would you tell your children?

1. 59

   blue dogposted 14 years ago

   if you were in your golden years and diagnosed with a terminal illness, would you let your children know.  if not, why not?

   replyreport
   1. 61

      Army Infantry Momposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I was diagonosed with a rare neuro spine disease a little over a year ago,..It is fatal but I did'nt tell my kid's right away. Ages 11,11 (twins)16, 17 and 21. But because my illness has gotten much worse over the past 2 months, I had to tell them. That way they know, when I'm having a bad day or week,..Its par to the course. It's allready devestating enough,..but least with them knowing, I am here to help them cope and come to terms with it,..instead of having it be a surprise out of the blue and not having someone capiable of helping them cope,..if that makes any sense.

      replyreport
      1. 60

         Becca's Blogposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Sorry about your situation. Yes you make total sense. If you were cross and your kids did not know why then they might think it is something they had done. Plus, while they will be upset they will feel better if they can help by pitching in with house work when you are not up to it. It is a very hard situation ,but having older children you can really impart the things you want them to know and understand. I wish you luck.

         replyreport
      2. 59

         blue dogposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         i'm sorry to hear about your condition.  it's honorable of you to tell your children, even at such an age.  as nanny previously posted, there's much to be gained through the sharing of wisdom.  best wishes to you.

         replyreport
2. 77

   Uninvited Writerposted 14 years ago

   As a child of such person I would want to know. I don't see why you should keep it secret. It's only fair to them that they know so yes, I would let them know.

   replyreport
3. 69

   Beth100posted 14 years ago

   Absolutely.  They have the right to know and it would be selfish not to tell.  If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you like to know??

   replyreport
4. 84

   jiberishposted 14 years ago

   Depends how long I had.

   replyreport
5. 59

   blue dogposted 14 years ago

   thank you, univited and beth.
   
   jiberish, terminal, as in leads to death.

   replyreport
   1. 84

      jiberishposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      'Leads to Death' can be a month, a year.....I would wait till the last minute.

      replyreport
      1. 59

         blue dogposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         i understand it's a personal and private matter, but besides those two reasons,  why wouldn't you let he/she/them know beforehand?

         replyreport
         1. 84

            jiberishposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            If death is around the corner, why make them unhappy with grief until it's neccessary?

            replyreport
6. 63

   Mishaposted 14 years ago

   I'll deal with this if/when I get there, but probably yes.

   replyreport
   1. 59

      blue dogposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      misha, what if it were your parent?

      replyreport
7. 79

   barryrutherfordposted 14 years ago

   yes !

   replyreport
8. 63

   Mishaposted 14 years ago

   No, I am a parent of total of three. If I get terminal illness.

   replyreport
9. 59

   AsherKadeposted 14 years ago

   my dad and my aunt are dying, both are terminal and on hospice.The FIRST thing I said when I found out was "how am I gonna tell the kids?" God gave me the ability to do so and the right words to say...I'm glad I included the kids, because they would've figured out anyway, and then be very upset if I didn't address it to them first.

   replyreport
10. 57

    tobacco loverposted 14 years ago

    Of course I would tell them.  I had no idea my father was dieing back in 74.  Just came home from school one day and found out he had died.  I would have spent so much more time with him if I had known.

    replyreport
11. 67

    Nanny J.O.A.T.posted 14 years ago

    Yes, I would tell them - once a parent always a parent and even in dying there are lessons to impart and wisdom to be gained. They will listen more closely and think all the better for knowing that they may never get to hear it again.

    replyreport
12. 81

    Rebecca E.posted 14 years ago

    Depends on the child, some might take the news badly.  But I would telel them allin differing ways.

    replyreport
13. 59

    blue dogposted 14 years ago

    it's a difficult subject, requiring some thought.  thanks, everyone, for your responses.
    
    nanny, great words to live and die by.

    replyreport
14. 59

    oscillationatendposted 14 years ago

    Don't let death get ya down. Enjoy the moments you have, and if you're told there's few left--revel in them more greatly.
    
    I would let my children know, or at least make arrangements. I'd probably set up a few practical jokes, too, to be pulled off later by other people.
    
    Ya know..just so, I'm "still" around.

    replyreport
15. 40

    vancouverposted 14 years ago

    I would, i would want to spend as much time as possible with them.
    
    JR

    replyreport
    1. 84

       jiberishposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I would still spend time with them, but why burden them?  When it would come time, very near the end, I would tell them.

       replyreport
16. 0

    Aquaposted 14 years ago

    If I'm in my "golden years" as you stated - then my "children" are adults, right? Let's assume so anyway.
    
    Therefore, yes, I would definitely tell them. I found out my own father had terminal liver cancer two years before he died and was entirely thankful he told me. I would have felt really betrayed (and disrespected) had he not told me. I would have interpreted that to mean he did not think enough of me to think I could handle the truth. Knowing he was dying also went a long way toward my understanding the sometimes strange behaviors he exhibited and weird things he said - which I would have thought had been really "out there", had I not understood what was going on.

    replyreport
17. 60

    tony0724posted 14 years ago

    I would tell my children towards the very end , when It was obvious there was something wrong with me . At this point I have my affairs somewhat In order, but I am too ornery to leave this soon !

    replyreport
18. 60

    auntiebreeposted 14 years ago

    Wow, thats a hard one. 
        Depends on the relationship with your kid.  I wouldn't want them to pity me, or be nice cause they think I am dying. 
         Then again I would want to prepare them in a way.
    
          I think with my daughter, I would be less direct.  "I'm not gonna live forever you know"
    
         Your kids know you are in your golden years and we all know we are going to die sooner or later.
    
         I am sure if you see the all the time, they will see somethings not right.  If they ask questions be honest.

    replyreport
19. 60

    Becca's Blogposted 14 years ago

    I would tell my children. Apart from lying about Santa and the Easter bunny I don't lie to my kids and they rarely lie to me. If they something I do not feel they should know I tell them it is not their concern. It is their concern if I was old and dying . They would not doubt be fighting over who had to inherit their weird old mom's herd of cats. LoL

    replyreport
20. 63

    Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

    My mother (died at 77 years ago) didn't have the luxury of deciding whether to tell us or not.  Her long-running medical condition had symptoms that were obvious.  So we knew, and in the end she was hospice (so we REALLY knew).  We would not have wanted her to go through that "keeping a secret" like that.  Also, it helped us be as a little prepared (or at least as prepared as anyone can ever be when it comes to losing a parent).  Although it's always difficult to really know what we'd do in a situation, I think I'd tell my children (who happen to be grown).  My father died fairly soon after a major heart attack, and I have to say that was a far bigger shock to deal with.

    replyreport
21. 76

    Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago

    Yes I was one of nine children ,  aged 7yrs-24yrs.
    
    My mother had cancer and she gathered us around and told us 
    
    Sad it was always going to be , but helped us understand why our mum was different now.
    
    I was  10 yrs old.

    replyreport
22. 67

    emievilposted 14 years ago

    Definitely a yes. It's not really fair to keep it a secret from them and it will make your remaining time with them sweeter and more memorable.

    replyreport
23. 54

    Genniferposted 14 years ago

    It certainly would be difficult to find appropriate words, but nevertheless children have the right to know

    replyreport
24. 60

    *Mellie*posted 14 years ago

    Yes I would tell them. I think it would give them a better chance at preparing themselves.

    replyreport