I am going to die but still no fear ?

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  1. itech profile image63
    itechposted 14 years ago

    I am going to die soon or may be, not the doctors report but the red blood is coming out from my nose & mouth with or without cough continuously from the last night(IST) in every half an hour.
    The problem was from the last few months but increased;

    In addition,  what a great thing happens with me ,I am very happy & enjoying my life much better than the normal life in these days.

    Did anyone faced such conditions ever.

    1. brimancandy profile image77
      brimancandyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      So, your doctors checked you on this? My uncle had the same thing happen to him. It turned out that he was having a major heart attack! If you have not been to the doctor, you need to go as soon as possible!

    2. tantrum profile image60
      tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Never happened to me. I'm not a doctor person either. I've gone only a couple of times in all my life ! lol!
      But, if I had your symptoms, I'd go.
      I don't think you're going to enjoy life, as you say you like, if blood is coming continuously from your mouth and nose.
      Take care ! smile

      1. itech profile image63
        itechposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        I'm really enjoying, believe me such an happiness in my heart I've never seen in my 19 years life.

        1. tantrum profile image60
          tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          then go on ! It's your life. You can do with it whatever you like.
          Good luck !!

    3. AEvans profile image72
      AEvansposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Go to the doctor you are to young to just ignore it and still have many years ahead of you , I have not faced them but I have seen them.

    4. IzzyM profile image86
      IzzyMposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Not had bleeding from nose and mouth no; not how you describe.
      I've looked at your blog and it all seems very strange. You talk about wantng the 'disease' at one time, and then talk about 'getting what you wanted', and refusing medical help from the word go. You talked too about 'washing off the germs'. You say the name of your disease is 'unknown' and in your photograph you look thin but otherwise OK.
      If you do not know what you have got, how can you say it is fatal? The bleeding does sound serious, but it could also be due to infection, which is curable with antibiotics, but only a doctor can say. You need to get out and see one, and not sit online in the forums proclaiming you are dying without knowing if that is the case or not.
      Sorry if this seems harsh.

    5. motricio profile image67
      motricioposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      For this flesh there is no rest,
          That would ever compare to the unstoppable death.
        I've a heart condition,
      and a psychic trauma that doesn't allow me to sleep
        Can't take pills to sleep due to the condition
      And have no rest for about 9 moths ago.
          A hell in earth.

      1. tantrum profile image60
        tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        sad sad sad
        so sorry !

      2. Lady Guinevere profile image66
        Lady Guinevereposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        Focus/meditate/pray on one single thing.  Practice pushing other thoughts out of your mind.  This take times and patience, but it will help you.  Don't expect it to happen in one week or month, but keep working at it. Healing light being sent your way. Focus on a picture of something good if that helps.

        1. motricio profile image67
          motricioposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Thank you very much,
          I have found in my music, mi job, and my new life a new light to guide my way.
          My family doesn't know but it's better, everyone has to deal with their own demons.
          And here at Hubpages, I found lovely people and a way to express my feelings. Thnx again for reading my hubs.

  2. bojanglesk8 profile image59
    bojanglesk8posted 14 years ago

    It's good if you don't have fear. Fear of death is worse than death itself.

    1. itech profile image63
      itechposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You were very fast in replies.

  3. earnestshub profile image80
    earnestshubposted 14 years ago

    I do not know what is going on for you, but I know what it is like to keep having operations and getting closer to being inoperable the next time. My cancer killed me on the op table, but I wandered back. I spent the next two weeks not expecting to wake up the next morning as it became unlikely I would recover. I went through a lot of emotions, all in the usual order. I felt sorry for my self, I thought why me? then I got angry, then I saw how deeply I loved my family, fought like hell for my life and am still here.
    I hope you make it this time. We all go in the end of course, but later is better for me at least.
    All my best wishes, and may your power be with you.
    If you are taking morphine for pain it reduces fear also. smile

    1. itech profile image63
      itechposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hello sir,
      I did not have any kind of 'Fear of Death' while suffering from these disease.
      However, I am feeling very enjoyable this time that's the problem & that's the good thing as because I had already learned so much in my 19 years of my life that my similar age friends or other whom I know will take 12-15 more years to learn this (this is my own research) & I had promised myself to not to go to doctor becoz they will kill me with their medicines & as you mentioned by their operations also & I don't want to miss all other fun and joy remaining in my life.

      My parents are worrying of me like they had pulled up a whole mountains on their hands.

      Thanks for your kindness & support. smile

      1. r2moo2 profile image60
        r2moo2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

        I still suggest getting a doctor for a check up, as I think life is already short in itself, and no point in making it even shorter.

        Unless the doctors are untrustworthy.

        Do seek some medical help ya?

        1. itech profile image63
          itechposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          I will wait some more days,
          Thanks for suggestion.

          @aquasilver, I have no financial problem & I want to live longer but not on the beds of hospital.

      2. rmcrayne profile image89
        rmcrayneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        I too have lost faith in doctors.  This after working in Western Medicine over 30 years.  If you don't trust MDs, please see someone.  I go to a naturopath who is also a homeopath and herbalist.  He has practiced over 40 years and knows so much!  An Alternative Medicine provider will either help you, or tell you if you really should see an MD.  Best of luck and keep us posted on your condition.  I am hoping for healing for you, my new friend.

    2. r2moo2 profile image60
      r2moo2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Oh I didn't know that. Are you alright now? Fit as a fiddle?

      1. earnestshub profile image80
        earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        Very well, thank you. I made a full recovery minus a few body parts the cancer had eaten or ingested! smile

        1. r2moo2 profile image60
          r2moo2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Wow that's great! A wonderful testimony to help others going through the same ordeal actually. You have a hub on it?

          1. aguasilver profile image68
            aguasilverposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Good idea earnest, do a hub on it, that would help others facing similar problems...

            Like the purple flower btw, you've adopted it as you mascot!

            I tried some random numbers but couldn't find a cutee like you did!

  4. profile image0
    shazwellynposted 14 years ago

    I have helped lots of terminal patients in my time.  The one thing that is consistant, many report at being lucky.  They suddenly realise that life is precious and they have a 'glow' about them.

    When people are 'terminal' they have a great opportunity to live their lives.  They can mend the wrongs in their lives.  They can prioritise what is important.  The battle they face brings out great strength.  Through their suffering, they teach the rest of us to love and value.  The importance of money becomes unimportant.  People realise that the gift of giving of oneselve's time is the true value of life.  Time is invaluable and life is about making a difference with love.

    In my experience, acceptance of the transition from life to death brings about something special.  It is a peacefulness.  A calmness.  People only give up the ghost when they are ready to, so their is no fear.

    For me... I realise that we are all terminal.  People that are diagnosed as such have a chance to make good.  To make a difference.  The rest of us carry on taking life for granted and wasting it. 
    The past has gone, there is not much we can do to change the past.
    The future?  Well, who knows any of us has a future!  There is a joke... the best way to make God laugh is tell him your plans!
    The present.  It is now that is important.  Every action now has a baring.  On every moment, is the chance to be able to turn it all around.

    It is for this reason I believe that 'life is for living!'  Live it hard and live it with love - to what we can to help make a difference.

    Love you mate x

    1. itech profile image63
      itechposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Your words fully touched my Mind + Heart, thanks, but not have words to right more but the only reason I am not going to doctor is the chance of recovery in my mind naturally becoz whenever I got caught by any disease it gone away by telling me 'How you enjoyed'.

  5. aguasilver profile image68
    aguasilverposted 14 years ago

    1. Do you know what the condition is called. i.e. why are you bleeding as you are?

    2. If you can stop this by using natural remedies are you in a position to buy the required things from your local herbalist?

    3. Do you want to live longer, or are you content to die?

    Stay Blessed,


  6. Lisa HW profile image62
    Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

    I wish I had the words or thoughts to offer on here, but there are some things in life on which it is the person going through something, himself, who has the wisdom, inspiration, perspective, strength,  and any number of other things that help him deal with difficult challenges and also teach others something.  People so often have an amazing ability to deal with the challenges that come, day-by-day, and make the most of the life that is (no matter who we are) short.

    itech, just tell anyone you're ever dealing with what it is they can to do or not do to make living with this kind of challenge a little easier.  There's definitely something to be said for that fighting  attitude.

    1. itech profile image63
      itechposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Lisa HW, I will keep up your words in my heart & also a copy of this as a document on my laptop.
      Thanks for your kindness, suggestion & a way you've provided here.

  7. Uriel profile image72
    Urielposted 14 years ago

    Enjoy Xmas my friend big_smile

    1. itech profile image63
      itechposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Same to you My Best Friend. tongue big_smile

  8. BEAUTYBABE profile image69
    BEAUTYBABEposted 14 years ago

    Hello Itech,
    I have read your comments and I can empathise with you entirely and I have been in a few shall we say " lifethreathening situations".
    In 2003, I was diagnosed with Bacterial Spinal Meningitis. I had a device called an "Intrathecal Pain Pump" which was used to admminister a narcotic to me on a regular basis. It was administered through a cathether which was thread through my spinal cord in my back. However, at one of the times when my Doctor was filling up the portal where you inject the drug, a bug got into the catheter. I became sick very fast and for five weeks I hovered between life and death. The two things which nearly cost me my life were not the fact, that I had this grave infection, but the fact that my Pain Specialist and Infectious Diseases Specialist, could not agree on whether or not to take out the pump, which was by the way slowly killing me. One wanted it kept in while the other wanted it taken out.
    In the end, my husband stepped in and begged the Infectious Diseases Specialst to make the Pain Specialst see sense. He wanted the pump in because he didn't want me in pain, and because of this he could not see that by stalling, he was causing me to eventually die.
    I was subsequently taken to theatre, where I arrested twice on the table before the pump was out. Even when it was taken out, they still were unsure as to whether or not I would survive. But, after another six weeks in hospital, I got better and went home. I was then diagnosed with MSA IN 2006, the prognosis of this is not good. I have been told that your usually  have six to seven years after the year you are diagnosed. I try not to think about that part, and live each day one at a time. Hubpages has helped me a lot therapeutically, and I will keep writing my hubs until I can't anymore. Its been great meeting all the other hubbers, thanks guys, and god bless one and all Beautybabe.

  9. itech profile image63
    itechposted 14 years ago

    Thanks for sharing your story & I salute your dedication/courage of living.
    If anyone want to see How my diseased face look
    just see this :

    1. tantrum profile image60
      tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this




    2. Daniel Carter profile image61
      Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Your face does not looked diseased at all. It's a very handsome face. I'm sorry for your suffering, but since you are obviously very smart, how about researching on the internet what the possible causes of your bleeding may be, and look at some alternatives in how to treat it.

      Not all doctors are incompetent. I've had bad ones and good ones. The good ones know how to save lives. India has some very, very highly qualified doctors, according to many sources.

      Be well, friend. If you want to live longer, then use your intelligence to save your life. That would include researching and finding a Dr who knows how to treat your condition. What a shame it would be for you to be cut off from a full, rich life at such a young, dynamic, wonderful age. Fight for your life. Do it today.

      Sending best wishes.

  10. Cleanclover profile image42
    Cleancloverposted 14 years ago

    Rest in peace!

  11. manlypoetryman profile image82
    manlypoetrymanposted 14 years ago

    Way to be strong and of good courage...during something so difficult. The only thing that truly matters is how we feel moment to moment in our lives...and you pass that in flying colors...and that is very admirable. Besides...you get final say (for the most part) in what happens to your life...healing and a strong will to live...can trump a doctors diagnosize any day ! big_smile
    (I believe!)

    1. tantrum profile image60
      tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hi manly ! smile

  12. Lady Guinevere profile image66
    Lady Guinevereposted 14 years ago

    Colloidal Silver (the highest ppm you can possibly get) and get yourself off of Grains and Sugar.  Surgar feeds cancer. Cancer eats it up and that is why you lose so much energy even eating things that have surgar in them.  Stop the cycle. 
    Do you take blood thinners?  I didn't see that mentioned here.  I was on them and they had me too thin and I bleed through my internal organs too.  I weened myself off of those right quick after that and I have never had a problem since.

  13. profile image0
    ralwusposted 14 years ago

    You are too young to just let it take you. I have been fighting cancer since 1993. I have sought death in my sorrow many times and even pleaded with god to take me. The pain was almost more than I could bear many times, the drugs made things worse it seemed. I was supposed to die within 7.5 years and most certainly within ten. I finally  gave up on that silly notion of dying, fought for life and love and family, now here I am living, breathing still uncured with a stent in my belly and a defibrillator in my breast. I am most happy but no more pain killers and I live with pain but it reminds me daily of how precious life is. So youngin' fight this thing and seek a reputable oncologist, live for life's sake! Good luck now.

    1. manlypoetryman profile image82
      manlypoetrymanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      An awesome tale of strength during adversity...ralwus. Damn proud to know someone that is so strong...I see where that Marine of yours gets his determination! Livestrong, my friend!!

      Howdy...to tantrum...out there in "Hub Landia" !

  14. frogdropping profile image78
    frogdroppingposted 14 years ago

    itech I have never faced such a moment, so far as I'm aware. Over and above an abusive relationship and on the occasions I thought I may well end up dead, I did my best to avoid it.

    And if you can side step death, then at least make an attempt.

    However, if you're square with the world, if you feel that it's your only course of action, then I applaud your courage.

    You're the age of one of my sons. God forbid such a thing happened to him. I'd give my own life to save him and would fight like a tigress to keep him well.

    Fight for your life if you're able. If not, then peace be with you.

  15. itech profile image63
    itechposted 14 years ago
  16. tina frank profile image58
    tina frankposted 14 years ago

    i don't like this kind of joke

    1. Lady Guinevere profile image66
      Lady Guinevereposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I don't recall thinking this as a joke.  You have never gotten to the bottom of your life and thought about death, I pressume?  Sometimes all it does take is a rest to rethink things and give one a better view of what is happening with them.  Joke or not this happens to the best of us.

  17. Haunty profile image72
    Hauntyposted 14 years ago

    Nor do I. Is the guy dead yet?

    1. Lady Guinevere profile image66
      Lady Guinevereposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Are you for real?

  18. Cris A profile image60
    Cris Aposted 14 years ago

    Lately I've been thinking, I'm okay to go. No fear. Or I may just be depressed and just don't know it. But when I think about it now as I type this, yeah I think I'm okay to go. Not that I'm wishing it or anything.

    1. Haunty profile image72
      Hauntyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Sometimes I think I'm ok to go, sometimes I even wish for death. Other times are completely different and I think no matter how much I suffer anyway, it's worth living for one single happy moment.

      I hope you don't think about this too often, Cris. It's good to see you. Merry Christmas! smile

    2. tantrum profile image60
      tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      We should all be ready to go. As we're going anyway!

  19. Cris A profile image60
    Cris Aposted 14 years ago


    No worries, I'm far from being suicidal or self destructive. But still, thanks for the show of concern smile

    Merry Christmas smile

  20. Jerami profile image59
    Jeramiposted 14 years ago

    There is a country and western song that says everybody needs to live like we were dieing. Cause none of us know when our last day will be.
       That is a beautiful state of mind when you enjoy life to the fullest. I'm not talking about the dieing part!!  It is the LIVING with peace  that is beautiful, and we shouldn't forget that.
       The part of itec's situation that would scare me is ..."If I do nothing to find out what the problem is, and damage is done to my body that could have been prevented...If I do not die but live a long life that is less enjoyable than it should have been".
       I knew a guy once that WANTED to die and jumped off a bridge, no water underneath.  He has been in a wheel chair now for 15 years.
       You need to get a diagnosis and prognosis before you can make an inteligent  decision.
       Pease be with you in anything that you decide.

  21. tantrum profile image60
    tantrumposted 14 years ago

    Thinking positive is the best you can do !!

    1. motricio profile image67
      motricioposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      And avoiding stress situations.

      1. tantrum profile image60
        tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        As much as you can ! big_smile


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