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Would you ever disown your child?

  1. BraidedZero profile image88
    BraidedZeroposted 5 years ago

    Is there anything that your child could do that you would turn around and disown them?

    1. libby1970 profile image80
      libby1970posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I love my children unconditionally...however I don't always have to agree with their choices!

      There would be a few things that I would really want to stay away...but not disown... they would still be my child but I'd want to get them some serious mental help!

      1. Murdering of the innoccent
      2. Rape or torture of another human being
      3. Child molestation

      Those things would make me force them to get help... you can't just turn love off... but you can stay away from someone you love if they have "evil" tendancies!

      1. BraidedZero profile image88
        BraidedZeroposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        Yeah those are some of the things that went through my head too. If they did that I wouldn't know how to take it. You want to love them but it can be difficult when they're not the person you raised anymore.

    2. Cagsil profile image60
      Cagsilposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Since I don't have a child, I'm unable to answer your question.

      1. Jeanine H profile image61
        Jeanine Hposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        THANK YOU for BEING THAT HONEST...MOST of the worlds people just JUDGE JUDGE JUDGE from their behind the computer chairs n say what they would do but u chose the honest route GOOD FOR YOU BEST COMMENT I've read !! Also, u cud post n say what UD do hypothetically!?

        1. Dawn Purcell profile image59
          Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          Thank you. it's a difficult subject for most Mothers i do agree, i try not to judge so quickly without knowing the circumstances,maybe they have been blessed with a life that does not compicate there feelings or have issues to deal with ,  so i  understand a little. I am very new so what you sugested to write a question how? as it would get hubs attention for sure. think it will open the minds to see both sides of the coin. I know there is no right or wrong answer to this subject and that's  what should be kept at the front of all our minds. I would kill for my Son but on the other side of the coin how many times have we threatened to kill our own kids.....BE HOMEST...MOTHERS AND FATHERS ''''we love, we hate. we hug. we kiss .we shout. and curse and then say i love you, will start a hub when i get instructions, discusions are healthy and educational. thank you ...

          1. Jeanine H profile image61
            Jeanine Hposted 5 years agoin reply to this

            Dawn, I completely agree with what youre saying!! I find people change n SOMETIMES deny or egg saturate their own feelings on the Internet..here's my add mission, you're absolutely right we've all said it or thought it--the ones of us withOUT the sitcom or Brady bunch mothering life!! I agree with u, been on both ends absolutely...I've FELT DISOWNED by my mother during my own struggle Drug addiction, OVER EIGHT YEARS AGOR (clean and sober now) & IT WAS THE BEST THING SHE could've done..lit wasn't complete, there were certain things she just refused to deal with and it was perfect!!!! FOR ME! N I have posted lower as well on what my own children have been thru as well....

            1. Dawn Purcell profile image59
              Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this
              1. Dawn Purcell profile image59
                Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

                I have just lost a big reply , you must e mail me and if possible a chat maybe with skype.Oh my i want to send you a biga hhhuuuggg because you are my type of friend...phew you are my mirror image and thank you for honest and open comments..I know unfortunately that drinking is the worse posible drug to our mind body's and souls not including the death of my own son  Darrel leaving behind a six month baby girl, omg i have not seen and she is now 11 years old, Her Daddy is burried in the Town were She lives so i pray she asked about her real Daddy contacts me and i can tell her everything about her Daddy's life in my own words.. and recently my beautifull brother Lance,my Dad and hhhooo what a effect on my life.Still Jenny not the drinking why i keep my son at arms length that would be wrong on every level(HE AS NEGLECTED AND ABUSED HIS DAUGHTERS) There is so much i want to say and never really had the opportunaty..We have to contact each other and share together with a prayer that my reasons are much more complicated to put on the hub, intincts or god telling me you cant give up, i dont know i cant answer. I have now found all the mess of 14years of not letting go like a  dog with a bone, a secret or shame or even embarrassement i have the answer.. A big part of me wants to gloat because lies have caught up, they are playing the victim and i' m in the background waiting for answers to my face , and no it's not my son, it's in Grandad on the girls side...This would really make a really good book to help understand why your intincts are never wrong..speak soon hubba dawn ..

    3. Ramsa1 profile image62
      Ramsa1posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      My child is my child and I don't think that I could ever disown him because whatever he does he remains my child.

    4. Dawn Purcell profile image59
      Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Yes i would and have disowned my Son. I'm not proud of this and it breakes my heart as a Mother. I would rather disown him than watch him distroy his life.Losing one Son 11 Years ago was bad enough and could not go through this again. If he came to my door asking for help i would know he really wanted help then of course i will be supportive. I'am bringing up his children and at the moment it's the best i can do for Him.

    5. MarleneB profile image96
      MarleneBposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      No. Disowning a child would be like disowning a part of myself. Of course, a child can do something so horrible that it might make me want to disassociate with him or her. But, I would always love them and claim them as mine.

      1. Jeanine H profile image61
        Jeanine Hposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        Absolutely agree

    6. Gabriel Wilson profile image90
      Gabriel Wilsonposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      No! I will always love my child no matter what she does. However, that doesn't mean I will agree with everything she does or even tolerate it. The bond between parents and children is an amazing one and very strong.
      I can only hope to keep my daughter on the right track and be honest when I don't agree with her.

      1. Dawn Purcell profile image59
        Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        Mothers who do have to sacrifice disowning one of the children, it's very hard, i do believe that at times we have no choice as Mothers. It's true that the Children respect there Parents in later Years, It's also true that we Love our Children without question. The love and bond could not be matched by anything we could imagine but we don't have to like them?. I know that by disowning Him he will be feeling terrible, that's the purpose, He will come back twice the Man with twice the knowledge, my job to welcome Him with open arms, a big hug and then the kettle will go on, but this time He as to make His Mum one.

    7. mom4autism profile image79
      mom4autismposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I cannot imagine a circumstgance that would make me feel that disowning my child is in his/her best interest. My heart bleeds for parents that face these types of decisions. My hope is that there is a way to get through to our children without resorting to disowning, but I would not begin to judge what others are going through and therefore I respect a prants decision. For me personally, I cannot imagine it.

      1. Dawn Purcell profile image59
        Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        thank you , you can read in between the lines and yes it's breaking my heart, i lost a son 11 years ago through drugs. I  cant stand and watch him destroy himself..I don't know why he points the finger at me, this is hard to listen, it's untrue of course but i just have to pray harder that he does see sense and has a good relationship with his girls who i have  living here with me...the dog and the cat...I find seperating  being a Grandma and yet my motherly way's kicked in as though it was second nature..Being  Mum Dad Both sets of  Gran Parents Aunty's is a tall order. I love them and they know with me they are stabble even if im not...I have just noticed your hub name, the eldest girl as not been diagnosed, statemented, She's 14 yrs and cant do basics of anything, Her primary School did nothing, i have seen the educational physc so i wait now to see my next step, i am the dog with the bone so at least this one will not go a miss or lost in some system....thank you ...empathy shown and retuned back .

        1. Jeanine H profile image61
          Jeanine Hposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          OHHHH boyyy ... dawn, I would REEEALLY love to send u some emails on my own personal experience with drugs n alcohol...I have been ON THREE SIDES OF THAT COIN, AT LEAST!!! Over my life...I was raised by an alcoholics mother, until I was 17 then she got clean n sober, I was an alcoholic started at 14 (but believe it was in my genes to begin with kinda like a cancer just waiting to reap its ugly head), then I had my own first child, changed my life but still got worse n worse n worse AFTER SHE was born, until she was 5, then I gave up drugs n alcohol, in it's entirety! PLEASE, look up my page or send me an email ,....u remind me SOO much of my lady friend who I call my "second mommie" n I'd love to help u understand the biological n mental n emotional turmoil your son is going thru out there, which cud help u take many different approaches n prayer that could change your entire planet please...Jeanine, from Canada, at:  jeaniney25@hotmail.com

      2. Dawn Purcell profile image59
        Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        hi, just catching up on my mail and saw your answer, very understanding but if you can follow a hub on child abuse i have replied to some hub members and this may answer a question and give you wider  insight to disowning a child, makes a good talking point,  there are  two sides to a coin to which  i can tell you understand but sometimes it's really hard to view a subject that's very close to your heart or that we are so passonate about. Iam a really good  polite but straight talking Lady, I'am not how ever self opinionated, i deal with discrinination on a daily bases, i use a white cain, if the shops are not to busy i fold it up and hold the cain infront of me...So clear to see, and the abuse i get if i bumb into them is nothing but dam right rude.This used to upset me and make me so angry i would cry, oh then and sorry for this, i use a different approach which leaves them wanting to find a big hole to hide. I have mastered this techniqe to my advantage. I will not tollerate any verbal abuse sir/madem as you can clearly see my cain, as they start to apologise my voice goes up a pitch and firmly and proudly educate them on disability's are not just those who have weelchairs/crutches , i have a right to be treated with respect and therefore would appreciate you taking the time to improve your social skills.  ( self opinionated )

        1. Jeanine H profile image61
          Jeanine Hposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          I think u r amazing!!! I have said this three times already, u remind me of my own close lady friend who I call my "second mom, loosing her own sight, but sees FAR GREATER THAN MOST "WITH SIGHT"

    8. landscapeartist profile image79
      landscapeartistposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I love my children unconditionally.  They will never lose my love ever and I would never disown them.  I know that the values and morals that I taught them growing up are forever instilled in their souls, so I never have to worry about them ever murdering, molesting or maiming another human being.  They are the most beautiful, passionately caring legacy I could ever leave.

      1. Dawn Purcell profile image59
        Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        I have to protect the feelings and well being of my Grandaughters before i will consider any reconciliations to take place. As Mothers we are emotioally conected with  instincts of protection to Motherhood which strengthens,i keep praying there must be another way, i have to allow my head to rule and not my heart. I'am a really loving Mother and Grandmother with all the qualities and experience to deal with  this horrible situation I'm in at this moment, Believe me when i say it's like grieving, it hurts just as much, the pain is still the same and if i could turn  this around i would at this moment in time.One Day i will be reunited/lose another son ( DRINK ) Takes away the person and leaves someone else who you don't/like/know anymore. As His Mother I'm picking up the pieces and trying to mend the issues that have been placed upon these beautiful girls.My responsability's as his Mother was to disown Him,i can condone his actions/stand /watch/listen/verbally bullying his children.I FORGIVE HIM AND THE GIRLS DO TOO. I LOVE HIM, I DON'T LIKE HIM.Patients is a gift so I'm blessed. Hard. Have a good weekend.

        1. Jeanine H profile image61
          Jeanine Hposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          Truer words have never been spoken, I use those words with my own children but even with less force, I say I love you but I don't like your BEHAVIOUR right now or your attitude or whatever, trying not to offend the person behind the BEHAVIOUR bcuz that is the person I love, n that real person can really separate from whatever BEHAVIOUR it is that's damaging them--with spiritual n continued help

    9. Jeanine H profile image61
      Jeanine Hposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I have 2 daughters, the youngests father WALKED OUT of Her LITTLE TEENY LIFE @ 1.5yrs Stating Exactly These Words: "I DO NOT LIKE HER, I DO NOT LOVE HER, I HAVE VERY LOW FEELINGS FOR HER" ...so, I WOULDN'T EVER "disown" my own child NO. 2nd Point:  MY OWN 'FATHER' (short version) Walked Out on me years ago, over 30 now but does over n over, EVERYTIME I TRY to b part of his life without success, it's like he's walking out over n over n I feel very unlinked bcuz of that & 'disowned'..however, I've grown to understand 'HE is a SICK person' ...
      THEREFORE, my Oldest Daughter has always been raised to Understand n Knows My Belief STRONGLY IS:  it matters NOT what my title is to HER, MOTHER, FATHER SISTER WHATEVER, ANY N EVERY Human Being, has FREE WILL. EVERY person has the right to chose, even when they're "sick" (spiritually or addiction wise or whatever); whatever they wish to chose in thei life. That is the FREEDOM of being born, it is our right. HOWEVER, U DO WRONG, THE CONSEQUENCES R YOURS TO B RESPONSIBLE FOR"... So my oldest knows, if u I.E. like other people mentioned, rape kill, whatever "wrong" it is, YOU SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS!!! THAT IS ALSO YOUR RIGHT!!! So she understands the value of the decisions she makes! I also tell her & she understands, IF SHE TELLS ME THE TRUTH, I will always back her up if she is in the right...she knows the difference between right n wrong though, I'm not dealing with a sick individual here. MY MOM raised me that way; & has NEVER STOOD UP FOR ME WHEN IM WRING n I LOVE HER FOR THAT!!!! Made me THINK TWICE about making "Stupid" choices or "wrong choices"--also helped me learn to b accountable for my actions!

    10. rebekahELLE profile image90
      rebekahELLEposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      No, never. Firstly, parents don't really 'own' their children. We bring them into the world and hopefully love and nurture them and go through their up and down years with them and encourage, support, teach and train them how to be independent citizens once they are old enough to leave the nest. My sons did things I didn't always support, but they always knew/know I love them with no conditions. Their mistakes enabled them to learn and grow. I don't think the terrible mistakes any of us make mean that we should be discarded because we didn't live up to our parent's expectations. I realize some will disagree.

      1. Dawn Purcell profile image59
        Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        YES I LIKE YOUR REPLY AND SHOW THAT WE ARE NOT RESPONSABLE FOR THERE MISTAKES,MY LIFE WAS CONTROLLED, TO FEARFULL TO SAY NO TO MY MOTHER AND THAT WAS YEARS IN HER GRIP, GIVING HER TIME TO TURN MY SON INTO A ANGRY MONSTER NORMALLY AIMED IN MY DIRECTION, OLD ENOUGH NOW  HE'S 34,  HE KNOWS I AM THE BEST PERSON HE WILL EVER KNOW. I KNOW I WILL FEEL HIS PAIN OF GUILT AND IT'S GOING TO HURT LIKE NOTHING ELSE IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE, YES I WILL BE THERE IT'S MY JOB TO PICK HIM UP BUT THIS TIME I CANT MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER, THE PUNISHMENT THERE WILL BE CAN HE FORGIVE HIMSELF?

    11. Mmargie1966 profile image93
      Mmargie1966posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Never.  My kids are grown and far from perfect.  I get angry at them sometimes, and they get angry at me sometimes.  We talk and work through any issues. 

      I will always be here for my kids even if they are wrong.  If it is a matter of law breaking, we will discuss the best way to handle it (with an attorney), but disown them, never.

      1. Dawn Purcell profile image59
        Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        It;s a very difficult subject and very sensative and personal to each one of us and i never knew just how we have all gone into protective mode, we are truely great Mums. How about we get back on in 15yrs time and see how or if our opinions change, that would rather interesting. Every comment i have read i have been honest but have endured to say that the circumstances are not just breaking the law its breaking a childs spirit with no regards to  her well being. i have studied for many years on subjects, endured 20 years of theraphy just to help myself..I am a good listener and lots of empathy and understanding, i say there are reasons not to disown your child and reasons why you have no choice..... I will ask ? WHAT WOULD YOU DO, HYPHOTHETICAL QUESTION OF COURSE....HUB MUM'S OR NOT WE WELCOME YOUR SAY ..

    12. prettydarkhorse profile image64
      prettydarkhorseposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Condone bad acts, no. Disown also no.

    13. courtyB3 profile image73
      courtyB3posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Children are meant to be loved for life.

      That said, once they become adults you no longer really have a vital say in their life and thought processes. Committing a brutal act would cause me to distance myself from them in life but not necessary in my heart.

    14. Beth Godwin profile image85
      Beth Godwinposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      No. I will always love my child.

      1. gmwilliams profile image81
        gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        +1.

  2. Mighty Mom profile image89
    Mighty Momposted 5 years ago

    Interesting question.
    That's one thing I never once thought of doing.
    Now it's too late. He's an adult.
    smile

  3. gamergirl profile image61
    gamergirlposted 5 years ago

    When I was a teenager, my mother told me she would disown me if I ever got my tongue pierced.

    When I came home from the Navy with my tongue pierced, she tried to hang her keys off of the tongue stud.

    I -thought- my mom was going to disown me when I told her I am trans gender.  She didn't.

    She raised me right, so she'll never have to worry about whether I've killed someone or whatever else.

    I'm not likely to have children of my own, so I can't answer the question from that angle.

    1. Jeanine H profile image61
      Jeanine Hposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      EXACTLY MY POINT good girl!!! WAY TO GO (your) MOM!!! Good job, this is what I'd hope my kids wud say!

  4. joaniemb profile image60
    joaniembposted 5 years ago

    I could never disown my child. The love for a child is unconditional. Circumstances may cause major disappointment, or even a feeling of betrayal. The relationship may suffer but the love I feel would always be there.

    1. Jeanine H profile image61
      Jeanine Hposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thank u for saying that, it's nice to hear after having my toddler father n my own walk out so harshley...that's amazing! Just nice to hear in this world of corrupt people etc

  5. Frazzledad profile image60
    Frazzledadposted 5 years ago

    No never, but.....if one were to actually attempt the dis-owning, where would one go? We've all heard or used the term "I'm gonna disown you", but how would you actually do it? I've checked our State Laws, depts., etc. and....nope no Department of Disownment.
    Do you just drag the unrepentant little turd into court and say "I request disownment from this one", tough call for a Judge.

    Sorry.....just wonderin

    1. BraidedZero profile image88
      BraidedZeroposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      You could neglect them and have them turned over to CPS. I think that's about your only option. That is of course if they still live in your house. Otherwise you just refuse to acknowledge their existence. I think that's about your only options...

      1. Frazzledad profile image60
        Frazzledadposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        No food and no Internet, fates worse than death or incarceration.

        1. BraidedZero profile image88
          BraidedZeroposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          No internet would be enough to turn my act around. But that's just me!

        2. Frazzledad profile image60
          Frazzledadposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          Shanna, in that case I wouldn't worry about Mom, I'd watch out for those slacker siblings,they may try the disownment.
          Just kidding.....

          1. Frazzledad profile image60
            Frazzledadposted 5 years agoin reply to this

            Cell phone removal also works wonders on my bundles o joy

        3. Jeanine H profile image61
          Jeanine Hposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          ABSOLUTELY, THAT'S WHAT 3 weeks at the trailer is for this summer PUNISHMENT n REVENGE MUUUHAHAHA lol !!

  6. Shanna11 profile image91
    Shanna11posted 5 years ago

    My mom always said she wouldn't hesitate to disown me.... I'm pretty sure that's true, knowing her.

    I don't know if I could disown any child of mine, considering I don't have any.

  7. Frazzledad profile image60
    Frazzledadposted 5 years ago

    But Shanna it doesn't sound like she did, so......either you were the most well behaved child ever, or....your Mom may have fibbed.
    smile

    1. Shanna11 profile image91
      Shanna11posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Well, I was pretty well behaved-- and this going to sound obnoxiously arrogant-- but I also outperformed my siblings in accomplishments regularly. I'm her star child (at the moment) and I never did anything bad enough to be disowned.

      She may have fibbed, but I'm not entirely convinced she wouldn't have at least kicked me out of the house at some points....

  8. Brittanie2216 profile image84
    Brittanie2216posted 5 years ago

    I don't think that I could ever disown my baby.  I believe that if my daughter was making decisions I disagreed with I wouldn't turn my back on her.  I would want to be there for her when she was going through a rough time.  I feel that as a parent it is my job to guide and teach my daughter.  If I was to disown her I would not be able to do either of those things.

  9. Daughter Of Maat profile image96
    Daughter Of Maatposted 5 years ago

    No, I wouldn't disown my child. I may disassociate myself from them, after explaining to the child why. Disowning really doesn't serve any purpose. Even if you do disown the child, they're still your child. You can't take back your DNA!

    1. Dawn Purcell profile image59
      Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Bless you i totally know why you comment so stongly,  i will be there one day , it's at this time here and now why i took such a drastic decission...I know this one will have a happy ending.    ( Just not for a while yet )   We are not born Parents and we learn as we go on, loving him is easy but liking him is harder, it's very sad and i cant share with you my reasons, I suffer more than him but that's my job as his Mum.....I have faith in him...

      1. Daughter Of Maat profile image96
        Daughter Of Maatposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        You have to love your children, but no one said you have to like them. I firmly believe you can love your child, and dislike their personality. Sometimes a child's personality is so similar to your own that it causes a clash. My daughter and I have that problem at the moment, but thankfully she's only 6, and I'm trying to help her and I get past it.

        Drugs always cause problems in families and moms ALWAYS get the brunt of it. Addicts blame anyone and everyone else for their problems because they can't admit to themselves that they are the ones with the problem. Understand that addiction is not only psychological but chemical as well, which makes it even harder to overcome. It's never your fault and if you blame yourself and constantly ask why, you'll only drive yourself insane. Addicts need someone who loves them unconditionally, they need to know that no matter what they do, they are still accepted. Disassociation is understandable, but disowning a child with a drug problem may exacerbate the child's addiction. Just a thought, I'm not a psychologist!

        I wish you the best, and if you need to talk to someone feel free to email me. I'm no psychologist, but I am a good listener, and sometimes that's what you really need. Keep your chin up!

        1. Dawn Purcell profile image59
          Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          That could not be any nearer the truth, if i was emailing someone on this delicate matter then my words would have read the same.  I have to put one quote into focus as it was sensative, i never pushed  my son who died of drugs away that would be so wrong as his mum but i am pleased you brought it up, it's both sides of the coin and totally understandable to ask. It's my eldest who's 34yrs , i have got to keep him at arms length.i will e mail you when you have a little time to spare,  i relate to  honesty, people who don't feel  they are  treding  on egg shells is a quality i share...I'am pretty much free any time, while the girls are at school or evening.Drop me a quick e mail when your available. Thank you so much.

          1. Daughter Of Maat profile image96
            Daughter Of Maatposted 5 years agoin reply to this

            You're quite welcome. I'm a SAHM, so I'm available pretty much anytime as well! big_smile I'll send you an email tomorrow when I have some quiet time. We have a weird schedule and I'm not sure what time it is where you are, but we'll figure it out smile

            1. Dawn Purcell profile image59
              Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

              Just say were you are and my  clever phone will tell me or the www. site, I am registered blind so takes me a while to find things but that's no bother...on a good note i touch type hhhiiiippppeeee..

              1. Jeanine H profile image61
                Jeanine Hposted 5 years agoin reply to this

                Wow, I just read thru the comment thread here n I hear SOOO much support I am truly amazed to see this on the Internet very great website, I just joined this morning!! Thank u ladies or your honesty kindness n sharing ..p.s. good job on the 'touch type' without sight! I have a 'second mom' who is registered 'blind'--BUT SEES BETTER THAN THE PEOPLE I KNIW 'WITH SIGHT' !!! Sending big support here to u ladies!!! Xox Jeanine, from Canada!!!

                1. Daughter Of Maat profile image96
                  Daughter Of Maatposted 5 years agoin reply to this

                  Welcome Jeanine!!! We have a very supportive community here. I've been here 6 months, and just recently have found HOW supportive hubbers are!!! You've joined a wonderful site. big_smile I look forward to you're first hub!

                2. Dawn Purcell profile image59
                  Dawn Purcellposted 5 years agoin reply to this

                  HI YOU MADE ME GIGGLE ABOUT YOUR MUM...TRUST ME YOU ADAPT AND IN THE LIGHT OF DAY YOU SEE IT THEN YOU DONT...I WALKED AWAY FROM MY FAMILY AS THERE SUPPORT WAS MORE HASSLE THAN IT WAS WORTH...SO GLAD I GOT A FAN EVEN IF YOUR  VERTUAL AND A VERY LONG WAY AWAY. I LOVE THE HUB AS I GET TO HAVE A SAY WHEN JUDGED..mmmmm..WELL ANYWAY NO DOUBT WE WILL DISCUSS OTHER ISSUES THAT ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT..I HAVE THE RIGHTS OF CHILD YO DEAL WITH AND SOMETHING CALLED CIVIL LITIGATION ,mmm..COMPLICATED BUT TRUST ME I WILL FIGHT ALL THE WAY AS TO WHY THE GIRLS WERE LEFT WITH THERE MUM KNOWING BASIC PARENTING NEEDS WAS NOT HAPPENING...SEVERE LEARNING DIFFICULTIES AND MANAGED TO A CRIMINAL RECORD, THE GIRLS WERE SO NEGLECTED AND THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO. . . IT'S THAT BEING JUDGED BY HEAR SAY, HER PARENTS LIVED AROUND THE CORNER HAVE 4 HOUSES ALL OWNED, GOOD JOBS BUT HER DAUGHTER NEEDED SO MUCH HELP, SWEEP UNDER THE CARPET SYNDROME AGAIN. TO ASHAMED SHE'S NOT LIKE THE OTHERS, SOUNDS AS THOUGH IM BITTER BUT NO NEVER, JUST SO LET DOWN BY THE AGENCIES THAT SHOULD HAVE PROTECTED THE GIRLS AND MUM....CONTROLING FATHER AS A LOT TO ANSWER ....THIS IS 12 YEARS OF SRUGGLING TO SEE MY GRANDAUGHTERS AND HELP MUM BUT IN THE END I HAD TO STEP BACK AND WAIT...THE ELDEST GRANDUGHTER  AS THE SAME ILLNESS AND NEVER BEEN STATEMENTED,SHE'S 14YRS OLD AND ADDING 2 AND 6  IS VERY HARD.  RETAINING INFORMATION DOES NOT HAPPEN SO REPEATING ALL THE TIME..I HAVE MADE LIST AND SHE IS DOING SO WELL SO POSITIVE AND THAT GETS ME THROUGH, GIVES ME THE STRENGTH THE DRIVE AND WE LAUGH EVERY DAY......HOLLY IS 12 YRS GIONG ON 25YRS I SWEAR , BRIGHT INTELLIGENT, EMOTIONALLY GETTING THERE , AND WE ALL HAVE EACH OTHER....MANY THANKS...IT IS THE TRUTH ALL THIS BUT UNLESS YOU LIVE IN THE MOMENT IT'S UNBELIEVABLE BUT TRUST ME YOU COULD NOT MAKE THIS UP...BY HEAD WRECKED HUBBER ...ANYBODY GOT USEFULL ADVICE FOR US HERE IN THE UK WHO KNOWS SOLIITOR WHO DEALS WITH CIVIL LITIGATION ( GOVERMENT AGENCIES, CHILD SERVICES AND EDUCATION)PLEASE HUB ME ....




























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                  1. Jeanine H profile image61
                    Jeanine Hposted 5 years agoin reply to this

                    Dawn, I don't exactly understand some of that post but I know it makes sense in other ways,..I think u have been dealt a very difficult card. If I was in your situation, which I believe contains a son, that you've disowned, a few grandchild, that have been severely neglected or "looked over" so to speak, and one that as a "criminal record" I believ but maybe that's my misreading lol sorry..anyways, now that I have read n feel I understand a little deeper about your situation, I can feel the "empathy" slightly kicking in. I mean, I do not have children such as those but my 3 year old definetly has a learning difficulty and possible ADHD, n my 12 year old is sounding a lot like a 25 year old as well...don't know WHERE she gets THAT from giggle giggle giggle !!! So I have 2 Completely Opposite Children!!! I have had my own sorts of Civil Litigation types a things go on around here as well, persuing the removal of father 2 from Birth Certificate n Fathers Life (like he has already much removed himself but I am doing it to ENSURE HE DOES NOT EVER RETURN WITH SUCCESS) ... I have read n read n read books n books, n know scores of women who have been placed in the most difficult sitations SOMEHWAT LIKE YOURS but some EVEN WORSE sweetheart trust me. And there r even videos on YouTube of psychologist video tales of abused neglected children's therapy sessions, with Greater outcomes that could b worth watching someday. (But can be distressing to watch as well...) I read the part about a daughter from parents that "owned 4 homes" but had a Syndrome, "under rug swept" I like to call it too--what syndrome is this specifically? Wow! I cannot believe that Child Protective Services hasn't helped, we can't get them out of our homes, when they've been called, out here in Canada anyways!!! ALSO, I would like to ask if you HAVE, in your Country, UK I BELIEVE U STATED RIGHT ...??? Do you guys not have a "FAMILY Courthouse", one local closest to u? Then, in there, do u NOT HAVE what we call a "Duty Counsel" person, who is like a free helper u can ask specific QUICK Questions to? (Their job is basically to point u in the right direction, ie what forms n what types of "motions" "ideas" or "accusations" on paper that u shud place befor the judge there, or bring to a lawyer..like a court officer sorta deal?) NEXT STEP, would b to an office called "Legal Aid", which u bring UR financial information to, they review it and consider if u r eligible 2 receive funding from the area, for A LAWYER for your very own! ? Do u guys not have THIS SORT OF PROCESS??? ALSO, THE MOST IMPORTANT PLACE I WOULD START LOOKING, call your Local "Family Courthouse", sit n wait on hold or find a receptionist n ASK THEM for a Name and Number of a "CHILD'S LAWYER", EVERY CHILD in our Country, in my Province, is ENTITLED TO THEIR VERY OWN LAWYER, depending on their age n situation..
                    PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW THIS GOES and just respond when u have time...in the meantime, my BEST AND ONLY ADVICE besidessss the Childs Lawyer, is in regards to your son, no matter how much UR OR AREN'T, in ANYONE'S mind, "at fault" --u r the Sole Provider n Caregiver for THOSE CHILDREN and (as u have already done) put THEM FIRST! I know u know this n r doin so but, even in MY OWN PERSONAL situations, I CONSTANTLY ASK MYSELF, which each decision I make for anything, is THIS BEST 4 the GIRLS? Even when they're "being bad" I ask myself, "is this bad 4 me. Or bad 4 them? Is this hurting me or them? Is this upsetting bcuz it's hurting me or THEM?" then I try to TAKE ACTION, from having made a decision, from THAT PERSPECTIVE. There's another thing I will say--THAT'S THE KEY, "PERCEPTION"--if u do not like what u see, in your life, world, surroundings, etc, it's all about change of perception, then making a different decision. I find a lot of time is wasted on making the same choices expecting different results. It's the definition for insanity, which is where it sounds your son is at with his addiction life as well...JUST KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK, Mom, Grandma, Auntie, Friend, etc etc etc..NEVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE on any one of them in whatever situation their in! Even your son, keep your hope alive for him even if it's kept in ur heart! God bless u

  10. Healthy Pursuits profile image89
    Healthy Pursuitsposted 5 years ago

    I'm thiiiisssss close! lol lol But I guess I'll keep him. I've had 45 years' practice at it.

  11. LongTimeMother profile image97
    LongTimeMotherposted 5 years ago

    I honestly can't imagine any of my children doing anything that would have me even contemplate disowning them. I like to think their honesty and integrity is at least in part due to their upbringing, but perhaps I'm just lucky.

    I have always said to them "If you end up in trouble for any reason, you have to tell me so that I can help you." Parenting teenagers can be really difficult. You know that they have to go out into the world and start making decisions for themselves, and you hope they'll make decisions you approve of.

    I certainly threatened my teenagers with grounding if they became involved in any kind of substance abuse or came home later than our agreed home time, but I never considered threatening them with abandonment.

    (Come to think of it, they wouldn't have believed me anyway. When my older children were young I fostered other people's abandoned children. My kids would have just laughed!!)

  12. rebekahELLE profile image90
    rebekahELLEposted 5 years ago

    Sadly this happens far too often. Parents feel it is their duty to control what their children think, say and do. And then they blame society for their children's mistakes and failures.

    1. gmwilliams profile image81
      gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      +++++ 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times!

  13. ALUR profile image67
    ALURposted 5 years ago

    Actually I have been disowned. I often ponder how it is that mother can cut off her own clot of blood simply
    for having a child/woman that speaks her mind and has stumbled along the way of this thing called "life".
    As a mother of three, I know that my gift is to give them the freedom to reign supreme and explore while providing a foundation of good morals.

    This much I know.

    You're welcome to visit my hubs as well:)

  14. Wesley Meacham profile image87
    Wesley Meachamposted 5 years ago

    I don't have any children that I know of...
    However, I can't think of any situation in which I would "disown" a child. I've always thought that this was a bit of a silly idea. Even if the child did something really horrible I can only think of a couple of situations in which I would not help help them. And even then I probably wouldn't disown them.

  15. Dawn Purcell profile image59
    Dawn Purcellposted 5 years ago

    Hi again the hubba with to much to say, again because i havelimited vission i read a hub reply and miss out the important bits..Thank youn for the information it was advice that i have not been able to get until reading your reply.I know the proceedure's her in the uk are pretty alike and so far i have been through the local ombudsman as the law states that's the starting point, i did that and they have finished there investigation to which i ff,,ff kkk found an insult and a totally a  wast of time, they can only go back one year, they really got my back up so the next step was funding (legal assistance). That's been financially excepted by the legal board,have a meeting with my solictor in the morning but i know he his not wanting to take this on..MMMM im telling him nothing about my recent findings, he'll  have pound signs in his eyes so need to be very aware who i tell or divulge any information regarding to this matter..You Tube i don't know only that it's rude noisy and for music, i really need to get on the page and stop being a prude...Sorry if i confused you on my hub but it's been pent in for to long,i can see why! but you took the time to read really saw were i was with this...it's life as i know it without complaining and a least i have not put my head in the sand  or swam in that( river called denial)as in the river nile..i have put myself forward knowing there thought's are( oh that woman gets on my nerves), well IN YOUR FACES and welcome to my world that's real. phew...I have the chronology/history  documented over 13 years and 6 of those are with childrens services, phone calls, police records e mails and there reply or actions they took so i'm confident this will only be seen as a positive step  in the courts dicissions. nan nite god bless love and peace ..dawn..

  16. teddi6 profile image75
    teddi6posted 5 years ago

    People toss around that word "UNCONDITIONAL" a lot. They say their love for their child is without condition, but then they add...unless he or she rapes, kills or,etc. Those would be conditions people.

    We expect so much from our kids, but we could never really disown them forever. Sure, we argue and stop speaking for a while then we make up. I get angry with my children, A LOT, but I love them.

    I raised two, very strong-willed, intellectual, opinionated adults...I can't blame them for what I did. I created these monsters. I take them in small doses and leave, but disown them, never.

    When I get to the point of anger, where I could disown them, I remember what my role in their lives was in the first place. Our children are not our own. God gave them to us to nurture, love, protect and give them wings so they can soar on their own when they feel they're ready. Disowning them is not a part of the deal.

    1. gmwilliams profile image81
      gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Agreed.   While many parents portend that they love their children unconditionally, such is NOT the case.   Many parents either knowingly or unknowingly have conditions which their children must abide by whether it is religion, lifestyle, and/or other related matters.     While evolved parents accept their children for the individuals they are, many parents believe that their children should be carbon copies of and/or near to their philosophical beliefs as possible.    There are some parents who outright disown their children for adapting a different premise than they do!

  17. Dawn Purcell profile image59
    Dawn Purcellposted 5 years ago

    i take your words on , thank you for your advice, i love my son like nothing else. god on the other hand ia blessing me and my grand children making us strong enough  to deal with the outcome. disowning him is for the sake of his children and god wont me to put him in his front of his girls as that would be silly and not positive...god bless yoy amen .

  18. LacretiaHardy profile image59
    LacretiaHardyposted 5 years ago

    No, I would never disown my child.  Of course, they will inevitably do some things that I don't agree with, but that doesn't negate the fact that they are my child and I have the responsibility to love, nurture, protect, guide, and pray for them.  I could see there being some actions which could require a separation of sorts or "tough love" but my babies will always be my babies.  <3

    1. Druid Dude profile image60
      Druid Dudeposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Never.

  19. shea duane profile image60
    shea duaneposted 5 years ago

    I've seen a lot of parents disown their children... some don't 'disown' but just divorce themselves emotionally. But there is nothing my son could do that would make me disown him. He stole my heart before I even saw his face.

    1. gmwilliams profile image81
      gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      The last part of your statement is so precious.

  20. hazelwood4 profile image83
    hazelwood4posted 5 years ago

    I have two beautiful sons, I would never ever disown them.  In the walk of life we all make bad choices that our parents really are not that favorable of. With  the mistakes that I made growing up my parents never did disown me.  This is a thought provoker though!

  21. Thelma Alberts profile image86
    Thelma Albertsposted 5 years ago

    Never! I love my child but I don´t disown him as I don´t "own" him, if you know what I mean. I gave birth to him and took good care of him until he´s an adult and responsible for himself. I´m always there for him when he needs me no matter what happens.

    1. gmwilliams profile image81
      gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      + a multillion times.

 
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