I have accomplished the un-accomplish-able! Now what?

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   AshtonFireflyposted 12 years ago

   I'm moving to Orlando, FL, permanently in two months and finally getting re-united with my significant other and we are going to live happily ever after in sunny Florida. Yay! Sharing the excitement!
   
   If anybody has any advice for a first-time apartment-owner, first-time long term Florida resident, inexperienced traveler, and soon-to-be-married 23 year old girl who probably has no idea what she has gotten herself into, I would much appreciate it!

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      wordscribe43posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Wow, first of all let me say that's a LOT of change all at once!  That's a lot for a person to handle... expect some stress.
      
      Second, let me say marriage is a lot of work.  The whole "happily ever after" thing takes effort, patience, compromise, reality checks, communication and forgiveness.
      
      Marriage entails things you may never have thought of... here are a few examples:
      
      Cleaning skid marks out of toilets (not your own)
      The feeling of being madly in love being replaced by a more genuine love.
      Laundry for two
      Dishes for two
      Cleaning for two
      Little stubbles in the bathroom sink
      Trips to the store for 7-Up or medicine when he's vomiting or has a bad virus
      Catching the virus yourself while caretaking
      Being woken up by snoring
      Misunderstandings
      Talking when you don't FEEL like talking
      Humbling yourself
      Compromising when it would be easier NOT to
      Saying I'm sorry
      Having in-laws and extended family obligations
      Learning things you don't yet know about yourself
      Keeping your mouth shut at times
      Pooling finances
      
      Marriage is rewarding, providing you're ready.  I just think there are far too many people who don't think about some of the things I've listed above.  It's not all peachy, smooth and exciting.  Reality comes knocking at the door.  So, I guess what I'm saying is:  don't rush into it.  Take your time.  Take care of him when he's sick a few times.  Clean some stubble out of the sink.  Wash his boxers.

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         Aficionadaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         +1 !!
         
         Absolutely.  So true.  Make that +100 or more.

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         AshtonFireflyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Very good advice. +1

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      lobobrandonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Congrats Sorry I have no advice

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   janesixposted 12 years ago

   No advice, just enjoy yourelf and have fun:)

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      AshtonFireflyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      

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   mega1posted 12 years ago

   wow! congrats!  just remember that what wordscribe says is all true - but marriage is reciprocal - so expect that there will be times when he cleans up after you, helps you recover from some nasty flu bug, brings you flowers and ignores your morning breath - and refrains from remarking when you have a bad hair day.  If it feels one-sided and you can't communicate, then get some help right away - don't expect him to read your mind about what you need and want. The partnership part of marriage is where you actually live better, stay well, financially prosper, live longer, and give each other courage and hope with the love.  Take advantage of the many ways our society favors marriage - not just with tax breaks, but in the work environment, and opinions of neighbors and many other ways - married people get some perks!  And enjoy and explore the Florida climate to the max!  Good luck!

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      AshtonFireflyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks mega1. I definitely need as much relationship advice as I can get. You and everyone here are making very excellent points.
      He and I get along really well. For right now, the relationship is pretty much 50/50 and we're working on communicating better. It's definitely not perfect but I feel very lucky to have him as my guy   The part we're both working on now is getting past the "emotional" stage and learning how to love when it hurts...how to just be real with each other and make sacrifices. That's where love starts getting hard and emotions don't always support. lol.

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         Pcunixposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Communication really is the key.  I've only been married for 44 and a half years, so we are still not sure that it will last, but so far we have found that honest communication keeps us going through thick and thin.
         
         Well that and that I can't look at her without smiling and I'm not quite as big a jackass as you might think from just reading my posts and stuf.
         
         Patience, love, talk everything out.  Compromise.  Talk. Listen. Laugh, and be willing to laugh at yourself too. 
         
         Best of luck - though with marriage, you really need to make your own luck.  Fortunately, you can.

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      wordscribe43posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      So true... I almost mentioned morning breath, too.  But, thought I'd already grossed out enough people.
      
      My poor husband is taking care of me now... and our three children, the house, the shopping, driving to sports and play dates, and the whole nine yards.  I've blown out my knee and can't walk, so we're just waiting to see the surgeon.  He's gracefully stepped up to the plate, I've told him how much I appreciate and notice all he's doing.  Heck, he brought me DINNER in bed tonight!  What a trooper...  He just said to me:  "Well, you'd do it all for me, too!"  So, you're right, it is reciprocal.  It needs to be reciprocal, if it's not, something is wrong.

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   The Blagsmithposted 12 years ago

   I know communication is important besides the obvious feelings you have for each other. However, there is another thing you have to take into consideration and that is space. We all need space. I am fortunate with my wife in that we can get our space in the company of each other but that is not true for everyone. If it is not true for both of you. Arrange time for when you can both get it.

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      AshtonFireflyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Very good insight. I hadn't really thought of that....thanks

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         Pcunixposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Well.. 
         
         I'm not going to deny that some people say they need "space", and maybe some do, but I see too many that carry it too far.
         
         I was talking to someone at our gym a few months ago who was complaining that he "couldn't get away" from his wife.  Apparently they used to have a bigger house and he'd go off to be by himself most of the time.  He said he hated going to the gym but he had to "get away".   I can't understand that, honestly.
         
         I *like* being with my wife.  I like going shopping with her, I like driving with her, I like sitting with her while we both read. Yes, there are times when we are apart, but it's never because either of us "needs space".  It's because we have to be apart for some other reason.
         
         Why did we get married?  Wasn't it to be together, to share our lives?  Where was "give me space" in our marriage vows?
         
         When I hear someone say "I need space", I'm not so sure I'm not really hearing something else entirely.

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   anjegirlposted 12 years ago

   Hi pretty girl,
   
   I am a relationship and rape crisis counselor and I didn't see anything in your post about getting married??? Are you getting married right away? I advice all couples to live together for 5 years before getting married. I know this won't make me popular with all these well wishers, but the truth is that if a woman marries in her twenties she has an 85% chance of getting a divorce in her 30's and one of the biggest reasons for this is that women mature for their whole lives and change greatly every single decade----could you see yourself marrying the first guy you ever had a crush on----or the guy who was your boyfriend?? Most girls would answer that with a no and further explain that those guys were soooo immature. Well,the experts say while women are ever changing that most men stop maturing at about age 12. I always say if your man is still wearing the same haircut he had in 7th grade that "you" won't change him!!! Having said all that----you will always have Disneyworld on the sad days. Make every day an adventure and for that list above----baby wipes by his toilet are miracle workers

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      AshtonFireflyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi, anjegirl, thanks for commenting he and I aren't getting married right away. We're going to spend a while living together to see if we can make it all right...for two years at least. I'm definitely not ready for marriage at the moment; I want more time for him and I to get to know each other more deeply and to become accustomed to what sharing a life with someone really entails. I've never been married and have a lot of learning to do

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   leahleflerposted 12 years ago

   I've only been married for 10 years, so I don't have any earth-shattering advice. Communication is vital, of course, and trying to understand where the other person is coming from during disagreements.
   
   This will be an exciting time in your life - I wish you luck and happiness!
   
   Also, Orlando sounds WONDERFUL right now (windchill is about 6F outside - brrrr)!

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   anjegirlposted 12 years ago

   You know most people don't marry their "soulmates" and for them space is a must. My parents were soulmates and died within 3 years of each other and went to Heaven holding hands and completely in love so I know what that "soulmate" thing looks like----I also had a man in my life for about ten years and we were soulmates and he died during the year that we were planning to marry---but most people are always having to try so hard to "make it work" and because they didn't have the same kind of connection my parents had and that I had for ten years, they have to work at their relationship ten times harder---but with regard to "space" I tell all couples that girls need to have girl friends and guys need to have guy friends and that if you make plans to do things individually with your friends, then things are very fresh when you come back together----I always had one big dating rule---that I wouldn't date any guy who did not have friends---those guys tend to be very clingy and girls who do not have friends and can be clingy as well---and when only one person is clingy and the other has friends then that is a recipe for disaster---there will be lots of young girls in Orlando, so make some girl friends when you get there and carve out a place for you in Orlando so that you don't "lose" yourself in him and have fun

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