When Husband Deletes Your Hub!

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  1. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
    mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years ago

    Argggggghhhhhhhhh, I am livid right now, even though it is nearly 03.00am. I wrote a hub about two years ago about Oliver Reed's (yes, the actor), adventures in Guernsey. This hub consisted of true stories my Husband had shared with me about his friendship with Oliver Reed when he lived over here. Nothing awful, in fact stories more likely to warm people to Oliver and change their pre-conceived opinions of him as being little more than a good, albeit alcoholic actor.

    At the time I wrote it my Husband "went into one" and deleted it without my knowledge, later claiming he had always promised Oliver their stories would never be shared even after his death. Luckily at the time I discovered this deletion and undeleted it before it vanished forever. This caused many rows because I constantly pointed out that all this hub did was change people's opinions of this wonderful actor, and showed them what a lovely man he truly was, in spite of the alcohol. My Husband never quite seemed to grasp this, so to be on the safe side I changed my password to Hubpages as a precaution. Well, I am guessing that in the last 12 hours my Hubby has worked out what it is, either by watching me log in, or simply by the fact he worked it out weeks ago but didn't use it until tonight because he is having a break from alcohol and cigarettes right now and this might have prompted a frustrated reaction that included trying to delete this hub again.

    As you have probably worked out by now I have logged in tonight only to find out my hub had been majorly interfered with. It had not only been deleted, but even when I undeleted it, I found huge chunks of the text had been deleted. This meant that although I had saved it from vanishing altogether, I still had to re-write two thirds of it from memory. I am fuming and not sure how to handle this, should I give my Husband a really hard time or should I ignore this and just change my password. I know he gave me much of the information in this article, but the hub has received so much positive feedback from Oliver Reed fans, as well as getting loads of viewings. I am not revealing anything I believe Oliver Reed would not approve of, especially as he loved to be recognised and get attention over here. I just feel my Husband is being completely unreasonable, not consulting me (again), and sneaking into my Hub account to delete hubs without my permission.

    All advice on this appreciated and feedback on what your reaction would be in this instance would also be welcomed.

    BTW, I have changed my password again now to prevent this happening again. I just hope my memory has not forgotten anything that was in the original hub when I had to re-write it tonight.

    1. profile image0
      cosetteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      hello misty. while it probably wasn't prudent to go ahead and publish the hub, knowing your husband was uncomfortable with that, he was WAY wrong to violate your privacy and invade your account. that is uncool and a big breach of trust. it also demonstrates that he doesn't respect your writing very much, and possibly doesn't respect you, i am sorry to say.

      he may have installed some sort of keystroke recorder or password sniffer. i don't know how to find out, but you might want to Google if you still have problems.


      good luck sorting it all out.

      1. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
        mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Hi Cosette, my Husband wouldn't even know what a keystroke recorder or password sniffer was, he can't even download AVG as a virus protector. He NEVER reads my stuff normally and he has no interest in my hubbing activity.

        Feeling really down right now, this controversial hub is most likely controversial because hubby exaggerates and is worried he might be made to look foolish if found out, but most here are taken in and think he is the 'hard done by person'

        1. Aficionada profile image82
          Aficionadaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          I too hate that you are feeling down right now, and I think most of us really do understand your point and your feelings, and many of us would feel the same way you do. 

          Remember that you have known the back-story of this hub and all of your conversations with your husband for at least two years, and we are getting it in bits and pieces.  I don't think of us as being "taken in" by your husband - it's just that we don't have the entire story as you have it, and we are basing the things we say on the amount of information that we have, based on our own perspectives.

    2. pisean282311 profile image64
      pisean282311posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      well he doesnot have right to delete your hub but in same way do you have right to publish something which has to deal with your husband and his friend without your husband's consent?...

    3. pauldeeds profile imageSTAFF
      pauldeedsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It looks like the google cache is from August 9th.  If you want it, you should probably grab it before they pick up your reconstructed version.

      http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/s … d+Guernsey

    4. IntimatEvolution profile image69
      IntimatEvolutionposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      These are your husbands memories and adventures with this actor you are writing about aren't they?  I mean, I didn't misunderstand you did I?  The fact that you two have had one argument; let along two or three, should tell you that these adventures are not yours to write about.  I don't understand why you would want to do something that you know would bother him.  That's like doing something on purpose to be mean or something.  I don't get it.  He is your husband.  It is his story.  Money isn't worth it.

      Misty, I'm curious why can't you just leave it be, and do as your husband would like?  He isn't asking too much.  You do realize this don't you?

  2. Beth100 profile image71
    Beth100posted 13 years ago

    Oooooo, I'd be livid!!!  Sorry about this Misty!

    Is there a way that you can contact HP and ask them restore your hub from a backup tape?  You would have to tell them a date that you need it from (at least a day or two before he did the editing and deletion.  I would choose a date closest to the last date of editing that you did). 

    I don't know if HP would do this but explain what happened.  You would not know until you ask. 

    This is the only suggestion I have.

    1. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
      mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Beth, I have re-written it as best I can from memory, but I am fuming. Not sure whether to tell hubby I know,.... or simply wait and see if he notices I have beaten him by finding out in time and re-writing it and re-publishing it before it vanished. Not much point in getting hubpages involved as I have managed to repair the majority of the damage I suspect. As for my marriage, not so sure!!!

  3. rmcrayne profile image91
    rmcrayneposted 13 years ago

    misty, sorry for your frustration.  I understand that the reaction has been favorable, and that you may have endeared Mr. Reed to fans, but…

    The juicy bits are your husband’s stories.  He feels he has betrayed Mr. Reed’s trust.  Respect them both and remove the hub.  Otherwise, you’re like Kitty Kelly writing an unauthorized biography. Just my opinion. 

    Not the answer you're looking for I know.

  4. rebekahELLE profile image85
    rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

      I know you're feeling bad about the situation, but I can't help but think that he's trying to preserve his promise to made with Oliver. regardless if there was actually a promise made, it seems there is a betrayal here of your husband's wishes. hmm

    maybe I'm missing something, but with what you've shared, this is my gut response. I would be upset that he deleted it, but he is upset that you published stories he wanted to keep private. maybe you both can come together and compromise what is included in the content, or keep it unpublished.

    1. sofs profile image79
      sofsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with rebekah ELLE your husband has a right to keep his promise, may be he views your writing his story, as violation of the trust his friend had on him.
      I believe you should respect his wishes as it is primarily his story, which he shared with you in good faith!!
      If he has not interfered with the rest of your work, I think you may have to change your perspective ..

  5. profile image0
    ralwusposted 13 years ago

    I remember reading that hub Misty. I found it quite interesting, but I think I am on your hubbies side here too, but he is wrong for doing what he did to the hub.

  6. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
    mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years ago

    Thanks Guys, but I cannot agree, he didn't consult me, discuss this with me, he didn't ask me, and to all intents and purposes he interfered with my personal writings without my permission. Only people who read the original hub can understand this, and only people who met Olly can know that he actually used to get "offended" if not recognised. Many of these stories were witnessed by numerous others at the time they happened, and if they published their memories no-one would delete them. This is unfair, and I am far from convinced that the stories I have quoted are the ones Oliver meant when he asked the likes of my husband not to ever repeat them, (I am sure there are far worse as yet unrevealed).

    1. nasus loops profile image64
      nasus loopsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Misty. 

      Yes what your husband did was wrong, but above you state 'he didn't consult me, discuss this with me, he didn't ask me, and to all intents and purposes he interfered with my personal writings without my permission.'  I will ask you one thing, Did you 'consult him, discuss it with him, ask him' before you published the hub in the first place. 

      As I said, yes what your husband did was wrong and a violation of your privacy, but you also went behind his back and published a hub he had requested you didn't!!

  7. LSKing profile image70
    LSKingposted 13 years ago

    You can get a cache copy off of Google if it was indexed.

    Your husband, sounds hurt. He told you something in confidence and you shared it with the world. I think that he regrets his decision and is now trying to erase that. Don't take it personal. You seem to have lots of great hubs already. Editing one that will make your relationship mend is worth it. Maybe you guys can rewrite it in a way that satisfies you both.

    Hope things work out for you....

    1. KCC Big Country profile image85
      KCC Big Countryposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I was trying to find a way to give a bit of advice, but I don't think I can top this.  What great advice LSKing!

      1. LSKing profile image70
        LSKingposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Thanks smile

    2. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
      mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      When he told me these stories he never ever said they were in confidence, and judging by their content I could understand why they were no big deal in terms of confidentiality. I cannot forgive him right now for "breaking into my hubpages account", and then deleting a hub without talking to me first.

      I should also point out I am now considering that my Husband maybe more concerned that he has embellished these stories and it may become more obvious if they are made public, therefore it is not Oliver's best interests he has at heart.

      Really unforgiving right now!!!

  8. sunforged profile image72
    sunforgedposted 13 years ago

    I would gladly delete any single hub if it was interfering with the wa of my home.

    1. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
      mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Sunforged, it has not yet interfered with our home, but what has aggravated me is the way he has gone about this. Oliver reed was not exclusively my Husband's friend, and many stories about him are common knowledge here on Guernsey. These stories improve his reputation, and correct many negative assumptions about Oliver. To sneak into my Hubpage account and not tell me is as bad as reading a private diary in my book.

      To be honest I am beginning to doubt my own Husband's accuracy and suspect his biggest fear is that these errors will be his undoing. Really mad at him right now (no-one else), and as I hate lies in general feel I have been let down yet again!

  9. profile image0
    Tilecleaninghubposted 13 years ago

    If your husband doesnt want you writing these hubs then delete them.  End of story.  Write hubs based on your own experiences.

    1. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
      mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Sorry, I appreciate your opinion, but have you read the hub? If you had you would know that many other people witnessed these events and therefore they are not exclusive to my Husband. Also don't forget that most hubs require knowledge outside of our own immediate experiences, such as fertility, depression etc, which are exclusive of many and yet are researchable by checking out many websites and books.

      Are we not meant to publish anything we have not directly experienced ourselves???

  10. Aficionada profile image82
    Aficionadaposted 13 years ago

    There's a lot that the two of you need to talk over - when you are both in a less emotional state.  Both of you have some justified strong emotions, and they will interfere with real communication, if you allow that.

    My suggestion, for now, would be for you to leave the hub that you have reconstructed in an unpublished state, and check on the cached copy from Google - but don't publish it either, not just yet, until y'all can talk things out.

    No matter whose interests either one of you has at heart, and no matter what the hub can do either in terms of traffic for you or positive publicity for Reed, your first priority right now needs to be bringing your marriage relationship back to a healthier state.  The other matters can be worked out later.

  11. alternate poet profile image65
    alternate poetposted 13 years ago

    The issue is that it is your husband's experiences and opinions that you are publicly airing - it must be for him to decide if it is public or private, not you.  He clearly demonstrated his feelings more than once and you have ignored them - which makes you either self-opinionated, insensitive or without any feeling for him.  Sorry to be blunt and maybe rude but you were quite wrong to publicise his stuff without his permission in the first place.

    1. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
      mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Well as I have clearly said, these stories not only improve people's opinions of Oliver Reed, but they also are experiences common to many. What I find really annoying is that everyone posting seems to be automatically assuming my Husband is being honest here, when I am starting to wonder if he has previously exaggerated the truth and is now worried that others who were there at the time might contradict him.

      This assumption is not without merit, as I have heard many tales of his life in general that are very entertaining but vary each time I hear them told. I now wonder if he is a bit of a tale teller, and whilst I know from other people I have met that he most definitely knew and socialised with Oliver Reed, I suspect he has used some degree of artistic license on his memories/stories and is worried that by my publishing them he will get found out.

    2. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
      mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      No more self-opinionated than anyone else on here I reckon, I do love my Husband, but still cannot condone him sneaking around behind my back. Most of this stuff is not solely his information, others knew this too and the stories were known to many.

      Please read the hub before you comment, it is not exactly shocking material, and you will quickly see that this was knowledge common to many local residents, (golly, I bump into people in pubs who still tell me stories about Ollie's "Garage Club" even when I am on my own)

      1. alternate poet profile image65
        alternate poetposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        I hear what you say - but it is not about what is in the hubs, it is only the issue that you are putting in the public your husband's stuff.  Nothing else.

      2. Sweetsusieg profile image77
        Sweetsusiegposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        So what you're saying that it quite possible, from experiencing your husbands past, that what he has said maybe be untrue?  Such as maybe these are stories he's heard and repeated not even being there himself?  Which of course would make him look like a lying turd.  LOL  Sorry I had to say that..  I am quite familiar with the man who likes to make up stuff, and when they get caught in their stories they do get quite furious.  Going so far as to create more and more lies in defense of the first lie.

        He was wrong, that's all there is to it, he shouldn't have gone in your account.  Once a story has erupted from the mouth it cannot be taken back.  Now it's become public knowledge.  If he shared the story with you, and did not say at the time "Do not EVER repeat this", then it's your information to do with what you wish.

      3. Marisa Wright profile image87
        Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        But didn't you do exactly the same thing? 

        You published the Hub the first time unaware that he would object.  That was fine - but when he told you he'd made a promise not to share them, you sneaked around behind his back and republished the stories anyway.

        He probably thought there was no point asking you to unpublish them since you'd demonstrated you had no respect for his feelings.  So he responded in kind.

        Whether the Hub shows Reed in a good light or not makes no difference. Your husband told you he'd made a promise which was clearly important to him - and you ignored his feelings.    Is that a loving thing to do?

        If the stories are common knowledge locally, then by all means tell the "common knowledge" version of the stories, without any of the detail your husband gave you.

  12. lakeerieartists profile image64
    lakeerieartistsposted 13 years ago

    I have to admit that I would not have written a hub against my husband's wishes.  But we don't argue about that kind of stuff.

  13. Aficionada profile image82
    Aficionadaposted 13 years ago

    I'm also inclined to ask anyone in my family before I publish something that relates directly to them or that they have told me - because I don't want to inadvertently betray confidences or pre-empt their rights or offend them.  I guess for me the issue is not whether the information was available from other people in Guernsey, but whether that is where you actually heard it.  If so, I would probably have talked that over with my husband at the time I was writing it - e.g., I heard this same story from xyz, and so I figure it's public knowledge. 

    But that doesn't sound like the case here.

    1. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
      mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Well ,for example, my Mother was friends with a chap called 'Bob Baker' over here  who told her personally about Oliver Reed's Phallic Symbol door knocker and him waiting for the post lady to arrive to see if she used it or not, so yes, I do have reason to know that there are others who experienced Olly's antics.

  14. Aficionada profile image82
    Aficionadaposted 13 years ago

    One of my relatives used to humorously say, "If it ain't worth lyin' about, it ain't worth tellin'!"  They were pretty good story-tellers in my family, and they did like to embellish.

    When you talk this over with your husband, maybe you could come up with a way to treat the stories so that it's clear they are embellished to a greater or lesser degree - and leave it up to the reader to decide exactly which parts are embellished and how much.

  15. profile image0
    cosetteposted 13 years ago

    well, if it were me, i would remove the hub, but i would tell him how i felt about his actions and ask for an apology. i mean, that's some serious stuff he did.

    and you're right, we do write about other's experiences, not just our own, but regardless of his reasons or ulterior motives for not wanting the information public, i feel as writers we should respect our sources. just my two cents though. wink

    and i'm sorry you're feeling blue over it. i would too.

  16. Mighty Mom profile image80
    Mighty Momposted 13 years ago

    Hi friend,
    Sounds like you and Hubby need a little time out and then sit down and hear each other out. Calmly and without accusations.
    The hub about Oliver Reed (one of my faves, btw) is just the catalyst. It's not a matter of who has the "right" to this information about Oliver Reed. It's about boundaries and respect and trust in your marriage. Your Hubby no doubt feels completely justified in what he's done.
    BTW, it has been my experience that men often feel protective and private about information we womenfolk see as perfectly ok to share with friends and beyond...
    A Mars/Venus thing...
    Hope you can sort it out.
    Hugs to you, MM

    1. Shadesbreath profile image80
      Shadesbreathposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I think MM nails it.

      Men have a sense of honor that doesn't necessarily make sense, but it matters.  A promise is a promise, and men have gone as far as giving their lives to protect a promise, even if it seems ridiculous to others around them.  Keeping our word matters in a deep, deep way.  It is the only thing we truly have.  Our lives, our homes, our wealth, our loved ones... all of that can be taken from us by force or fortune.  Only our honor is completely under our control.  It's the only thing we have.  So, we defend it.

      I know that having my personal space, my computer and stuff, invaded would piss me off.  Having MY WRITING deleted would make me want to get out my chainsaw and start hurting people.

      You both have valid grievances.  But I think, while he did something he shouldn't have to your work, I suspect he did it because his promise really matters so much to him, he was willing to risk your wrath.  One is an invasion of your privacy and a large irritant that will cost him your warmth for a time.  The other is a matter of his soul.

      I may be totally wrong on all fronts.  But that is how I see  probably played out.  You guys should talk.

      And, for what it's worth, I would never post a hub that my wife asked me not to. I might argue for it, vehemently make my case.  But if she really didn't want it up THAT bad, I would delete it myself.  I know you're pissed right now, but, well, maybe time will change your mind.  Either way, I hope you guys can work this out.

  17. swapna123 profile image60
    swapna123posted 13 years ago

    Hello Misty,
       Sorry to hear about this. I am not supporting your husband. It is definitely wrong to remove your hub without consulting you. However, you should understand what he is going through. We all feel bad when we break a promise. He values his friendship and maybe that promise means a lot to him. You should have consulted him before you even wrote that hub, especially when you knew that he is not comfortable discussing the stories with the outside world. Please talk to him and see if you can get him to trust you. If he still doesn't agree, maybe you should respect his decision. An article or story is not more important than a family member's feelings. In either case, tell him firmly that you don't like him logging into your account and yes, change the password.

  18. profile image0
    kimberlyslyricsposted 13 years ago

    misty my girl, just hit him up with a nice hot wax bottom back rub lol


  19. Diane Inside profile image73
    Diane Insideposted 13 years ago

    I know your mad but it seems like you did not respect your own husbands wishes to start with. I would never publish something that my husband was not comfortable with me publishing. Especially if it has to do with stories about him and another individual.

    Sorry I agree with your husband you violated trust and respect first.

  20. Chinajackie profile image58
    Chinajackieposted 13 years ago

    he he,i am a young man, no husband,

  21. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
    mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years ago

    Thanks to everyone who has left feedback on here. There are too many comments to reply to each and every one directly so I am just going to leave a general reply.

    I feel my Husband has been devious over this as he did not tell me what he had done and simply hoped I would not notice until it was too late. I have spoken on the phone to him today about normal day to day household stuff and he has shown no sign of owning up to what he did and I have not told him I know. It is my intention to not mention it at all and see if he ever comes clean, or if he confronts me about the hub still being published, (assuming he ever finds out that it is as he thinks he has deleted it).

    I stand by the fact that the contents of this hub are largely general knowledge on the island, and therefore assume that if I now go around and talk to many of the other people that knew Olly and they relay the same stories back to me as if for the first time, that this would make the hub suddenly not a problem, as the stories are no longer exclusively information I have been told by my Husband.

    I have a strong feeling that if ever Oliver did say to his friends not to talk about what went on between them, he meant things that were likely to get him on the front page of the local papers, not things that were going to cause people to like him more. What he was fed up of was being branded as an alcoholic who was always drunk and doing outrageous things. I am certain he would have had no problem with being quoted as having adopted loads of street dogs whilst filming on location for instance. Sadly I suspect that my Husband may have taken this request for privacy rather too literally, and also failed to allow for the fact Oliver has now passed away, his Wife has re-married and lives elsewhere and time has moved on by many years. Other people who were also members of Oliver's Garage Club freely talk about the events that went on, which is why I feel my Husband may have other motives for not wanting the stories relayed now.

    At the time the hub was published (about 2 years ago now), we had words over it, but eventually let the subject drop and the hub remained published. To wait two years and then suddenly out of the blue do this seems bizarre to me, but has also left me feeling like I caught him rifling through my handbag. I didn't betray any confidences when I published the hub as I was never told the information was confidential, plus the stories are known to many people who were either witnesses to the events or had heard them through the grapevine also.

    Thanks again to all of you who commented and offered advice or thoughts on this situation. Whilst I can't agree with everything that has been said or suggested, I do still appreciate the effort that was taken to respond. I shall think longer on this before I decide what to do for the best and what is the right thing to do.

  22. Mrvoodoo profile image57
    Mrvoodooposted 13 years ago

    The story seems to have changed over the course of the thread, the original post seems to suggest that these were private stories.

    'This hub consisted of true stories my Husband had shared with me about his friendship with Oliver Reed when he lived over here.'

    Yet by this point in the thread your husband is a liar, and these were stories that everybody knew anyway.

    It sounds like you've both violated the trust of the other.  In equal measure.

  23. Greek One profile image63
    Greek Oneposted 13 years ago

    "He had always promised Oliver their stories would never be shared even after his death."

    If the above is the case, then why are YOU upset?

    (PS.. who is Oliver Reed???)

  24. Sufidreamer profile image79
    Sufidreamerposted 13 years ago

    'Tis a quandary and it looks like you are both building insurmountable barriers where there should be none. Maybe there was wrong on both sides - it is difficult to say with only one side of the story, but you can turn this around into a positive before it gets out of hand and becomes cancerous. To me, Shades has it pretty much spot on - playing the blame game is going to create resentment.

    Why not rewrite the Hub together - I am pretty sure that if you talk through this, you can find plenty of stories about Ollie that are interesting but will not threaten your husband's honour. Maybe you could set some ground rules - if the stories are common knowledge amongst the Garage Club and other islanders, then they should be publishable. Anything that is known only to your husband should be unpublishable. You will still have a fantastic Hub (I did read it, a while back!).

    Whatever you decide, I hope that it all works out well for you both smile

    1. Greek One profile image63
      Greek Oneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I have Googled Oliver Reed and found information on him.

      My question is still "Who is Oliver Reed???"

      1. Aficionada profile image82
        Aficionadaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        I loved Oliver Reed!!  I mean, I loved his acting - at least in the movies of his that I saw.  He was Proximo in Gladiator; Athos in The Three Musketeers, The Four Musketeers, and Return of the Musketeers; and Bill Sykes in Oliver!, the musical adaptation of Oliver Twist.  He had over a hundred acting credits on his filmography.  He played very memorable characters.

        1. Greek One profile image63
          Greek Oneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          ah, you see.. that's the problem.. I am very young still

  25. Daniel Carter profile image64
    Daniel Carterposted 13 years ago

    But let's be clear: the promise came from your HUSBAND, not from you. I don't think I read that he swore you to secrecy of these things. I think, if it's possible, that you may want to address that issue with him. Whether you, or Joe Blow down the row writes about him, it's still based on personal experiences and interactions that are going to surface somehow, somewhere. Your husband can honor his promise, but I don't see how you are bound to it, and I don't see how that is somehow a betrayal to your marriage. You haven't betrayed your husband or Mr. Reed. What you've done, as you said, is make the man a little more endearing.

    I would hope that after all the swirling controversy about me that I might have a few witnesses who would do as much good for me as you, Misty.

    I don't have the answers regarding how to deal with your hubby, but I do hope that he can begin to see that there is no betrayal here. Doing good is not betrayal.

    1. Greek One profile image63
      Greek Oneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I disagree with you violently on this one Daniel!!  If you can't trust your wife to keep a something that was supposed to be a secret, then who can you trust!?!?

      Plus, you haven;t answered my fundamental question.. who the hell is Oliver Reed!?!?!?


      1. Mrvoodoo profile image57
        Mrvoodooposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        'I disagree with you violently on this one Daniel!!  If you can't trust your wife to keep a something that was supposed to be a secret, then who can you trust!?!?'

        ^ This

        He may not have sworn her to secrecy, but it seems as if he has made it very clear that he'd rather they weren't published.  And they were his stories to tell.

        1. Greek One profile image63
          Greek Oneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          exactly, Mr Voodoo
          (ps.. do you know who Oliver Reed is?)

          1. Mrvoodoo profile image57
            Mrvoodooposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Yep, I looked him up on Facebook. 

            This is him:


            1. Greek One profile image63
              Greek Oneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

              didn't he star in the Andy Griffith show?

              1. Mrvoodoo profile image57
                Mrvoodooposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                Who is Andy Griffith? big_smile

                1. Greek One profile image63
                  Greek Oneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  This is Andy Griffith


                  1. Mrvoodoo profile image57
                    Mrvoodooposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                    Hmmmmm, he does look kind of familiar. smile

                  2. Daniel Carter profile image64
                    Daniel Carterposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                    Still looks like Bill Sykes to me.

                    Here is a memory jog:

        2. rebekahELLE profile image85
          rebekahELLEposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          triple this^  the relationship is more important than a hub, it's not about the hub, it's about trust and respect.
          I hope misty and her husband can sit and talk and listen and work it out.

      2. Daniel Carter profile image64
        Daniel Carterposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        Okay, everyone, I stand corrected.

        1. Greek One profile image63
          Greek Oneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          i violently disagree with you backing down from your position!!


          1. Daniel Carter profile image64
            Daniel Carterposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Yeah, well, I'm a hard nosed, very tough negotiator, so that's what I would do, but in the end, if it effects my relationship, I would preserve that first, so ya got me, Homer. I'm a softee at home.

            1. Greek One profile image63
              Greek Oneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

              i violently agree with both of your positions!!

  26. wilderness profile image95
    wildernessposted 13 years ago

    If anyone, anyone at all ever intentionally deleted one of my hubs I would take every step I could think of to stop it from happening again.  All new passwords on the computer as well as on HP and Google.  If necessary an external hard drive with the OS and any HP related files on it that could be kept on my person. 

    Having said that, there is a side of the story I haven't seen anyone comment on.  If someone took private information from my casual conversation to spread over the internet I might be irritated enough to delete that information if I could.  If the same person, knowing how I feel about it, re-instated it and again spread it, it would be the end of any such conversation in the future.  In effect you may have completely violated your husbands trust by posting it in the first place, then reposting it on the sly after he removed the privileged, private information.

    Shadesbreath has a very good point in his post and I think it is very true.  You may have badly violated his honor and trust and continued violations could put a really serious dent in your relationship with your husband to the point that simple conversation becomes nearly nonexistent as he knows that anything he says will be told to everyone in the world.  Would you be careful in what you had to say to a gossip columnist known to ignore requests to keep information privileged or just go on and on with intimate details of your life?  It's a comparison that is probably completely unjustified, but from your husbands viewpoint that may be just what he sees happening.

  27. paradigmsearch profile image59
    paradigmsearchposted 13 years ago

    Miscommunication can cause more problems than all other factors combined.

  28. Joy56 profile image69
    Joy56posted 13 years ago

    hope he is not reading this thread  I used to get myself in trouble with my husband, he found some of my comments in the forums, upsetting.......  I had to bow to his point of the view in the end, as he was so hurt by some things he read.  I love hub pages, but i love him more.   Just a little anyway

  29. profile image0
    Home Girlposted 13 years ago

    If you do not respect your life partner in stupid things (and I find quarreling about some actor no one knows anything about rather stupid), how do you expect him to trust you in big things like health or money problems we all have from time to time? I think you should apologize (even if you feel right, even if you are right), yes, apologize for not respecting his wishes and delete this hub and write about something else, there are millions of topics, that are interesting, useful and entertaining. It's just not worth the relationship you have.
    By the way: who is Bill Sykes?

  30. aguasilver profile image71
    aguasilverposted 13 years ago

    Misty, if you want to get a copy of your hub (or anything for that matter) just go to here:


    I just tried it, without success, but they may be down right now, anyhow, they archive most stuff, and you may be able to get an earlier version, pre deletion.

    But I reserve judgement on whether it should be up! smile


  31. Jeff Berndt profile image74
    Jeff Berndtposted 13 years ago

    Huh... So, the stories were either common knowledge on Gurnsey, or they were embellished or fabricated. Either Hubby was telling his wife true stories of this Oliver Reed fellow, or he was making them up. Or maybe they were private stories that nobody knew about. I haven't read the hub and have no idea who this Oliver Reed fellow is, so, no opinion on any of the above.


    Hubby told the Mrs. these stories. Now the Mrs. is publishing them. Hubby found out, and took it upon himself to hack the Mrs.'s account and delete the story.

    Is that about right so far?

    Unanswered questions:
    1) Did the Mrs. ask Hubby if it was okay to publish those stories?
    2) Did Hubby ever say to the Mrs., "This is between us, okay, Dear?"
    3) Did Hubby ever say to the Mrs., "Hey, can you please take down that story about Oliver Reed? I never thought you'd want to publish it when I told it to you."
    4) If so, did the Mrs. say something like, "No, I wrote it, I published it, it's now my story, and I'm leaving it up regardless of your wishes."

    Seems to me, pending the answers to the questions above:
    a) Hubby should not have hacked the account; that was pretty unethical, and probably also illegal.

    b) The Mrs. should not have published that story without asking her source (Hubby) if it was cool.

    c) Both parties need to discuss this issue and work it out, along with some guidelines about which of Hubby's stories the Mrs. may publish, and what Hubby should do if he discovers that the Mrs. has published something (that she heard from him) he'd rather not have in the open.

  32. Whitney05 profile image84
    Whitney05posted 13 years ago

    In a way, you should have asked your husband if you could use the stories, so in that sense you were wrong. At the same time, he's wrong because he shouldn't have deleted it.

    There were probably ways to write the hub without the stories that attempted the same ideal that you were trying to get at.

  33. camlo profile image84
    camloposted 13 years ago

    Well, I've read the Hub by MistyHorizon, and there is nothing at all in it that I'd think should be kept secret. In fact, none of the incidents listed took place 'secretly' at all, as far as I can tell. There must be a few others around who could also recount most of them, if they so desired.

    Maybe Oliver's reputation might have been slightly damaged if this 'good side' of him had been publicized during his living years ...

    I remember during the late seventies, hardly a day went by when he wasn't making headlines in the UK national boulevard press - it was always his drunken antics, and always photographed in a stupor with his wife Josephine at his side.

    It was a scandal, too, when he married Josephine - Oliver was old enough to be her father, and that was much less acceptable back then than it is now.

    Still, coming back to the subject of this thread; if your husband feels so strongly against your (re-)publishing this Hub, perhaps you really ought to let it be. You can't let an incident like this ruin your relationship, although I'm pretty sure something already has been damaged now things have gone this far.

    Sorry to hear about this, and sincerely hope you both find a solution.

  34. Sweetsusieg profile image77
    Sweetsusiegposted 13 years ago

    I clicked the link and was able to read your Hub.  It was very good saying only kind things about Oliver Reed.  I can't see why he might feel the need to delete your Hub.  Maybe a good sit down with him is in order!  Talk to him and see if you can find out exactly why he is so upset.

    I could be that he misses the days with his friend?  I hope this can be peaceably resolved between the two of you.  Good Luck!

  35. sabrebIade profile image82
    sabrebIadeposted 13 years ago

    This would be my sticking point....

    "so to be on the safe side I changed my password to Hubpages as a precaution. Well, I am guessing that in the last 12 hours my Hubby has worked out what it is, either by watching me log in, or simply by the fact he worked it out weeks"

    He broke into your account?
    To me that's what the furniture throwing would revolve around.

    You can argue, debate and discuss if the Hub should have been published or not all you want, but breaking into your personal account?

  36. Ladybird33 profile image67
    Ladybird33posted 13 years ago

    Change you password...I agree with sabrebalde.

  37. thisisoli profile image72
    thisisoliposted 13 years ago

    He shouldn't have hacked you account, but at the same time i am not really sure you should have published a story which your Husband told you in confidence.

  38. IzzyM profile image88
    IzzyMposted 13 years ago

    Well I had to plough through 4 pages to get to this. You heard stories about this famous actor (and yes I too have time for Oliver Reed) from your husband who was a personal friend.
    Your husband told you these stories and no doubt embellished them with his own particular brand of humor.
    They made great stories. You are a writer and so rewrote and published them. (sorry I didn't read them)
    Your husband eventually wormed his way into your computer and deleted them.
    Husband deleted IMO. Sorry but how dare he compromise what you are.
    H is only a man while you are a writer! You write these stories to make Oliver look good after so many journalists sank his name into the mud. Hey babes if you believe there is someone out there for everyone, then this tells you that you are with the wrong man.
    What he is basically saying to you is that you can be a writer, but he has the right to say what you write.
    Dump him! Tell him to get lost.

  39. Lisa HW profile image63
    Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

    I'm not a fan of taking liberties with someone else's e.mail, but I can sort of imagine that your husband may not be certain you wouldn't write anything about the guy (even if it only meant there could be the "risk" of it looking like he shared a confidence and you posted it on the Internet.   Besides being concerned about looking like betrayed a trust, maybe he's even wondering if you/he could be sued if someone see the thing.  Based on a couple of things you've said it seems as if you are still thinking there's no problem with your judging what you say in the writing, rather than just respecting that your husband is obviously pretty uncomfortable about the whole.

    I think he was wrong to get into your e.mail, but I wonder if he thinks you can't be trusted just not to write anything about the guy at all (just to prevent possible problems).  I don't blame for you for bring angry.  I would be too.  Still, I can see how your husband may have felt the only safe way to eliminate all possibilities of problems was to do what he did.  To me, if this is the only time your husband did this kind of thing, I think maybe he had extenuating circumstances.  I'd just write about Olive Stone instead (smile) (or something) and leave Oliver Reed's PR up to his own PR people.   hmm

  40. alternate poet profile image65
    alternate poetposted 13 years ago

    On reflection it is clear that you and your hubby have no common ground, no respect for each other, and randomly 'break into' each others private stuff.  Divorce would be the safest option.

    In cas this is seen as a personal attack it is all written in a spirit of total cynicism (expressed as sarcasm) at the broken trust that the OP implies on both sides.

  41. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
    mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years ago

    Whew, what a lot of reading I had to catch up on here, I wasn't really expecting this to still be going on after my last post to be honest. Well an update is due I guess so here goes. I have agreed to temporarily unpublish the hub and then discuss with the Hubby which bits he is happy with being published or not. I have asked him to be honest with me as to why he doesn't want certain parts published though as they are so innocent, and I feel there is more to this than he is telling me, such as he used some artistic license when telling me them and people who were also around in the circles Oliver Reed was, may have come across this hub online, worked out who "Bob" really is and have told him that his memory of events differs slightly from theirs.

    I have also told my Husband I felt he should not have hacked into my account and then not told me what he had done, in much the same way as he would feel if I opened his post and then decided which bits to throw away and then didn't tell him until he found those bits in the bin at a later time. Like I said, it isn't as if I published something saying that Oliver liked wearing women's underwear or something (he didn't by the way).

    I am hoping we can now reach a compromise, and that he will be honest with me as to the real reason this was a big deal and not tell me it was because of any promise made to Oliver (that I seriously doubt is the problem, or if it was ever made at all).

    1. thisisoli profile image72
      thisisoliposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You would be surprised, I am friends with a prominant actress, I have known her since before she was famous.  She has asked me though to never talk about where we go, what we do, or even the kind of things we do.

      Why? Normality.

      She likes to seperate her high profile life from her normal activities. She doesn't want to end up in the tabloids with papparazzi on her doorstep every morning, and to be honest I don't blame her.

      I think she simply likes somewhere to come home to.

      1. Garrett Mickley profile image69
        Garrett Mickleyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        I think it's definitely something celebrities deserve. I commend you for staying true to that.

        If it's Emma Watson, I'm totally jealous. (Just throwing out a guess because I know you're from England).

      2. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
        mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years agoin reply to this

        I agree, but in this case the actor Oliver Reed, although extremely famous and a star on many big movies, has been dead many years, therefore it is not an invasion of his privacy today. I grew up with many famous celebrities in my own right, (via my parents, who were both in show business themselves), and I know that if they were out in public on their free time the polite thing to do was NOT to approach them asking for their autographs etc, as that WAS their private time. I understand this big time and have frequently had normal conversations with people like this, even played pool with them, and not approached them in any way other than the way I would an acquaintance.

        I too commend you for respecting your friend's privacy on this basis.

        1. thisisoli profile image72
          thisisoliposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Ahh okay, for some reason I thought he was still alive!

          I guess in that case there would be little issue with it!

    2. camlo profile image84
      camloposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      That's what I was thinking.

  42. Lisa HW profile image63
    Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

    It's good that you and your husband are talking about it anyway - always better than the behind-the-back type of thing.  I know if I were you I'd be pretty steamed too.  Still, maybe it's because the guy is dead that your husband feels particularly bound to keep his promise?  (I'm not necessarily defending his actions - just kind of playing Devil's Advocate.)  Nice you're talking about it, though.   smile

    1. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
      mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Lisa, yes things have calmed down and we are going to revise the hub next week. smile I feel very relieved as the stress was making me feel quite sick and ill.

  43. Phenomenal woman profile image61
    Phenomenal womanposted 13 years ago

    What are you? Some kind of reporter,He didn't want their business put out there for the world to see.He made that very clear and obvious to you.Sounds to me like your being selfish,and liking the attention your recieving,so you would disrespect him and disreguard his wishes at the same time.Thats wrong of you.It wasn't for you to decided to give oliver a new image to the world,you should have talked it over with your husband first.Sometimes,when our mates talk to us about personal experiances,it's for our ears only.Not everyone elses.Don't think of this as a mean message,think of it as tough love in a way.Repair the damage,don't make it worse.It may seam silly to you,the way he's acting.But,I'm sure,it makes all the sense in the world to him.Goodluck.

    1. mistyhorizon2003 profile image88
      mistyhorizon2003posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Like I said, we have agreed to work out a compromise hub between us, and like I also said previously most of the stories were public knowledge anyway here, not private stuff as you have assumed. I am definitely not any kind of "Attention Seeker" that is never what I aimed to be and if anything prefer a quiet life. Actually I never wrote the hub to change the world's opinion of Oliver initially,(It was written to make people smile, laugh and have a glimpse into the life this actor lead when not "working"), but if I had done I cannot see why that would be a problem, and would actually have been a nice thing to do, and as I am a nice person I would have been pleased with that result. What is not nice is when muck-raking reporters try to find as much scandal as they can on a famous person in order to blacken their name, (as so many did with Oliver). Being a writer on hubpages does often mean "reporting", whether it is on a product, a news story that is current, or on people, (look at how many articles their are on here about Obama for instance). I am sure once you begin to publish on here you will find the same thing out.

      Anyway, I thank you for your advice and feedback, which I am sure was not meant to be mean, but purely constructive. I just wanted to explain as I couldn't possibly have expected you have read all the posts that have been made since this thread started that would have clarified the nature of the information that was in the original hub etc.

      Good Luck here on Hubpages, I am sure you will grow to love it in a very short space of time.

      1. Garrett Mickley profile image69
        Garrett Mickleyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        You keep stating that what you did was a nice thing for Oliver.

        What about the nice thing for your husband?

        If I were in your position, and my girlfriend (not even a wife yet) was unhappy with something I posted that directly involves her (whether or not they are public knowledge, because you said "This hub consisted of true stories my Husband had shared with me about his friendship with Oliver Reed when he lived over here"), I would not put it up because I respect my girlfriend's wishes.

        Reading through this entire thread and all of the comments so far (time I probably should have spent working on my own hubs), it seems to me you're just ranting and looking for people to agree with you, because it seems here majority of the people feel what you are doing is just as wrong as what he did, yet you just keep arguing with everyone here, again, stating that what you did was nice for Mr. Reed.


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