What do you say-when they say...I cheated?
89- H.C Porter
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That's the question...In a relationship...How do you react when your spouse says...Im sorry-but I cheated...
93- Ghost32
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H.C Porter wrote:
That's the question...In a relationship...How do you react when your spouse says...Im sorry-but I cheated...
It depends, H.C. I'm married to my 7th wife, 13 years now and still hooked at the hip. #2 hooked up with a guy once, but we talked about it before she did it, so I doubt you could really call that cheating. We stayed together 7 years before splitting, and the brief affair was NOT part of the reason for the split.
#4 called me at work at the office one day and mentioned that she'd "been with" a guy I knew slightly the day before. That was my shortest marriage (only a year), and the fling-a-ling was a factor in the break, but not the largest by a long shot.
#7 (yes, my present wife) was a mental mess when we met. Before she bottomed out on alcohol (about 2 years into the relationship), she'd jumped in the sack with somewhere between 15 and 20 other guys. In her case, I never considered that a deal breaker, but that was because I knew I'd been "spiritually assigned" as her protector and had a deep, inner duty to care for her. It has been many years now since she's been with anyone else...and a fair while since she's even been with me, because her progressive disabilities make that a potentially life threatening situation. Karma? Most likely.
But my situation is NOT anyone ELSE'S situation. Jealousy, insecurity, and/or anger regarding such matters are no longer part of my makeup. For most folks, those must be addressed. To them, I might suggest to the injured party:
1. Whatever you do, if you've been hit in the heart, you have to deal with it. "How" is up to you.
2. If you can sit down with the cheater and ask rationally, "Where do we go from here?", that's good. IF you can do it.
3. At the end of the day, one overriding question is going to be, "Will he do it again, no matter what he says now...and can I live with that if he does?" I did. Obviously, Hillary Clinton did. But many can't.
4. Go from there.
One thing the injured party ought to remember but all too often cannot: The action of the errant spouse may NOT have anything to do with anyone outside of himself/herself. The motivation can be almost anything. I will confess that I did also cheat once, late in my first marriage...and the driving force behind that action was a thrashing around in an effort to end the marriage. In Pam's case, it was not that at all. She had been abused by nearly every man in her life before me, starting with her own father, and it took her YEARS to understand that it was okay for her to say "No".
Again, in summary and closing: Every case is different.
83- A Texan
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"What do you say-when they say...I cheated?"
Get the f*** out!H.C Porter wrote:
That's the question...In a relationship...How do you react when your spouse says...Im sorry-but I cheated...
It all depends what u feel in your heart and u need to factor in how u treated them bt in most cases you should just walk away.
75- hoodieweather
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If you have enough strength to forgive, then forgive. I've been cheated on twice and it took me a long time to forgive both of them.
Ghost32 wrote:
H.C Porter wrote:
That's the question...In a relationship...How do you react when your spouse says...Im sorry-but I cheated...
It depends, H.C. I'm married to my 7th wife, 13 years now and still hooked at the hip. #2 hooked up with a guy once, but we talked about it before she did it, so I doubt you could really call that cheating. We stayed together 7 years before splitting, and the brief affair was NOT part of the reason for the split.
#4 called me at work at the office one day and mentioned that she'd "been with" a guy I knew slightly the day before. That was my shortest marriage (only a year), and the fling-a-ling was a factor in the break, but not the largest by a long shot.
#7 (yes, my present wife) was a mental mess when we met. Before she bottomed out on alcohol (about 2 years into the relationship), she'd jumped in the sack with somewhere between 15 and 20 other guys. In her case, I never considered that a deal breaker, but that was because I knew I'd been "spiritually assigned" as her protector and had a deep, inner duty to care for her. It has been many years now since she's been with anyone else...and a fair while since she's even been with me, because her progressive disabilities make that a potentially life threatening situation. Karma? Most likely.
But my situation is NOT anyone ELSE'S situation. Jealousy, insecurity, and/or anger regarding such matters are no longer part of my makeup. For most folks, those must be addressed. To them, I might suggest to the injured party:
1. Whatever you do, if you've been hit in the heart, you have to deal with it. "How" is up to you.
2. If you can sit down with the cheater and ask rationally, "Where do we go from here?", that's good. IF you can do it.
3. At the end of the day, one overriding question is going to be, "Will he do it again, no matter what he says now...and can I live with that if he does?" I did. Obviously, Hillary Clinton did. But many can't.
4. Go from there.
One thing the injured party ought to remember but all too often cannot: The action of the errant spouse may NOT have anything to do with anyone outside of himself/herself. The motivation can be almost anything. I will confess that I did also cheat once, late in my first marriage...and the driving force behind that action was a thrashing around in an effort to end the marriage. In Pam's case, it was not that at all. She had been abused by nearly every man in her life before me, starting with her own father, and it took her YEARS to understand that it was okay for her to say "No".
Again, in summary and closing: Every case is different.Beautiful advice. I think you should write a hub on this!!
79- Jean N Dean
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You look them straight in the eye and say "congrats" you have finally proven that you are dumber than you look. And then you find someone who deserves you.
86- tantrum
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Jean N Dean wrote:
You look them straight in the eye and say "congrats" you have finally proven that you are dumber than you look. And then you find someone who deserves you.
Sometimes it's not so simple.
Sometimes you're the dumber one, who made your couple cheat on you in the first place
84- bloodnlatex
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Just say Goodbye
- 79
- Jean N Dean
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tantrum wrote:
Jean N Dean wrote:
You look them straight in the eye and say "congrats" you have finally proven that you are dumber than you look. And then you find someone who deserves you.
Sometimes it's not so simple.
Sometimes you're the dumber one, who made your couple cheat on you in the first placeSorry hun but I disagree, if the love is there, nothing can come between it. So if he cheats your relationship was one sided.
89- aka-dj
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H.C Porter wrote:
That's the question...In a relationship...How do you react when your spouse says...Im sorry-but I cheated...
Is that the first/only time?
Yes...work through it.
No...See you later!- 86
- tantrum
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Jean N Dean wrote:
tantrum wrote:
Jean N Dean wrote:
You look them straight in the eye and say "congrats" you have finally proven that you are dumber than you look. And then you find someone who deserves you.
Sometimes it's not so simple.
Sometimes you're the dumber one, who made your couple cheat on you in the first placeSorry hun but I disagree, if the love is there, nothing can come between it. So if he cheats your relationship was one sided.
Life is not that simple
Love either. 
96- AEvans
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You certainly do not walk away especially if you love that person, you forgive them and try to work through it one day at a time. It is complicated it but it can work, overtime the trust is re-established and the strength of the relationship can become strong again. Walking away is not the answer to the problem understanding listening and working together is.
- 79
- Jean N Dean
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tantrum wrote:
Jean N Dean wrote:
tantrum wrote:
Sometimes it's not so simple.
Sometimes you're the dumber one, who made your couple cheat on you in the first placeSorry hun but I disagree, if the love is there, nothing can come between it. So if he cheats your relationship was one sided.
Life is not that simple
Love either.I am sorry you feel that way but things are only as hard on you as you let them be.
- 86
- tantrum
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Jean N Dean wrote:
tantrum wrote:
Jean N Dean wrote:
Sorry hun but I disagree, if the love is there, nothing can come between it. So if he cheats your relationship was one sided.Life is not that simple
Love either.I am sorry you feel that way but things are only as hard on you as you let them be.
Maybe you haven't lived too much
whatever ! 
93- Scott.Life
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I've been cheated on twice. At first I thought it was something we could work through and was assured it was a one time thing by both parties, but I have found that if they do it once and get away with it then they will do it again. Even if you forgive them, there will always be a trust issue, because you're human, and every time they're late or something is up, the first thing you will think is "Are they doing it again" Do you really want to put yourself through that. You can forgive someone without being a doormat. It's a question of how much you respect yourself.
- 86
- tantrum
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Scott.Life wrote:
I've been cheated on twice. At first I thought it was something we could work through and was assured it was a one time thing by both parties, but I have found that if they do it once and get away with it then they will do it again. Even if you forgive them, there will always be a trust issue, because you're human, and every time they're late or something is up, the first thing you will think is "Are they doing it again" Do you really want to put yourself through that. You can forgive someone without being a doormat. It's a question of how much you respect yourself.
Or how much do you love, and in what way.
Sometimes you can still be friends, if the relationship was based in frienship as well as love. - 79
- Jean N Dean
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tantrum wrote:
Jean N Dean wrote:
tantrum wrote:
Life is not that simple
Love either.I am sorry you feel that way but things are only as hard on you as you let them be.
Maybe you haven't lived too much
whatever !Then on the other hand maybe you haven't lived enough. Opinions clash all the time it's not a matter of who's right and who's wrong. You should take that into consideration. LOL
- 86
- tantrum
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Jean N Dean wrote:
tantrum wrote:
Jean N Dean wrote:
I am sorry you feel that way but things are only as hard on you as you let them be.Maybe you haven't lived too much
whatever !Then on the other hand maybe you haven't lived enough. Opinions clash all the time it's not a matter of who's right and who's wrong. You should take that into consideration. LOL
You too
You began this argument, remeber ?
BTW , I'm under age, under aged to understand you. So maybe I haven't lived enough 
87- Poppa Blues
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Usually when a spouse cheats it's because of some underlying issue, perhaps unspoken, and only felt. Chances are there are many signs, often ignored that there is trouble and these become all too obvious in looking back after the fact. What you say depends on many things, the personalities involved and the depth of the underlying issues that have lead to one to stray.
The first thing to do is discuss with your partner what the issues are and if they can be resolved, or if there is a desire to repair the relationship.
Love is a two way proposition, however one can only control themselves and their own feelings. You can decide to forgive and continue to love your partner, but you can't make them return it.
With my ex my first instinct was to try and repair the damage. To recognize I wasn't exactly the perfect husband and to let her know if she was willing I would forgive her and work with her to make it better. At some point I came to the realization that she lacked any interest in repairing things and we parted company, no hard feelings.
Things always work out for the best!
