Have you ever reached that point when sex became pointless, sterile, emotionless and just a job??? How do you keep the magic going? Tell us about your experience.
D-I-V-O-R-C-E!! That was my cure. Worked beautifully, too.
i honestly can't say, as i've never been in a serious relationship before, and the ones that i did have didn't last that long at all. however, to get back to your question, i don't think sex should ever become routinely boring at all. if you feel it is, then maybe you should try other things to stimulate the relationship. after all, relationships only become routine if you allow it to be.
like you can probably try like kama sutra positions. not that i would know, as i've never used them. however from what i've heard, they work pretty well. then you can also try roleplaying where you both act out your fantasies. i know a few people that told me that works for them. lol.
plus, you can always heavily emphasize on the foreplay a bit more. after all, i think the problem from what most people tell me about their relationships, that sex becomes so routine that they don't even bother with it. however, i think that mind set alone is what causes it, as there a lot of foreplay methods that can work that most people don't even consider outside the norm. i would tell you more, but i don't want to get banned from forums. anyway, i hope that helps you. don't ask me how i know all this stuff, as i have very little experience with relationships in general in my life. however, lets just say that i just know what i know due to people always TELLING me about their sex lives. lol. don't ask me why they tell me, but they just do even though i never ask them to.
you must be such a good listener. Ha ha, maybe you should have become a marriage guidance counsellor
lol. maybe. hmm..maybe i should start an advice column on flixya. another site that i write on. i usually always write "how to" articles there, so eureka! you might have something. lol. of course, it would feel kind of odd giving people advice on relationships, when I have yet to be in a serious one myself. lol. that's the ironic part
I started charging more. Brought the ol magic right back.
Well, that's when I know it's time to change something in my life ...
I only wish having sex was my job! I'd love to go to work and get a raise every day! heehee
I can't imagine that ever happening!
That would be like getting tired of eating your favorite foods.
Sometimes if you're in a rut it just means you need to make a change.
If it got that far, you missed all the warning signs and it might be too late. If it isn't, then go to the hub daochii, and try that intimacy approach. Sex is not always dependent on sexual contact and orgasmic release. Sex is in the soul. If you're bored, your OWN soul has withered.
Not excatly, but I happen to know a LOT about sex... It's a natural gift actually...
a natural gift for whom? You? Someone in the sex industry? Or...all creatures great and small?
people think marriage can destroy sex..., but I believe, people eventually don't marry for sex only, there other things in life to share besides sex. If the two are truly in love, they can always rekindle that spark.
What do you mean, not exactly? Either you do work there, that explains the boredom and everything, or you don't in that case it's very simple: you don't want it, - you don't do it!
My left hand has been kind of tired lately,,,, time to switch things up and use the right hand!!
I tend to think if God created anything better than Sex
He must have kept it to himself....!
With age, some positions become a bit uncomfortable. Maybe that's why one tends to put sex in the back burner once you're married. The couch potato position is much more comfortable than a 69.
now I'm getting tired! It's exhausting just thinking of all the things I'd have to do to get me some. Plus, first I'd have to actually put out some effort to get the partner to have it with. No, I'd rather read a good book.
Sex is never a burden..the most wonderful passtime ever created,even at 63 !!
When you get to the point where sex is just going through the motions, become celibate until you get your groove back.
Perhaps it might be observed that those who find their sex life boring are those who have stopped being romantics at heart. Heaven knows men do this more then women or at least when a man starts to be romantic I have never met a woman who won't jump on that band wagon in an instant. Usually there is a lot more resistance the other way around. I have gone through periods in my relationship with my wife where there were pauses but I am a very patient if passionate person. I made sure that when my partner felt capable of being romantic I made it an event to remember.
lol thanks astrate, I try to be, though I don't always succeed. It is nice to be appreciated as I appreciate you broaching this delicate subject. I have a few hubs that actually discuss tactics for introducing romance but most of them are aimed at ways of helping men improve... not all though.
I think when she looks at you with that "I'm not gonna have to pretend to enjoy this to satisfy your ego, am I? look, then it can become a burden
Being flexible with the wife is an important thing as what you're doing now Jaggedfrost.. Good luck.
lol @ Greek and @ Worldgrandeur If one actually cares about the feelings of one's wife and spent the time to get to know her before making love those problems go away but until they do it is probably important to have a perspective that gives womanhood some slack in their efforts to keep from bruising your egos. When the numbers state only twenty percent of women feel satisfied after intercourse it is the men who need to brush up on their Shakespeare.
lol @Greek, why nothing at all and if you shake your own spear long enough perhaps we will be short a Greek One Jr. in the future.
Sorry to hear that Greek. Maybe next time around the wheel of life will be kinder to you unless there are no such things.
There are jobs out there like that. You only have to get a check up regularly to keep from catching what goes around.
Really? Do you know someone that's hiring? heehee
I am sure you could find an employer in Las Vegas that would love to take you on. I am sure there are other places but that is the closest hub for that job market in my area.
lol I believe you.
What a terribly enlightened opinion Disturbia. I would love to hear your reasoning behind that jewel of wisdom.
LOL, I'm sure you would and I'd love to give it to you, but it was just a comment.
Unfortunately, I know too many people, women mostly who find sex to be just another demand in an already too demanding life. Sex is such a pleasure, I just find it sad that there are people who lose the ability to enjoy it, that's all.
Timing is everything. If I drive down to my husband's shop right now, drag him off into his office, lock the door behind us and jump his bones, I can have a really good time with him. But, if I wait till he gets home after a 12 hr. day, the last thing on his mind is sex and all he will want to do is eat his supper and fall asleep on the sofa while watching the news on TV.
wash the dishes
balance the checkbook
take out trash
fix plugged drain
buy thoughtful birthday gift for mother in law
walk the dog
help kids with homework
get to the gym so you can look good naked
put kids to bed
say ohh ahh at the right times so hubby is kept happy
get a few hours sleep and start all over again tomorrow
If sex is boring, pointless and emotionless then don't do it. I think that point has already been made but it's worth repeating. It all depends what your looking for when you have sex.
Many years ago I was with a girlfriend in a bar, watching a Rugby match. She asked why it is that men scream at a football game but not during intercourse. I told her that it's because most men know the difference between scoring and making love. If the only reason your doing it is to make your partner happy, then good for you. If all you want to do is score a fake scream is just as loud as a real one. If you are doing it for your own pleasure then wait until it's pleasurable. Either way, the only reasons for sex are Love, Lust or fun. If you have a combination of all three you're on to a winner.
If you don't have any of those, I refer you to the wisdom of the Greek One and his ShakeSpeare.
to quote the famous stand up comedian dave chappelle, here's the 3 ways to please your man ladies.
1. make him a sandwich
2. suck his d***
3. and don't talk so much!
not that i agree with it, as i think SEX should be on that list, and i don't know about the talking part. as i usually have very little to say, so it's always nice to talk to someone that talks a lot. this way, i don't have to. lol. however, you got to admit that's funny stuff. lol.
lol. oh yeah. i guess he forgot to mention it. lol.
eureka! by george, i think you got it man!
Not to mention...if one is attentive enough about #2, then #3 takes care of itself .
As for the OP...I agree that divorce works wonders. Luckily, I have yet to find the activity burdensome in any way...except maybe in the middle of summer when it's 100 degrees out, then it's a lot more work, but still most definitely worth it. My husband may have a different take on things, though...I think he thought by the third trimester I might have slowed down a bit .
Now all I want is a man to fix my car, mow my lawn, and munch my carpet! heehee
oh im sure if you look around hard enough, you'll find a guy that's willing to do those things. although i have a feeling we're not actually talking about an actual carpet or lawn, so to speak. however, im sure there's a lot of guys that would.
It's a deal....I just hope there's no cornflakes in your carpet, because it happens all the time!!
In all seriousness - there are times when I feel it is my obligation/responsibility to satisfy my fiance, even when I have no interest in physical contact at the time.
What it usually boils down to is this:
He needs that physical intimacy in order to "feel" the connection of our love. When I deny him that - neither one of us gets what we want/need.
By giving him that connection it opens him back up to be able to provide the type of intimacy I need - which is through verbal communication and intelectual stimulation.
It's just part of being in a commited relationship. You do what you can to make the other person happy & let them know you love them and that you are willing to compromise.
You are a very good sort of woman Mom Kat even if, in my opinion, that shouldn't be an initial sacrifice that you should have to be, as a woman, required to make first. I expect more of my sex then to at the minimum mope and act pathetic until they get what they want so that their wife can get what they need.
Sex should be fun! If it's not going to be fun for you, don't do it! Do something else, watch TV, play cards, or write hubs.
I look at it from more of a psychological standpoint than most I think.
I know that I don't always think in a "main streem" accepted manner.
I understand the reason behind his desire to be physical. Most men feel the act of physical intimacy is the closest form of bonding they can share with their partner. His desire to be physical stems from his desire to show me he loves me. By saying "no" - I am sending the message that I am rejecting his love, or his attempt at showing me love.
I know how much it stings when I want to show someone how much I care and they reject it. I would never want to cause him to feel that same pain/hurt.
I feel that my understanding on where he is coming from, coupled with my willingness to give first - opens up the opportunity for us to mend issues rather then escolate them.
I know that once I show him I am willing to accept his "offerings of love" - he will be more capable/willing/able to provide the conversation & sharing I need/want.
I completely understand and appreciate what you're saying. But I've been married five times (I won't even talk about the boyfriends) and not always to the sensitive, caring types either. My first husband was an old pervert, seriously... he was bisexual and into BSDM, and he taught me that sex and love don't always have to go hand in hand. Sometimes you just want to feel good and get laid without all the emotional baggage that comes with loving someone.
Totally - I've met my share of selfish, self serving men who only wanted to have their cake and eat it too. Not every man was raised with honor, respect, and all the other good stuff we look for in a long, meaningful relationship.
That being said - women can be just as bad. Booty calls & using people happens by both men and women.
lol. you said it disturbia. sex should always be fun and a great form of intimacy with your partner, especially if its with someone you love. lol.
oh by the way, my friend agrees with you and thinks what you said was funny. lol.
it can only become a burden if either or both of you have a puncture.. in which a patch and a pump should get you back on track!!!..
the question of course that then needs answering is.. what caused the puncture?.. solve that .. and you could carry on cycling to your hearts desire!!!
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