who should pay : boyfriend or girlfriend?

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  1. profile image54
    sharewareposted 15 years ago

    usually, we face this dilemma. In the repationship, boyfriend doesn't work , so his girlfriend shoud pay all the time they go out and eat somewhere. Or, boyfriend earns enough money , so his girlfriend completely doesn't care how much he spends and saves each month, and she doesn't even feel bad about it and make him pay everytime.

    So, what do you think my friends, who should pay when couples go out and wanna spend some time together?

    1. Trsmd profile image58
      Trsmdposted 14 years agoin reply to this


      Who feel they have enjoyed more.. Boy or Girl.. they have to pay..

    2. profile image0
      sandra rinckposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Who knows,  I can say for myself, that if a guy asks "me" out, then I assume that he is paying.  If I ask a guy out, then I am saying, I will pay. 

      Either way, if I do go out I make sure I have enough money to cover the tab.  smile  And if I want to go out even if he had asked me, and I really can't afford it, I make sure he knows it first and just to be respectful, I always ask what is appropriate before I just order assuming he will have enough.  wink

    3. britneydavidson profile image60
      britneydavidsonposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      well i will say it depends on people and their mentality, if someone really care about you and finds that you are concern about your money then wont ask you to spend more money she or he will compromise.and thats real love...i dont think so money matter should come in between..

    4. Soul_Luv profile image60
      Soul_Luvposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      men should pay if they are not serious but if its a long term serious relationship, it doesnt matter..thats just my opinion

    5. Tyger profile image58
      Tygerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      If your involved with someone for some time then it shouldn't matter who pays. In fact, some men like it when their woman treats them to dinner and a movie or whatever event your attending. After all, most women want equal share, so I thinks it's cool to treat the man in your life. My best friend/roommate/boyfriend as most people view us as a couple even married at times, we both go back and forth on who pays. Usually it's whoever has the cash at the time. Same goes for bills and groceries too, as we each take turns paying for things.

  2. Nickny79 profile image67
    Nickny79posted 15 years ago

    The guy should tend to pay, but he should subtly make the girl pay for a token amount of her way--especially early on.  Under no circumstances should a guy come of as trying to buy her interest.

  3. AEvans profile image75
    AEvansposted 15 years ago

    I believe when a person is dating, that on occassion a couple should go Dutch however if you can't afford to take her out to dinner, she should understand. What you could do is stay in and plan a romantic dinner for two, some candles, soft music and a cozy movie if you choose if she is a woman and isn't about your pocket she will love this more then going out to dinner and a few drinks. Chivalry is the key to a woman's heart. smile

    1. profile image54
      sharewareposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      U made a good point, but u know nowadays, girls tend to prefer to go out rather than visiting the guy's home. And , what do you think , if they will end dating, and level up to serious relationship, who should pay? the one who works more(or a girl, which is undeniable fact)?

      1. Eldritch Elegy profile image61
        Eldritch Elegyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        Whoa whoa whoa. Maybe somebody else already pointed this out, but here is where I stopped reading and started feeling the smoke come out my ears.

        I don't know if you're saying it's an "undeniable fact" that men make more money, but if you are, then you're very much mistaken.

        Holy moly.

        My head hurts.

    2. profile image0
      sneakorocksolidposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I tried that in-dating but my future wife said that she didn't like octopus with her Beanie-Weenies. What the hell did that mean?

  4. Princessa profile image81
    Princessaposted 15 years ago

    I think the one inviting should pay.  Nothing more off putting than your date or boyfriend asking you to share the bill, I find that of incredibly bad taste!

    1. profile image54
      sharewareposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      what if a couple accidentaly met each other at the street or university , or any other place , and they decided to go out?

      moreover, if their relationship will grow and grow and grow and they became more than just bf and gf, who's duty is to pay ?

      1. Princessa profile image81
        Princessaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

        As I said, I find of incredibly bad taste sharing a bill in a restaurant.  It completely ruins the mood.

        I do not mind paying the whole bill, I find that better than taking out the calculator on a dinner table.

        For a couple I think it is better to take turns to pay the bill.  That way if you earn less than your partner you can take him/her to less expensive places.

  5. Nickny79 profile image67
    Nickny79posted 15 years ago

    Nothing is more off-putting than women who assumes that a guy will always pay.  A woman should make a polite showing of her willingness to contribute on occasion.

  6. ASHWINSPGA profile image57
    ASHWINSPGAposted 15 years ago

    From what i know most of the women don't mind paying for dinner but the only thing stopping them from taking out their purse or even suggesting the idea is their fear of bruising their male companion's ego. Lets accept it, this culture and tradition of guys paying for the fairer sex has been around for ages and many are still unsure on how to change this without hurting their man's feeling. Most men even find it insulting to their manhood if the woman even offer to pay her half of the dinner, so in this case, I really pity the girls and blame this confusion on our male pride and ego.

    1. tonks21 profile image60
      tonks21posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I understand that problem. When I was dating I would offer to pay - but I was scared that the guys would be offended by this. At the same time I didn't want him to think that I was ungrateful and wouldn't help out. It can be very confusing some times!

      The longer you have been dating though the easier it is for someone to say "hey let's split the bill tonight". You should be comfortable enough to do that.

  7. mhei profile image61
    mheiposted 15 years ago

    if we are to compare it with the traditional dating styles, men should really pay for the dinner, but it will be better if you'll take turns in paying the bill, rather than splitting the bill into two.  In that case, you will not take each other for granted just because you know that your partner will pay the restaurant bill anyway . smile

  8. mdvaldosta profile image61
    mdvaldostaposted 14 years ago

    I just throw money around, I think that impresses the ladies!

    Kidding... I think, for tradition's sake, the woman should let the man should pay if she wants to clean the house and do the dishes later on in the relationship.

    1. tonks21 profile image60
      tonks21posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      hhmm....in order to avoid that tradition i will gladly pay! lol! smile

  9. Misha profile image65
    Mishaposted 14 years ago

    For a whole bunch of reasons man should pay. smile

    Americans (and heavily American influenced cultures)  have it backwards IMO, but I think unfolding crisis will put the things in a right perspective eventually...

    1. Anamika S profile image69
      Anamika Sposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      What are this whole bunch of reasons? I am curious to know...

      1. Misha profile image65
        Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        Well, I think it is all rooted in how a human family naturally is - man is the getter, woman is the keeper. smile

        This is how human specie is wired biologically and socially for thousands or even millions of years, and it should have had a great survival value if it stood the test of time.

        When a boy takes a girl out and pays for her, he demonstrates that he is able to create a family and support it, both financially and psychologically. No more, no less smile

        Feminism for the last century or so tried to revert those values, insisting that women are the same as men. They are not, and trying to pretend they are is responsible for quite a lot of problems in our society.

        This is not to say that women are worse than men, this is to say they are different. Feminism had its positive role in rising respect to women, and I think the next logical step would be to come back to traditional family values on the higher level, with the full understanding and appreciation of the job women do at home...

        1. Anamika S profile image69
          Anamika Sposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Nice explanation..

    2. Princessa profile image81
      Princessaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You are my hero Misha roll  when are we going out for dinner?

      1. Misha profile image65
        Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        Wendy, any time time I come to France or you come to DC or whatever place I live at the time smile

  10. Anamika S profile image69
    Anamika Sposted 14 years ago

    I don't think it really matters who pays. But I think the person who has invited has to pay.

  11. Milla Mahno profile image59
    Milla Mahnoposted 14 years ago

    When we happen to go out with Misha, he pays yikes

  12. RavynSteel profile image69
    RavynSteelposted 14 years ago

    Having gone out for 2 years with someone who was unemployed, I can safely say it's not nice to be expected to pay all the time, no matter what gender you are. While I agree fully with the idea of chivalry (the man paying), in this day and age it's not always realistic. Taking turns, or even going Dutch, is a far more sensible and fair option.

  13. profile image0
    Leta Sposted 14 years ago

    It's different in a long term relationship--and also depends on the guy, I've found.  Some see their agenda in life as being a high income earner, so given that, I'm more likely to allow him to pay.

    But!  A woman shouldn't fool herself (or take advantage of a situation)--men almost aways appreciate a woman who contributes financially to expenses.  And dating casually, its just polite to at least offer to pay.

  14. VioletSun profile image77
    VioletSunposted 14 years ago

    It all depends. With my partner we take turns paying the bill as we live together, but if I were on a first date with a man, I would prefer for him to pay.

  15. ejb profile image61
    ejbposted 14 years ago

    I suppose it is something which works both ways. If, for instance your funds are low your partner pays, and vice versa. Or take turns, or even split the bill. I prefer the latter option, because i can't help but feel bad if someone else pays for everything!

  16. RelSol1 profile image60
    RelSol1posted 14 years ago

    Each relationship is different.  Generally speaking, the male should pay.  However, many times women feel like a significant contributor if they can treat their man.  It also gives men a feeling of appreciation when their lady wants to treat them.

    Their should be a fair balance in the relationship.  If one person isn't the one who pays, he/she should find others ways to contribute and make their partner feel special.

  17. LondonGirl profile image80
    LondonGirlposted 14 years ago

    generally speaking, I think it should be 50/50.

  18. Whitney05 profile image84
    Whitney05posted 14 years ago

    Depends on the relationship... In early relationships, the guy should offer to pay most of the time, but the girl should try to pay every now and then, too. For example, I recently hung out with a guy- he paid for food one night, and the next night I offered. We both have jobs and could afford it, as we only needed a few items to make dinner the next night, bu it's courtious to try to pay, as the female. To me, it shows that the female doesn't expect to be taken care of, but likes to be treated.

  19. Lgali profile image58
    Lgaliposted 14 years ago

    50 50 is my vote

  20. Benjimester profile image92
    Benjimesterposted 14 years ago

    Call me old-fashioned, but there's no way I'll ask a girl to pay for the date, even if she invited.  I always pay.

    1. profile image0
      sandra rinckposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      you probably don't go out much huh? lol, sorry bad joke. smile

    2. ngureco profile image81
      ngurecoposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It all depend on the society you come from. The moment you let your girl friend pay for the date, you are finished as a man - paying for a date is the role of the man. Ladies have other roles that only belong to them.

  21. Magic Making Up profile image58
    Magic Making Upposted 14 years ago

    Ideally, 50/50.  But there are also some factors they have to consider like what you said, who makes the more money.  If they are comfortable with each other too and has been going out for quite some time now, the finances doesn't matter anymore.

    Just my 2 cents.

  22. emme33 profile image59
    emme33posted 14 years ago

    I think it should be an even split. In today's world, man or woman, it makes no difference. Men have been given that obligation, but it doesn't mean that it still fits today. Yes it is nice to be treated, but should we really expect it? Why cant it be give AND take?

  23. profile image52
    degeniusposted 14 years ago

    To me i think it depend on type of relationship, how long have you been together.
    to me some time  my  lady used to pay our bill.

  24. mohamedhmm profile image59
    mohamedhmmposted 14 years ago

    Man always pay...or there is something wrong in him; Man must act like a man; But, Woman could pay if she had his wallet, and mostly married men do; So, in this situation woman act like our Government; at all, i hope there is no recession in the relationship......

    1. WHoArtNow profile image81
      WHoArtNowposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      We live in the 21st Century, if the woman wants to pay, she can do.

  25. Dame Scribe profile image57
    Dame Scribeposted 14 years ago

    Guys who ask me to go out usually pay .. I will ask if they want to share the bill but they decline .. my boys love seeing a smile on their g/f's face when they suggest going here .. there..wherever ...they see paying for a date as giving ... at the same time...if a girl asks them to take them out...they refuse, lol

  26. profile image0
    Rainbow Briteposted 14 years ago

    I agree that whoever does the inviting should pay, but the other should offer to at least contribute to the tab (if the guy I go out with won't let me pay, I just say, "Ok, I will tip the waitress"....then I slip her a ten...guaranteed best service in the house the next time we go there!)

    Misha - I'm a sucker for oldfashioned beliefs!!!  You have my undivided, my friend!

    1. Misha profile image65
      Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      LOL Thank you, but this package comes with no tips for bad service, so think twice wink

  27. Dame Scribe profile image57
    Dame Scribeposted 14 years ago

    There is so totally nothing wrong with being old fashioned wink thats awesome Misha! I

  28. SweetiePie profile image83
    SweetiePieposted 14 years ago

    Not that I date anymore, but if I go on another date I will probably suggest we have separate checks.  The last few times I did go out with people I just insisted on paying for myself because I felt more comfortable.  It is gallant to have a man offer to pay early in the relationship, but I dated a few guys who made me feel guilty about this gesture later on.  Personally I would rather just pay for myself and that way there are no false expectations.

  29. thranax profile image72
    thranaxposted 14 years ago

    I personally think that both should pay equally. If you been going out for awhile (not the 1st few dates) but after about 3-5 months and you really think about having a serous relationship and that it will work out for you two, then you should take turns paying for the other. You shouldn't  feel obligated to pay, you should want to pay, and she should want to too if your serious together. Like say your going out for dinner and a movie, saying you go on a normal date and not to like a 5 star restraint, Pizza Places or a Sub shop is probably going to be roughly $20. The movie each ticket would be about $20 too (+snacks).

    So both can pay about half of everything. It makes the relationship work out better in most cases to due to the fact you both trust each other to pay, and you both care about each other enough to pay!


  30. RickyDLV profile image61
    RickyDLVposted 14 years ago

    Both will pay one way or another. The inviter should plan to pay. Who ever the bread winner is should always offer. It is all an investment on the relationship. An invester will only pay into something for so long with out a promising ROI. The best way to start any relationship is openly and honestly.

  31. profile image0
    pgrundyposted 14 years ago

    I know I will get blasted for this but at first, the guy should pay. Why? Because.

    No, seriously, it's a psychology thing. The way guys think, you don't want to be out with a guy who won't pay. If he won't take you for a cup of coffee and pick up the goddam tab for Chrissakes, ditch that guy. It's that simple.

    I went out with a guy once when I was in my 30s--He was a professor and made about $70k a year. I made about $15k at the time working two jobs. So every time we went out to eat he would whip out a calculator and figure the percentage of the bill based on our respective incomes. What a romantic. yikes

    I'm smarter than that now. But it took awhile.

  32. profile image0
    pgrundyposted 14 years ago

    After you've made a commitment I think whoever has the money should pay. But at first, no.

  33. Misha profile image65
    Mishaposted 14 years ago

    You see Pam, we can agree at least on some things wink

  34. profile image0
    pgrundyposted 14 years ago

    LOL! Yes we can. big_smile

  35. skydiver profile image60
    skydiverposted 14 years ago

    It really depends. I have a baby now and I am the breadwinner, so of course I pay!

    I've had girlfriends in the past who have refused to let me pay there share for a meal out, but I suppose it depends on the situation. I paid out on the same girls in other ways, trips out, weekends away etc.

    Basically, I think dominating a relationship as a male is very old fashioned so maintaining an equal balance is the way forward. I'm sure there are girls out there who disagree, the 'high maintenance' breed!

  36. TravelMonkey profile image61
    TravelMonkeyposted 14 years ago

    I also pay for our activities a lot and it would be a pleasant treat if she offered to pay when the bill came. As this would never happen, I'll shut my mouth and keep forking out

  37. Colebabie profile image60
    Colebabieposted 14 years ago

    My boyfriend and I switch off for everything. If I pay for dinner, he'll pay for the movie. If I pay for lunch on Saturday, he'll pay for breakfast on Sunday. It usually ends up being pretty even. If we buy a gift as a couple, then we'll split it. When we first started dating he insisted he pay every time. Now we've been together for almost four years. I think our system works out pretty well smile

    1. Stacie L profile image85
      Stacie Lposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      well that sounds very fair;especially if you've been together a while.
      In general,I think in the beginning,whoever invites the other ,should pay
      sometimes it works out fine,sometimes not. roll

    2. dutchman1951 profile image60
      dutchman1951posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Now this is a description of a very strong relationship. Free in mind, open to each other; and I bet you guys dont even think about the switching off either, it just happens.

      After 58 years of living experience I stand and applaud you both. You have a natural relationship. Intamet togeather, confident appart.

      Keep it going. Its beautiful, realistic and going to last this way. Well done

      its refreshing to see a post like this.
      Jon in nashville

    3. profile image51
      gabi1377posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Maybe this is why after 4 years you're still only boyfriend and girlfriend, and not married.

  38. accofranco profile image80
    accofrancoposted 14 years ago

    There is a saying that goes this way in my community: "whoever that have the upper hand should cater for his or her father's burial expenses,by the way its not the first son that killed him" i hope u guys got the message? Whoever have the money at the moment should pay and lets slash out all those ancient traditions of men catering for ladies all the time,think dynamic!

  39. profile image50
    getyourgirlfbackposted 14 years ago

    Boyfriend should pay for girlfriend.  That is a man's job.  She should reciprocate on special occasions - but he gets stuck with it most of the time.

  40. Dark knight rides profile image60
    Dark knight ridesposted 14 years ago

    I always insist that if I invite you out, I pay. That doesn't mean that if you ask, I'll let you pay, and in fact my girlfriend and I have argued (nicely) about that. But I've known many woman (and my girlfriend is one) who think that the woman should pay, or at least split the costs. The idea seems to be that they "don't want to owe" someone. And I've known a few guys who have the mentality that if they buy dinner they should be "repaid" at the end of the night. I think that's crap, personally.

    If I ask a girl to dinner, it's because I want to spend dinner with her. In return, I expect her to hold up her end of the conversation, and that's about all.

    It maybe different when the relationship has moved past a certain point. After awhile, sharing the costs of dating is natural. I think it shows that you're moving into a situation where you are able to share more of your life with each other, and that includes things financial.

  41. Flightkeeper profile image68
    Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

    I'm with ColeB on this.  When the relationwship is new, it's really the guy who pays but when you're already a couple you don't really keep track you just pick one up.

  42. ediggity profile image61
    ediggityposted 14 years ago

    The man always pays.  Dating, married, or whatever, unless it's a gift meal for the man (birthday, promotion etc..)

    1. Flightkeeper profile image68
      Flightkeeperposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Wait, what's that sound? That sound you hear, ediggity, is a group of hungry women stampeding to your door wanting to be taken out to dinner lol

      1. ediggity profile image61
        ediggityposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        Sorry ladies, but unfortunately you're going to stay hungry relying on my dime.  I only take one lady out to dinner.

  43. beth811 profile image80
    beth811posted 14 years ago

    The one who is inviting is the one who gonna pay. Don't invite if you don't have extra cash.


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