From a stranger? I'd say it's presumptuous. It assumes a level of familiarity that isn't there. I would, however, make allowences for an elderly gentleman because they come from a time with different mores.
From someone not a stranger? I agree that context is all. Said at the wrong time with the wrong tone of voice could get you punched.
Context and tone mean a lot. When Brenda refers to people in the forums as perverts, it's meant as an insult (and to imply disfavor from God). When I call people perverts it's entirely complimentary, and implies favor from me.
To me it totally depends on who is saying it and why. If my mechanic says it because he assumes I know nothing about cars he is likely to get smacked but if it is said by someone asking for help or looking for something then it is ok
The word is rather condescending, yes. Maybe even sexist. But not something I'd sue for or report.
I'd just call the person who said it something similarly sarcastic. Like sweetie pie or sour cream. Or in the case of the person in question ('cause I saw the post)....."Obama-brown-noser" maybe....teehee..
That person is always saying "we" are pals with those who throw racist slurs. I think that person should look at who his idols "pal around" with and cater to. Like William Ayres and Jeremiah Wright and Communist leaders....
It's not an "automatic assumption of male superiority" although this may be true much or most of the time. It depends on a number of factors. Also, waitresses, especially in restaurants called "Moms" or "Eats" tend to use the terms routinely toward men and women as a friendly greeting.
With due respect, China Man, I'm not sure whether you, an Englishman living in China, are the best qualified to make judgments about forms of address in the United States. I agree that your principle is correct although I don't think it's applicable in all cases of the use of the words at issue. Please tell us about China and UK.
You are not giving women enough credit to be able to discern for themselves the intent behind the term.
With regards to Madame X's complaint in particular, I believe the term was used to get her goat. However, in the context of the thread in which it was used, I would say it was quite mild. I'm surprised that an intelligent woman like Madame X would feel the need to start a whole thread about it.
I've seen much greater insults hurled from both sides.
When I waited tables, I had the habit of calling patrons, "sweetie", or "hun". I am from Texas and I know a lot of women who find it condescending, but I never meant it that way. But I am a woman. I think it is more important to take things in context. I am not easily offended, unless offense is intended, then I will stick up for myself. Most people who use these terms out of habit. I don't think it is offensive.
abuses of power are harmful as much we allow them to be...but yes, haven't dated for years because men sometimes aren't even aware where their consciousness is, so I don't waste my breath trying to explain, let alone, give up my precious energy to counteract them...I just let it roll off...some women feel the need to be a mother or supporter of men like that, not me
Had a boss once who always used the term 'Sis' when lecturing. Made me sick. Talked down to us like we were infidels. His hightlight of the day was calling his morning meeting, "All right....time for class". Ugh. Then referring to us when talking to a contractor as 'his ladies'.. Ug ug ug. So glad the nightmare is over. His other good one was "Don't play 40 questions with me!" Not exactly sexist, but demeaning.
I had a boss refer to me a few times as his N***er. He thought that since I was white, I would not take offense. I pulled him aside and mentioned that I was half black, and that I found his remarks very offensive and possibly worthy of a discrimination lawsuit in that the remarks and comments about my job security were made in front of witnesses.
He stammered a bit, appologized, and trying to regain his composure, asked which of my parents was black. I told him that I never said I had a black parent, I said that I was 1/2 black. His facial contortions showed that he clearly didn't understand, so I offered to show him.
I unbuckled my pants, started lowering my zipper.....
It all depends on the context in which it's said and who is saying it. Most of the time it doesn't bother me. Then again I'm pretty hard to offend, many of my friends are male and I lean towards predominantly male hobbies so I understand how guys talk and which guys actually mean the chauvanistic (sp) things they say and which don't. For those that mean it to be condensending, they'll get to see the side of my I prefer to not show. Being in a man's world doesn't mean I have to lose my manners.
Ooh - this is something that irks a lot of people. Whether or not it's intended to be nice or to be belittling, I pretty much find it ignorant and rude - and bad, bad, bad. So do most of the other people I know (including women, men, or young people). Just yesterday I overheard a young guy complaining about a woman who called him "hon". When women us "dear" and "hon" it's just as aggravating, even if they're mean to be nice (which a lot of times they're not).
A car salesmen (very nice, not intending to be offensive, and a lot of younger than I ) once called me - get this - "Sweet Pea". It REALLY wasn't very flattering because it was pretty obvious I wasn't three years old, which only means someone isn't seeing you as an equal adult. (I don't call the guy at my bank "Sweet Pea", do I? )
I don't mind "dear" from someone I know well and someone who's a lot older than I am, when it's clear they're using a genuine "term of endearment". Other than that, everyone needs to keep their "dear's" and their "Sweet Pea's" to themselves.
It doesn't bother me nor do I feel it is condescending, it is there sarcastic figure of speech not ours,at least they are not cussing you out like a truck driver they are being very diplomatic and respectful that is how I see it anyway.
Well then I would be offended especially if I have asked him politely and he continued I believe at that point he is being quite sarcastic or maybe he has a little fixation with you. Don't let it bother you , you are above that.
We can agree on that. Everyone is entitled to be addressed as they wish. I was unfortunate to be a "junior" and for years my grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles called me "Ralphie" to distinguish me from my father. Even after my father died someone would occasionally call me "Ralphie." As I result I'm not a believer in naming children after their parents. Everyone should have his or her own name. (Naming them after rich uncles is okay!)
Being the low livin' scumbag in question, I want to put the issue in context. MadamX wants to make a major issue about being called 'sugar' which I did and shouldn't have.
In the post where it happened called 'Indefensable' she was defending the Teabaggers who spit on Congressmen, called the black memebers 'ni@@er' and Barney Frank, who is openly gay 'fa@@ot'. And she's upset about being called 'sugar'??!!
@ Doug I went back and read the thread before commenting and did not find any derogatory statement from Madame X pointing that she was defending "teabaggers." There were multiple arguments referencing a video,if it existed or not but nothing reflecting that she was racist. " She did make comment about your remark reflecting on the negative word that bothers my ears, but basically I had only seen a mild disagreement on teabaggers. You sarcastically called her 'Sugar'. So maybe there should be a truce on this hub that is what I would recommend.
They are only words and we should not allow our emotions on either side to be swept away by our own opinions. To many great writers, to little time to argue just get along.
I never called her a racist. If you read the article from CNN, the report indicated that multiple witnesses, including THREE members of Congress. a CNN producer and the Capitol police verified the incident she wants to defend by denial. With no basis in fact.
The world took note when the President of Iran tried to deny the Holocaust. Such a rewrite of the facts to suit your personal prejudice is dangerous. This is a microcosm of that same issue. Germany in the 1930 was taken over by thugs - I see the same tactics here. There's an organized attempt to undermine America as a democracy - substitute 'republic' which conservatives will define to suit their ends. There's an attempt to intimidate elected officials with acts of violence.
Great writers like Harriet Beecher Stowe did not try to get along. They wrote forcefully and changed history. I am not in that league of writer, but I do recognize the power of what Samuel Clemmons called 'a pen warmed up in hell'.
I only reviewed the thread however I have not had the time to review the article from CNN do you have a link? I honestly try not to get to wrapped in the politics thread there tends to me quite a bit of mudslinging but I would be happy to read the article if you could provide the link.
"These are our fellow countrymen who are exercising their right to protest peaceably against actions of their government that they disagree with. To vilify them is unconscionable."
Based entirely on your affection for the teabagger movement, you are willing to disregard THREE Congressmen, a CNN producer, and the Capitol Police. A total denial of reality and an attempt to rewrite events to your liking.
Your tea party buddies are thugs. I will give you an example from today.
"Law enforcement authorities are investigating the discovery of a cut propane gas line at the Virginia home of Rep. Thomas Perriello’s (D-Va.) brother, whose address was targeted by tea party activists angry at the congressman’s vote for the health care bill. "
These domestic terrorist idiots thought they were publishing the address of the Congressman, but they got the address that they posted onthe Internet wrong. I said they were idiots. Fortunately no one got hurt, but the act of publishing the address was an invitation to violence. Anybody who wants to 'buddy' with this group is an 'associate thug' - and it would be improper to use any nickname as endearing as 'sugar'.
Football and Politics are full-contact sports. I won'tcall you anything half as bad as I have been called on the forums (without pressing the 'Notify' button, I may add) but don't expect me to cater to your sensitive nature.
"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
Harry Truman, not speaking to a woman, so spare me the complaint about sexism.
In my opinion, "sugar" doesn't come close to being a "personal slur." Where I grew up (Louisiana), admitedly long before the age of enlightenment wrt these things, "sugar," "sugh" sp?, and "honey" or "hon" "sweetie" or "darlin" were considered friendly greetings. Now, "scumbag" is another matter.
It's one way with MadamX and her buddies. They can call me anything, but I am required to be politically correct. She can lie through her teeth defending her buddies who called US Congressmen "ni@@er" and "Fa@@ot" - and I am crossing the line if I call her 'sugar'.
Sandra, I liked your hubs about Viet Nam, and I respect that you think for yourself on the forums. I would call you 'sugar' but I read on your profile you have a bf - maybe also the jealous type? Thank you.
Sexism always gets my goat. So does verbal abuse. And while many may feel that it's mild, compared to other things they've been called, it is important to smack a sexist hard the very first time he decides he can be condescending. Maybe, next time, he might just think twice about his behavior.
Although, in this case, it's is obvious I haven't made a dent.
I've never really thought about this. But I know that anytime a man belittles a woman, it's because society pressures him to. I think all of that is coming to an end soon though. I wrote a hub about it lol
If Weinstein was a handsome "ladies man"would there be as many (or indeed any) complaints about sexual harrasment?Indirect proof of this is the total silence about harrasment issues with any "ladies...