Do You Care What Other People Think of You?

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AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years ago
To what degree are you influenced by what others think of you?

Are there certain people who, just by being in the same room as you, cause you to act differently than you do when they are not there?

What is the solution to this? Is it possible to not be affected by others?
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  This only matters to a person who has low self-esteem or lacks self-confidence.
  
  If you act differently around others than you do when you're not around them, then again you yourself are pretending to be someone who you are not, just to please others. This stunts your own development of self.
  
  Yes, by your own self-interest and understanding of your own self-interest, which helps build self-esteem and self-confidence. You will develop the ability to differentiate, what is exactly important to you. Therefore the views or opinions of others, will have very little weight on your overall self.
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  im always me.....not many friends, but the ones I have are genuine. I guess I act different in front of children vs with adult friends.....but none of its fake.
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I could care less what others think of me if they are not in my immediate family.
  
  I act the same wherever I am.
  
  Self confidence and the realization that you are an individual and your input and importance is equal to all others regardless of their stature or the amount of their bank accounts.
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  prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  there has been study for example that when in a room the need for compliance and for you to agree with others so that you feel you belong? or for example if everybody is saying this color is red and you are seeing it orange you will agree because you need to belong too. bandwagon effect
  But if you have great sense of what is wrong and right, firm values grounded then you will stand up for your choice
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  EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Stanley Milgram:
  
  http://www.cba.uri.edu/Faculty/dellabit … ilgram.htm
  
  Kind of depressing, actually.
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  prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  sad Empress
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  Poppa Bluesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Why do you view that as a problem? When you're drinking in the bar with the guys, don't you speak differently with them than you would with say, your mom? Certainly you wouldn't have locker room banter with your lovely young bank teller would you?
  
  I don't view this as "acting" differently. We all apply social filters when dealing with others, after all, isn't that why we wear clothes?
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I guess I see it is an issue pertaining to freedom.
  
  It is okay to be influenced by people in many situations, of course. You are right.
  
  But sometimes I think a person's freedom to choose is curtailed by the influence of others. I guess this is what is meant by "unwanted influence" or "unwanted intrusion"
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  ??? no way.....some guys talk differently to women, then guys at the bar??? maybe I do need to get out more...
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  aguasilverposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  To what degree are you influenced by what others think of you?
  
  I hold myself accountable to anybody who can show me scripturally where I am wrong.
  
  Outside of that criterion I have little concern about how people think of me, unless I can see that they are correct, in which case I change to correct my error, not to gain favour or advantage.
  
  Are there certain people who, just by being in the same room as you, cause you to act differently than you do when they are not there?
  
  Yes, people who need correction and shoot off their mouth cause me to either leave quickly or engage them in conversation to determine whether they are intelligent enough to be corrected, or ignorant in their error and unlikely to be changed.
  
  What is the solution to this? Is it possible to not be affected by others?
  
  Yes, it's possible, but is it beneficial....?
  
  In any situation we are to either be blessed by someone or be a blessing to them, once we have worked out which category we respectively fit within it's just a matter of complying.
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  Stevennix2001posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  it depends on who it is, we're talking to about. if it's someone that i consider very close and dear to me, then yes. i do value everything they say. however, everyone else that dislikes me can go f**k themselves to say the least. sorry for the language, but im just being honest.
  
  i remember growing up as a kid, I used to care about what EVERYONE thought about me, and i was a nervous wreck. however, as i got older, i learned that if someone isn't paying your bills or doesn't care about you, then why the hell would you care about them? once, i started to follow that motto, my life became a lot less stressful and liberating too. trust me, if your going to care about what every tom, dick and harry thinks about you, then your never going to be truly happy for long. as you can't get everyone to like you, no matter how nice you are. trust me, i know. i've worked at places where i literally kissed everyone's a**es figuratively, and they still didn't like me. Catch my drift? That's why when i adopted my new philosophy a couple of years back, i felt so liberated.
  
  to answer your other question, i think everyone acts differently around different folks. to be honest, there's only a few seldom people out there that i ever shared the real me with before. plus, im sure you wouldn't act the same way around your parents the way you would your lover or friends now, would you? i don't think so. therefore, i don't think that's as uncommon as many might think.
  
  to answer your final couple of questions, i really don't know how to answer that exactly as everyone has their own way of doing things. however, i will say this from a great star trek movie line, "don't try to be a great man. just be a man, and let history take care of the rest." those are some good words to live by if you stop to think about it.
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  EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I totally agree. This pretty much sums up my view actually.
  
  It's one of the unsung benefits of getting older that you start to realise other people's opinions of you (apart from those closest to you) don't really matter. As long as you're not deliberately hurting anyone, you really don't need to take responsibility for other people's feelings about you.
  
  And if you realise that there are some people out there who go out of their way to be offended and that you can't very well spend your entire life walking on eggshells so as *not* to offend them, then you've taken one more step towards liberation.
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  khawfashposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I think everyone cares what others think of them, to a degree, even when they say they don't.
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  cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  1. Do You Care What Other People Think of You?
  
  we are talking real life people, not online people:
  
  to some degree. i want people that i like to like me back. i like to feel that i make a good impression on people.
  
  2. To what degree are you influenced by what others think of you?
  
  that depends on who the person is. for example, i care deeply what my son thinks of me, so that has some influence on me. if it's just a stranger, not so much, but i am always polite to people. i mean, you wouldn't do something offensive like blowing your nose or something while waiting in line at a bank or some other public gathering full of strangers. still, i don't modify my personality in order to be "liked" by others. i want people to like me for me, not "someone i play on tv". there's a difference bewteen wanting to make a positive impression and wanting to please people just for the sake of pleasing people. it is very important for me to understand that someone likes me for who i am, not for who they think i am.
  
  3. Are there certain people who, just by being in the same room as you, cause you to act differently than you do when they are not there?
  
  i act differently around my boss, say, than my co-workers. i am a little more respectful and reserved towards my boss and more relaxed around my coworkers, and much more relaxed around family members, but my personality does not change to mirror others. if i am say, around a bunch of emos or NASCAR fans, i don't act like i'm an emo or NASCAR fan - i act like me.
  
  4. What is the solution to this? Is it possible to not be affected by others?
  
  i don't understand why this is something that needs a 'solution'. you can still be yourself even if you modify your behavior a bit based on the circumstances. say you're relaxing at home watching a movie...you are in your jammies and crunching popcorn and talking on your cell phone, but you wouldn't do those things in a theatre. that doesn't mean it is because you care what some strange people think of you - it is because you understand that society has certain protocols for politeness that should be observed.
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Hi Cosette. What is an 'emo'
  
  As to Point 4, I meant really that if there was someone who tried to dominate you via some sort of (however subtle) intimidation, what sort of strategy or defence would you have for that.
  
  (Oh, and, do you make a distinction between online friends and real friends. Are you influenced by other hubbers' comments on your writing, for example (though I imagine it's always positive in your case, so bad example))
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  cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  oh emos are just people, mostly young people, who dye their hair black and go around lookiing morose all the time
  
  oh yes...intimidation...i encounter that on occasion, lol...usually by someone who i threaten in some way. that is the secret...people who try to intimidate you do it because you strike some hidden chord inside of them. i just give them a 'deer in the headlights' look, haha
  
  if they push, i push back, but that's part of my nature too. i won't become a raving maniac or anything because that is not my personality.
  
  anwyay i hope i am understanding you. i want to.
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  And I hope I am understanding myself
  
  I guess what I am getting at here is to do with that ever-elusive, controversial and exciting topic of 'freedom.'
  
  In other words, if, for example, you live with an in-law who is always making snide, but underhanded comments, that could seriously hamper your feeling of freedom to be or do what you think is right or appropriate.
  
  The question has wider implications: if I live in Nazi Germany, or Saddam's Iraq, I might well care what others think of me.. it might be important to my survival...
  
  Or, say I am a Dixie Chick...
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  cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  haha..."dixie chick"....
  
  well, if you have to modify your behavior to fool someone in order to save your own life, that's not being fake for being fake's sake - it's to survive.
  
  one time i decided to go out with this guy who kept bugging me...he was very persistent. i didn't know him from Adam but i thought oh ok what the heck and that was a huge mistake. the first date was in his apartment, where he proceeded to lock me in. this wouldn't have been a cause for concern expcept he had a padlock on the door and knives hung on the walls along with nude posters of women. he said 'you could be on that wall' and was no longer nice and sunny so i knew he was a sicko. he started pawing me, even as i protested so i said 'you know...i'm kind of hungry' and he was annoyed and i acted not all not like myself, let's say, promising him anything if we could just go get something to eat and he goes 'ok we'll try it your way' and as we were walking out across this vacant lot, he kicked me in the back so hard i fell on my face and i asked him why he did that and he said 'to show you who's boss' then we got to a burger joint or something and he had already placed his order so i said 'i'm going to go across the street and get taco bell or whatever it was and ran like hell.
  
  so yeah, i was a fake but if i hadn't been i'd prolly be dead.
  
  as far as inlaws go, i have had experinece there and at first you ednure that bullsh*t but after a while you don't tolerate it because no one has a right to disrespect you in your own home so then the gloves come off and you give them some straight talk.
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  tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I can't be bothered with what people think of me.
  I act naturally, all the time.
  Of course, if in a room is someone who loves me or admires me, I 'll be more polite and sympathetic, than if I have to talk or be civil with someone that I know is despising or hating me.
  But I find that normal.
  
  Smiling to everybody and agreeing with everybody, is stupid, I think
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  lyricsingrayposted 14 years agoin reply to this
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  marcel285posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  To what degree are you influenced by what others think of you?
  
  Are there certain people who, just by being in the same room as you, cause you to act differently than you do when they are not there?
  
  What is the solution to this? Is it possible to not be affected by others?
  
  No i don't care what others think if it's of an unkind nature. In which case, i would say nothing, or ask them if that's the mouth they kiss their mother with? But i know better, and i know that i'm right, and a fair and good person, and that's good enough for me. That's the only solution i think, you have to have a certain kind of attitude to not let others effect you.
  
  My favourite way of dealing with not very nice people, is to straight up ask them, 'why are you being nasty to me?' Or, 'Why do you feel the need to put others down? Is it because you have low self esteem?' Generally one will be too embarrassed to answer.
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  DogSiDaedposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  If I care about them then yes, I can be influenced.
  
  And yes some people make me act differently, also in different places to, my mindset may change. However I tend not to take it as a negative. If it happens naturally then it's still me really is it not?
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  falcon64posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I don't care of what they think. As long as they didn't harm me.
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  Jane@CMposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I am me and I do not let others influence who I am or what I am. I use to play the games years ago, it wasn't fulfilling and I found a lot of very "surface" type people. People don't always "like" me right away - I tend to be a bit sarcastic and I am blunt, to the point, so it takes time for people to get to know me.
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  Brenda Durhamposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Sometimes, yes.
  There are people whose personality or whatever just....takes over the scene, kinda.
  I dunno if it's possible to not be affected by others or not, in some way or another.....
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  Ghost32posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Sure. When my Mom was still here on the planet, I always acted a bit differently in her presence than I did with, say, a hooker.
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  vox vocisposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I am affected only by the opinion of people who are dear to me or whom I appreciate and as for ''the others'' I don't think I really care. Actually, I don't know...Once I worked in a private school and I lost my job because my ''dear'' colleague figured out sooner than me that one of us would be leaving ''because of the world's economic crisis'' and she find her way working behind my back. More than ten people wanted me to teach them privately at home when I told them I was leaving the school and even today many other stop on the street to greet me and to say that they never had a better teacher. Still, today, I think I'm heartbroken because my boss accepted the dark picture presented to her by my colleague...well, that's the reality of life...not everybody can like me!!!
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  advisor4qbposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Sometimes it is hard not to morph into what you think people want you to be, but I always have to allow myself the freedom to think differently.
  
  I do get my feelings hurt sometimes when someone doesn't see things the same way I do, but I get over it.
  
  People who get angry at you for not being like they want you to be are just stealing your energy anyway and are most likely not worth the time (AND energy!) you are wasting on them to begin with.
  
  Sometimes, we have to let our emotions guide us along the magic path of intuition when it comes to other people! If it make you feel bad, then hedge!
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  curlytree2009posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  It doesn't matter whatever they feel or think of me. I'm a type of person who thinks of rejections as an inspiration to look forward. It is a stepping stone for my success. They are not the one's who feed me anyway.
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lyricsingrayposted 14 years ago
Yes. At Times, I think it's only normal, that is if I like or respect that person. If not, I could care less.
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  What about fear? Does that ever motivate you in terms of others' opinions of you?
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  lyricsingrayposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  not so much at my age now in my 40's. Earlier on, most definitely.
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  RainySunshineposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I would say fear plays a big part, at least for me. I tend to freeze or not say anything if someone intimidates me. It’s usually someone I respect, dearly.
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  pinkboxerposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Fear can be a highly positive motivator. Just the action of entering a room under pressure can be the best thing that ever happens to you. Evaluate why you care. Nobody else is even thinking about you. They are thinking about their own agendas. Relax, be confident and focus on the reason you showed up in the first place.
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  Paradise7posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Good answer, friend. Though it does seem hard ot follow, at times. We all want to be liked.
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  mtsi1098posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  yeah - what she said...
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  Paradise7posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  yeah, ditto lyric...you can't help it, you want to be liked and appreciated and not disliked and disrespected... it's hard to overlook, when you get the feeling someone's opinion of you is low, but then why dwell on the negative? There's lots of people who appreciate and like you, I'm sure.
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skyfireposted 14 years ago
No i don't care.

But i have seen the social circle around me forces me to take about their vague and useless opinion(i'm pointing to negative criticism and the one which is done for the sake of it). Frankly puttin it, i'm frustrated with society pulling such gravitational force of "Do care for those negative criticism" view.
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TMMasonposted 14 years ago
This might come as a surporise.

But, no. I do not
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livewithrichardposted 14 years ago
I think it really depends on where I am and the agenda I have for being there. The place I work has some very influential people roaming the halls and offices, I work out of City Hall in Chicago on most days where its common to see the Mayor, many of the state legislators have offices there as well as some of the city alderman. Rahm Emanuel, the presidents Chief of Staff use to roam those halls too and from what I'm hearing, he may roam them again.

I care what these people think of me because someday I may need them. In Chicago we call it "having people," sort of like the Verizon Network.
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Alessia Amnesiaposted 14 years ago
When I'm around my family, I definitely act very differently. I think that's more because I want to live up to their expectations and I try to pretend that I have.

I think it's entirely possible not to be influenced by others. I just don't think anyone wants to go through the stress of being themselves completely.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  When you say "I just don't think anyone want to go through the stress of being themselves completely" is a misconception. Many people don't not want to be themselves, but give into pressure they place on themselves, because of lack of knowledge and understanding(wisdom) of life, and don't know any different.
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  i do not want the stress of being someone else. tried it, didnt work. I do care what people think, probably too much, but I do not change who I am, as a result of that. If someone doesnt like me, thats thier choice.
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prettydarkhorseposted 14 years ago
yes because i live in a society so I care for what is my stand in that society, so i act to fulfill what I think is right for me, and the expectation of me too,
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  This is a good answer. But what about attempts to intimidate? Then what, for example
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  prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  attempts to intimidate others?? maybe sometimes people use that as defense mechanism??
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  But if someone tries to intimidate you, can you stand up to that pressure?
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  prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I will answer him what I think is right, unless he will harm me< I will just try to run away, theres no sense arguing with a dog for example even killing the dog will not cure the wound itself,
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  What about more subtle intimidation, like hints at emotional blackmail
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  prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I will try not to be affected by HIM, I have my own firm of belief, it might be hard but I need to stand for it
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Do you have a technique, or method, or strategy, or way of doing this? Is it successful?
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  whats up? you look all sad, and all these deep thoughts?....r u ok?
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I am doing penance for pissing someone off (self-imposed penance). I stood on a rather large toe this weekend on another thread... I was being a bit of a bad boy... and was probably a bit rude . I'll change it back to my normal, smiling self, sooner or later
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  oh, ok. take it easy!!
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  prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Just having a firm belief in a value is all, sticking with it and praying also, as a form of self realization,
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  Poppa Bluesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I don't take kindly to intimidation or threats. Such behaviour tends to make me difiant or hardens my position. Like when that 6 foot bull shark showed up in the Florida surf where I was swimming, I refused to curtail my pleasure. Now in hindsight maybe that wasn't wise, but common sense leaves me in proportion to the threat.
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  Kenrick Chatmanposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  No not really. There will always be your supporters, detractors, and every one in between.
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  XtineTheWriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Although not a pompous individual, I would be lying if I claimed to not care what others think of me, at least a little bit.
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Sara Tonynposted 14 years ago
Apparently other people don't influence me because I never seem to agree with anyone!

Sure, I act a little differently around certain people. I don't change my values, beliefs, opinions, etc for anyone though.

I sometimes act more subdued around people I don't know and more reserved around certain people simply out of respect.

What can I say? Not everyone appreciates it when my alter-ego Boom-Boom LaRue starts doing her Magic Tassels routine.
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  PLEASE TEACH ME!!!! I want to know how to do the magic tasseles!!!
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Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago
When I was a kid, it did matter because I was always the one picked on, called the weird one, and was left out of all the "reindeer" games. So I did care back then but as i grea and saw that what they said wasn't true...well except for the weird part because I proudly acknowledge myself being a weirdo...I started to care less of what ppl thought of me. Now I am trying my hardest to accept compliments though it is hard because I still have low self esteem issues.
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  my original post since Ad wanted me to put it again
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I also am a wierdo you are not alone..
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Yay I like not being alone
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  That was nice of you. Many thanx.
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  livewithrichardposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Crazd, if you have low self esteem then you hide it very well I always see you as open and honest and participating in the community.
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  aaaa thanks richard...I have had years of practice to hide my low self esteem sometimes I let it show but other times I hide it to protect myself
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  The only reason for you to see yourself with a low self-esteem would be the simple fact of a lack of knowledge, into how you are to be true to yourself. Self-esteem being low is the limitation you apply to yourself, because that is how you see yourself.
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Lasting memories of how I was treated as a child will do that to a person
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I've got a hub on this that may be of some service... no promises, but I offer the thought. I won't promote myself too much(!) but it is called something like The Greatest Discovery I Ever Made. Just an idea, if you want to look it up
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  My only advice to you, is to stop living in the past, learn to not regret the path that has brought you to where you are today, and take knowledge from it, and not look at again.
  
  Because, the truth be told, it is slowing you down from truly being who you want to be.
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I try my hardest not to live in the past...but unknown reasons bring back those memories. It sucks but I do my best to overcome them.
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  all you can do is recognize when the memories are not useful, and its up to you to stop dwelling on them. Youll never forget, your past is part of who you are, but its the hurtful learned behviour patterns, that you have to let go of. You grew into a compassionate, caring, loving, understanding woman. You cant be completly unhappy about that!
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  That is true Justine...I think the low self esteem part is mostly when people give me compliments...I don't take compliments well. I laugh at them and say you're lying...even to my husband
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Shadesbreathposted 14 years ago
We are social creatures, evolved to survive only in groups, and it even requires two to procreate. Anyone who says they don't care what other people think is operating under a delusion or is posing, using the appearance of unconcern as a means to create public impression of themselves as cavalier, fiercely independent or aloof - the need for creating that impression giving evidence to the contrary of the claim they have no concern.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I'm going to have to agree to disagree. I don't change who I am or how I act around others. I live my life according to a specific code of conduct, a view of integrity and am honest at all times. Sometimes, brutually to the point that it offends others. Do I care that I have offended someone? It's not my problem, but the problem of the other person.
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  lyricsingrayposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  :
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livewithrichardposted 14 years ago
Of all the people here saying they don't care what others think about them, Why are you hiding behind a fake avatar?
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  EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Huh? I don't get what the choice of avatar has to do with the price of fish.
  
  ... and if the person you're talking to changes their avatar as a result of what you've said, then they'll have well and truly shot themselves in the foot
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  livewithrichardposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Why would they have shot themselves in the foot? It's nice and easy to hide behind an avatar and disagree with everyone. But if you truly didn't care what people think about you then you would put up a real picture. You wouldn't be worried if I were your neighbor or co-worker or your employer.
  
  I see many hubbers here that switch between real pictures and avatars and those people I believe do not care what others think about them.
  
  I do have my real picture up and as I stated above, I do care what people think of me and I pointed out the reasons why.
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Do you believe that every avater depicting a real person is the actual person behind the keyboard?
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  livewithrichardposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Of course not but its a lot closer than a dog playing in the snow.
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  That really is my dog and I use my real name. I do not want to be judged by my looks but by what I have to say. I actually think the avatar says more about a person than a picture of some person does. If I put up an 18 year old girl in a bikini would you prefer that?
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Well, actually...
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  :} LOL
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  livewithrichardposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  LOL why would you think I would prefer an 18 year old girl in a bikini named Arthur? Besides Arthur there are over 30,000 results on Google with that name, you still have plausible deniability.
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Have you googled my name?
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  livewithrichardposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  In quotes to prove my point.
  You see, for me I find it easier to accept information from people that are not hiding behind an avatar. I'm sure there are infinite reasons why people use avatars but I'm in the information business and appearances mean everything to me. It's a trust thing. People that are seeking information are more likely to trust the information presented if it is presumed to come from a real person. Of course this isn't an absolute and I'm only speaking from my own experience.
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  cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  hi Richard.
  
  i disagree, actually. i mean, Darkside, for example, uses an avatar but i respect him tremendously and that has no effect on his credibility, as far as i am concerned.
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  livewithrichardposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Hi Cosette, you see that goes back to an earlier post where I stated that there are many hubbers here that switch between real pictures and avatars, Darkside being one of them and I'm sure you have seen his real picture and I too respect him. I'm not saying people that use avatars are bad people. I only stated that those people must care what others think about them or they would use a real picture. Their reasons are their own, and I really don't care if they put up a real picture or continue with an avatar.
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  cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  really? hmm i haven't seen it but no matter.
  
  my point is just that in online worlds, for ME, credibility doesn't come form someone's avatar, it comes from what they write and post.
  
  (haha crazd. that was long ago and far away, thank goodness)
  
  well not so far long ago but long enough ago
  
  yeah she never messed with me again, heehee. i wasn't blonde and blue-eyed, yanno. got some of that latino heat running in my veins also
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  EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Same here. I really couldn't care less what someone has as their avatar (within reason LOL), as long as what they write has merit.
  
  Frankly, if a person needs a picture to help them decide whether someone's words make sense, then perhaps they should exercise their critical thinking skills a bit more.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Don't change the kitty! I love the kitty pic and I agree...if I changed my pic to something else would ppl read my words differently?
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  EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I've passed your comments on to Felix, and she (sic) says "thanks"
  
  It's an interesting question, isn't it? I suppose it would depend on what you changed it to. You come across as being a warm person, so if you changed your avatar to something else but the avatar still remained in keeping with that, then I don't suppose it would make much difference to how people read your words.
  
  If you changed it to something like a tarantula or a fire-breathing dragon, however, then a lot of people on the HP forums would experience a certain amount of... cognitive dissonance, a.k.a. a scratching of the head and exclamation along the lines of "Huh?!" or "WTF?!" This picture doesn't go with the words at all!"
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  mine was a dragon....
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  Sara Tonynposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Everyone cares what other people think about them. It's human nature. The only difference is the level of importance you place on it and how you let it affect you.
  
  I'll go back to hiding now.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  What you seem to fail to realize that every person who is behind an avatar is a real person, just not in the manner, in which you need to build a certain level of trust. But, each are still real, even if you don't think so. The people behind the avatars are no different than you, because they are alive and human.
  
  Just a thought.
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Richard I deal with the public face to face every day I am scrutinized every day.
  
  I am not online to sell anything so I do not require someone to trust me. I do not care either way.
  
  I enjoy conversation but I do not want to find my picture stolen and used for someone else's internet persona.
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  tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  All the friends I have on line I know who they are, and I've seen their pic.I can't be a real friend to someone behind an avatar.
  And if they use it for writing, they send a real pic, or I have contact on FB.
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  EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Because by changing their avatar, they'd have shown that they do after all care what other people (i.e. you) think of them.
  
  Sorry, but that just doesn't follow at all. I use a non-human avatar because... well, just because I want to really. And yet I never say anything on here that I wouldn't be prepared to say to someone's face. Or to my neighbours, assuming they were on HP or were interested in the subjects that get discussed here.
  
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  If you reference is about "hiding" behind an avatar, isn't really hiding. Some people don't have pictures to upload. Some people don't know how to upload pictures. Some people are not interested in showing themselves, not because they care about what people think, but choose not to show themselves, because that's the way they feel.
  
  In my case, I have a picture to upload and occassion I use it, otherwise, I like the pictures I used.
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  Sara Tonynposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Hiding? How about I simply like the avatar? How about I've had bad experiences with crackpots on the internet? How about I have business reasons for doing it? How about what's it to you? (no offense, just asking)
  
  How do I know you're using your "real" avatar?
  
  Why am I asking all these questions? Why doesn't somebody stop me? Does this mean I care about what people think? How do I get out of this mess? Why did I drink so much coffee this morning?
  
  Whew. Okay, my meds kicked in, I'm okay now.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  
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  livewithrichardposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  LOL see those are all reasons why you care about what people think about you. No offense taken
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kirstenblogposted 14 years ago
I value the thoughts and opinions of people who hold moral values that are in line with what I aspire to in myself, their thoughts and opinions can help in my life quest toward self improvement. The more I respect a person the more valuable their thoughts and opinions are to me. I try to surround myself with as many people that I respect as much as I can, too
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AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years ago
Let me steer this in another direction.

Is your self-worth, or self-esteem (or whatever you'd like to call 'it') a function of how you think others see you. Does it matter to you, for example, how other hubbers see your writing
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  my self worth, is decided by me.
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  prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  there are times you will be affected by it yes because you care for others and yourself too, but then if you think you didnt do anything wrong, that you did your best, yet, there are some things which you cant hold on to, like the feelings of others
  
  apologize if you think you hurt their feelings but then if they cant accpet your apology, it is up to them, as long as you dont feel guilt already, YOUVE DONE YOUR BEST
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I answered that in my original post on the other page
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Link please
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  lol it's on page one of this thread Ad
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  Sara Tonynposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I think my self-esteem is based on a combination of how I feel about myself, the way I perceive others' opinions of me (and my writing), and the way I want others to see me.
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Cagsilposted 14 years ago
Self-worth can only be seen in your eyes of viewing yourself. What others deem to be self-worth is subjective to their views on life, which in many cases is skewed, because of a lack of knowledge and understanding of life.

Self-interest is more important than self-worth, because self-interest is the foundation for self-growth, which creates self-worth.
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  lyricsingrayposted 14 years agoin reply to this
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  aguasilverposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Whew, there's a whole lot of 'self's' there Cagsil...
  
  Have you read Ayn Rand?
  
  ...and no I'm not being nasty, I'm in a good mood, I'm just interested about how you came to view self as the most important thing, or have i got it wrong again?
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Atlas Shrugged
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I enjoyed Atlas shrugged I read it because it was recommended by Terry Goodkind author of "The Sword of Truth" series.
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  aguasilverposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I read Shrugged and Fountainhead, and held them as my 'bibles' for a few years, professing that if ONLY all mankind could be totally selfish then all our problems would disappear, because a truly selfish man would ensure the contentment of others in order that be assured that they themselves were not caused distress.
  
  I became quite rich from worshipping 'myself' and in fact it was fun being a 'god' for a while.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  
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  EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Ditto, and The Fountainhead and We the Living. Atlas Shrugged is a scary, scary book (fanatical, albeit in a compelling sort of way). Fountainhead and We the Living are excellent. I would never have read either if it hadn't been for talking to Americans on the Internet.
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  good books. glad you found them.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I have study some of Ayn Rand, in my research to life questions. It was just one person, amongst the people, history and knowledge I've gained.
  
  SELF is the only concern, because it drives Us forward. If you have self-interest, then self-growth begins. Self-worth is derived from actions during self-growth. But, to have self-worth, a generalized purpose of life must co-exist, within oneself, so as to not be harmful to society.
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  prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  CAGS, do you rate your self worth individually according to your own judgement or it will be others who will rate you up, can you live alone and not let others impact on your choices?
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Self worth is an individual perception to begin with, because others cannot determine another person's worth. They can only form subjective opinions to other people's worth and it will be based on the knowledge and understanding they themselves have on life.
  
  Can I live alone and not let other impact my choices? Yes, by using integrated thoughts and aggressive actions to propel oneself forward.
  
  How other people perceive my words or actions is determined to be based on their own ability to separate out their own emotional connection tied to their individual belief structure. Either way, what people think of me, as a person, doesn't have to be the same as I see myself, because in the end, what they think is irrelevant to how I live, for which, is honest to my conscience and brings me the spirituality I require.
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  prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  but I know you still care about others how they feel for you, I know because you do care
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  PDH, I am a very easy person to understand and can be very complex at times. I have a love for humanity, but that love isn't based on what people think of me. It is based on my own self-interest, which is my learning progression for self-growth. I abide by a moral value and integrity, for which, I live my life and I know, my moral values are not the same as others, because I am of the understanding that my knowledge and understanding of morals are for the bettering of society. Thus, my purpose in life is a higher cause than myself.
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Lita C. Malicdemposted 14 years ago
I act naturally. I don't like to act just to please others. But I'm in constant care of how to project an honest me to avoid friction. If in doing so, others don't find me the way they want me to, I also possess a high-profile tolerance. Life can be easy this way for me. My mantra? Respect begets respect, love begets love.
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tobey100posted 14 years ago
If you're secure in yourself, no problem. The only person who's opinion I value is my wife's. The FORCE is with her!
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Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago
Aurthur your puppy is so CUTE! okay gotta hijack for a sec..what is the puppies name? and even though he may be older, dogs are always puppies at heart and act like puppies so they are called puppies by me
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  His name is Max he just turned five. He is a big pup still.
  
  If he did not come into my life three years ago I might not be here.
  
  You should see my Chihuahua http://twitpic.com/t2bgq posted by my wife.
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  no offesnse but that is one creepy pic, one eye black, one eye red.. lol
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  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Wasn`t it George Orwell who wrote:
  
  Big Dogs Good, Small Dogs Bad
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  small dogs bad in what way? behavior or just not get 'em?
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  She is an evil little one kind of a megalomaniac with plans of world domination. LOL
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  uh oh I'm gonna go run and hide now
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creepyposted 14 years ago
oh god yes i care what others think wait my bad no i dont care what others think
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creepyposted 14 years ago
weird you just described my eyes
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  who me? lol that is weird creepy...
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Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago
thanks Ad...I'll have to check out your hub. maybe even write my own...though did touch my low self esteem in one hub about my LD
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whiteorchidsposted 14 years ago
Honestly I do care about what others think of me, we have always been taught to treat others as we wish to be treated.
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Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago
Woohoo you go cosette you tell them inlaws what is what I wouldn't want to cross you woman!
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Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago
Nice cosette! hehehe glad that she does't mess with you anymore. but come on you couldn't have invited me so I could have set up a chair, got my popcorn and Dr. Pepper and watched?
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  cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  haha
  
  it was all very civil, actually. certainly not a cage match. but OOH was she PI$$ED!!!
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  not a cage match? well THAT ruins all the fun
  Okay gotta run going to go out with hubby. He has today off YAY!
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  
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  Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  *THHHHHHHHHHHPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP*
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mega1posted 14 years ago
I like to think I don't = but I do. It's a human thing and probably necessary for our survival. The people I've known who actually did not care were either psycho or challenged in some other way! I think that caring is the foundation of society and we need to care so we can carry on - HOWEVER, to care too much is just as bad and creates enormous anxiety in people - I've been there and know about it. It is not fun to care too much - probably we fluctuate daily in how we feel about what other people think. I knew somebody who used to drive me nuts by saying "ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK! EVEN WHEN THEY'RE THINKING ABOUT YOU!" which is a imbecile thing to say, I think - but there's a little truth there!
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I told my mother in law....bad idea, i know....that she does not have a RIGHT to know what people think. Thats why thoughts are in your head...silent. It up to the owner of the thoughts to decide what should and shouldnt be spoken. Of course what is in someones head absolutely is no one elses bussiness. honestly, why would it be my business, your private thoughts?
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  mega1posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Oh so true - thoughts are private - but the things people do in reaction to you - gestures, looks, words make their thoughts public - and so then you "have a feeling" or you are told actually how someone feels about you - then, it's no longer private and etc. So if you care, what can you do? You can talk to them about it, you can examine what they liked or didn't like about you in yourself and decide whether you want to change - but the essence of this whole conversation is DON"T WORRY about what they think - that's the thing, right?
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Arthur Fontesposted 14 years ago
Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
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mega1posted 14 years ago
Mother - in laws - geez its a sticky subject but whatever it is that turns perfectly nice ladies into shrewish byotches around their daughter in law is a mystery to me. I had a mother in law - really nice woman - who could not help it - she could not be nice to ME! So my only defense was to be even nicer than pie to her and hope she would change - also, of course I tried using humor etc. but that never worked. I did WORRY about what she thought about me and what she would say or do around my husband, but it was silly. She liked to make little jabs (nasty little jabs) and then sort of run, you know? If you respond to those kind of jabs from someone then they really have you skewered and can act all innocent etc. like "What's the matter with YOU! I just made a little comment!" But oh well - water under the bridge - ex-husband and all!
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  Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  i do love her. im alwayas saying the wrong thingm is all. about thoughts...yeah..once made public, its public!! still, i REALLY shoulda kept those thoughts to myself!!
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cosetteposted 14 years ago
Hush with Jessica Lange...
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awareposted 14 years ago
im a man that cares . always have always will. tell me you dont ill call you a liar.
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  tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  call me!
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I wouldn't care if you called me a liar. Especially if it makes you feel better.
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awareposted 14 years ago
you care i know it
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  tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  
  but you don't.
  I don't care what people think of me, not even you thinking I'm a liar.
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awareposted 14 years ago
responding is the first sign of careing. lie is to strong a word . fibber that better
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I care about you, I do not know you but I would not want anything bad to happen to you.
  
  What you think of me has absolutely no relevance to my life. It will not effect me emotionally unless I allow it to and I do not.
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inspireyourspiritposted 14 years ago
I wish I didn't care but I know I do...
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Beth100posted 14 years ago
I've grown up being "different" and it's taught me that it's not worth worrying about what others think. More importantly, it is what you think of yourself that really matters. How you think about yourself is expressed in the way you act which in turn causes a reaction and feedback from those around you. If you don't like the feedback, look at yourself with honesty and change yourself. Do so because of you, not because of what others say.
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yenajeonposted 14 years ago
Generally I do what makes me happy because no matter what you do someone is always not going to be happy!
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torimariposted 14 years ago
Yes, too much at times.

And, at other times no. It depends on what aspect of me they are judging. Like, I care what my good friends think of me, but not some of those...not so good friends and acquaintances.

That sounds typical...but I also care about opinions of people I hardly know at times while other times I could give a flying shat.

It has to do with insecurity mainly for me...not to say judgments aren't important...but a lot of them that we care about aren't as big as we make it. Haha, this is like me (the pot) calling the kettle black but ya know...
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Mama Sezposted 14 years ago
Yes I used to care about what other people think of me but now I always tell myself that only the opinion of my loved ones should matter. I should be bothered only by how people closest to my heart think of me.
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Niteriterposted 14 years ago
I lie awake and cry about the abuse I get on HubPages forums.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Interesting that you say that. How? Please do tell.
  
  I am curious.
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Niteriterposted 14 years ago
I am abused by the curious who try to gain insight into my private thoughts. I have an emotional aversion to inights.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Oh, okay. Good to know. Thank you.
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Niteriterposted 14 years ago
And then I worry that my good friend Cagsil will think ill of me which just makes me cry harder.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Then I guess you can stop fretting over a frivilous idea. I just asked a simple question to get an answer. What you think of your own answer is pressure you put on yourself and not related to anything in which I might actual think.
  
  So, dear friend, do try not to waste so much energy on negative things. It's only harmful to you.
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  wyanjenposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  OK now...
  
  less Romeo, more Thor...
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  Niteriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Hey, that was a secret between us!
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  wyanjenposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  
  Well, now I've gone and added intrigue to the forums...
  
  take it easy
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Niteriterposted 14 years ago
It is not a frivolous idea that our good spirited Cagsil might think ill of a fellow Hubber. The tears I cry are for the damage that might be done to his eternal soul.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Hmmm......? I see.
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  Niteriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I'd love to jump in on your Holy Grail thread but I have to go soon and other folks are already too far ahead of me. Always know that I spar just for fun and that I admire all the work you do here to make HubPages a better place.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Thank you. I like talking to you.
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Niteriterposted 14 years ago
You, Jen, and Cagsil are my pals. I'm sorry I have to leave so soon. Best wishes.
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  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Have a good night. Be safe and sleep well.
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  wyanjenposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  yup, sleep good, see you later
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writing4rmysoulposted 14 years ago
Of course I don't care what people think of me. God thinks I'm wonderful because He took the time to create such a beautiful woman. And that I am. Why would I waste my time worrying about other people's perception of me...when they're not even a fraction of the reason I'm breathing? Sounds crazy to wake up each day and dress myself according to what people will say or think about me when they see me. I love being different, looking different, and talking different. I'm not worried about what people think of me...they should worry about what I think of them.
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Whitney05posted 14 years ago
my self esteem is so low and i am so self-conscious that i don't even care any more. i'm sure that doesn't make sense, but i've come to grasp that there's always going to be someone that's prettier than me, makes more money, whatever. why stress over it. i still do when it comes to certain people, but i've nearly given up.
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  Kenrick Chatmanposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Hang in there Whitney. People experience success at different times during their life. Some late and some early. Life is full of ebs and flows.
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blondepoetposted 14 years ago
I've wasted so much time in my life, so much energies, so much ado about nothing over worrying what people think. I think when you get your self esteem to a level where, you finally accept the valuable person you really are, nothing else matters. I'm happy to say I'm there but.......there is an exception...if it is a guy I like, I darn well care what he thinks especially when my fake pony tail down to my buttocks falls off in his hands. ROFL.
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waynetposted 14 years ago
No, I am what I am!

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  cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  haha!! you look like you're intoxicated by chocolate
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  waynetposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Yep, gotta eat those easter eggs, even though it's not easter yet!
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  blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Gee that is the best ad I've seen asking to be body painted in chocolate. Anyone got a brush?
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Paradise7posted 14 years ago
YO!
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waynetposted 14 years ago
I could just imagine myself in a zombie chocolate eating movie, where the zombies say cccchocccooolate, instead of brains!!
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theirishobserver.posted 14 years ago
I could not careless what anyone thinks of me, I have been an independent person since I was 16 years old...moved out and moved on.....owe no one nothing...made my own way in life...
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lyricsingrayposted 14 years ago
why, what do you think about me?
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theirishobserver.posted 14 years ago
I think your cute...is it ok to say that...is that politically correct.....
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NewYorkerposted 14 years ago
All you people who said you don't care what other people think;

Thank you for lying. EVERYONE cares what other people think. I'm not talking about people like some random dude at a mall or something, I'm talking about people like your friends or something like that. If you were wearing a t-shirt you thought was really cool, but none of your friends would; YOU WOULD NOT WEAR THAT T-SHIRT.

We all care what other people think. That's why we talk about people behind their backs, and yes, you all do that.
That's why we change sweaters three times before we go out.
THat's why we obsess over what shoes to wear.

WE ALL CARE.

So no lying.
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  Arthur Fontesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  No, We don't!
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  tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I don't .
  so call me a liar if you want.
  What's that foolishness about not using some t-shirt because your friends don't like it ???
  I'm not obsessed about shoes either.
  And I can't care less what you think of me.
  you want to call me a liar?
  go ahead !
  reply report
3. 0
  cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  hello NewYorker. you're wrong, actually. i have a CATS t-shirt that my friends hate..they like trendy clothes and they think my CATS shirt is a shameless promotion of a bad broadway play no one cares about anymore. but guess what? i wear it anyway. i love CATS and got the shirt at a live performnace of it so i wear it because i like it. what's the worst they're going to do to you? club you to death or something?
  
  people are going to talk about you behind your back regardless of what you wear if that is the sort of friends they are. seriously, do you really change your sweaters three times before you go anywhere? for what, to please your friends? you can't please everyone, so why don't you just please yourself? i feel sorry for you if you live your life based on what you think others think of you.
  reply report
  66
  AdsenseStrategiesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  So does that mean that that is your chest
  reply report

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