm working my way through some of the tens of thousands of hours of BBC stuff on YouTube at the moment. I will let you know if I see anything plausibly related.

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                               Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                               I sent a FB msg. to an English friend cause it's really bugging me. Ill let you know when I find out... all that to say, the forum was closed for craziness or so they all said. The same thing happened to the WW Scrabble forum. There's always one troll that shuts the place down. It would be weird if it was all one guy.

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                                  Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                                  Or if it was a sleep walking Beth.

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                                     Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                                     Why would I target myself?
                                     Maybe this is a question for the therapist.
                                     I have a lot to think about.

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                                        bBereanposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                                        ...and how does that make you feel?

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                                           Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                                           Are we allowed to talk on this thread? I don't even know where I am half the time, I just respond to the notifications... I seldom know what happened two posts back, let alone a page back. It this the safe one or is someone gonna get angry?

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                                        Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                                        Ask the troll to write to you then you can check the writing. Have I said this before? I have personality fragments that have hated me for years and are always trying to trip me up and make me look foolish.
                                        
                                        Also, somebody needs to go over to Bubblers and give Mark a cuddle. As an Englishman I am excused that kind of duty.

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                                           Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                                           You missed him. He posted here earlier then thought better of it I spose.

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    snakeslaneposted 10 years ago

    Oh! S'cuse me, I thought this was a chat room...Sure been cold in Canada brrrr...

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       Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I am also excused giving you a cuddle.
       
       You could borrow one of my cats, if you want.

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          snakeslaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          Aww, thanks Will

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             Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

             Here you are then. This is 'Snowy'. Don't lose her and she will keep your lap toasty.
             
             

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                gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                What a BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC cat!

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    snakeslaneposted 10 years ago

    Snowy! Sweet... By the way Will, thanks to you this forum thread has l'Apse'd into a precious pets chat room.

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       Will Apseposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       It is a scandal but I couldn't leave you to shiver.

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          snakeslaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          Much appreciated, thanks.

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    Kylyssaposted 9 years ago

    Every "first" after a loss is extra tough.
    
    I don't know you but I firmly believe in trying to ease suffering no matter where I see it.  We are all co-humans here.
    
    I wish you comfort and peace, Jean.

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    julieannbradyposted 9 years ago

    Gosh, I just found this thread. I have to say I like to see a balance. As I am divorced, not dating anyone, and live alone, I too sometimes want to talk about some things with my peeps online who know me from years of writing on the same site(s). So, I appreciate having a designated spot where we can talk about things other than writing.

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       rebekahELLEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       I agree that there needs to be a balance.  I know there have been threads of true loss and concern through the years, and hubbers have had a place to post a comment.  I think of the dear little girl we were all so concerned about from a thread started years ago.  The thread was a true anchor for Donna, the mother.
       As far as starting threads in the Freeform discusssion about what color we like, that's just silly.  There needs to be a specific place to have those game type threads.  Years ago, the forums were very much used like a chat room.  They are not like that any longer. The threads that get to me are those started by one person asking the same type of question in different ways, or purposely making a vague title.

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       Writer Foxposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       Try the Topical Forums:
       http://hubpages.com/forum/topical

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