Is it fair if...
Whenever my hubby quarrels with me , he will change the wifi password of the modem and refused to let me connect to internet. He bought the modem and he paid the monthly subscription. He used this method to revenge. Is it really fair?
Oh my! Peachy, I learned years ago to never get involved in marital spats of friends. Sorry, wish I could give you an answer, but I cannot. I think this is something you need to reflect on, talk with your hubby and find the answer between the two of you. All best wishes to you, dear.
Good luck with this question.
I would never "punish" my husband for quarreling with me. Having a difference of opinion is healthy, as is debating a problem, even if it is lively at some point in the discussion. My husband and I consider each other equals, and I'd take this form of punishment as being treated like a child, or something that is owned and controlled. Try talking to him about how this makes you feel, and ask him to consider how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
I absolutely love this answer. That's how I'd feel if my hubby dared to do something like that. It speaks to balance of power.
I agree completely! Spouses should be partners in marriage together. Disagreements are normal, but neither partner should be punished for having a difference of opinion! Talking through your issues will make your partnership stronger!
It doesn't sound fair, peachpurple.
I encourage you to talk with your friends and family. They know your husband, and might be able to give you the best ideas about how to address this problem.
Are there other ways you are held captive?
With all non-sense aside, you and your husband should respect each other's views and listen to each other. Think about why you both feel the way you did about it. You must try to be reasonable in coming to a conclusion. You didn't marry to quarrel with each other. Always try to show love in your talking without a bad attitude and never quarrel if you've had a drink of alcohol. The both of you should always be sober if you quarrel. Try to avoid quarreling with him at all costs. Many times, guys and gals do the punishing thing. That's not the way to treat someone whom you are suppose to love wholeheartedly. Lastly, seriously seek help if necessary. That would be fair to you both.
If your partner is using money to control your behavior and your access to communication it is called financial abuse. I'd suggest you seek couples counseling ASAP.
It sounds like your hubby is trying to control you by withholding access to the Internet. That just wouldn't fly at my house! Get him to a counselor.
No, it is not fair. Would it be fair to make him cook his own dinner, or do any of the things you do just because you and he quarrel. Now, if the argument is about you spending too much time on the internet, maybe talking to people that bother him or playing too many games, maybe it is then fair.
But to change the password just because you and he quarrel over something, no. Remember, you have leverage also.
peachy......Doesn't sound like things are quite "peachy" enough in your world. Frankly, I have a strong feeling that you're well aware this isn't "fair." In fact, it's terribly offensive and disrespectful.
I'm wondering what you hope to gain by asking your readers to chime in with opinions. Sympathy? marital advice? their own similar experiences?
I must echo our friend, Phyllis. It's a bit of a precarious situation to become involved with the marital discord of others. 95% of the time, it results in futility.
He's YOUR husband. You know him best. Apparently you might want to discover who YOU are and claim your fair share of dignity and independence.
Peachy, I hope you one day learn this well. "People treat us as we ALLOW them to treat us."......Luck to you.....Paula
I have to agree here. There's only so much we can do over the web. I think you need to get counseling; If your husband won't go with you, go alone., Best of luck to you!
Yoleen...excellent suggestion, but if Hubby of the year has a Gorilla lock on the funds and the car.....she's on her own.
It sounds like blackmail. I guess I'd try not to quarrel with him if i wanted the Wifi connection. You can always take something away from him, but revenge never solves anything.
Sounds like a control game to me. You should both have equal rights within the home.
It's too much, Peachy! He should not behave like that. What if he pays bills or bought the modem. You are his wife and he should care for you, even if angry. This is not the way of doing things.
When you can afford it search for a low price connection of your own, get your own password and do not tell him. Then every time that he does this you can use your own line. Your method to return his revenge.
Thank you Paula. :-)
But won't this lead to more conflict? They must work things out to where there is a happy medium.
If he does not tell her about the changed password then she does not tell him about hers. What he does not know will not hurt him.
In a healthy relationship, this kind od response on his part could be considered verbal and financial abuse. That kind of control does not reflect a loving relationship. You should try to have a conversation about how you feel about this situation, If he refuses to discuss the issue, I would suggest speaking to a councilor or a religious leader in your church.
Peachy I agree with Phyllis and Paula.
That being said, if my husband treated me like that I would be too embarrassed to tell others. In my opinion it is emotional abuse.
You mention the word, 'revenge.' WHAT???!!!
What about your marriage vows which include the words, LOVE and CHERISH?
There is not one ounce of space in a marriage for the word 'revenge' if you truly LOVE and CHERISH your spouse.
Years ago when I was really foolish and passive I would have probably blamed myself and put up with this awful behavior...NOT NOW. I have grown and I would NEVER tolerate 'revenge' from one who recited his wedding vows to me. This is not love, this is not cherish. I repeat, this is abuse.
Like Paula wrote, 'discover who YOU are and claim your fair share of dignity and independence' - excellent advice from her. She is also correct in stating people treat us as we allow them to treat us.
Marriage is for life. Is this how you want to live it? I ended my first marriage after 8 years as I did not want to grow old with a husband who treated me like I was pond scum. Now I am married to a wonderful man who does love and cherish me. It was just not worth it. Blessings, Sparklea
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