As a Christian married man is it a sin to lust in my heart for my wife?

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  1. BobMonger profile image60
    BobMongerposted 8 years ago

    If this is what keeps you awake at night you're more blessed than any man I know. You're fine-in fact better than fine. This is why God puts us together, to be "the one" for each other.  I pray your spouse appreciates what she's got and reciprocates!

    1. profile image50
      Eddy Vonposted 7 years agoin reply to this


  2. profile image54
    BilllyTheKidposted 8 years ago

    I Would say it is not a sin. She is your wife, now if it was your neighbors wife you might be in some trouble. But when you are married to someone that is a sacred thing, you are bound together, one flesh, you can't lust after a part of yourself. Therefor in my opinion I would say you are safe to "pleasure" yourself while thinking about your wife.

  3. ii3rittles profile image81
    ii3rittlesposted 8 years ago

    Lusting for your wife is perfectly fine. This is eros love and it is passion. It is very healthy for you to have desire for her as you should. The bible states not to lust after other women who are NOT your wife. You should want her madly, deeply, on every level - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You shouldn't feel bad at all.

    1. Edwinoel Tanglao profile image60
      Edwinoel Tanglaoposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      True, eros and passion, but in God's words, it becomes 'agape,' in 'unconditional love.' It becomes perfect for it is blessed by the Spirit of God, for Jesus is the 'Word of God,' - in His righteousness is the light of truth leading to eternal life.

  4. profile image0
    Antoine Van Hoveposted 8 years ago

    The original meaning of sin, was: "missing the point".

  5. The Patriot Scoop profile image60
    The Patriot Scoopposted 8 years ago

    I dont think it is lust, you are desiring your wife. Which is in Gods eyes what He wants. Lust is in regards to immoral desire, by desiring your wife you are not committing a immoral act.

  6. CoriHolder profile image60
    CoriHolderposted 8 years ago

    She is your wife which means, you are in a covenant relationship with her.  Lusting (also known as desiring) becomes a problem because of the intent behind it.  In the case of attraction, if you are lusting after a woman who is not your wife, then you have committed adultery (see Matthew 5:28).  However, if you are lusting after or desiring your wife, that isn't a sin.  The point is that God has given you a wife.  Marriage was designed to be a covenant relationship between a man and a woman.  The ultimate goal of a godly marriage is to first glorify God by showing the relationship between Christ and the church.  Outside of that, God wants every married spouse to enjoy what marriage inside of God's design has to offer.  As long as the lust does not lead to sin as in, fornication, infidelity or even pornography, then you have nothing to be concerned with.

  7. chaitanyasaivb profile image66
    chaitanyasaivbposted 8 years ago

    It may not be a sign for married christian man, to have lust towards her wife. Even, you can call it love towards her. Because, the acts you will do with your wife after your marriage is sacred. You were committing no sin, to think like that.

  8. Neil Milliner profile image61
    Neil Millinerposted 8 years ago

    Hebrews 13:4
    "Marriage is  honourable among all, and the bed undefiled;..."
    From this I take it that what goes on between a husband and wife is OK with God. "Lust" in the original not only meant sexual craving, it meant craving of any sort. If you, for example, were really hungry and were craving food then this is lust of the flesh. True, you look up the original Greek.
    Wanting your own wife is in no way sinful, wanting another mans wife is.
    Caveat: Even though David took another mans wife and tried to kill her husband there was no burning in hell for him.

  9. Adam Lee Andersen profile image68
    Adam Lee Andersenposted 8 years ago

    This is a good question.  The answer lies within the thoughts of  your heart towards your wife. Ask God what He thinks.  No one truly knows but you and God.

    1. Edwinoel Tanglao profile image60
      Edwinoel Tanglaoposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      To love one in marriage is a decision, a sacred decision for the body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit.  When u do it w ur wife, sin in idolatry is avoided, God makes this divine guidance that we r made 1 flesh in marriage. God's words - true love

  10. Patrick McCormack profile image60
    Patrick McCormackposted 8 years ago

    I have actually read the whole bible unlike many Christians and I is my personal opinion that it is no to be taken so literally. It is meant to teach you lessons and show you the way of life. The bible says many crazy things if you want to take it literally. Deuteronomy 22:13-21 for example if your father in law can't prove your wife was a virgin when you married her, even today if you went up to him and asked him he has to prove it, or you and your friends can stone her to death. The bible says its a sin to lust after your neighbors wife but technically your not lusting your desiring her since she has already married you.

    1. Edwinoel Tanglao profile image60
      Edwinoel Tanglaoposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      The books from the bible are divinely inspired Patrick.  It is in the malice of our hearts that we may not understand them.  Take away pride, comes humility, giving honor to our creator, where Jesus is One with The Father, One Spirit with God.

  11. MariaMontgomery profile image91
    MariaMontgomeryposted 8 years ago

    You're married, so you're expected to be attracted to her. So, no, it is not wrong. It would be very sad for both of you if you were not attracted.

  12. Jesus Thermidor profile image53
    Jesus Thermidorposted 8 years ago

    God is a jealous God, God is a jealous God.:-)

  13. Susan Trump profile image61
    Susan Trumpposted 8 years ago

    My relationship with god is just between the two of us.  I don't care what others think.  It is a sound relationship, without guilt, sin or punishment.  Somedays we are closer than others, but that is real life. 

    Without the business of religion, these questions can be settled more easily.  Once religion is involved and religious peers have input, things get complicated.

  14. profile image0
    moviesreviewsposted 8 years ago

    What a great question. It is tough to gauge whether or not it should be called lust. Instead an intimate desire to be near someone who you love dearly.

  15. Del Perry profile image60
    Del Perryposted 8 years ago

    Personally I don't think it's wrong because it's about your wife. Now if you were pleasuring yourself to images of strangers then yes it's a sin. You are not to lust after anyone else.

  16. profile image0
    promisemposted 8 years ago

    If God created everything, then He created lust. And if He created lust, you are not sinning.

    1. Edwinoel Tanglao profile image60
      Edwinoel Tanglaoposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Lust is sin if there is malice in your heart, and be wary, "The wages of sin is death, but the 'true faith' in Christ Jesus, comes the forgiveness of sins, in the power of the Holy Eucharist, we become one with Jesus, one with the Holy Spirit.

  17. Tori Holt 13 profile image61
    Tori Holt 13posted 8 years ago

    From an Anthropologist's point of view: If I were you I wouldn't make worry of lusting for your wife. The concept of marriage in every culture is one of the most sacred acts, and your wife is supposed to be the only woman you lust for. If I were you, I would feel great self-worth in knowing that your wife holds that quality in your heart. A lot of people never seem completely content with their partner to the point that they only lust for them. I think at this point you are creating the judgement. If you feel judged by Christ then you will create the judgement of your act being a sin and if you feel that you are not doing something wrong then feel no worry. Religion should never be the means of you not lusting over the one woman who definitely deserves your lust. If anything, I believe Christ would be proud that you have maintain such a strong connection with your love for her.

  18. Kelechi Wogu profile image56
    Kelechi Woguposted 8 years ago

    It's not lust if it is your wife. God created the sex drive for one man and one woman in a marriage. I believe it is a holy a beautiful thing before God when a man and a woman in a marriage are sexually attracted to one another.

  19. Rich kelley profile image60
    Rich kelleyposted 8 years ago

    "On occasion I um pleasure myself thinking about her"
    masturbating is wrong, calling it lusting in my heart or mind doesn't change anything. Whom else have you seen that brings you pleasure?  Where does it stop, how much rationalization is required to justify what you want to do? Ask Her if it is ok for you to have "pleasure" without her. Asking people that do the same thing only tickles your ears.

    "Am I committing a sin for lusting after her?"
    If you have to ask, more than likely something is wrong. Lust is not love.  Sex has pleasure but you are not to seek personal pleasure all the time. The purpose of sex is to have children despite what science has turned it into. Are you ready to be responsible for a child every time you "have pleasure"?

    " It doesn't feel like it's wrong "
    There in lies the problem, you are letting feelings run your life.  No where are "Christians" told to rationalize their fleshly behavior as correct, married or not.

    Justifying the flesh is not putting the things of the flesh to death.  Yes I know there is nothing wrong with sex between a man and a women, but that is not the topic. If we were to run around the yard having pleasure as often as a rooster, then we would have been made roosters.

  20. profile image0
    MrDanielAbramposted 8 years ago

    I don't think it is a sin and I think it is perfectly normal.

  21. profile image50
    Eddy Vonposted 7 years ago

    Yes as a HUMAN - you can still have lust for your wife and have a personal sexual release "In the shower" it is not a sin, enjoy! And curious why you would want to discuss with your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, it is a natural and healthy human function. I am sure they as well as 99.9 % of people do this. Just be happy you have visions of your wife, I am sure 95% vision this with someone else; bet they will not admit it. YOU ARE NORMAL!

  22. profile image0
    Stargrrlposted 7 years ago

    No! Of course not!  You are married.  You are allowed to lust for her.  You're supposed to.  I'd be worried if you weren't lusting after her.

  23. profile image54
    peter565posted 7 years ago

    Why not, you are married.  Personally, I don't know why christen say lust is a sin, so stupid, it is not like anybody is raping anybody, just because there is lust

  24. Rosualdo Ponce profile image82
    Rosualdo Ponceposted 7 years ago

    Lust and love are different things with different origins. Lust from Satan while love from God. In marriage a husband and wife became one body in God. Can you lust for your self? Love is the main essence that sanctify marriage and lust has no place in marriage that are devoted to God. Read Songs of songs to have an information of a romantic love before God. What God sanctified will never be controlled by any unworthy feelings and thoughts.

  25. profile image0
    Ganesh prasadposted 7 years ago

    I don't think so that it is wrong or sinfullll

  26. profile image57
    moslimadelangeposted 7 years ago

    Our carnal nature left unchecked,  only leads to our ruin.

  27. Buildreps profile image88
    Buildrepsposted 7 years ago

    Usually your heart doesn't long for lust. Only the lower parts of the body from tummy down to genitals long for lust.

    You might want to redefine your question.

    Nevertheless I would say this are perfectly fine feelings for your own wife!

  28. Nikidoll profile image61
    Nikidollposted 7 years ago

    No it is not a sin,in no way is it adultery and it is your wife you are bound by God..It is absolutely natural and not a sin.
    If you didn't and you did another woman then it would be a definite sin.

  29. Keith Whipple profile image60
    Keith Whippleposted 7 years ago

    I do not think it is a sin.  She is your wife.  Lust for other women is a different story.  Enjoy your wife and if she is happy that is a good thing.

  30. alan raj profile image81
    alan rajposted 7 years ago

    Since it is your wife you're not doing a sin.God created a partner for Adam just because it is good to live as a pair.Marriage,in any religion gives man and woman the freedom to share everything between them.

  31. profile image0
    Nyc1996posted 7 years ago

    I don't think it's lust that you have for her but love, since she is your wife.

  32. realtalk247 profile image81
    realtalk247posted 7 years ago

    Wow. Sometimes people take sin and guilt too far. Don't overthink this one. Rock on, glad you still desire your wife and find her sexy.

  33. Author Sam profile image63
    Author Samposted 7 years ago

    you know the answer is a firm yes, even if the bible did not say so we should still know what is right or wrong in this case with common sense

  34. evancat profile image66
    evancatposted 7 years ago

    Lust is a negative connotation. What you are essentially doing is longing for, or extremely passionate about the woman that God has set aside for you. Nothing wrong there my friend!

  35. profile image0
    Joshtheplumberposted 7 years ago

    My friend, she is the only one you are to lust after. There are 2 types of women for you. Her, and everyone else.

  36. frantisek78 profile image79
    frantisek78posted 7 years ago

    It's so heartwarming to read through long threads where people explain or simply state what is and what isn't sin. Very entertaining reading, yet disturbing at the same time.

  37. cam8510 profile image88
    cam8510posted 7 years ago

    This is a five year old question.  He's probably gone blind by now.

    1. fpherj48 profile image60
      fpherj48posted 6 years agoin reply to this

      LOL  !!!   Chris~~ That's hilarious!  But then I laughed when I read such an ignorant question!!  SOME people are simply lost in space w/o a clue!  How childish & narrow-minded can anyone be??

  38. profile image53
    remonsieurposted 7 years ago

    It not lust it called passion its a fire inside that burning desire  just hope she's  thinking  the same about lol .

  39. betty janet davis profile image61
    betty janet davisposted 7 years ago

    Being a Christian is about being faithful to love, and love leads us all back to God; to love every aspect of your partner...their mind, body and Spirit sounds like a wonderful relationship to be in.

  40. the rawspirit profile image84
    the rawspiritposted 7 years ago

    My goodness, no! You are a lucky man. Blessings, Bobby

  41. Daniel 120plus profile image60
    Daniel 120plusposted 7 years ago

    No it is not
    remember all things are lawful for me but not all things are expedient ( i.e helpful/beneficial/loving for me or for others as the case may be)

    You simply have to check if any of the thoughts or actions you have or take pertaining your wife are beneficial. When in doubt know that you are freely justified in Christ at all times, the only time you have to repent of sin is when the word of God reveals to you a wrong. Don't be in anxiety that God will hold a wrong you do not know about against you
    again the wife should not be seperate from his wife nor the husband from his wife

    quality sex is necessary for the marriage to be happy

    but also remember to enjoy recreation with your wife

    such as engaging in outdoor sports or activities that are fun for both of you if you are not into any of these it is a good idea for you and your wife to adopt one

    Enjoy life with the wife of your youth
    Your relationship apart from sex should also include as much of friendship and communication
    engaging in outdoor activities that are fun for both of you will create opportunities for physical and emotional intimacy between both of you

  42. gary s arnold profile image57
    gary s arnoldposted 7 years ago

    i will only say be careful not to make your wife uncomfortable. I think you should have a strong desire for your wife, but anything and everything you do should be with her, not to her. If she says, not tonight, respect that. Don't lay a guilt trip on her or quote the Bible. When you do that she will do what you want out of guilt, not pleasure. Do extra things for her around the house. Gifts are fine, but your wife will enjoy it more if you cook for her then clean the dishes. The more rest your wife has the more she can clear her mind. Take the kids out to the park while she enjoys a nice bath or a TV program. Read a poem, or a story, or maybe even a chapter of Song of Solomon to her. Your desire for her I don't believe is wrong, but just don't let it control how you treat her. I am not saying that you do. God bless!

  43. Pacesetter Abbey profile image43
    Pacesetter Abbeyposted 7 years ago

    According to the bible, anything that has to do with lust is a sin. There is a difference between lust and love. Lust corrupts your mind but love ❤ builds a tie(relationship). If you can have a lust for your own wife then you can definitely have lust for a different woman entirely.

  44. abdussalaam profile image80
    abdussalaamposted 7 years ago

    As a Muslim who is entitled to have up to 4 wives; I am slightly confused as to why this question of lusting for ones own wife(s) would even arise?

    1. profile image57
      Luluofgodposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Four wives is man made please.  You would begin to Love one more. It is not part of the clear book. God made adam and eve. Not eve1 eve2 eve3 eve4.
      As the bride of Christ and the shecamel of the QurAn .
      I tell you many wives is a sin.

    2. Edwinoel Tanglao profile image60
      Edwinoel Tanglaoposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Jesus wants us to have a wife, not more than one, for if we have too many, it may not b living in 1 flesh, but living in the lust of others.  In God's Ten Commandments, loving in d lust of others is malice in us, where idolatry is loving ourselves.

  45. Michelle Bentley profile image87
    Michelle Bentleyposted 7 years ago

    The word "lust" simply means a strong sexual desire. There's nothing wrong with having strong sexual desire for your own wife. I think God would agree. It seems that when we use the word lust it sounds like it's a dirty, bad thing. If you had asked the question, "Is it wrong, as a Christian, to have strong sexual desires for my wife?", most would say that it's not wrong and perfectly natural and healthy. However, pleasuring yourself thinking about her, is in my eyes, a big problem, Why are you desiring her in private instead of with her?

    1. Edwinoel Tanglao profile image60
      Edwinoel Tanglaoposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Sex with the wife is healthy in body, mind, heart and soul, this is blessed by God for we are one flesh with Christ and one Spirit with Him in our sacred vow of matrimony, that we may not lust for others and avoid sin of adultery. No malice - 1 flesh

  46. profile image50
    Juno Smithposted 7 years ago

    no this is the kind of question and subject that makes religion sound CRAZY. God gave us bodies to enjoy, spouses to do it in a safe, secured, healthy environment and relationship…so you can definitely desire, lust after your wife, it is part of marriage.
    NOw they are people who would always try to control people to the point of their marriage bed… don't even talk about it.

  47. passionatelearnr profile image83
    passionatelearnrposted 7 years ago

    lusting for your wife is not wrong in any religion.

    1. Louis Rabaud profile image61
      Louis Rabaudposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I've noticed that as a Catholic everything I said is at fault; so why ask me? To me, your thought is good as it sound! Thank you!

  48. Rabadi profile image80
    Rabadiposted 7 years ago

    I agree with someone who said that there is a difference between lust and desire. If you're lusting after your wife's body and seek to only please yourself, I think that's a sin. If it's a genuine desire to be with your wife, than I think that's not bad.
    Anyway Great question, mind following me back? Thanks smile

  49. profile image51
    RamonaMonaBellposted 7 years ago

    She's already your wife. You don't lust after something you already have. You are OK

  50. profile image57
    Luluofgodposted 7 years ago

    No you are not. That is God keeping your marriage strong. Your love deeper and your marriage higher in heaven. 

    It is a sin to lust for other woman. You have a desire for your wife. You do Not lust for her.

    You desire her which is health and need for the depletion of devorice rate


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