Is it wrong to not want to have kids?

1. 78

   ii3rittlesposted 11 years ago

   Is it wrong to not want to have kids?
   
   My husband and I have recently decided that we may not want kids at all.
   This is for reasons of heath, the way the world is heading, financially, spiritually and we both share the same patients issues. So is it wrong for us to not want to have them? We have cats and a parrot and consider them our kids in some sense.

   replyreport
2. 71

   Alecia Murphyposted 11 years ago

   No. I think if you know deep down that you can't make a commitment to being a good parent or feel that it would take more than you can provide then you shouldn't feel guilty about not having kids. And I think the same way about marriage. Societal pressure far too often outweighs your instincts. Even if you don't have kids, you can still mentor, be a big buddy, volunteer with the school system and so on. It's all about following your heart, not listening to everyone else.

   replyreport
3. 94

   SmartAndFunposted 11 years ago

   Calling gmwilliams..... Calling gmwilliams! Hi ii3rittles, there is a writer here by the name of gmwilliams and she is very passionate on this issue. I am sure she will chime in soon with a very eloquent answer for you.
   
   In m opinion, no, of course it is not wrong. I'll leave it that because gmwilliams is going to put it much better than I ever could.

   replyreport
4. 73

   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   That's not wrong if it is what you have decided. If you believe in evolution, you might believe it's against your creation. If you're a Christian, it is not wrong at all. Catholics will not agree with your decision. But for your relationship with your husband, that might be the best Congradulations on your decision!

   replyreport
5. 77

   JimTxMillerposted 11 years ago

   It would be far worse to have kids you do not want! Of course, there is nothing at all wrong with not wanting to have children.

   replyreport
6. 66

   sarahmooseposted 11 years ago

   I think it is personal choice, and as you have made the decision together as a couple then it is not wrong at all. I have friends who have decided not to have children, and they are perfectly happy with that - for a start, they get to have some amazing holidays together, and they always seem to be out and about! (The beauty of not needing a babysitter!) As long as you are happy with your decision, don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

   replyreport
7. 61

   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   No, I don't think it is wrong.  It is a personal decision.  I married at 19 and we planned not to have children.  However, my mind did change when I was 26 so if you are young, that may happen to you.
   
   I think each couple has to make that decision, and not everyone wants children and that is fine.  Having said that, let me just say that we were married 11 years when our first child was born.  We had dogs that were our children until then - but once our daughter was born I realized that there was no comparison.
   
   If you have any doubts at all, don't rule it out.  I never wanted kids until then and once I had them, it was the greatest adventure I have ever had and loved every minutes of it.

   replyreport
8. 62

   greenchaposted 11 years ago

   No, why should it be.?  Although Its  as wrong to want kids and not have them  (if you can)as much as its wrong not to want to have them and have them.

   replyreport
9. 57

   MissJamieDposted 11 years ago

   Having children is personal preference. You're not fully expected to have them if you do not wish to have them. I know that my 3 kids are the best thing that ever happened to me, and before I had them, children were not my forte. I knew nothing about them and had no idea how to interact with them. But I did always want to have them. I had my children early in life, some people prefer to have them early so that they are young and spry enough to raise them and help with grandchildren. Others decide to have children later when they're done following their career goals and dreams and feel more settled and comfortable in life. It's aboslutely up to you what you decide and don't let anyone else bully you into making any other decision. Nobody else knows what's good for you, only you do:)

   replyreport
   1. 83

      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Totally concur with you.

      replyreport
10. 82

    peachpurpleposted 11 years ago

    no, it is not wrong to make this decision. Each couple has their own reasons to have or not to have kids. My hubby wished that we didn't have kids so that we could travel aboard and do what we like, live where we want and don't have to worry about kids' health and money matters. Their are pros and cons of having kids, depending on your situation. GOD gave women their will to give birth and it's up to women to bear or not.

    replyreport
11. 60

    penladyposted 11 years ago

    If it's wrong, then I don't want to be right! I don't have any kids and never have. I decided at a very young age that I didn't want any. There's nothing wrong with me. It doesn't make you a bad person by any means.
    
    Not everyone is meant to be parents. Case in point: people who kill their children. Those type of people should never have kids. And if you're not patient with kids, then you certainly don't need them. A short patience could cause you to snap off and you regret it later.
    
    Kids require a lot of patience and love. And if you don't have that to give, then it's certainly best not to have them. Personally, I think my life better being childless. I have enough to deal with in my own life without adding a child to the mix.

    replyreport
12. 72

    UndercoverAgent19posted 11 years ago

    I do not think it is wrong to not want to procreate and/or raise children. I commend you and your husband for being honest with yourselves about your own strengths, shortcomings, preferences, and opinions. Although we have come very far from the 50s mindset of family first, everything else after, there are still stigmas attached to not wanting to start a traditional family. As a woman, I feel that I am especially pressured to feel that "mothering instinct" and to want to get married and have children, but I do not. I love my cats and my friends and my family, and I feel that I can contribute to the world without having to offer up my uterus.

    replyreport
13. 60

    Phobruposted 11 years ago

    Not only it is not wrong not to want to have children, but actually I believe it shows a great sense of responsability and honesty on you and your husband's part to make such a decision.
    I strongly believe that if matters such as marriage and parenthood would be considered more responsibly by people, there would be a significant decrease in unhappy families, divorces and children with traumatic childhoods.
    If one is not into parenthood then he/she should not do it, because if he/she did there is a great chance he/she would make his/her child(ren) unhappy at best.
    There are already hundreds of thousands of miserable children in the world, so the responsible thing to do is to not add one or a few more to the count.
    Parenthood should be something that you gladly do without doubts or remorse, not something you do out of a false sense of necessity or obligation towards society.

    replyreport
14. 54

    arch reeposted 11 years ago

    first , madam i respect your point of view ,but i guess your answer is embedded in your question ! , yes we don't live in a perfect world ,and cats are great, but there is nothing like knowing that small human hart is in you , when your old a cat wont care !, i don't say it easy , but it so much worth it, i think you wondering abut it is good sign , keep wondering and try to make your husband wonder , good luck

    replyreport
15. 59

    cmccarty6687posted 11 years ago

    first off I do not think you are wrong at all.  It is better that you have thought this through and made a healthy and well thought decision than like so many that just think they can wing it as a parent. 
    My mother did present an interesting topic related to this the other day though.  She said she hears more and more young people saying they don't want to have children for reasons similar to yours.  This means intelligent young adults making an informed and again, well thought out decision.  She did however, worry about this fact.  With the educated and intelligent deciding not to have children, who does that leave continue populating the earth?  What does that mean for the next generation?  Just some food for thought. 
    
    Thank you for being a responsible and intelligent person!

    replyreport
16. 69

    The Unlearnerposted 11 years ago

    I appreciate your honesty. It is completely up to you. It is a brave decision actually, so many people just bring these innocent an beautiful human beings into the planet, and take them for granted. if you are going to have children, it needs to be a life long commitment, and also to that of your potential grandchildren too. Well done, and thanks for sharing.

    replyreport
17. 89

    Theophanesposted 11 years ago

    The human race does not having a plummeting population. We don't NEED to have kids like we did in the past to help us farm our lands and progress society. If you don't want children there's nothing wrong with that. Humanity will continue to grow without your efforts. Besides, if everyone thought about if they wanted children and decided thusly in a sane and logical manner, the world would be a much different place. Imagine a world where every child was actually wanted! And planned! And loved! And taken care of! WOW. We'd sure have some amazing kids, not like the large swarms of feral children you see running the streets and puffing on cigarettes at age 11 because no one cares enough to pay attention to them for two minutes. SIGH. I guess what I am saying is it is good to have the courage NOT to pass on the damage to future generations just to fit some clearly outdated social norm. There are other ways to help society than raise children - charity work, advancing science, volunteering in the community... you name it. Make your proudest creation yourself and not some would-be child if that's what suits you.

    replyreport
18. 77

    nanderson500posted 11 years ago

    Not wrong at all. Unfortunately, many societies don't see it that way because it defies cultural norms. Pets are a great substitute.

    replyreport
19. 59

    Technibusinessposted 11 years ago

    Absolutely not! The world would be a better place if every kid born was really, really wanted.  Congratulations to you and your husband for thinking it through and making a conscious decision!  That's very adult of you!

    replyreport
    1. 83

       gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Certainly is. Many people have couple just for social approval and because of social pressure.Such children know that they were not initially wanted by their parents.Children know when they are wanted and cherished and when they are just tolerable.

       replyreport
20. 61

    ytsenohposted 11 years ago

    Whether a person wants to have children or not is not a right or wrong question.  It's a choice.  As a woman, I was conditioned to believe you go to school, get married, get a job, have children.  I did all that and went through a healthy divorce with children who were fortunate to be taught the act of civility.  Not all children have that learning luxury.  I have also known parents who were neither paternal or maternal and wondered why they had children--was it because "it was what you were supposed to do?"  It's similar to when two people date.  After a year, there's this general assumption that they should get married.  Why is that?  It's like a conditioned societal response to togetherness.  After the marriage occurs, there are comments that suggest self-induced guilt if you choose not to have any children.  Some people say you rob yourself of the experience.  There are two sides to this experience, however.  It is a responsibility one can never prepare for, you learn as you go and you grow as a person.  There is no short answer to your question outside of just saying "no."  If you choose "no," it's perfectly okay.  There is less worry to endure. 
    
    I love my children and grandchildren immensely.  When I meet people who do not want children, I can see both sides to the choice.  And both choices are okay.  I wish every time I saw a parent who had no responsibility whatsoever in choosing to have a child due to neglect and other reasons, that this type of parent and parenting style and lack thereof, should never had children. 
    
    Good question.  Remember that guilt is self-induced.  You do not need the approval of others.  You make your choice and simply stand by it.

    replyreport
21. 60

    vinayt89posted 11 years ago

    I don't thing it matters if you and your husband don't want kids. But i too suggest that don't compare your pets with the kids it makes lot of difference. But as long as you both love each other nothing matters.

    replyreport
    1. 78

       ii3rittlesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       What is wrong with considering my pets as my children? I would do that even if I had actual children. I say that in the sense that I love them and care for them. I see nothing wrong with that. I understand the difference.

       replyreport
22. 59

    gosupressposted 11 years ago

    To have a cat AND a parrot, that's wrong! But not too have kids is ok. Do what you want.

    replyreport
23. 75

    JEDIJESSICUHposted 11 years ago

    It requires incredible maturity and responsibility to make the decision not to have kids for the reasons you and your husband did. I absolutely applaud you. There is nothing wrong with the choice you made.

    replyreport
24. 0

    AccumulateAmericaposted 11 years ago

    No not at all, and I wish I had been allowed the same. When I was younger I also did not want to have children. I confessed it recently to my family. They were quite surprised. You can always dive yourself into the children of others. Parents always welcome more help of great people. I have known many people in life who also feel the same way as you. Teachers often refer to children they teach as their children. In fact I film footage of one teacher proclaiming he had over two thousand children, and he very much considered them as his. There is nothing wrong with it at all, and there is so many other positive ways to be involved with children than having them yourself. I think you and your husband should be proud to your honesty in regards to your joint decision.

    replyreport
25. 70

    kikibruceposted 11 years ago

    Having kids is not for everyone. There is nothing wrong about it. I will never be having kids. I prefer to be the crazy aunt. It's expensive, I am poor, and I have a hard enough time taking care of myself. I feel like I am doing my kid a favor. I love kids though, volunteer with kids at a horse farm, but it is nice to have your peace and quiet too.

    replyreport
26. 83

    liesl5858posted 11 years ago

    It is not wrong to not want to have kids at all. It is a matter of choice whether to have children or not to have them. My husband and I don't have kids because we both felt we can't give them the security and love that they need. And also before we got married my husband asked me if I wanted kids and I said yes. But the reality of it was, we were homeless. I mean we were only renting a flat when we got married. Of course our aim was to have a house or a flat of our own one day before we have kids but by the time we achieved  all these,  we lost the interest of having kids. Maybe one day we might adopt or become foster parents. But that's another choice to make. No hang ups about not having kids. It is not the end of the world.

    replyreport
    1. 83

       gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Very smart comment.Always assess your socioeconomic and psychological situation before having children.If more people did as you did, there would be less poverty and other travails among children.  Voted you WAY UP for foresight and intelligence!!!

       replyreport
27. 60

    adorablebabyposted 11 years ago

    nope, adopt a kid would be the better choice to many people have kids and are raised poorly, plus you may die at giving birth but you do need a kid atleast 1 to take care of you when your older that is their only purpose!!!

    replyreport
28. 0

    apimentel33posted 11 years ago

    No, it's everyone's own personal choice. If everyone HAD to have kids, then you'd end up with parents who resented their children, and children that felt resented by their parents. That should never happen.
    
    Some people feel the need to have kids, and some could care less. I love that we can all decide what we want to do with our own lives and have that freedom to do so.

    replyreport
29. 71

    Seek-n-Findposted 11 years ago

    In my early 20's I wanted children more than anything else.  Looking back, I think the desire was actually too strong.  I know of many parents that make idols out of their children which can actually interfere (in my opinion) with their ability to love them from a place of wholeness.  (I think a person has more to offer when they are focused on giving rather than receiving).
    
    During the time I most wanted children my fiance and I broke up and I was left with the desire but no husband.  I surrendered it to God and asked Him to help me with the best plan for my life.  The desire dwindled and actually left completely.  I was totally at peace with and okay with not having kids.  Then I met a man who became my husband and we were both content with not having children. 
    
    But--surprise!  One day the desire just kind of dropped in my lap again.  I believe it was Divine Inspiration because there was not really another reason for the desire to return.  Then, like a seed, the desire grew and grew until I became certain more by "knowing" than a strong emotional desire--that I was supposed to and would have a child.  (And by the way, this same thing happened to my husband separate from my experience).
    
    Ten years ago when I had the desire it was more like, "I need to have a baby to be complete."  Now the desire is "What an honor to be a steward of this amazing life."  Whereas I viewed it before as something needed to make me happy, I now view it as an assignment from God--a ministry--a privilege and responsibility AND a blessing. 
    
    The mother I will be today is much different than the mother I would have been 10 years ago.  I know for me--the timing now is much better than it would have been then.
    
    I share this all to say this:  Live from the present moment.  Today you may decide "no" and one year from know you may know "yes."  So is it wrong?  No.  But is it possible the desire will change?   Yes.  Possible--but not guaranteed.

    replyreport
30. 60

    faraujo120posted 11 years ago

    Absolutely not. Not everyone wants kids, and not everyone's life is any less meanigful without them. I am one of some of my group of friends who doesn't have kids , and ya know what? They WISH they could spend more money on themselves and travel more, which are some of the advantages of not having children. You get to travel more, make spontaneous plans, travel, shop, and spend more money and time doing the things you enjoy. Besides, kids are very expensive to raise these days, and all you do is worry about them. You can't go out whenever you feel like going somewhere because you have to get a babysitter, you can't work at the job you want because your hours have to correspond to your child's schedule. You can't even go grab dinner for goodness sake without having to cart all the kids around, and forget romantic date nights with the hubby, they just don't exist when you have kids. The perks of not having children, I feel, outweigh the perks of having kids. I mean, sure for people out there who do have kids, I am sure they are a blessing and all, don't get me wrong, however, I am blessed just the same without them. I feel that we all must give thanks and praise to God for giving us the blessings that we do have in life. Some of us are blessed with other things. And my life is not any less meaningful or joyous because I don't have them.

    replyreport
31. 81

    Lisa Wiltonposted 11 years ago

    It is never wrong to make a choice that is right for you. The fact that you're asking this question at all makes me think that other people have made you feel weird or odd for not wanting kids. I never wanted kids until late in life (I now have a 2 year old) and I never imagined myself with children. As it happens I am so very glad I changed my mind but that is because it became right to do so.
    
    I think people who decide not to have children should be allowed to make that decision without feeling wrong, guilty or weird. Your reasons are your own and you need to feel right in what you do. Don't listen to anyone who makes you feel weird about it.

    replyreport
    1. 60

       faraujo120posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I agree.  I think that having children is a huge decision and a lifetime committment. I think that some people make a conscious decision to not take that route, and that's ok too. 

       replyreport
32. 53

    Harpreet kaur123posted 11 years ago

    It is not that much wrong if you think off not having kids ....but I would only like to say you that being a child in your life will change your life because it will more enjoyable to play with your own kid and with care and parents love which is not for nanimals...

    replyreport
    1. 60

       faraujo120posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       See that's how I feel about it too

       replyreport
33. 74

    Andy McGuireposted 11 years ago

    I take a firm stance against overpopulation as i believe it's the number one problem in the world. It causes hunger, poverty, lack of jobs, homelessness, financial stress, etc. So why add to the biggest problem in the world? If anything, I say go for adoption. There are millions of orphans in the world who would kill for a loving family.

    replyreport
34. 81

    richardbrown81posted 11 years ago

    absolutely not.  if you feel you don't want kids, it's better that you don't.  it's a life long commitment that doesn't end at 18.  they need the a stable environment, and many other things.  they need emotional support and all the time you can possibly give them.  they need to be taught how to be a decent human being.  look around to many people are having kids that really shouldn't be.  that's before medical issues, and then you can adopt.

    replyreport
    1. 83

       gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Totally agree.Many people have children without thinking of the positives and negatives.That is why you see so many abused, abandoned, throwaway and generally children who are viewed as in the way. Children KNOW.......

       replyreport
35. 67

    Hendrikaposted 11 years ago

    No, not at all. Having children is a life long commitment and if you are unsure about it, it is wiser not to have any.

    replyreport
36. 83

    gmwilliamsposted 11 years ago

    Not at all.   There is a subconscious societal premise that every committed couple must have children in order to be a "family."   Well, that is not true.    The late Anne Landers, advise columnist reported in a study done 4 decades ago that over 50% of the couples surveyed stated that they WOULD NOT have children if they had to do all over again.   
    
    I bbelieve that all children should be wanted.   Many people have children because of parental, peer, religious, and other societal pressure.   They do have children but they are perfunctory parents at best.  They view their children as a chore and necessary burden instead of the true joys children are when they are truly wanted.   
    
    Also, many children are unloved and abused verbally, emotionally, and even physically by parents who reluctantly had them.    Yes, unwanted children have more travails in their lives than children who are wanted.   Children instinctually know when they are wanted and when they are a burden to their parents.   
    
    It is WRONG to have children when you do not want them.   It is an EGREGIOUS EVIL to have children for the sake of having them and for others' approval.   Children are precious entities from God and they should be wanted, loved, and cherished.   Children are not bargaining chips, sacrificial lambs, and/or exist for the parents' and/or grandparents' pleasure, they are spiritual entities of their own.

    replyreport
37. 69

    khmazzposted 11 years ago

    I believe that people have to make desisions based on what it is in your heart.  If having children is something that you and your husband do not feel is right for you than I commend you for your honesty and maturity on the issue.

    replyreport