I think mine would definitely say "Clean me or I quit!!" LoL...I have a black laptop---therefore with white letters on black keys---and the amount of oil from my fingers (and especially the bottom of my wrists when they lay on the space beneath that has no keys) has made the keyboard give off a lovely sheen---albeit from a less than ideal source, lmao.
I don't know what my keyboard would say about me, but I know what it would say to me, namely "Can you tell that bloody cat of yours to stop dribbling on me? My microcircuits have nearly shorted several times now and if I catch fire, it's all your fault."
(One of our cats likes to jump on my lap while I'm typing. And he has a tendency to dribble a lot.)
"You type really well, don't you? Well stop looking at me so often, ok? Don't you know where those buttons are by now? Jeez, you're making me feel sooo self-conscious. You might try cleaning me like, maybe once a year...god I hate those boogers and the peanut butter and jelly...Oh yeah, you slouch too much too."
It would say "why is it sometimes you can't get enough of me and other times you avoid me like the plague! I wish you would be more gentle with me, I would really apreciate it if you cleaned me a little more often and when are you going to learn to spell?"
My old keyboard would say "can't you get that cigarette ash in the damn ashtray". He is now in the loft, probably enjoying life a little more. My new keyboard is flexible, and can be washed with water, so I'm not sure what problem he has with me - I think that he is ok with me right now.
"Isn't it about time you got up out of that comfy chair?, Go and get on now with all your other affairs! You've caught a bug from reading all those clever hubs, My fans are feeling hot now,I need some fresh air, Come back later,we'll have another hub,just leave me resting on that rug, You turned me on with a hug, Please turn me off somehow, I really do need a rest now!"
If my keyboard could say anything it would be to stop making so many mistakes. It would say stop writing things and then backspacing everything you just wrote to just write the same thing again - believe me I do it - it would say stop assuming i am going to spell everything correctly, and it would also tell me to give it a rest. ;P been at it a while haha sammyfiction
mine would ask.. whats the 'fu' button for? why do you use it, whats it do? ohhh thats what it for.. right.. whats the turbo button for? i thought you typed fast enough already.. can you give me a slow motion key?
why did you put a third enter key on me when i have two perfectly good ones already. WHY DID YOU SPLIT MY KEYS??? we were comfy next to each other.. STOP HITTING ME! i'm working as fast as i can.. i don't like you no more! i quit! get a new keyboard!
currently typing on new keybaord as my old one litterally gave up moments before joining this site, so.. i had to post, now i just gotta fix my ergonomical keybaord that yes, has a turbo button (i haven't figured what tis for yet but will fin dout one day haha) and 3 enter keys... hmmm weird! the keys are so stiff i have to hit it hard to get them to move, but then i got a call from the keyboard police. be careful with these things, they're ganging up on us.. for every human that has a computer.. there's a damn keybord, and occasionally a spare sitting waiting to call the keyboard police to report us!
Your keyboard is most likely modded for gaming. And cheating at games at that. A turbo button basically can be set to click X number of times per second. For games like Half-Life that have weapons in which a gun fires as fast as you click, this function proves useful.
"I wish he would be more gentle with me. Maybe take me out once and a while. Catch a movie. Dinner. Maybe some fine wine. The best I can hope for is the occasional spill or crumb. You don't love me anymore."
Sorry Qwerty. I do. i love you sincerely. Without you my writing would go a little something like this...
Pen and/or pencil, or keyboard?When you write, do you prefer the action of handwriting, giving you thinking time and brooding time and chewing the end of the pen/cil time? Or do you prefer the quickness of typing on a computer?
I can type at least 400 characters a minute, how fast can you type?Or better, do you know about any records in typing? I can manage, on average 400 to 450, but at better moments I have recorded 600 hits a minute as well.
Google AdSense Host API
We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking Pixels
We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google Analytics
Amazon Tracking Pixel