Do you need to be right?

1. 67

   Daniel Carterposted 14 years ago

   Do you feel a need to be right about most things like religion, politics, social issues, morality and what's on the dinner menu tonight?
   
   Some people see everything as black or white/good or bad. Others don't.
   
   What's your take?

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      IntimatEvolutionposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I think most people do.  It is hard to learn as an adult.  It is really funny when you think about it. Because as children, our lives are all about learning.  However, sometime in our adult lives, we close our ears and almost refuse to learn. 
      
      I'm guilty of this.  It's hard to listen.  I think listening/learning something new, is a very hard task.  I think it is because it makes someone feel smaller, lesser, or not as smart as someone else.  And, nobody likes to feel second rate to anybody. 
      
      So yeah.  I think so.

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         Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         @ Mighty Mom: Sounds like a hub. Please write and post. U R 2 kewl.
         
         @ Intimate: Maybe the idea of being "right" is a cover for the fear of not being enough for ourselves? Don't know. Just guessing. I think when I have had to be "right" it's mostly a cover for that fear. Not sure about others. You're deep thinker. You've been through a lot.

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         1. 77

            IntimatEvolutionposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Oh sure.  Being second rate, is a fear most people share. 
            
            Sure, I absolutely agree. 
            
            Fear is the underlying factor of aggressive behavior, anger, rage, and hate.  To admit that you are not smart as someone else, makes people feel uneasy. Which in turns makes people more aggressive.
            
            I find when I've been schooled by someone else, to be a very uncomfortable experience.  Instead of learning something new, it is often easier to become aggressive.  I think most people are like this.   It's their way or the highway.  That way, they can always be right.  You see what I'm saying? 
            
            I'm beginning to embrace the idea of learning new things.  I'm tired of being a know it all.  Because I do not know everything. In fact, since going back to school at 40ty, I've discovered that I hardly know anything at all.  It has been a real eye opener for me.

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               stoneyyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               At any particular point in time there's a very good chance there's another person somewhere who can outperform you.  Of course,  there can be a time when you are at the 'pinnacle.'
               
               Such isn't anything to 'fear.'  People's performance changes due to many factors.  For me, the question becomes; "Have you done the best you can?"  If so, you've done all you can do for that time.
               
               There are times 'schooling' comes about based on the other persons fear as they've been outperformed.  Such a 'loss' must be changed to 'victory.'
               
               Personally, I view micro-managers as abject failures due to their insecurities. 
               
               I found the most productive avenue is to provide information as to current priorities and to turn the folks loose to maximize production based on the standard criteria.
               
               This was in an avionics lab where equipment was repaired.  There was a set amount of days before an individual piece of equipment had to leave the shop.  The 'clock' stopped while repair parts were ordered and hadn't arrived yet.  Once the parts arrived the 'clock' restarted.
               
               There's a positive mental aspect involved with the production, as well.  It trusts them with being part of the solution.
               
               Much has been learned in the years since you got out of school.  Much was learned which hadn't made it into the textbooks, possibly due to Xian objections.  The current Texas ignoramuses on the school board make that crystal clear.

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      Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Ha! Not even close!  Nobody can be right all the time and I'm certainly not perfect.  I'm the first to laugh at myself and, even when my ego is bruised, I'm not ashamed to admit when I'm wrong. 
      As an only child that was something I had to overcome but as soon as I learned how  relieving it was to get rid of that burden, life got easier.  It's actually quite frustrating and stressful to need to be right! 
      Besides, being open-minded to others' points of view can teach you a lot.  Life is more interesting when you can have a healthy (read not argumentative) discussion with other people who are of a different opinion.
      As far as religion and politics, well those are two topics that no two people will ever FULLY agree on so why bother?  There is no point in getting all worked up trying to force your strong opinions on somebody else just as convinced of an alternate view. 
      Live and let live.....

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   3. 56

      stoneyyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      No.
      
      There are things I am right {correct} about and there are things I'm mistaken about, and there are things I haven't the first clue about.
      
      Being corrected doesn't bother me as I'll have learned something new.  Getting inklings of what I haven't a clue about is good, too.
      
      As for someone disagreeing with me, that's fine.  That they can see where I'm coming from suffices.  The reverse also applies.
      
      As a 'black and white' morality, well, since it isn't absolute and changes through time such is already falsified.
      
      As pertains to [cultural] lawfulness there are things a person will do, and won't do irrespective of the 'law' on a normal basis.  During an emergency situation things have the tendency to change, drastically.
      
      On the 'flip' side, one is always working with incomplete information.  Later on it may become apparent the seemingly 'correct' thing had adverse consequences and the 'incorrect' thing the better option.
      
      It can be the exploration of something sheds light on aspects of unrelated items or cause one to change their mind about something they've looked at from '50 different angles.'

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   4. 60

      lady_love158posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I don't need to be right though you'll probably get further with me if you let me think so! heehee
      
      What's right anyway? I have my opinions and I'm comfortable with them, for those that share them I'm right, for those that don't I'm wrong, either way, I'm still me.

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      fishskinfreak2008posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      A small minority of people just can't accept the fact that they're fallible and that mistakes are inevitable

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      weholdthesetruthsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Why would you want to be wrong?

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      luckycharmzposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Even when I'm wrong, I still need to be right.  :-)

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2. 67

   Mishaposted 14 years ago

   I am working on being content with being wrong. Hp forums is a great place for such exercises

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   1. 67

      Daniel Carterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You are too smart. No wonder the KGB kicked you out.
      

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         Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         He-he thank you - but I left myself.

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      paradigmsearchposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      LOL

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3. 75

   Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

   I'm working on shifting my paradigm also.
   Do I want to be right?
   Or do I want to be happy?

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   1. 60

      Dave Barnettposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Being wrong makes you Happy?

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4. 60

   Jim Hunterposted 14 years ago

   I don't need to be right, its just a side effect of being me.

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      Dave Barnettposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I don't worry bout it either. Figure if I'm wrong I'll either feel real dumb, or nothing at all. Fifty fifty

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         stoneyyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Why not accept the data update and leave it at that?

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5. 85

   Pcunixposted 14 years ago

   I wish I knew I was right.  I can BELIEVE I'm right, but the world is far too complicated to be sure enough to bet your life on it.

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      Dave Barnettposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Sure it can, but then here comes a drunk driver and screws it all up. Too many variables.

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   wildorangeflowerposted 14 years ago

   it is good to be always firm in your stand, but then it is best to always open yourself for improvement and admit that you are not always right

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      IntimatEvolutionposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Good one.

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7. 85

   manlypoetrymanposted 14 years ago

   I don't need to be right all the time. But then...It sure sux to be wrong all the time...on the other hand...!

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8. 60

   paradigmsearchposted 14 years ago

   Sometimes I am almost overwhelmed by my incredible perfection.

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9. 67

   Daniel Carterposted 14 years ago

   I used to say to friends if I need to be right, I'll ask my wife first.
   But now I'm single so that isn't possible....

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   1. 60

      Dave Barnettposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Opinions can be right or wrong. That's why they are called "Opinions". Opinions are like A---holes, everybody has one, and everyone else thinks yours stink. Not you personally, course ya never know!

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      1. 77

         IntimatEvolutionposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Opinions are much like of a theory, or perception.  They most certainly can be flawed.  However, it is what we do, at that point in time upon discovery, that determines our character.
         
         Needing to be right, is also reflective in wanting to be self-righteous.

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10. 74

    lorlie6posted 14 years ago

    Yup-and boy do I pout when it turns out I'm wrong.  Which is an awful lot of the time!

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11. 54

    TruthDebaterposted 14 years ago

    Only when I am not wrong.

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12. 60

    SomewayOuttaHereposted 14 years ago

    "Do you feel a need to be right about most things like religion, politics, social issues, morality and what's on the dinner menu tonight?"
    
    No.  I think it depends on how something is being communicated and/or discussed.  I can balance the info if the person i'm exchanging info with is, balancing and weighing the info too.  If the exchange is one sided and the other person is just trying to make you accept their opinion/answer - (basically some with big control issues do it) well, then at that point I might just agree to disagree and then just continue on with my own thoughts on a subject anyway.  I may have picked up some seeds of info during a one sided exchange, but that's about it, maybe a seed; it might get planted and might not. 
    
    As for what's for dinner - I'm game for anything - this can be a one sided exchange, because I don't want to think about the small details.  I try not to get into big discussions over the small stuff - why bother?
    
    "Some people see everything as black or white/good or bad. Others don't."
    
    I try to see the grey - rather than saying 'no, you're wrong, I have the answer', because I don't always have the answers and I don't know anyone that does quite frankly.  If someone does think they have the answers - again for me, that 'control' thing comes up - which I avoid like the plague.  And again, as I wrote above, it's easy to revert to seeing B&W when you are having a one-sided exchange of information, with no balance.
    
    It is most difficult speaking with someone in a one-sided exchange when they have no experience on the topic, rather it is something they read and believe to be the truth - you know, like some of the academic stuff - no depth, just breadth; or when someone believes 100% of what is written in a document.
    
    My general thoughts on your question.

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    Kathryn LJposted 14 years ago

    The older I get, the more wrong I seem to be.  I'd like to think it's because I'm more honest with myself.  However, I am told that the older you get, the more right wing you become.  Haven't felt the need to hang or flog anyone yet.  I could be wrong, but maybe it's just a phase I'm going through.

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14. 61

    RevLadyposted 14 years ago

    No, I do not feel the need to be right but honest.

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    paradigmsearchposted 14 years ago

    I do care about being “right”. The more accurate one’s perception of reality, the generally better off one will be. However, I couldn’t care less as to “proving” that I am supposedly right.

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16. 69

    alternate poetposted 14 years ago

    The problem is that whilst I know I am almost always wrong in the grand scheme of things, I do know that some others are specifically wrong because they are politicising or directly lying.  When arguing with these kinds of post I take issue with the lack of reason and argument, in other words blindly stating some pre-programmed rubbish and making spurious statements without any support or argument.  All other posts I am open to being wrong

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17. 86

    rebekahELLEposted 14 years ago

      I like grey, it works for me.
    
    I think always wanting to be 'right' must be terribly exhausting.
    
    life just is. I like to enjoy it.

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18. 68

    C.A. Johnsonposted 14 years ago

    I learned a long time ago that there is a whole rainbow of colors between black and white. I also learned that there are different versions of right to go along with different versions of the truth.
    
    Do I have to be right all the time? No. I respect that other people have different viewpoints.
    
    Will I argue my point if I feel I am in the right? A resounding YES. I will even give benefit of the doubt in the argument.
    
    I will even admit if I am wrong or not nearly as informed as I thought I was.
    
    Being right for a lot of people comes down to human nature's competitive streak.As a rule we always feel the need to be one step ahead of everyone else.

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    Rafiniposted 14 years ago

    Okay, I'll admit it.  I struggle.  It doesn't help that my son does too.  
    Sorry, folks, but I realized a while ago that things just don't make sense to me if they aren't black & white, right or wrong.  They just don't make sense!  Good vs. bad I can deal with gray areas...but barely.
    
    I mean, really, how can there be any in-between when it comes to rape?  Rape is wrong no matter how you look at it.  Beating a child til they're black and blue - also wrong.  How can there be any in-between?
    
    Unfortunately, for me, this is how I think on many minor issues too....unless someone willingly coaches me on accepting gray areas.  Then it lasts for a period of time after the coach is no longer coaching, ya know?  Until I've been left on my own for too long.  

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       stoneyyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Example:  Rape.
       
       If the lady is nothing but property and the male owns the property then what the lady might like has no bearing on anything.
       
       Shades of 'the potter can do anything at all with the pots it created.
       
       A 'might makes right' mindset indicates whimsy is right and proper.

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    logic,commonsenseposted 14 years ago

    I don't have to be right, but I usually am.  Can't help it, it's just logical and commonsense! 

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21. 58

    rlaframboiseposted 14 years ago

    Perhaps some people use logic to ascertain their positions and therefore they hold their beliefs to be "right"?
    
    In politics, as in most things, it is possible to be "right" if you have studied both positions and fully understand the opposing position to be able to settle on a position that suits you.
    
    Religion is an entirely different matter and it is impossible to be "right". With religion it is what's "right" to you.

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       rlaframboiseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       On a side note, read "On Liberty" by John Stuart Mill and start thinking like Socrates about the beliefs that society holds to be true.

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          sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Wow great question, there are actually no absolute rights and wrongs in many ares of life. No two people can look at things the same way all the time.  Good./ bad is judgmental, I believe we need to let people have their views as we  hold on to ours. Being able to see the other persons point of view and being able to accept it, whether you subscribe to it or not and still exist  amicabily together for me consititutes maturity. Trying to  force your opinion down other people throat will never win you friends and in religion never help convert anyone!!

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             stoneyyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             Providing objective supporting evidence for each statement about ones religion, if the person wants anyone to pay attention to it, is a requirement.
             
             It isn't about 'seeing the others point of view.'  It all about the religionist's projection into the real world where it becomes vulnerable to the tools religionists hopefully use in other aspects of their lives.
             
             Is the person internalizing or externalizing their religion.  It all comes down to that.
             
             Internalizing can generate exploration.
             
             Externalizing means you've got to objectively support the same.

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    Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

    Believe it or not, I actually like to learn I'm wrong about a lot of things.  I have a thing about wanting everyone to see as much truth and accuracy as possible, and I count myself among that "everyone".  If I'm wrong I want to know it.  I don't want to go around thinking I'm right when I'm not.  I'm secure enough not to mind being wrong.

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23. 74

    raisingmeposted 14 years ago

    Having to be right is down right dangerous.  Especially when one ends up dead right.

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    lxxyposted 14 years ago

    Somewhere in my lifespan, for awhile, I clung deep to this need to be right.
    
    But then as I grew up, and decided that I was to die with more friends than enemies, I realized I had to understand everyone was right.
    
    "Just because I've been there, just because I know, doesn't make me right."-Tub Ring

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       stoneyyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Left is right.  Up is down. Then you go round and round.

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    manlypoetrymanposted 14 years ago

    I don't mind being wrong. The few times that it has ever happened...it was very humbling

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    starme77posted 14 years ago

    I like to listen to others opinions and to explore different views on things -  always having to be right it seems to me creates a kind of tunnel visioned boring kinda person  - by exploring others views I find that I learn new things every day and as ya'll know - I love to learn

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27. 77

    Jeff Berndtposted 14 years ago

    I need to be right so badly that I change my mind when I'm wrong.

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