How long have you been single and how do you feel about it?

1. 79

   schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years ago

   I've been single for 8 months
   some days it's great
   some days it sucks
   
   I feel myself still making the same stupid mistakes in dating.
   
   This is the longest I've been single EVER since I started dating .
   
   I've been reading some hubs here on this subject which are very helpful.
   Any in particular you recommend?
   
   I understand being single is a blessing in ways that it keeps one doing things they want to independently, getting to know new things, realize who they are better, etc etc
   
   Good and Bad. Stuggle for everyone single or in a relationship, as we have to work on things in both.  Bliss? Where to find it? ONly if you work on yourself or your relationship...or finally after working on yourself, find that good relationship ..that will hopefully last??

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      billabongbobposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Having never been without a partner, I always slightly regretted never giving it a go alone.  I was married the first time for 7 years and went straight from that relationship into another one.  I married that guy and it lasted nearly 2 decades, ending last December.
      
      I was terrified of being without my significant other at first, but looked forward, even if it was with anticipation, at being single and 'doing it for myself'.
      
      I must admit, I'm loving it.  There are times when I get a little frustrated with life, as it really takes two people to run a house and big family in it's entirety.  It's a massive amount of work and responsibility for just 1 person.
      
      I've always regretted never living on my own before I got married and had a family, now I have that chance and am making the most of it. I'm not just bitter because I have come out of a long term relationship and I don't hate men.  I simply don't want a full time partner in my life.
      
      I don't have the time to commit to having another person in my life.  That kind of relationship takes up a lot of time and is substantial work to maintain the relationship.  i have more important things going on right now and want to concentrate on them.  Maybe I'll feel different in years to come, but my priorities are very different now and I'm very happy with this.
      
      I'm never, ever lonely as I'm surrounded my family and my close friends.  Now that my ex-husband is out of my life I have so much more time to commit to those that I love and are important to me.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

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   2. 0

      janikonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I have been single for a couple of years and its been good - the end of my last relationship was horror show and should never be repeated.

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         dabneylewisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I've never been in a relation (lil weird :p but true )... I never found any perfect match for me till now but Yeah I've some good friends with me

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      days leaperposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      since October 1997.
      Would I have it any other way?  Probably!

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   4. 57

      LhouvieBlueposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I've never feel I'm single..Why? Because they are many who makes me feel double..
      
      But in serious answer I'm out of the relationship a year ago. Well I feel great and most of all I'm happy..

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2. 60

   Hollie Thomasposted 12 years ago

   Since 2003, and now I wouldn't have it any other way!

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3. 71

   relacheposted 12 years ago

   Ten years ago this fall was when my last long-term relationship ended.  I've never been a big dater, my dislike of alcohol seems to rule out most of it and my non-mainstream life interests make it less likely to find someone who has interests that are along the same lines as my own.
   
   In the time since my last relationship, I got the hang of making a living working for myself, learned to cook, strengthened my connections to my spiritual community, got rid of my television and over the last year I've lost 35 lbs.  So while I used to be someone who went to a job they hated every day, griped about it at night, watched too much tv, ate out all the time and didn't do much else... now I'm not. 
   
   I garden (reasonably well), eat organically, am connected to my neighborhood, read widely, travel regularly and am about to be in the best physical shape I've ever been in my adult life.  My newest interests include researching earthbag construction, getting my sewing chops back up to speed, and seeing if I can save up for a trip some friends want to make to France next July.
   
   If I should find a guy who wants to share all that, I'd be into that.  If not, I don't see why I should change my methodology.

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4. 63

   Greek Oneposted 12 years ago

   I have been happily married for almost 3 years, and as such, I have been unable to date for just about all of that time period

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      R.S. Hutchinsonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      LOL

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5. 60

   lockgirlposted 12 years ago

   I was single for almost ten years and I felt isolated and depressed all of the time. Not that I needed someone to feel whole I just didn't feel I belonged anywhere. I started a new job, lost over 80 pounds, and felt a lot better about myself. I dated a few times but work engulfed me. I remarried my first husband and we have been married for eleven years only spending eight years of that time together.

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      schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      that's romantic remarrying your first husband. Sorry you were lonely for so long

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6. 76

   LuisEGonzalezposted 12 years ago

   Well let me add my two cents. I was married for over 14 years then suddenly became single. I have now been divorced for the last three years. I had a girlfriend for about one year then became single again, so I have been single for about 5 months now...but better times will come...

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7. 60

   Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years ago

   I havent dated anyone seriously for over five years. And I know for some reason the next time will probably be for keeps. I'm just too picky for that not to happen. Plus, it is time for me to break out of my shell. I've been told by too many people that I appear very cold and distant especially when observed from up close.

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8. 60

   mickaa2001posted 12 years ago

   ive been single over 8 years and for the most part i hate it. but im trying to change it

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      billabongbobposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      What is it you hate about being single? And like about being in a relationship
      ?

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9. 58

   SoleiMarieposted 12 years ago

   I have been single for a month now because I haven't moved on from my past relationship. Vague enough but I don't know what I feel. It is a mixed emotion because at least I am happy that I am free from being head over heels stupidly tailing a boyfriend who wished to see somebody else but sad because why can't he love me when I have given almost everything.
   
   But I am hoping that someday I will find the true person I will love and someone who will love me even more.

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10. 67

    Kaiserfailedposted 12 years ago

    I'm 21, gay.
    3 years for me.
    Arent I suppose to be humping and dating everything at this age? apparently not...

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    1. 79

       schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       lol
       I'm in my peak at 35

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          Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          So get out there schoolgirl! I bet alot of men are chomping at the bit!
          

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          1. 79

             schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

             chomping at the bit? lol what does that mean.
             
             Get out there? Nah...not a good idea right now...

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                Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                Chomping at the bit means eager. I'm just saying that there are probably men who are eager to get to know you. You do seem like one of those people, like myself, who are their own worst critic. I'm not saying you should do anything specific, just go with the flow for now. You seem like ur in one of those states of mind where being emotionally available isnt really the natural course right now. If you have baggage from a previous relationship, its best to deal with it now but no need to stop yourself from having fun. There's nothing wrong with going out and having a good time and even getting together with someone and letting it run its natural course. And there is definitely nothing wrong with making it clear that you are not available for a serious relationship right now (if indeed that is an issue). Most men appreciate honesty even if its not what they want to hear. Go out and make some new friends, or pick up some younger men, or even just indulge yourself in whatever you didnt feel free to do when you were attached. Bet you'll wish you had once you're not single again.

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                1. 79

                   schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                   I think I'll stay single for awhile....

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11. 60

    princess gposted 12 years ago

    A couple months. I don't know if I like it or not. it's just weird, never been single.

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       Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       By never do you mean never ever?

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          princess gposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          well, not never. but i've had boyfriends sinse before kindergarten:)

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             Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

             Interesting. I have alot of female friends who call themselves serial monogamists. Then there's me: taking about four and a half years off of dating mainly for my own sanity.
             

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                princess gposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                I don't know if I could handle four years, but I DO need and am enjoying my "break"

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                   Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                   Yeah its nice to have a break. The length of time may have been a bit of an overkill for me but I needed to stop attracting shallow, self-absorbed women and didnt know any other way than to do just shut out women altogether. Trying to open up again but its difficult being honest and well-intentioned when I all too often get the exact opposite in return.

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                   1. 79

                      schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                      good point!

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12. 60

    Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years ago

    Thought you might find some value in that schoolgirl. I'm sorry to see you're taking being alone so hard. Maybe you should try being selfish for a change just to see what you're missing.

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    1. 79

       schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       What do you mean selfish? you mean be single to see what I"m missing? I think that's a good idea. Or do you mean dating to see what I'm missing?  I'm guessing it's the first one.

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13. 60

    Google Galposted 12 years ago

    I'm single and wouldn't have it any other way

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    1. 60

       Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I know the feeling. Except I would have just one other way if I could.

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    2. 65

       billabongbobposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I find myself single after 25 years and there is no way I want to change that.  I've always slightly regretted not living on my own before I got married, now I'm making the most of it.
       I do still have 1 daughter at home, but she is 18, in full-time education and is holding down 2 jobs, so I hardly see her.
       The thought of having a 'partner' and everything that comes with it is a worse nightmare. Not because my marriage ended, but because I want to explore who 'I' am for a while, see what my capabilities and strengths really are. 
       Maybe I'll feel different in the future lol.

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14. 70

    Cagsilposted 12 years ago

    I've been single for way too long, but long enough to know that it no longer matters, due to other factors. Don't ask what other factors, because it's not open for discussion due to the personal nature of those factors.

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    1. 79

       schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Lol I can only imagine...
       
       I am starting to like it

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          Cagsilposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          I've come to enjoy it.

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15. 72

    R.S. Hutchinsonposted 12 years ago

    All you single ladies need to message me.
    
    Just say'n

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    1. 79

       schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Lol

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16. 79

    schoolgirlforrealposted 12 years ago

    This may surprise you but I like it.
    
    I feel free.
    
    

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17. 75

    Escobanaposted 12 years ago

    I've been single for four years after quite a few relationships. All of them failed, mainly because my fear of being alone was so big, I hooked up with any guy.
    
    No good base to start any kind of relationship. I started to face my biggest fear, by travelling on my own. I learned to love it so much, that I finally emigrated to the South of Europe.
    
    I remember telling people, single life was great! I was planning to stay single for another 10 years. Then I met my current boyfriend. We fell in love a year ago while I wasn't looking for anyone in particular.
    
    It's clear to me, being single for a while can give you the opportunity, to build a serious relationship with yourself. Finding someone is out of your hands, and will come to anyone, mostly when you're not looking for it.

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