Can true love die?

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   marcel285posted 14 years ago

   my partner of 5 years has just broken up with me. I'm devastated to say in the least... It was love at first sight, and we are so close, we are going to remain best friends, and keep in touch.
   
   We are going to save ourselves for each other for a year, to see if we are still in fact, inlove. We havn't healthy lives, no social life, get up in the morning together, go to work together, work togetherr, come home and drink together..I believe that we are soul mates, but the feeling is mutual that the spark is gone.
   
   I'm hoping, and thinking that we are probably just a bit sick of each other, and although we can't feel the love right now, i don't believe that it is gone, that it can just go away..can it?
   
   I have left him before, feeling that i didn;t love him anymore. I felt numb for weeks afterwards, but it all came crashing down like a ton of bricks, andi realized i loved him deeply, we got back together. I love him so much, i didn't want to live without him, and i attempted suicide, which had me in hospital on drip feed for a few days. (I took a lot of pills and alcohol) But i won't be suicidal again, i know that.. That was before we got back together last time, 2 years ago.

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      Marisa Wrightposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      That sounds like an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship.  I suggest browsing through Veronica's hubs on relationships, they're great.  If none of them matches your situation, send her an email:
      
      http://hubpages.com/profile/Veronica

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      TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Love is kind of like a fire...as cliche as that is. Once it's burning, we need to make sure to tend it, keep putting new logs in, and moving things around to keep the fire going. Sometimes it will smolder and sometimes it will be a full, roaring flame...but we make the CHOICE to do the work to keep that romance/love going--it isn't automatic. If we don't do those things, yes, the fire can die.
      
      It sounds as though there are some deep-rooted family of origin issues both with you and your partner. May I humbly suggest some individual and couples counseling to help you identify patterns in your life that may be keeping you unstable, unhappy, and unable to tap into your ability to choose to love.
      
      I wish you the  best of luck.

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         marcel285posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Last time i had 'counsilling', when i was about 17-18, because of my life, and the shit iv'e been through..My counsiller, a 44 year old man, ended up telling me that he was in love with me. Easy to see why i wouldn't trust that then.. I'm a very strong person, i was my mums mum by the time i was 10, i don't need counsilling.

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            TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            I am sorry you had such a terrible and unethical counselor, but please let me assure you that not all counselors are that way...not even most of them.
            
            If you are happy with the continuing cycle of enmeshment, co-dependency, and pain that you are living, that's your choice to make, although I must admit that from the thread you've started it sounds to me like you are hurt, worried, bewildered, and afraid--as many of us are, especially when it comes to relationships. I would never presume to tell someone what to do...However, if you decide you would like to stop that cycle of unhappiness, a highly trained counselor can help you. And you have the right to check out any potential counselor to see if they've been ethical or not in the past.
            
            Just my humble opinion, you can take it with a grain of salt.
            
            I do hope you find happiness and love.

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               marcel285posted 14 years agoin reply to this

               Thanks for you warm wishes and comments.
               
               I am scared, because i am alone. But that is choice that i am making, to stay where i am, don't know anyone, or this place very well. But i know in the long run it will be good for me, so i can focus on myself, complete my studies, save money, and grow.

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                  TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  You're very brave to admit your fear! I think you are right about growing in the face of adversity.
                  
                  You know, often, one of the first things a couples counselor suggests to a couple is that they take some time off from each other to figure out how to stand on their own two feet. It sounds like you might be doing some good "self-counseling."
                  
                  There is one thing I disagree with: You Are NOT Alone. *points to the other responses* I know we might just be words on a page...but there are people behind them thinking about you. If you ever want to chat, feel free to drop me an email. We're in a similar boat, friend....And that cruise, NOT a bad idea at all

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                     marcel285posted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     Thank you so much for your support. It means a lot to me. I find it quite hard to make friends in reality, i'm a bit of a black sheep, always felt like an outcast. But i feel there are a lot of good value people here, whom confirm to me, that no i'm not alone.

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                        TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                        {{{HUGS}}} I hope your heart heals. Be well, don't be afraid! I try to think of things as experiments...if they don't work out, well, I just chalk it up to experience--you'll learn from it either way, so sometimes we can risk stepping outside of our comfort zones.
                        
                        Have a little fun and focus on you!
                        
                        You deserve it.

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      prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      true love can die because emotions are not permanent, it changes
      
      I hope you settle it soon so that you can proceed and know what to expect, Take care

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 14 years ago

   you may lose someone, people come and go, but everyone you love, friends too, you love forever..I do not believe once you love anyone, in anyway, it can ever die.

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   Marisa Wrightposted 14 years ago

   BC, but many people confuse love and infatuation.   Infatuation can last anywhere from 5 minutes to 5 years, and it feels very real and intense while it lasts, but it can certainly die.

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      marcel285posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It's definately not infatuation. Things have never been easy for us, we have been to hell and back, time and time again, together during our relationship. Our love has been so strong up until recently.

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         Marisa Wrightposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Sorry Marcel, it's this new "reply" thing - I was actually responding to BC's comment on love. 
         
         It does concern me that you say you ended up without a social life because you moved together to a foreign country.
         
         I've lived abroad,and I can tell you that time and again, I've seen expatriates form a close bond because they feel alien in their new land.  What keeps them together is not love of each other, but fear of the big world out there.  They row repeatedly because they're not well-suited, but when they try to split up, the terror of being alone in a strange land means they run back to the shelter of their dysfunctional relationship.
         
         I have no idea whether that applies to you.  It's just something for you to think about.

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   marcel285posted 14 years ago

   Yeah we both knew, and always admitted that it was unhealthy. But it was a matter of circumstance. Couldn't be helped really. We are young, and decided to move to another country, where we knew no-one and had nothing but the clothes on our backs practically.

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      tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      If your relation is unhealthy, it will die eventually. Because it'll get even more unhealthy, or because one of you gets cured.

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   figmentposted 14 years ago

   If it was true love, it will take time to heal, but the love won't die.  My love of 5 years are the bestest of friends now.  I wouldn't trade the relationship we have now for the world.  Horrible boyfriend...wonderful best friend!!

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   TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years ago

   Marcel, you said: “I have left him before, feeling that i didn;t love him anymore. I felt numb for weeks afterwards, but it all came crashing down like a ton of bricks, andi realized i loved him deeply, we got back together. I love him so much, i didn't want to live without him, and i attempted suicide, which had me in hospital on drip feed for a few days. (I took a lot of pills and alcohol) But i won't be suicidal again, i know that.. That was before we got back together last time, 2 years ago.”
   
   And then you said: “Our love has been so strong up until recently.”
   
   These statements don’t make sense to me…For your own sake, can you clarify when you perceive problems began in your relationship?

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      marcel285posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Well that time that i left him..I was a naieve small town girl, who got caught up in the wrong scene, with the wrong crowd. I was working in a bar..An older man manipulated me, told me hoe special i was, blah blah bah, made me all these promsises like 'Anything you want, i will give you, i can give you these things that rob can't.' Plus, at that time in my life, i was dellusional as hell, living on BZP and alcohol. Had i been in my right state of mind, and had people not tried to take advantage of me, i wouldn't have left him.

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   coletta7posted 14 years ago

   true love is endless.

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   Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

   marcel, I think you need to take a cruise or take up some other group activity where you get to meet a lot of new people.  Sometimes you can wear love out because the relationship has no space to breathe.
   
   Just saying.

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      marcel285posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You are right about that. Thanks for your input. Sadly that's whats happened. Havn't had room to breathe, very unfortunate because i feel that we are soul mates.

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   TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years ago

   And just for my own comfort:
   
   Seeking counseling does not make one weak, it does not mean that you're not capable of taking care of problems, it does not mean you're crazy.
   
   In most cases, seeking counseling just means that one is willing to work with an expert on things they would like to change in their life, but aren't sure how to go about doing it.
   
   I am a very strong person. I became stronger when I was fifteen as a result of my first counseling experience that lasted about a year and a half; like you, I was mother's mother (and my brother's mother) at the age of ten. I became even stronger last week when I went through five days of intense group therapy with colleagues...and I intend to get even stronger as I seek personal growth counseling with a group here in my hometown as soon as possible.
   
   It sounds like we have some things in common...Strangely enough, I am in a five year old relationship with my boyfriend--we are on the rocks as well; "the spark" seems to have gone. Interesting, don't you think, that we share similar childhood features. Perhaps we struggle with intimacy because of things from our past? This is why I'd like to explore myself more.

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    Mrsciceroposted 14 years ago

    My own belief is that love is the only thing that never dies. It can be suppressed, squashed -- by fear, by having secrets, by breaking trust -- but it really never dies. But it demands a great inner strength to live up to love. It's not easy. It requires that you know who you are and value yourself. Without that, love can't really take root. Take care of yourself, love yourself, strengthen yourself, become as honest as you can bear to be. Then love is possible, and it won't die. That isn't to say that what you've experienced up to now isn't love. My guess would be that it is. (Unfortunately, that isn't any guarantee that you can make a life together that works.)

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       marcel285posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks, you are right also. That's the thing, we both need to grow. Plus, i have cheated and had secrets in the past, clearly my partner has not fully forgiven me for those things. But he does know that i'm not that person anymore.
       
       He's helping me get sorted , moving into a new place, and such like before he goes. So it's not so bad. I'm glad, and so greatful that there is no bitterness.

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    lyricsingrayposted 14 years ago

    unfortunately many times over

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    blondepoetposted 14 years ago

    True love I know can die, well for me anyway, if the break-up was shattering.
    Especially when that person breaks your heart...
    Grief, regret, pain is replaced by a heart of indifference after time..
    
    Thank god for new love born in the heart.

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       marcel285posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Bp- When true love died for you, did you believe that this person was your soul mate? I just believe that he is my soul mate, because he's the only person in my life who's actually ever really known me, the real me. We clicked straight away, and it was love at first sight..

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          blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Yes I really believed this guy was my soul mate so much in fact I wrote a hub about him, Love Is More Intoxicating Than Wine. There was an enormous amount of love on both sides. My heart fell out of my chest when he was near.
          However just when we were ready to spend the rest of our life together he left.
          Love can be sweet, but love can also turn sour for reasons no-one ever fully understands.
          As I always say;
          
          As butterflies do spread their wings,
          Love, again,will well within.
          
          

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    sneakorocksolidposted 14 years ago

    Only if you beat it with a stick or you give your partner AIDS!

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    marcel285posted 14 years ago

    Btw, i'm not giving up on him. I want to get him back, down the track, when we have both grown more. I'm not feeling the love as such right now, but we still do love each  other deeply, and if we are in fact soul mates, i believe that love will return. Absance makes the heart grow fonder, i know that from the last time we broke up for a while, 2 years ago.

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    marcel285posted 14 years ago

    Thanks Pretty

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    marcel285posted 14 years ago

    You are right too Tantrum, that's exactly what happened!

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       tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       And I'm sorry about that !

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    Mikel G Robertsposted 14 years ago

    Can true Love die?
    
    
    Yes, it happens all the time.

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    goldenpathposted 14 years ago

    Being in love is a wonderful thing, however, the common belief of "made for each other" or "soul mates" can be a very deceiving doctrine.  We are all individuals who are entitled to the liberty of the agency of choice and accountability.  A relationship cannot be 50/50.  It must be 100/100 from both partners.  This effort is what defines who is "made" for us.  Through trials, conflicts, triumphs, laughs and love we configure our lives to accomodate each other.
    
    If this is not taking place in your life then either work harder at the relationship or get out of it.  You both deserve someone who is willing to give 100% and you in return.  It matters not how long you've known somebody or how "in tune" you both are.  It's a tough lesson but any man on Earth and any woman on Earth can make a relationship work if they both give there all every minute of every day of their lives.

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    Sunshiney31posted 14 years ago

    Some people grow and cure and some people drown in their emptyness.So don't drown with em...

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    marcel285posted 14 years ago

    Thanks everyone. It's sad, it makes me sad to realize that love can die. I thought i was going to be spending the rest of my life with this guy. Oh well, what don't kill us will only make us stronger.

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       blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Thats so right and we do become stronger....
       I send you a huge hug. xoxox

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    marcel285posted 14 years ago

    You people are awesome! xoxox

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