Break VS break up

1. 82

   Whitney05posted 16 years ago

   What's the difference between a break and breaking up?
   
   My interpretation was that a break was you're still technically together but you're spending time apart, whereas a break is that you're no longer together..

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2. 60

   Talemposted 16 years ago

   Well from what I know and what I've gotten from friends these are the differences.
   
   Breaking up means the end of the relationship.  You can officially see other people, are not obligated to talk to your ex, and free from the relationship.
   
   A break is when a couple is still "together".  But are not living together or see each other everyday. This tests the relationship on whether the couple really need each other daily, and if their relationship is a hinderance or beneficial for them. 
   
   During a break I dont believe that dating others is allowed.......it should just be a time apart.  Dating someone during a break just complicates everything....and ruins the purpose imo.

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   1. 67

      vietnameseposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Break + dating = break up

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      1. 81

         SweetiePieposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I agree on this one.  Most people say they want to take a "break" because they do not want to go through the hassle of a break-up.  Sometimes it is better when relationships end that way because who wants to have a dramatic break-up in a restaurant or anywhere else?  If someone ever tells me they want a break I give it to them starting right then and never look back.  If it is not working at that point I see little chance of things improving when you do "get back together".

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3. 71

   Inspirepubposted 16 years ago

   "Break" is not one of those words that has a widely agreed-upon definition.
   
   Some people consider monogamy assumed when you are "together" and NOT assumed when you are "on a break".
   
   Some people consider monogamy assumed at all times until you decide not to see or speak to one another again, no matter how rough the weather is on the way through.
   
   Some people don't even assume monogamy when you ARE "together".
   
   I even knew one woman who had broken up with a guy about eight months before, but occasionally dated him and had sex, even though both she and he described each other as "exes" - and she was outraged when another woman dated this guy. Outraged with the other woman, not the guy - go figure. "She should have left him alone, I obviously had a prior claim ..."
   
   In all relationships, business, romantic, or any other, it is always a really, really good idea to talk about what you are assuming, and what you and the other people mean by the words you use.
   
   It's a painful situation, Whitney, I'm really sorry it's happening to you. Hang in there.
   
   Jenny

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4. 90

   Patty Inglish, MSposted 16 years ago

   After seeing hundreds of patients and clients and their families, I see that "talking a break" means they want to quit whatever it is - relationship, a sport, a church, a club, school, whatever. They say "break" and try to fade away completely. Sometimes they return to school, though, usually not the rest in my experience. Sorry you might be going through any rough times!
   
   Patty

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5. 59

   Mark Knowlesposted 16 years ago

   Whitney - I'm sorry, it seems as though you are going through it. That sux!
   
   I don't think there are any straight answers to this question though
   
   Speaking from a different perspective (I own a pair of testicles and they are attached) depending on how old/mature/self confident you are as a man - often the little head makes the decisions. Been there myself - I am not making any excuses for him, but it's kind of hard to control sometimes and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how we feel about someone - it sounds as though he's probably just as confused. Might be worth sitting down and talking about it with him?
   
   Not sure if that helps ?

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6. 82

   Whitney05posted 16 years ago

   Thanks guys... I do agree that a "break" may defer by opinion and person. I'd just like to hear the different opinions about it. A friend of mine said when she and her girlfriend were on a break, they set rules. Maybe that should have been done in my relationship..
   
   Yes, Mark, I am in a break with my boyfriend, but he's been telling other girl (she's 17) that we're broke up. I asked her and that's what he told her. The only reason I even contacted her was becasue she was the last person online, he'd talked to. He said a lot of things to her that he once told me... Whatever... He knows how to run his mouth... 2 years and this is where I get myselft.
   
   Not  to be funny, but I think he's mentally ill, besides being bi-polar. I really think there's something else wrong with him... OH, and in regards to my post in the hub-love thread. We know where he's at, but no one is stupid enough to go get him... IE he's in the deep ghetto floating high. (His grandparents found some guys that new where he is, but they said they wouldn't follow them.)
   
   Anyway, enough of my sad story, I'd like to hear more opinions about the definition of a 'break'.

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   1. 71

      Peter M. Lopezposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Whitney, he's a fool. 
      
      However, I must defer to Stacie's Friends analysis.  Ross = Male opinion; Rachel = female opinion.  Right or wrong, this is how every male and female I have ever me see this.  Not to mention that it caused quite a bit of argument in my own relationship at the time...just over the difference of opinion.

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7. 88

   quotationsposted 16 years ago

   I think a break is a euphemism for a break up used when 1) one want to break up but wants to do it gently or 2) one wants to keep the other party on the hook while they test the waters to see if there is someone better. When describing the situation to a third party "a break" is usually translated into plain English as "we broke up".
   
   I know " a break" sounds less permanent than a break up and more hopeful because it implies there is a good chance of getting back together, but usually breaks are just break ups in disguise. In the long run I think they end up being more hurtful because they raise false hopes and one ends up feeling betrayed when the ex starts seeing someone else. Weren't we only on a break? How could they do that? At least if they had been honest about it being a break up, seeing you ex talking with or dating someone else wouldnt be a shock or a betrayal.
   
   But I think the worst thing about "breaks" is that it keeps the other person potentially trapped in a half relationship. Are they doing something wrong if they start doing something else? It's a way of having your cake and eating it too, I guess.

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   1. 87

      Marisa Wrightposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      In my experience, if a man tells you he needs a break from the relationship, he wants to break up but is too chicken to say so.
      
      That doesn't mean he's a bad person, he's just fearful.  He could be fearful of any of the following things:
      
      1.  Hurting you.  He thinks he's being kind by letting you down gently.
      
      2.  Confrontation.  He can't face the thought of the emotional scenes he'd have to deal with if he told you outright.
      
      3.  Being on his own.  He's keeping his options open until he's sure he can replace you.
      
      Clearly, if it's number 3 then he's a complete rat!
      
      Whitney, like everyone else I feell for you and think you deserve better than this.
      
      Actually, the fact that you didn't talk about what the break meant is sufficient proof that this isn't the right relationship.  My rule of thumb is - if I have to go and ask my friends what they think my partner is thinking, then he's the wrong guy. 
      
      When you meet the right man, you won't have to ask your girlfriends "what do you think this means?", "Why is he acting this way?" and so on.  Because you'll be able to ask him.

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8. 90

   Patty Inglish, MSposted 16 years ago

   My own personal repsonse to having a break with a person wanted by the law, having psychiatric issues, on the run and looking to hook up with another woman or not, is to make it permanent and get a restraining order against him if he contacts me. I deserve better and I'm sticking to it.
   
   Best of life to you, Whitney.

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9. 0

   RFoxposted 16 years ago

   Whitney. I'm sorry you have to go through this, you seem like a very caring person. Anyone who sticks up for animals the way you do deserves to have the best in life.
   I know it sux to be in your position. We have all been there at some point.
   
   However I'm a straightforward, honest person who's spent almost my entire life being "one of the guys" and I gotta tell you from what you have described your boyfriend is playing you and you should tell him the 'break' is permanent and find a guy who will treat you with the respect you deserve!
   
   I also have intimate knowledge of Bipolar and it can wreak havoc in relationships BUT your partner still has to take responsibility for his disorder. If he's not then he's not ready to be in a relationship. Period.
   
   Telling you he wants a 'break' and then telling a 17 year old that he's single is a HUGE red flag Whitney. Do you want to be with a person who shows you such disrespect and dishonesty? I'm only being callous because I hate to see good people get treated poorly. A man who truly cares for you would either make a commitment or let you go so you can move on with your life. Your boyfriend is being selfish. He is thinking of his needs and wants only. I know your heart doesn't want to hear this but I hope your brain does.
   There are so many wonderful men in the world who would do ANYTHING for you and who would never put you in such a situation. YOU DESERVE MORE! Don't take less.
   
   Know that I am thinking of you and remember your animals will always be there to love unconditionally!
   Take care of yourself.

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10. 80

    sunstreeksposted 16 years ago

    My understanding of a "break" is an excuse for one of the people in the relationship to try and hook-up with someone else they have their eye on. Instead of breaking up with their current girlfriend or boyfriend, they ask for a break, just in case the new person rejects them, or it doesn't result in a relationship. That way, they can always come back.
    
    There is less guilt, because while on break, you are not spending time together or sleeping together. So if it does work out with the other person, it's easier to detach from the current relationship.
    
    Sorry Whitney. Not being in the situation or witnessing it, I can only go by what it sounds like and I hate to say it, but I think your break is a means to a break up.. and sounds like he's not worth it anyways. Your cute and intelligent and there are always better guys out there.

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11. 72

    relacheposted 16 years ago

    I worked an advice switchboard for a few years when I lived in San Francisco and one thing I used to say repeatedly to people looking for advice on relationships was "you have to find out what the other person really thinks."  It's not what we all think a break vs a break-up means, it's what it means to you and this other guy.
    
    Clearly you've discovered that what you thought and what he thinks is a bit different.  You need to talk to him about this, especially as he's revealed a change of opinion that's different than what he originally presented to you.

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    1. 82

       Whitney05posted 16 years agoin reply to this

       I should have talked about this with him when we decided on the break, as we've always had differences in opinions. We did talk becasue he showed up back home last night- sober mind you. He figured it was the same thing. And with that girl he wanted "comfort" ie sleep in same bed, cuddling, and such... Yea whatever... I'm over it. I'm still pissed, but he made me proud not getting high (he's a recovering addict).
       
       But, anyway I still like hearing about the difference of opinion in this matter. Suggestions to others, etc.

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12. 68

    Stacie Naczelnikposted 16 years ago

    Relache hit the nail on the head--no matter how any of us define it, it comes down to what the two of you think.  Did you ever watch Friends with the whole Ross and Rachel "it was a break" crap?
    
    Anyway, I think you definitely need some time away from this guy until he can figure out what he wants.
    
    Best of luck, and I hope you are feeling better.  You sure have been working your booty off.

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13. 67

    Angela Harrisposted 16 years ago

    I also thought of 'Friends' when I first read this. To me, a break is clearly a break up. Like others said, it's just a cop out, a way of testing the waters before making it official.
    
    I can't really add anything. Everyone has pretty much already said it all. But please, Whitney, think really hard on this- beyond break vs. break up. You're young, you're sensitive, you're intelligent, and you're attractive. Find someone that deserves you.

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14. 61

    JYOTI KOTHARIposted 15 years ago

    Good info.
    Break some times help to assertain how much one needs another.
    In India, the wife normally goes to her patternal house for a long live ,say, a month  or two.It is a social "break" or in fact, an interval.
    In this period the spouce remembers each other and feel ......This increases love among each other.
    Jyoti kothari

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    1. 81

       SweetiePieposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Jyoti,
       
       One thing I am enjoying since joining Hubpages is learning more about Indians and Indian culture.  Last summer I read the Hindi Bindi Club, which is a fictional novel about Indian-American women having cultural conflicts with their Indian born mothers.  I think it would be great if you wrote a hub on the topic you describe above as it would be very interesting.

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15. 82

    Princessaposted 15 years ago

    From a different perspective, a break is not always bad.  I have had several breaks in my relationship and always had come back to a stronger and happier relationship. 
    Personaly I DO need a break every now and again.  It is just the need to leave everything for a few months and find myself again and more important get my priorities in life in order.
    
    All the best for you.

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    1. 77

       DJ Funktualposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Yeah that's the good news.  Whitney.  My wife and I separated for 2 months and I even moved far away but it didn't matter in the end.  We found each other and ourselves and were better for it moving forward. 
       
       My advice: LISTEN TO RELACHE.   
       
       MY GUY Perspective:
       
       If I had laid down the terms of 'the break', I might be intentionally vague in order to cover my bases later.   That's about as honest as I can get.

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16. 77

    DJ Funktualposted 15 years ago

    http://hubpages.com/hub/Little-Lives-A- … ional-Poem   
    
    I wasn't gonna publish this.  But if it helps anybody...then it should be.

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