If your keyboard could talk, what would it say about you?

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  1. profile image0
    Gracie Sophiaposted 13 years ago

    This is fun little writing exercise.

    1. RogerAD profile image60
      RogerADposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Stop hitting me so hard? Seriously, everyone says I type too loud, so I imagine my keyboard probably doesn't like me too much...

      1. michifus profile image59
        michifusposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        same here.Poor thing, gets hammered every day.

    2. Mark Knowles profile image59
      Mark Knowlesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Heavy-handed and slow but means well. big_smile

    3. starqueen13 profile image59
      starqueen13posted 13 years agoin reply to this


      (then when i have writers block)

      "FINALLY. ugh i can rest easy for now....oh god....shes back!"

      hehe big_smile sorry keyboard

    4. Allan Douglas profile image59
      Allan Douglasposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I keep telling him I'm not in the mood, I have a key ache -- but he keeps pecking on me, pecking on me, pecking on me.  Why can't he just leave me alone for a while!  I wish his fingers would fall off!

    5. Mercedes-Benz30 profile image59
      Mercedes-Benz30posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I think mine would definitely say "Clean me or I quit!!"  LoL...I have a black laptop---therefore with white letters on black keys---and the amount of oil from my fingers (and especially the bottom of my wrists when they lay on the space beneath that has no keys) has made the keyboard give off a lovely sheen---albeit from a less than ideal source, lmao.

      1. Laura Ginn profile image59
        Laura Ginnposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Hahaha mine would probably say exactly the same thing.  There is an almost hand mark from my right hand, and my poor laptop isn't even a year old sad

    6. profile image0
      Rusty C. Adoreposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      What are you writing that has you using N, M, L, and A so much that they have completely disappeared?!

    7. profile image0
      pmccrayposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Punching the keys, and hitting the enter button numerous times will not unfreeze the screen.  STOP HITTING ME!!!

    8. rouxsgirl1963 profile image61
      rouxsgirl1963posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Slow down....your fingers are going faster than your brain :p

    9. profile image0
      CollBposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      What a typer you are!!!  Why do you need to write so many hubs!!!!! and blog posts!!!! (if a keyboard knows what hubpages and blogs are about).

    10. deblevey726 profile image61
      deblevey726posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      my keyboard would say i suck at typing and i better get a punch clock job, but i would say back...I'm slow but I'm good (at writing) so lemme alone i got work to do!

  2. profile image0
    EmpressFelicityposted 13 years ago

    I don't know what my keyboard would say about me, but I know what it would say to me, namely "Can you tell that bloody cat of yours to stop dribbling on me?  My microcircuits have nearly shorted several times now and if I catch fire, it's all your fault."  lol lol

    (One of our cats likes to jump on my lap while I'm typing.  And he has a tendency to dribble a lot.)

    1. kaltopsyd profile image82
      kaltopsydposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      That's funny. I love it.

  3. leeberttea profile image55
    leebertteaposted 13 years ago

    I think it would tell me how much it loves to be fingered by me!

    1. Lindac21 profile image60
      Lindac21posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Lol cheeky keyboard!

  4. wilderness profile image94
    wildernessposted 13 years ago

    It would tell me to learn to type: the backspace key is about worn out!

  5. Lisa HW profile image63
    Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

    Mine would say, "Hey - quit cleaning me so often with alcohol-sprayed tissues.  You're going to wear off my letters even more than you're already doing."

  6. Flightkeeper profile image68
    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    Uh oh, my keyboard would say "CLEAN ME!"

  7. Rafini profile image73
    Rafiniposted 13 years ago

    When are you going to learn how to spell?  lol

    (aren't backspace keys wonderful?  big_smile)

  8. Spacey Gracey profile image39
    Spacey Graceyposted 13 years ago

    It would say 'stop letting your little boy ping off my keys'

  9. Research Analyst profile image76
    Research Analystposted 13 years ago

    It would say that it liked my short nails better, since I had acrylic nails put on I am banging on the keys harder and the keys on the board are feeling the pressure.  LOL

    1. dianacharles profile image60
      dianacharlesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      it would ask me if I have a life...and why do I spend so much time with it... wink

  10. AEvans profile image72
    AEvansposted 13 years ago

    If my keyboard could talk it would say " your pushing my buttons so fast, I can catch my breath!" "Please slow down my legs ache!" lololololo big_smile

    What it would say about me would be, " Do you ever take a break?" lolololo big_smile

    1. kaltopsyd profile image82
      kaltopsydposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      lol. That's what mine would say too!

  11. profile image0
    ralwusposted 13 years ago

    nothing - -the tarnatula, the slug, the
    hog is as ugly as me,
    and nothing had a better chance to be
    one of the beautiful ones
    than me.

    1. paradigmsearch profile image60
      paradigmsearchposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I miss him. smile

  12. packerpack profile image60
    packerpackposted 13 years ago

    It would say "This bugger do not know how to type. Just uses three right hand fingers and a single left hand finger and yes he is awful at spellings!!"

  13. timorous profile image79
    timorousposted 13 years ago

    "You type really well, don't you?  Well stop looking at me so often, ok?  Don't you know where those buttons are by now?  Jeez, you're making me feel sooo self-conscious. 
    You might try cleaning me like, maybe once a year...god I hate those boogers and the peanut butter and jelly...Oh yeah, you slouch too much too." smile smile

    1. kaltopsyd profile image82
      kaltopsydposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Too funny!

    2. starqueen13 profile image59
      starqueen13posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      hahahhaa self-conscious....

  14. Beth100 profile image72
    Beth100posted 13 years ago

    To me:  "Stop touching me!  Did I say you could touch me all over like that?!?"  lol

    About me:  "She's making me hot -- smokin' hot!  She types way too fast!!!"

  15. Greek One profile image62
    Greek Oneposted 13 years ago

    "why the hell are your fingers so sticky when you surf to HubPages you weird-ass perv!?!?"

    1. C.V.Rajan profile image59
      C.V.Rajanposted 13 years ago

      "Idiot! Even a 5 year old child would have learned typing without mistakes; you have been typing on me almost for the past 25 years and still you fumble. What a shame!"

    2. gg.zaino profile image75
      gg.zainoposted 13 years ago

      It would say, without a doubt...."Why don't u learn how to type ya Dumb Shit!!!" just sayin- Peace..greg z ~-[:

    3. wrenfrost56 profile image55
      wrenfrost56posted 13 years ago

      It would say "why is it sometimes you can't get enough of me and other times you avoid me like the plague! I wish you would be more gentle with me, I would really apreciate it if you cleaned me a little more often and when are you going to learn to spell?"

    4. Shadesbreath profile image79
      Shadesbreathposted 13 years ago

      "Oh for F---'s sake, CHEETOS?"

    5. profile image0
      askpowersposted 13 years ago

      my keyboard would say " How gently he use his fingers on me " LOL...
      I really use my keyboard's buttons softly smile

    6. profile image0
      sarahsherlockposted 13 years ago

      'How would you like being poked in the face?'

      1. kaltopsyd profile image82
        kaltopsydposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Hahaha, nice one!

    7. Ben Evans profile image65
      Ben Evansposted 13 years ago

      If only my keyboard could talk,
      I can imagine what it would say
      as my wrist lay in laziness
      while I am here typing away.

      Your a good person my dear friend.
      I can see your passion with type
      as you quietly try to encourage
      without any fanfare or hype.

      ...But please, I have to emphasize
      don't eat anymore crackers or food
      which clutters areas under my keys.
      Really, don't you think that is rude.

      So yes, good job my dear typist,
      but please I ask you to be clean
      because food must be in your mouth
      .......For me, I prefer it not be seen.

      1. kaltopsyd profile image82
        kaltopsydposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Where's the "like" button when you need it?

      2. Teresa Schultz profile image66
        Teresa Schultzposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        @ Ben Evans - cool poem!

    8. profile image0
      ryankettposted 13 years ago

      My old keyboard would say "can't you get that cigarette ash in the damn ashtray". He is now in the loft, probably enjoying life a little more. My new keyboard is flexible, and can be washed with water, so I'm not sure what problem he has with me - I think that he is ok with me right now.

    9. saddlerider1 profile image58
      saddlerider1posted 13 years ago

      It would tell me to stop wearing me out with your tapppy tap tapping. Also keep centered and stop hitting the wrong keys. Clean the cat hair from under my keys. It's driving me crazy.

    10. shadowdrive profile image61
      shadowdriveposted 13 years ago

      It would tell me to stop typing so fricken much that im wearin it out. and to clean up the lemonade that got spilled by someone into it.

    11. Joy56 profile image68
      Joy56posted 13 years ago

      oh no, here she is again, she fancies herself as a writer, but she aint going to make it.  Ha ha

    12. ediggity profile image59
      ediggityposted 13 years ago

      Owwww, quit it!


      Stop, that tickles!

      1. kaltopsyd profile image82
        kaltopsydposted 13 years agoin reply to this


    13. Jule Romans profile image96
      Jule Romansposted 13 years ago

      It would ask me why I have worn down the A,S, and E keys so fast.

    14. kaltopsyd profile image82
      kaltopsydposted 13 years ago

      Would you take a break already??? Your constant typing is making my keys sore! Sheesh!

    15. bayoulady profile image68
      bayouladyposted 13 years ago

      Keyboard: Dummy,it's 1:15 in the morning. Why are you still up?
      bayoulady:  Four days and I'm already addicted to reading hubpages!

      1. sugz profile image68
        sugzposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        it took you four days? i've been here 15mins and i'm already hooked ... no more wasting time on dating sites.. oh my keyboard will be soooo thankful...
        just glad it has no secrets to tell.. yet  haha

      2. WannaB Writer profile image90
        WannaB Writerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        It's my husband that says that -- not the keyboard.

    16. Len Cannon profile image89
      Len Cannonposted 13 years ago

      KIiiiiiiiiIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllllll MEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    17. wearing well profile image67
      wearing wellposted 13 years ago

      "Isn't it about time you got up out of that comfy chair?,
      Go and get on now with all your other affairs!
      You've caught a bug from reading all those clever hubs,
      My fans are feeling hot now,I need some fresh air,
      Come back later,we'll have another hub,just leave me resting on that rug,
      You turned me on with a hug,
      Please turn me off somehow,
      I really do need a rest now!"

    18. sunbrite profile image60
      sunbriteposted 13 years ago

      It would probably say " We don't hang out as much as we use to, I miss your touch."

    19. Origin profile image61
      Originposted 13 years ago

      Perhaps it would say.. "Quit poking me!" big_smile

    20. sammyfiction profile image61
      sammyfictionposted 13 years ago

      If my keyboard could say anything it would be to stop making so many mistakes. It would say stop writing things and then backspacing everything you just wrote to just write the same thing again - believe me I do it - it would say stop assuming i am going to spell everything correctly, and it would also tell me to give it a rest. ;P been at it a while haha

    21. habee profile image93
      habeeposted 13 years ago

      My keyboard would say, "Gimme a freakin' break!!"

    22. lakeerieartists profile image63
      lakeerieartistsposted 13 years ago

      Messy and chaotic but gets things done. smile

    23. miss_jkim profile image75
      miss_jkimposted 13 years ago

      Don't just sit there get typing!
      No, I don't mind if you backspace, just put something in it's place.

    24. Crazywriterchik profile image60
      Crazywriterchikposted 13 years ago

      If you insist on eating while sitting in front of me would you mind at least wiping your hands a little better. I'm lucky that my keys haven't gotten stuck together.

      Please be a little nicer to me, I know I'm slow but I'm old so give me a break.

      I'm just glad that you don't stare so hard at my keys anymore.. it was creeping me out.

    25. lrohner profile image69
      lrohnerposted 13 years ago

      "Ack! Get me out of heeeeeeeere!"

    26. BrocktonGator profile image60
      BrocktonGatorposted 13 years ago

      "Haven't you learned when to let go of the SHift key yet?"

    27. profile image0
      Kathryn LJposted 13 years ago

      Clean me you slattern.  Don't you know how many types of bacteria are breeding between the keys? There's a new life form growing on the page up button.

    28. Stacie L profile image86
      Stacie Lposted 13 years ago

      my keyboard would say.."get a life!" roll

    29. anniedee profile image64
      anniedeeposted 13 years ago

      My laptop keyboard wouldn't say anything, because it's dead, but I have a replacement.

      It would tell me to get a life and clean it, and to stop letting my daughter pick the keys off it.

    30. sugz profile image68
      sugzposted 13 years ago

      mine would ask.. whats the 'fu' button for? why do you use it, whats it do? ohhh thats what it for.. right..
      whats the turbo button for? i thought you typed fast enough already.. can you give me a slow motion key?

      why did you put a third enter key on me when i have two perfectly good ones already. WHY DID YOU SPLIT MY KEYS??? we were comfy next to each other.. STOP HITTING ME! i'm working as fast as i can.. i don't like you no more!
      i quit! get a new keyboard!

      currently typing on new keybaord as my old one litterally gave up moments before joining this site, so.. i had to post, now i just gotta fix my ergonomical keybaord that yes, has a turbo button (i haven't figured what tis for yet but will fin dout one day haha) and 3 enter keys... hmmm weird!
      the keys are so stiff i have to hit it hard to get them to move, but then i got a call from the keyboard police. be careful with these things, they're ganging up on us.. for every human that has a computer.. there's a damn keybord, and occasionally a spare sitting waiting to call the keyboard police to report us!

      1. Phaseus profile image61
        Phaseusposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Your keyboard is most likely modded for gaming. And cheating at games at that. A turbo button basically can be set to click X number of times per second. For games like Half-Life that have weapons in which a gun fires as fast as you click, this function proves useful.

    31. MojoJojo49 profile image60
      MojoJojo49posted 13 years ago

      "I wish he would be more gentle with me. Maybe take me out once and a while. Catch a movie. Dinner. Maybe some fine wine. The best I can hope for is the occasional spill or crumb. You don't love me anymore."

      Sorry Qwerty. I do. i love you sincerely. Without you my writing would go a little something like this...


      1. Teresa Schultz profile image66
        Teresa Schultzposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        That's sweet smile

    32. ExpandYourMind profile image69
      ExpandYourMindposted 13 years ago

      Why do you press the backspace key so often?

    33. SilentReed profile image83
      SilentReedposted 13 years ago

      How callous can you get.

    34. profile image0
      wademcmasterposted 13 years ago

      My Enter key would ask me to calm down when angry....

    35. Teresa Schultz profile image66
      Teresa Schultzposted 13 years ago

      "Watch where you put that coffee!"


      "Get your kids their own Internet, I want only your fingers on me!"

      1. Eiddwen profile image76
        Eiddwenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Mine would say ; You ignored me for years, now you give me no peace!!


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