Why do men hurt the person they love? If they love a woman why they do crazy thi

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   danielkleinposted 11 years ago

   He wasn't or didn't want to be committed to you, maybe.

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   dennisbrucknerposted 11 years ago

   One book that really helped me to understand this is called "You Just Don't Understand" by Deborah Tannen.  It explains it in a way I never thought of before, and really goes into how and why men and women act certain ways, ways in which the opposite sex doesn't understand.

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   Mel Joan Dizonposted 11 years ago

   Sometimes it's really hard to be a good person giving all your trust and love to someone. So you're asking why men do crazy things? Simple, it is because they wanted to know who will stay with them in the end despite of their imperfections or flaws. Take a look at my case:
   
   I've been loving someone for so long through a long distance relationship. And believe me, we have not seen each other yet. Worst thing is that, after a month of having a serious relationship with him online, I found out that he was not using his real picture. I investigated throughout the Facebook and found to the real owner of the photo. I confirmed if they were the same person but the owner of the picture denied. That evening, I constantly confronted my boyfriend about it. I never beat around the bush. I told him how disappointed I was to fool me. At first, he denied. But after awhile, he finally tells the truth because he do not want me to be hurt so much more. After all what he did, I still love him. And I asked him why he did such pathetic thing to me, then he answered: I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WILL STILL LOVE ME AFTER DOING A BIG MISTAKE. BUT BELIEVE ME, MY FEELINGS FOR YOU ARE TRUE. MY ONLY MISTAKE IS THAT, I WAS NOT HONEST WITH YOU. Now here's his main point: He was really good looking for real because I already saw his real picture. He just wanted to find a girl who will stay and never leave. And that girl was me. We're 6 months and 9 days now and so happy in love. As a girl, I know I was crazy for giving him another chance but I really do love him no matter what and I understand him. I am not really particular with a guy's face but look, I'm blessed to have him and contented with him.
   
   
   So my advise to you: If you love him, forgive him and assure him that he will never do that to you again. Try to understand and lower your pride. If things will not work out, then maybe you are not meant to be.That's all.

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      Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      We all fear this and it's clearly obvious isn't it?
      fear of potential break up, fear of getting close to a girl that will potentially leave you. all of these things only apply to the mature men only.

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   anne james olsenposted 11 years ago

   So tbey no how mutch you , ove them its a game 2 them thel push 2 see how far you can take kt and then they feel breat thejr loved that mutch but they want 2 be cairfull the girl can do the same and can be worse me I would just tell him 2 naff of and fi d another mug a  et 99per cent of the time theyl come back xxxgood luck and kick some ass

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   growing-soulposted 11 years ago

   Well, this is definitely not going to make me popular here, but I'm not interested in being popular or liked. Just because a man loves you does not mean he is only capable of loving you or finding you attractive. We may not like to accept this, but we are animals and have primal instincts just as the rest of the animals. True, we do have a consciousness that allows us to defy those instincts, but many people either don't want to go against it or simply see no reason not to.
   
   He cheated on you, and he will continue doing so. You're obviously not okay with this, hence the question. In my eyes, you have two options here. Leave him for someone else, or try accepting that he wants to be with more than one person. Not all men will cheat, and there are some who actually want only one partner at a time, but there are others that want multiple partners at a time. It's called an open relationship, in which people are allowed to see others, as long as they're open and honest about it.
   
   He loves you, yes, but he also loves her. I know this was asked three years ago, but it may be relevant to someone else. Now all you gotta do is ask yourself... Is the relationship worth sharing in order to keep it, or would you prefer someone monogamous? Think about it. Maybe you'll end up discovering something about yourself.

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   violetheavenposted 11 years ago

   Because men need an outline of how to love someone. If you tell him what you consider and feel to be loving behaviour and he fails to follow through and you tell him what you consider and feel to be unloving behaviour and he does those things, than you have the answer that he is unwilling to love you in a way that you need to feel loved.  It is fruitless to go on. You have to communicate what is loving and what is not in a clear and concise way and hold to those parameters.  You can love him and be fair enough to who he is to allow him to find someone to love as he is capable of.

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      Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Most of us don't know how to react to love... it isn't really how we are programmed. the only way that a man can love is if he is in love with someone special. otherwise he is an animal.

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   Gap4posted 11 years ago

   Testosterone.The hormones make us act crazy.

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      violetheavenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      If the hormones are to blame than a woman would have no choice but to kill her child's father while she is in labor and it would be okay... because the pain as a result of implantation by him would be a justification. We all have brains for a reason

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      Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      True but like violetheaven said, you have a brain for a reason. all that this means is, alot of guys don't use their brains? they just like to hump like wild animals. this is the problem because most of us are not fully intelligently evolved at max.

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   NiaLeeposted 11 years ago

   What is love? Desire, possession or a genuine feeling that makes us put that person first, that makes us make better choices, that makes us preserve that person? In a lot of relationship, men develop feelings but want to play the field, they want multiple or other experiences while holding on a woman... problem is that woman should have a choice to meet other people or develop another relationship with another man if he wants. We often get sidetracked and believe that our feelings are the same as others, man or woman...they are not, we are all unique and need to develop relationships with people that fit us, and learn to leave when it is not right...or to let go.
   Some people lack maturity and play games, hurt to check that they are loved, cheat to see what happens... this is vile but society has made it a sport or a business for young people, men in particular... I do hope that we grow and learn to have a healthier emotional life...
   love and peace to all
   and please don't let nice words manipulate you into doing something that is not right... easy to say "I love you"...that is a game that is being played too much.

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   incomesevenposted 11 years ago

   Emotion & Relation Sharing between two is very important. In your case , you are very lucky.

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    Inspired Heartposted 11 years ago

    Is it really love? When you love somebody you try not to do anything to hurt the person. Surely, he knows that what he is doing will hurt and cause you pain?
    
    Love is ... "kind, ... it is not rude, it is not self-seeking ... It always protects" (1 Corinthians  4-6).

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    Ciel Clarkposted 11 years ago

    Would he be okay with you dating another man?

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       welch mooreposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       it is wrong to date two or more one men at same time because the relationship will not last and when the man get to know, he will cut off the relationship no matter the love he has for you

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       spock28posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I think men have more roving eyes than women, and prefers polygamy  while women prefers monogamy to polyandry!! exceptions are always there to prove the rule.

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    onceuponatime66posted 11 years ago

    The older I get the more I do not get this.  If you love him, get help and work it out.  If you cannot handle this situation, get out, get help.

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    Chris Conleyposted 11 years ago

    The biggest thing here, to me, is communication. Being a guy myself, I've heard a lot about female friends I've know how they don't understand me or that I don't communicate or how I need to talk and talk and talk or how I need to get in touch with my inner feelings or whatnot. Perhaps it's just the way he chooses (whether voluntary or involuntary) express himself to you. Perhaps you don't understand how he communicates, maybe he doesn't know how to communicate to you in the way you want him to. It sort of works both ways. He may not even mean to upset you. Take your time and ask him to explain himself, but at the same time, watch his actions...what do his actions tell you? Good luck,

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    Vijay Sinhalposted 11 years ago

    not all men do that. some psychic men do that. male do that due to insecurity and
    always try to rule other.

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    Ewentposted 11 years ago

    Men are the most interesting breed to observe with each other and women. I learned all I know about men from 5 biological brothers and half brothers, 1 ex-husband, 2 sons, 11 nephews and working for 24 years in an all male field of engineering. To me, men are fascinating creatures for their inventiveness. But, men are also dangerous to women who lack strength to survive totally on their own.
    
    If you learn anything about men, learn that they loathe clinging vines and any woman who has proven advanced intelligence. Yet, they are drawn to women who are hugely independent..for about six months. Ask me how I know.
    
    When it comes to love, men love very differently than women. Of the professional men I've worked with the past 4 decades, most loved their careers most. Unlike the women in their lives, their careers represent a daily challenge they feel impelled to meet.
    
    Once you understand the male propensity for "manhood," most male behavior has less of an impact on your life. I cringe whenever I hear young women say, "I can't live without ..." (Fill in the blanks). Sure you can. You choose not to. And when the object of your total life's existence chooses not to reciprocate in kind, how is that not your own fault for falling prey to such massive dependency?
    
    I've always found it amusing that because I'm vertically challenged, the big guys assume I'm a wind-up doll...until the realize I don't "need" any man. I just like to keep them around as part of daily enlightenment.
    
    Smart women learn to stand on their own two feet emotionally, financially, mentally and spiritually. Most educated men I've known intensely dislike needy women. On the other hand, these same men will play close to the flame of the extremely independent women as a challenge to their "manhood."
    
    All I know about men was taught to me every day by men who live by the old saw, "It's not the kill. It's the thrill of the chase." Once women learn the difference, they can make more educated decisions about which men to retain in their personal lives and which are a drain on the investment of their time and efforts.

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       spock28posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       we are all evolving, both genders have some plus and minus , though its very dangerous to pass comments on gender basis as all of us are individuals and have qualities which cannot be compartmentalized gender wise.

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    ddl81posted 11 years ago

    He's an idiot that's not in love with you anymore. He's confident you wont leave. He's a mommas boy. And like most men he's 10 years behind in age.

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       Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       nothing to do with me. i can assure you that im 1000 years ahead of most men. thank u. the ones that don't know wtf they are doing should be shipped to the jungle like the apes they are. not all men are savages.

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    erorantesposted 11 years ago

    Maybe he is going on service. He thinks  is best for both of you to go a part. I am sorry.  There is no othet women , but for him and you it is another bad women.

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    Globetrekkermelposted 11 years ago

    I don't believe that a man necessarily would want to hurt the person( i mean hurting  emotionally) they love whether a girlfriend or wife.You have to look beyond the reason for him seemingly hurting his loved one. Maybe he has issues that he prefers to resolve himself and whatever it is, I believe in giving someone a chance to explain and not quickly point fingers.I know that sounds a lot easier said than done especially when you feel hurt and emotional but it is worth the effort to understand the other person.I think it is for the benefit of both parties  if you think saving the relationship is worthy to you.

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    Julia Gurnettposted 11 years ago

    If someone hurts you, they do not truly love you. Maybe they care for you a great deal, but love is a selfless emotion. To love is to wish only the best for the object of affection, above and before yourself.
    Perhaps this man is not ready for love, and sabotaged the relationship. Or perhaps he is merely selfish, and placed his desires above his affection for you.
    Whatever the case, it has nothing to do with you , or your worth. Not all men are like that, and in time you will find one who truly loves and respects you in return.

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    Vledocposted 11 years ago

    Sometimes people make stupid choices, and unfortunately there isn't much we can do to stop it.  It doesn't make any sense, and it hurts really bad, but you are a strong person and you will get back up.  If you are true to yourself you will realize that you do not want to be with someone who would hurt you like that.  In the end you are lucky because you have another chance to find someone who will give you the same love that you give him.

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       Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Since when did the human race was intelligent enough to make a wise choice? when?

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    shrestisharmaposted 11 years ago

    because most of the men does not understand's woman's nature and they don't care about the little things and on the other side woman cares for the same,man didn't mean to hurt you so don't let the misunderstanding between you.

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       ravi1991posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       You` re almost to the point but for that communication gap must not occur. They must be continuously  connected through any means else it`s sure harbinger of some evil forebodings.

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       Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       most don't understand anything. a few of us actually want to understand if we don't. that's effort.

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    ravi1991posted 11 years ago

    As my friend lone77star puts it very correctly Ego, is what makes a man do the weird things. I have seen that expectation of my friend, from his female, led him go in a state of frenzy and exhorted him to hurt the woman he loved and cared most.
    
    The best solution miss These eyes is that you approach the guy and make him feel important for you. You make all love you can and then take care of him. If he really loves you, the ice of his heart will be melted and he will completely devote himself for you.
    
    Wishes
    Ashutosh Tiwari

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    syedshahabposted 11 years ago

    To be honest this is not love.......true love last forever even after death true love remains.Nowadays people have named romance,sex etc love but actually this is not love........love is not of body love is of soul...........when you love a person love him/her till death love her/his soul not his body because body is temporary and will vanish while soul remains for ever .

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    Tridip Boroposted 11 years ago

    No relationship in this world is perfect . If you are a person with broad mentality , you must just learn to accept the fact that there are ups and downs in life . The day when you understand it , your love could maybe understand that he is hurting you too much .

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    marija karaliuteposted 11 years ago

    Because they don't like women. They are "hidden" gays!

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       Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       no they are attracted to women only physically. they just think that they are better than women. just like feminist cunts that do the same to us. it's the same fucking thing. there is no love here. this is evil bullshit and it's just a sickness

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    lostdogrwdposted 11 years ago

    is it love or control.  in the U S men have little control for people gave into this a little over 100 year money system and when you have to do what you told to earn a living , you have one there and in most case it a woman that has little or a child and in most case men use there position over people around then like the company use there on them. love is mutual respect. control is control.

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    chocolateheavenposted 11 years ago

    simply put they do not have anybody else in their life that is willing to put up with it so you are the closest to them so you get to feel all the hurt, I know from experience, I no ,longer am with that person and have someone that does not do that but from going to some counseling I learned that is the reason. so either you deal with it or move on like I did. It can be hard but if I found a way out so can others. my situation was much worse than affair but my ex had a child with my best friend so I know how it feels and if your strong enough go if not you have to figure out a way to deal with while you are together.

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       William Robbposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       With your best friend jeez glad you found a way to overcome.

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    techforappleposted 11 years ago

    For Instant lover help please Call us at Toll free 1 855 870 4384

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    mgeorge1050posted 11 years ago

    I have found in my limited experience that love makes you crazy.

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       Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       "in love" is actually proven to be a mental illness.

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    wmhoward4posted 11 years ago

    The question should not be about just "men" as women do the same thing. In fact, some feminists are proud that women are closing the gap on the issue of infidelity. Seems it would be better for all if both genders would go back to the time when cheating was a rare thing.

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       Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Yeah that age is dead because of these feminist women that destroyed all chivalry, is this not getting through to people yet??? holy shit.

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    Lauren Amy Smithposted 11 years ago

    Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who want to "have their cake and eat it". This means they want all of the perks of having a relationship: companionship, love and sex, but without staying faithful.
    
    To be honest, the fact that he told you what was going on is kind of a good thing, a lot of people who would just carry on behind your back in order to get the best of both worlds.

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       spock28posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       if given a chance all of us would love to have the cake and eat it too!! if only its possible each gender have their own way of trying it

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    Michelle Morganposted 11 years ago

    There are many answers for this question, ... "they dont love you","they dont love themselves" , " they are selfish", " they dont respect you" , " they have mommy, or daddy issues", the truth is, any way you roll it, a person who puts themselves and their desires above the needs of their significant other, their children or their family has underlining issue that you may or may not ever completely understand. If no person has ever taken time to address these issues and make an attempt to help resolve them, this person may never change. Society today makes it easy to fall astray from the moral and ethical values once instilled in us, and people who still uphold these sacred  practices and live to bestow a higher ethical morale, are truly a deplenishing breed. And sometimes, unfortunately love isnt always enough. You cant make a person love you the way you love them, and if trying to establish the root of the issue and repair it doesnt work, then love yourself enoug to know you deserve happines. Move on, however painful it may be, and live your life to fullest capicity you can. You only get one, so dont waste it being hurt, dont ponder why, because there are so many possible answers to that very loaded question. This world is in chaos because people love things and use people, it should be the other way around.
    Be happy. Live your life and love your life.

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    Kalmiyaposted 11 years ago

    Men are STUPID They don't think about anything relevant.

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       spock28posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       yep stupidity is the only language some ladies understand , reasoning is beyond them.

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    MrGigazzposted 11 years ago

    eat babana's every day, and u will start to hate banana's...if u understand what i meen

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       violetheavenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Then why not give up bananas and switch to oranges instead?   why still eat something you hate while enjoying an orange in secret?   if you know what I mean

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       Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       LOL  bananas boost sex drive and even gives massive testosterone boosts aswell if you add them to ur daily diet! ... lolololol

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    dailytop10posted 11 years ago

    Have you been fair to him? Is there anything you might have done which lead him to change? If the flaw is not on you, then he is simply the wrong guy for you. Not all men are selfish and rude. We are like a bunch of apples. Some are really delicious, others are just worth a few bites, while a few are rotten.

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       Katya Drakeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       One of the WORST things we do as a society is to blame the hurt partner for the actions of their lover. Honey, if a man cheats on you, its because he has no self control. He's being selfish and lying and does not really love you. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!

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    spock28posted 11 years ago

    only loved one gets hurt strangers wont be bothered about your action ,

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    Katya Drakeposted 11 years ago

    As someone who got out of a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage I can tell you that he does not love you.
    You say that you have a "good relationship" but that is not true because he was spending time with another woman AND lying to you! I am sorry he did that to you. Having someone you love be so dishonest and hurtful is something I would not wish on anyone.
    He was obviously not that into you. If he was he would be thinking of you and not goofing around with someone else. This is not fun news I know but it can be liberating. Think of it this way: Now you have the time and opportunity to find someone who loves you enough NOT to hurt you but to cherish you. As Greg, the author of "He's Just Not That Into You" says, "Don't waste the pretty!" Get him out of your life while you can and move on.

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    adrionna zecherposted 11 years ago

    It depends on what type of guy your talking about. Their is the guy that hurts the ones they love because he was hurt by someone they loved more then anything before they met you. And then theirs the type of guy who doesn't know how to express their feelings to the one he loves. Now guys do crazy things because guys don't put other peoples feelings, and only thinks about hiself

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       Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Exactly.

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    softwareplaceposted 11 years ago

    without disease we are not human and without hurt  its not love.

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    sharon466posted 11 years ago

    Its  because he thinks that she is every thing to him and he has right on her.

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    baybpnkposted 11 years ago

    I feel like a lot of the time it is all about their lack of confidence as well. Lack of understanding what love is and how to express that. In your case, however, it is a CHEATING man, who obviously has no interest in keeping a good, healthy relationship with you. You need one on one to have a healthy relationship and you need to understand what each person wants from the relationship. It seems like you were under the impression that you were going to be with this man for quite a while if not the rest of your life (marriage). He does not seem to be on the same page. If you want to be married, this guys is NOT for you. If he cheated on you once, he WILL cheat again on you. It has nothing to do with YOU, but it has everything to do with how HE feels about you. Apparently you do not mean as much to him as he means to you. That will only leave you with heartbreak, leading to situations like this. Even though it is hard because you have been with him for years, it is no longer worth your time. It does NOT make sense to stay with someone for ANY reason other than MUTUAL love and a good relationship.

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    Jimmy Vermaposted 11 years ago

    they do the crazy things if they really love,there are a lot of reasons can be behind it,like they feel fear of loss,they want keep high themselves in front of her ,they does crazy things in the purpose of check the love of girl with her tolerance power as well as her positiveness towards men,there crazy things can be produce on that time when they are in doubts ,or craziness or nature of girl sometime turn them into show craziness.

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    Bassem Girgisposted 11 years ago

    At this point, it shouldn't matter if he loves you or not. If he is having an affair, it simply means he is not getting everything he wants from you. This is not your fault. Greed is a serious condition with human kind, and sometimes when a "not so good" man finds other options, he goes for them. Walk away from the relationship, keep your head up high, and don't let it affect you.
    We can't afford to let other people's actions determine how we feel. Remember, you represent yourself, and he represents himself.
    
    Best wishes,
    Bassem Girgis
    www.selfpromise.com

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    Brenda Janeposted 11 years ago

    Well some people just give into their lusts even before thinking what damage its going to make to their persisting relationships. The brutal truth is once this terrible mistake is done there is no reversing it. But since you love that person, you can speak to him and ask the reason for what he turned this way. If you really are determined to stay with him, the only solution is Jesus, only through His unconditional love that you receive in your heart through accepting Him as your Lord and Savior, you can pour that love on your partner. Bible says, love covers multitudes of sins. Hope you get the answer.

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    be gratefulposted 11 years ago

    It seems this human-being is just looking to have a superficial relationship.  If I were you, I would retire the relationship/any connection with him and move on with your life.  I see you posted this question 4 years ago, it would be interesting to hear an update.  One could stick around and study the psychology behind this human-being to figure out why he is living his life this way with little regard to other peoples feelings, but why would you want to do that?  Healthy committed relationships do come with quarrels from time to time, the fact that you stated you never argue is a bit of a red-flag.  Perhaps, the bond between you too lacked a deep authenticity & attachment.  Obviously, it did as he was seeing someone behind your back.   
    
    On a flip note...he is a Male and guys are very "in the mood" often with all that testosterone running thru their veins, you cannot expect to be his only sexual outlet.  Best case scenario...a faithful man will use porn...sometimes...to relieve his tension...worst-case he is sexually active with more than one at a time resulting in cheating, lying, increased risk of STD's...  Maybe this guy was made to feel inferior as a child/adolescent and the fact that he is laying with 2 women(at least?) at a time makes him feel "more like a man".  Whatever his deeper-seeded reason is he betrayed you in the ultimate way and that is a big NO-NO.
    
    Learn from it and move on...

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       Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I will agree though on the testosterone running through our veins. imagine all that crap in you and see how you become.

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    William Robbposted 11 years ago

    This is a hard question to answer since people are complex some generalities help.
    Theres a fact men are designed to impregnate every female they can while women have been designed to raise the children, while a biological fact we in general have evolved past this fact so it does not sufficiently answer the question even though many claim it as an excuse.
    To me the fact is to cheat on someone you claim to love proves you never really loved them but were attracted to them.
    Any man or woman that cheats is not worth a moments thought try to forget and move on good luck.
    My last gf pretended to have cervical cancer the one before dumped me a week after i moved hundreds of miles from my family for her and the one before dumped me when i lost my leg im now content to be alone.

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    Joseph Callariposted 11 years ago

    It is simply because in this day and age celebrities are looked as role models and when they make unfaithful choices. It leads us to thinking that it is ok as well.

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       Michael Starvinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Turn off the tv and quit absorbing that garbage. I say this to EVERYONE. all that crap is stupid. most of tv is stupid and the media supports it. wtf ? this day and age is really dumb.

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    SatendraSainiposted 11 years ago

    Well this is not so. People take it wrong, according to me it is the matter of faith and his friend should understand this, because they really love them and never want to leave them. So forget about this only consider the true love about them.

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    Moony27posted 11 years ago

    Cheating usually stems from an issue in the relationship. For example, in this blog I read from a marriage counselor, the wife worked late hours, tired from work when she came home, no longer gave him praise/admiration. The husband started to feel disconnected, a coworker started giving him what he needed (respect, admiration), and the cheating began.
    
    There is no excuse for cheating, but I personally believe it always stems from some issue going on in a relationship. You may not have noticed anything, but perhaps he was suffering something inside. The difficult part is getting them to speak up before issues get worse.
    
    This is the blog I read: http://marriagecounselingknoxville.com/ … elity.html

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    lostohanababyposted 11 years ago

    Whether intentionaly or for unknow reason.  Conflicts can erupt between two people and esculate out of control, at times.   Maybe Anger Management would help.

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