How do I find myself again?

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   A Thousand Wordsposted 11 years ago

   I feel like I'm losing me. And I don't know who's taking my place. Or how to get myself back. Or if I should even try to hold on to me?

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      michememeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Get back to the basic of you. What made you happy before you got to this point? Do a lot of self-checking, are you allowing a person or situation to take you? If this is the case you may have to begin by cutting some people or things loose. I have recently been to this point. When I couldn't get back on track myself I seeked counseling. Well, I feel like me again. I had to remember that I am at the top of every list in my life. I control my happiness. I also color, watch cartoons (Tom and Jerry) to take me to a happy place. When I was a kid, I didn't have all of this on me. I love to read and write, so I escape by doing these two things. I hope you find yourself, you need YOU!

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         Rhonda D Johnsonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Kudos to you!

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            michememeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Thank you.m

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         A Thousand Wordsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks.

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      Rhonda D Johnsonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      ATW, I've got good news and I've got bad news.
      
      First the bad news: Nobody can give you what you don't already have.  That's the law of nature.  Matter can neither be created or destroyed.
      
      And that is the good news.  You cannot be destroyed.  But you can come to a place where you must stop and think, "Where do I go from here?"  This place is uncomfortable, otherwise you wouldn't want to move.  So Move gotdarnit!  Like Michememe said, find out what makes you happy and get off your egg.

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         michememeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         True!

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         A Thousand Wordsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks, you both, that was very helpful.

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      Cagsilposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Life is ever-changing and you must change with it. Knowing this will bring on a new awareness, which you can learn from(gain knowledge). If you discern the knowledge properly, then you cannot lose yourself.
      
      Wisdom says that any gender can have relationship issues and the reason they have such issues is because the individuals within the relationship do not have a complete understanding of what it takes to make a relationship successful/work.
      
      Yes, a relationship can be stressful and at times you will have to give in, but there are times where you will not have to give in, because that would mean you give up, which isn't something you should do.
      
      Your life will change constantly and if you're unable to change with it, then you will get this lost feeling. This also means any relationship you're in must change because both people need to change(bend) to make it work.

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      Daughter Of Maatposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You are always you. You are your values, your emotions, your dreams, and your wants. Finding who you are is a lifelong process because we are constantly changing, adapting. Our wants and dreams are always changing, emotions flow like water, and thoughts are fleeting.
      
      For example, someone who is homosexual. That person is not defined by their sexuality. They are a person who happens to be homosexual. Your sexual preference does not define you; your values, morals, dreams etc, define you and those can change as we age.
      
      Getting to know yourself is part of living life, and an ongoing process. Enjoy it, one day at a time.

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   believe8posted 11 years ago

   Start by spending some time alone to think. Reflect on what you believe in and why you believe those things. Ask yourself "who am i?" and think of things that makes you, you. Think about the people in your life, why are they in your life and are they a good influence? If certain people aren't good for you then gracefully cut them out! Like something someone said earlier figure out what you enjoyed doing before you got to this point. Do the things you love doing! Also, when you are figuring yourself out again, spend time with the people you have always been able to be yourself around. This could help you find yourself.

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   Astra Nomikposted 11 years ago

   If you are trying to find yourself, did you lose yourself at some point? Was it with another person, or an old experience?
   
   There is a point in all lives when we, as a caterpillar, become the change towards that butterfly thing. We all grow, and mature. We also outgrow things. Growing is normal and natural.
   
   I associate an earlier part in my life where I was losing myself, with living a lie. When I stopped living the lie, I found myself ... right where I always was. And I am a happier person today.

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      michememeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Love your reply!

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      A Thousand Wordsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      The thing is, I don't know if I can distinguish the lie from myself. I may start meditating. I'm all out of whack.

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         Rhonda D Johnsonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         How old are you, if I may ask?

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            A Thousand Wordsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            21

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               Lisa HWposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               Since you're 21, I'd say there's more of a chance you haven't yet finished figuring out and defining who you are than "lost yourself".  You may have have become distant from aspects of life as a kid, and haven't yet either found new aspects of who you are or else found a way to build on the "you" that you've always been, but are now in the process of "adding to".  In other words, there's a good chance you're just in a transition stage.  Any time we're in a transition stage we need a little time to sort out the new from the old, and then find a way to fit it all together into one "self".
               
               You might want to think about the things in your life that make you feel happy, and then spend some time thinking about why they make you feel happy.  It could be something like a hobby or dancing, or even something like your favorite song or something like your computer (if it makes you happy).  Anyway, think of the things that make you happy; and think about each one as long as it takes to get to where you feel you've thought about why each thing makes you happy.  Then, think about things you want in life and why you want them, or things about yourself that you like.  It's all just kind of a way of reminding  yourself who you are, what you like, what makes you happy, and why you want want to do what you you hope to do.
               
               It can be a kind of positive mental experience; and for now, if you feel kind of like you're drifting, having a positive mental experience that's just for you, and just about you, might help you stay in touch with "the real you" until you get through this stage.
               
               Sometimes too, though, it's not that we lose ourselves but that we spend a lot of time with someone who doesn't know who/what we are.  So, we don't really lose ourselves, but instead kind of lose our sense of feeling "on solid ground".

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               Rhonda D Johnsonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               21 is a cardinal age.  The body is constantly reproducing itself, getting rid of old dead cells and replacing them with new ones.  It takes seven years for the body to completely replace itself.  At 21, you are a completely different person from who you were when you were 14.    Seven years from now you will be a new person from what you are now, with a new perspective, new needs and new desires.  Yet we seem to have the same body and we need a sense of continuity to give meaning to our lives.   So you may be in a state of cognitive dissonance right now. 
               
               In practical terms just realize that what you feel is normal and you will settle down as you learn to appreciate who you are becoming.

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                  Jean Bakulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  You are young, and at a point where your life is changing so much. 21 used to be when people were considered adults, and many women my age were married and had children by then. Sometimes you just need to go back to an interest or place that made you feel happy, and just that positive energy can improve your mood. Or maybe you need change, and should try something you always wanted to do, but didn't for whatever reason. Make a list of things you want to do, and you may surprise yourself with what you list! I find journaling is a good way to get out your emotions. Write a little about your day every evening. Read it once a month. You'll see if you've been complaining about something or someone, and not doing anything about it. Or you may have great ideas, but see that you aren't acting on them.  If you are lost because you lost someone in your life, that's harder, and it takes time. But you should always have time for your own self, and have some of your own interests, no matter who the relationship is with. I sometimes take a course when I'm in a rut. Meditation and exercise are both positive for relaxing and getting in a better mood. I wish you all the best.

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               janniesavonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               It sounds like you may be seeking the "new world" that is mentioned in an Ancient Book that most people have in their homes.  The new world will be one where there  will be no more tears, pain, sorrow or mourning.  Even death is to be done away with.  Imagine waking up and finding the whole earth made into a beautiful paradise and to see people getting along together in love, happiness, peace and unity.  This will be so much different that than seeing all the wars and accompanying hatred and other problems that result from man's way of doing things.  All the wonderful blessings mentioned above are "just around the corner."   

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4. 67

   Cheeky Girlposted 11 years ago

   Sometimes we meet someone who treats us very special. Or we see them as very special. And we want to always be with that person and we do almost anything and even almost "be" anything for them. We don't want to lose them. And sometimes we are willing to change ourselves to suit them and "keep" them.
   
   I am not saying that this is what happened to you. But perhaps you now feel that you have undeegone a change to something you don't like.
   
   Some friends and close people to us ask us to do things we are not easy or happy with. They try to change us. Maybe they discover we are easy to manipulate and change, or "turn".
   
   We can become prey to certain kids of people some times. And we might lose our way with them. I have a friend who's new stepfather seemed a nice guy until he stared getting too "friendly" with my friend, and she is his step daughter. (My friend's mother re-married after a rotten husband left her.) My friend is terrified of telling her mother now. My friend is only 22.
   
   Relationships can sure complicate life!

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      A Thousand Wordsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      The first part is actually exactly what happened.

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         Cheeky Girlposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Oh drat! Really? You are kidding me? I am sorry for saying what I said in that case, cos I don't mean to drum up bad memories for you.
         
         But you need to understand that you - in the words of Nora Efron - "...Be the Heroine in our own life, not its victim..."
         
         (She is a brilliant sweet woman in the film industry who passed away today.)
         
         You are 21, which means life is just starting for you. (I'm 28 and not that far ahead myself! LOL!)
         
         Even though we want to only see the good in others, the truth is often that others don't always be what we think they are. So trust in your intuition because gut feeling and intuition is seldom wrong. That's what I do.
         
         I had a boyfriend a long time ago who was an expert in a certain kind of "subject", and that was part of his appeal. He seemed magic to me, until I brought him home to meet my grandparents, who saw he was a fake in about 3 seconds! A lesson learned, and I am more wary. Yes , had a few like that, each with various strengths and er... weaknesses. I was 17 and innocent. Makes you fiigure out stuff about yourself! 10 years does a lot for ya!
         
         Follow your intuition get second opinions if you're not sure - and you'll find yourself soon enough! Worked for me! Don't be hard on yourself! You are 21!!!

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   recommend1posted 11 years ago

   Finding yourself is a process and the easiest way is to get away from everything normal so that you can see what is left, what you have taken with you.  The traditional way is to go travel, see new kinds of people better off and worse off than yourself in new cultures.  More people seem to 'find themselves' in India it seems to me, or maybe this is a British thing.
   
   Quite a few people do it by doing something completely different like go help out at the local soup kitchen if you have one, and stick it out for a few months at least, or volunteer to help handicapped or aged.  But be careful, these places are infested with fake kristians feeding on the misery and pain who will try to sell you peace by following a myth, you find something but it won't be yourself.

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      A Thousand Wordsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Oh, I already went down that path. Not interested in going back. (As far as the Christian thing is concerned.) But that sounds like a good idea.

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   editorsupremoposted 11 years ago

   Take a journey back over your life and remember the good times when you were you, a whole person who was happyand enjoyed life without any issues, problems or gripes with anyone.
   
   Check your relationships with family members and friends. Are they good or are they having a negative impact on you? We don't get to choose who our family is and sometimes we have to sever ties because they are no good for us. This may be hard but if it necessary it will make you a stronger person. Friends we can choose and if they not elevating you or supporting you in whatever you want to do, drop them because they have not got your back.
   
   Look at what you have achieved and even if you have not achieved what you wanted there is still time to achieve your dreams and reach your goals.  As Aliyah said, you should 'dust yourself off and try again'.
   
   You say you are 'losing me and don't know how to get yourself back' that indicates to me that you do want to get back to who you were, and the question of whether you should even try is negated because you do not like who are becoming and want to get back to you, but don't know how.
   
   Meditate and scrutinize every area of your life and you will find the answer to finding yourself..

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   Tusitala Tomposted 11 years ago

   When we are prompted from within to change our lives we usually feel very, very uncomfortable.  We might even feel we're going 'out of our minds' with some indefinable pressure which we cannot put into words.  So we might vacillate, procrastinate, endeavouring to bring back what was.  But it can't be done.  Decide to do something and do it.
   
   Do what?
   
   Go with your heart.  A part of you knows what needs to be done to bring about that inner peace and sense of purpose again.  As someone earlier said, meditate on it.  Let the answer simply 'evolve' into your consciousness if you cannot come up with something quickly.   Intuition.  It is your greatest guidance.   Heed it.

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   cheaptrickposted 11 years ago

   "The lunatic,is in my head
   the lunatic,is in my head
   you raise the blade
   you make the change
   you rearange me till I'm sane
   you lock the door
   and throw away the key
   there's someone in my head
   but it's not me"....Pink Floyd
   
   there Is a point here,but it may just be on top of My head
   Cheer up kiddo,life goes on and the hard times are there to make the Good times that much better.

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