they are crying

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   rednckwmnposted 14 years ago

   little girls, i love like my own, they dont know i can hear them, sobbing, thier bitch of a mother i thought was my friend, just ran off, wtf am i supposed to do?  right now, i can hear them sobbing........

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      TamCorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Oh, no...maybe all you can do it just go to them, be there for them right now...hug them...
      
      I'm so sorry...

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         rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         its not enough they want thier mommy.....

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      Margie01posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      be there for them and comfort them; they need love and if you are there you need to be the one.  Don't bad mouth their mother (in front of them) just give them the love and support.

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         rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         omg...no way i would NEVER bad mouth nommy..,.right now is i nee to vent..
         so im doing ok?

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   tantrumposted 14 years ago

   What R U talking about ?

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      mandybeau1posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Glad I wasn't the only one confused!

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         Eaglekiwiposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Me too !!
         
         Whats goin on RNW, you must be real busy in your household right!

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   love my yorkiesposted 14 years ago

   I would say go to them and just hold them.  Wow, can't imagine someone doing that to their kids?  So sad.

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   earnestshubposted 14 years ago

   This is so painful to know. I think all your friends here wish you lots of self love to enable you to endure their suffering.
   
   I hope you have an opportunity to help in some way, as I know you will if you can.
   All my best wishes to you.

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   rednckwmnposted 14 years ago

   you dont know.....i want to just hold them....they are trying to be brave and i dont want to embaress them....oh my god...thier older brother has asburgers and hes figured it out but i think maybe i helped....sorry tantrum, on my wii....i had a friend she ran off suddenly, kids ilove like my own are wiyh me n i dont know .....what can i do? i tried to hug them....they want thier mom..wtf? ...how can a woman be so .... but i miss her too

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   Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

   You said it right in your post, rednckwmn: Love them like your own. Even if you can't explain the "why" of what their mom has done, you can model appropriate adult female behavior.
   Pass along all the big hugs you will be collecting from around the hubglobe.
   Hugs!
   MM

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      rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      thank you
      trying to keep it in check, ya know?

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   Mishaposted 14 years ago

   Poor kids... And poor you... Try to find soothing words for them, but without outright lying though...

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      rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      thats the thing, i THOUGHT i did, 'n i hear crying and im so mad and hurt myself and weeks of dealing, its so bad....sounds like they are asleep now.... i never lied, just dont wanna say too much
      thanx everybody
      it just hurts so bad to see such little girls to be blown out of the water by someone i thought i knew......

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      rmcrayneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Well said Misha. 
      
      I am so sorry rednckwmn.  Maybe validate their feelings?  “Are you angry?  I am too.  But I still love her.”  “Are you scared?  I am too.  It’s not your fault.”  Try to figure out what they need right now?  Talking about it, not talking about it, your physical proximity and moral support.

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   tantrumposted 14 years ago

   how old is their older brother?. Is he fit to take care of them ? If so ,you don't have to worry. just go there and offer your help.

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      rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      no way....hes 15...will never emotionaly be above 9...

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         tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

           Then you should go and see what's happening in there. do not report as social services take away abandoned children,and that would be worse. I'm sure this woman will appear eventualy. Has she done this before ?

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            rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            no, this is new...she has problems....i understand her....but kids come first, right? in my state, no way no how...will i call dhs...i would soooooo raise them if it came down to it....i just want them to know they are loved, without embaressing them

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               tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               I'm sure she will appear tomorrow or in a couple of days.In the meantime go there and take care of the girls. They'll be O.K.

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                  rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  
                  shes not coming back
                  they are upstairs
                  i can do it
                  just dont want to mess up.....you didnt see her husband screaming and her son try not to cry..

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                     tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     Yeah, but If she loves them, she's coming back.

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   emievilposted 14 years ago

   That's tough DM, on them and on you. What about their dad? Or any known living relative who can take them in or sooth them also? You need all the help you can get here and having another adult (preferably a relative) around can help to get off some of the load from you. Plus it will ease their pain somewhat (I hope).
   
   Good luck and hope their mother will come back soon.

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      rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      been trying to help dad....hes a mess...

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         emievilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Then I'd say they're definitely lucky you're there. How about grandparents?

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            rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            HA have you read my hubs so far? her family is worse then mine,.i feel for her, i do.....but poor kiddos, they got to come first.....i was just sooo soooo scared, i dont want to make it worse...

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         TamCorposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I mean this is the best way, but the dad needs to get ahold of himself, and think of his kids.  Their needs really must come first to him right now, so they don't feel like they've been abandoned by both parents...
         
         You're doing good...hang in there!

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            rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            he is ok so far
            i offered for tonight
            thought they didnt know
            got up for water and heard sobbing....dads doing best he can, oldest isnt even his

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    Tom Cornettposted 14 years ago

    Have any kids books?  Sometimes it help to take their minds off of things.

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    rednckwmnposted 14 years ago

    thanks
    yeah i got books
    they seem to be sleeping so far
    tomorrow is going to be long
    need to go to bed?

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    Deborah-Lynnposted 14 years ago

    You getting some sleep is the best idea, rednckwmn, then tommorrow, give love, distractions...like a play day with special activites, then come in here and rest on our collective shoulders, we can give you emotional support, encouragement and positive interjections...God has given you everything you need for this moment in time...just sleep now sweetie, and know you are loved and so are these kids...

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    Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

    Everyone's offered really good suggestions so far, I think.
    Get some sleep yourself -- try hard not to obsess on it all night. Just let your mind and body rest.
    
    If you are a spiritual person, pray. Turn this over to God. Ask Him for guidance.
    BTW, you say you don't want to "mess up." You can't, sweetie. Just being here for all of them is a blessing for them.
    Do what comes naturally. You are stronger and smarter than you think, woman! MM

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       Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       RAmen!
       
       And you are one wise superwoman

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    rednckwmnposted 14 years ago

    thanx everbody!!!! i got some sleep, feel much stronger now. going to make everybody waffles, fruit n cream, bacon, sausage and eggs....your all invited.....thanks again

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    ralwusposted 14 years ago

    Just a warning, charity creates a multitude of sins. I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and actually being a good person. That would be hypocrisy. Best of luck with this mess dear.

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    Sarra Garrettposted 14 years ago

    Wow, what a mess.  Just love them like your own.  I took a 6 year old off the streets of AZ (see my Hub)and raised him like my own.  Children need routine and love.  Maybe you need to take them for a while.

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    Sybil Marieposted 14 years ago

    My thoughts are with you RNWM. You are doing great! You are there for them that's all that matters. Mighty mom is right when she says you can't mess up. With the boy on the spectrum he just needs to know what is happening right now. Keep it simple and concrete. First we are doing this, next that etc.
    I work with kids on the spectrum everyday so if I can help there let me Know.
      They will be okay because they are not alone....and neither are you

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    rednckwmnposted 14 years ago

    Today is going good, my friend finally called her husband and said when she will be ready to come back. that helps some. Its goignto be along couple fo weeks, but at least knowing that she is coming back helps alot. The kids are playing mario kart and having a blast. I had a good cry, and got some sleep, and all the tips here have given me more courage, so I feel much braver today. Waffles with strawberries and whipped cream are magic, I think. 
    Rawlus, have no fear, I do have a wicked streak, but I try my best to be mostly good... not a double life exactly...

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       Sybil Marieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Glad to hear things are better today

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    rednckwmnposted 14 years ago

    EK and Tantrum, sorry I confused you.
    I have a friend, and her kids are friends of my kids. AND they are great kids, I think of them like my own kids...long story..
    ANYWAY due to how I was raised, I feel huge bad when kids get ignored by thier paretns..plus, she was a super good friend, or so I thought. She met a guy on MySpace, told her kids she was going on a business trip, and took off. No idea when, if at all, she would be back..I thought the poor littel kiddos were ok, then to help dad out, they spent the night. On my way to use the bathroom, I could hear the kdis weeping, and didnt know what to do. Im really not sane, and not the best person for this type of crap...

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       Helen Caterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       So sorry to hear this and those kids must be feeling sick not knowing if she is coming back. Has she not rung to check they are OK? You must be going out of your mind with not only dealing with a situation you can't fix, but how the hell are you going to deal with the mess if she does not show up. Maybe she is in a bad place and is not thinking straight. I hope this is the case but feel the kids will be messed up. Please let us all know when she returns and hope everything works out for you and the girls.

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          rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Ok. thanks. SO she is messed up. I love her like a sister. She is a good perosn, but in a bad way right now.
          There has been good news recently, she has been in contact finaly. Kids are doing ok so far. I freaked out for a bit, the otehr day, because I honestly dont even have my own life set, or my own head on right, but everyone I know wants me to fix their life, and ..well...I snapped. (in a vaugley private way..no one but you hubbers saw it..)But all is looking up and doing better now. She will be home October 12.

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    RedSonja94posted 14 years ago

    RNW you are doing great!  I just caught this post and I really feel for you.  This must be very difficult right now.  Just being there for the kids is the most important part right now.  Love them and they will come through ok.  Big HUGS to you and them.

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       rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you sooo much. I actually got very good news about thier mom this am!!

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    emievilposted 14 years ago

    Great to hear about the news DM. Hope everything really looks up for those kids, the husband and for you .

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    RedSonja94posted 14 years ago

    That's good news at least.  I hope she sticks to it.  That's still going to be a very hard week for the kids though.  How old are all the kids?

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       rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       16, 10, and 7
       they do not know all
       they are happy to have a set date to look forward too. Way better then wondering IF.
       It is good news.

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    Helen Caterposted 14 years ago

    That is good news that she has got in touch, but I guess it stll leaves you to deal with the kids. Sounds like you could both do with helping each other and she has been very selfish in running off with a man. If it was on her own I guess you would be a little more understanding.

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       rednckwmnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I am understanding. She knows it. She fails to speak to me, cuz she feels guilty, and LORD knows I know how that feels. I was mad, but me 'n her are all good now. Kids are back home with Daddy, and he's doing ok too. It has been hard, its been bad timing as this time of year is already difficult for me,I have had to have HUGE shoulders for everyone to cry on lately. But, its all good. Its getting better, and thanks to HP I got thru it too. Thanks all. 

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    RedSonja94posted 14 years ago

    Glad to hear things are looking up.  At least the kids have something to look forward to now.  And they are old enough to understand a date too.  I thought the kids were younger than that the way you were talking.  That would have been terrible if they weren't old enough to grasp a time for mommy to be home again.

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    Paradise7posted 14 years ago

    I caught this story towards the end.  I'm glad things are looking up and I am so glad you were brave and did the right thing and stuck it out for those kids.  Hang in, you're a great lady.

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