My Buddy Dave - The Birthday Ride - Whacky Facts

Dave and I have known each other for over 30 years- and we still speak to each other.

Dave rides the miles equivalent to his age in September every year.

This year we rode 90 something miles.

No wait - 65 miles.

Dave is a Physician's Assistant.

So he's a real cerebral kind of guy.

Below I have accumulated some really whacky facts of medicine and life:

This is the "before" picture. We were to have an "after" picture but it wasn't pretty.

Here is our photographer, Dave's best friend, only squeeze, and beautiful wife!

The Earth weighs 5.972 sextillion

                                                           (5,972,000,000,000,000,000) metric tons.

(The scales that measured it were almost twice that!)

The vegetables your grandmother told you to eat are no longer available in grocery stores.

According to the Journal of HortScience, the average vegetable found in American markets is between five and forty percent lower in minerals and nutrients than those harvested just fifty years ago.

(I suggest spirolina, chlorella, ambrotose, vitamin D, anti-oxidants, spinach,...)

There is a higher percentage of water in cucumbers than in whole milk.

(Cucumbers are not good with cereal though!)

The coded information in the chromosomes of a single human egg contains the equivalent of roughly one thousand printed volumes of books.

(I'm sticking with chicken eggs!)

Fleas that live on dogs jump higher than fleas that live on cats.

(That's because they have more fun!)

A flea can jump six hundred times an hour for three days straight.

Each jump is equal to a human jumping the Empire State Building.

(But- they do a lot of "blood doping"!)

During jumps, fleas reach acceleration force endured by astronauts during the Saturn V moon rocket launch.

(And- their faces get all twisted up!)

A person born on February 29th is called a leapling.

(A person born on February 30th is called a fledgling!)

Fly ash, a byproduct of coal-burning electric power plants, dumps one hundred times more radiation into the surrounding environment than a nuclear power planet producing the same energy.

(Turn the thermostat down and snuggle more during the winter!)

X-rays were discovered by Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen in 1895 while experimenting with electricity. He didn't know what they were so he named them X-rays after the mathematical unknown "x".

(He only wanted to see through women's clothing!)

If you eat sushi in the US, you may have supported Rev. Sun Myung Moon's Unification Church.

Moon's church owns boats and distribution centers through an umbrella company called True World Group. They supply most of America's nine thousand sushi restaurants.

(Salmon chanted evening, you may eat a stranger!)

In 2007, the Government Accountability Office discovered that the US government had handed out $1.1 billion to dead farmers.

In one case, continual payments were made to a farmer who died in 1973.

($1.1 billion - at least we're not talking about a lot of money yet!)

The Goldwater Foundation was established in 1986. It's a federally funded agency that provides scholarships to worthy students.

Barry Goldwater was an ultra-conservative politician who opposed federal spending on education.

(I've never met a Goldwater. I imagine that's a hard name to live up to.)

Before they were the "Hell's Angels",

they were called the "P!$$t Off B@$!@#9$ of Bloomington.

(I'd make sure sedatives were made available for these boys)

America's first fireworks-studded celebration of the Fourth of July occurred in 1777.

This was one year after the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

There would be another six full years before the Revolutionary War ended.

(Happy Fourth of July)

Aaron Burr killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel.

He tried to steal the Louisiana Purchase land to crown himself Emperor of Mexico.

He was acquitted of treason.

He fled to Europe to escape creditors.

In Europe, he tried to convince Napoleon to conquer Florida.

(And-he stunk!)

Cinco de Mayo does not commemorate Mexico's independence but the battle of Puebla.

While fighting with half as many men, General Zaragosa defeated Napoleon III's forces.

The 1862 battle was the first loss for the French since Waterloo where Napoleon III's uncle Napoleon Bonapart was defeated.

(The halftime show was incredible!)

Out of an "abundance of caution", President Obama retook the presidential oath after it was botched by Chief Justice John Roberts during the inaugural ceremonies.

It was speculated by Language evolutionist, Stephen Pinker, that Roberts was a well know grammar gremlin who regularly split the infinitive "to execute" with the adverb "faithfully".

The second attempt was successful. Both Roberts and Obama pronounced "to faithfully execute", as it is written in the Constitution.

(I guess it would be too much trouble for one of you swearing polecats to uphold that oath, huh?)

The three preeminent American brewers, Joseph Slitz, Frederick Pabst, and Aldolphus Busch, - all married into the business.

All three of the fathers-in-law owned profitable breweries.

Schlitz, Pabst, and Busch took them over and turned them into an entire industry.

(They enjoyed their work!)

Oktoberfest was originally to finish up the dregs of Marzen or "March beer".

To last through the summer, extra alcohol was added to the brew.

The beer was stored in caves and "Lager" is the German word for "storage".

(The extra alcohol is not why they wear stiff shorts, get loud, and dance funny!)

Sake is beer.

(They said it was wine!)

Coffee prevents dementia.

(But not in my family!)

Red wine extends one's life.

(You drink more, you let more stuff slide?)

George Bush (1796-1859) was a liberal academic and journalist.

He was forebear of two conservative presidents.

This George Bush wrote the first English language book on Islam.

(Isn't life funny?)

Cassanova, the Brothers Grimm, Ben Franklin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and J. Edgar Hoover were all librarians.

(Beat that football players and muscle dudes! - Just kidding guys!)

John Pemberton, the founder of Coca Cola put cocaine in his soft drink to smooth things out with the temperance movement.

(He saw that hemp oil and opium just put him to sleep!)

The original formula for 7-Up contained lithium citrate, a mood stabilizing drug used to treat manic depression or bi-polar disorder. 7-Up was up and running two weeks before the stock market crash of 1929.

(I think the formula I drank as a child was good for some "up-set"stomachs!)

You can fatally overdose on water.

Current guidelines limit fluid intake during times of heavy sweating to 1.5 quarts per hour.

(Apparently beer is not subject to those guidelines!)

A Venezuelan television station was forced to remove the "Simpsons" from its morning programming because the government deemed the "Simpsons" inappropriate for children.

The "Simpsons" show was replaced with Baywatch.

(They replaced the Andy Griffith Show with soft porn.)

Some strawberry yogurt and cranberry juices get their deep red coloring from ground-up bugs.

Carmine, carminic acid, and cochineal extract are all red food coloring agents derived from the crushed bodies of the female Dactylopius coccus, a Central and South American insect that gets its pigment by feasting on the Opuntia cactus.

(I thought cranberries were red!)

In 2009, President Obama nominated New Hampshire Senator as commerce secretary.

Earlier in his career, Gregg voted to abolish the United States Department of Commerce.

Gregg withdrew his name from nomination citing "irreconcilable differences."

(I guess he has a good job.)

Barack Obama is a distant cousin of Dick Cheney and George Bush.

(Everything is related! And convenient! It's really a perfect world!)

(Oh - one cousin is a bad cousin! One cousin is good!)

(Not sure if you caught it- but the last line in ( ) was sarcasm.)

In 2009, the descendants of Geronimo, the legendary Apache warrior  filed suit against "Skull and Bones", the Yale secret society. They claim that Prescott S. Bush, grandfather of President George W. Bush, broke into Geronimo's grave in 1918, They made off with Geronimo's head and two bones which are displayed in the "Tomb" which is the Skull and Bones club house.

(Oh yeah! Intriguing family, those Bushes!)

In 1932, the poet Hart Crane drowned when he jumped off an ocean liner.

Crane's father originally held the patent for Life Saver candy.

(I don't think that candy life-savers would have saved him though.)

Swiss company Romain SA sells exclusive watches partially made from authentic parts of the Titanic which sank in 1912.

You can pick one up for $7800 to $173,000.

(I never spend over $20,000. They depreciate if you use them much!)

On March 1, 2007, Switzerland invaded Liechtenstein.

170 Swiss infantry soldiers accidentally marched over the border.

The Swiss troops realized their mistake and immediately turned around.

No-one in Liechtenstein noticed.

(A lot of invasions should have that happy ending!)

The word "bank" comes from the Italian banca, meaning "bench".

In the fifteenth century in Venice, Jewish moneylenders were not allowed to own property, so they conducted business on benches in the piazza.

(Creating a new meaning for the phrase "I was benched"!)

The word "credit" comes from the Latin credo, meaning, "I believe", as in "I believe you will pay me back."

(Which precedes, "The check's in the mail!"

A recent study published in Science found that there is a direct link between physical and emotional warmth.

Holding something warm makes you feel more generous toward others.

Holding something cold makes you more selfish.

(Holding a TV remote puts Daffy, Goofy, and Krazy Katz in your head!)

"Rocking" and "rolling" as well as "nitty gritty" were all African American euphemisms for sex in the early 20th century.

Radio DJ Alan Freed named the music he played "rock and roll".

Freed was trying to see how much he could get away with- vis-a-vis the FCC.

(Long live rock and roll, I reckon!)

A German Shepherd's sense of smell is 30,000 times more acute than a human's.

When a German Shepherd sticks his head out of a window of a moving car, it is exposed to so many cells that it experiences a high equivalent to a human on cocaine.

(So, you want to drive me around for a while?)

The human brain cannot distinguish between a sneeze and an orgasm.

(My brain can!)

Scent activates memory.

In 2007, participants in a scientific experiment were given a rose bouquet to sniff as they studdied for an exam. Later they slept.

Those who stopped and smelled the roses did markedly better on the examination than those who did not.

(Stop and smell the roses.)

According to a recent study by Dr. Alan Hirsch of the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation, the combined aroma of lavender and pumpkin pie is the most potent aphrodisiac for men.

Baby powder is the most sexually stimulating scent for women.

(Just any baby powder?)

The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump.

(Maybe he doesn't feel like it!)

Whales descended from hippopotami.

(This was discovered with time elapsed photos, no doubt!)

Hippos sweat natural sunscreen.

The red-colored secretion is an acidic complex compound refereed to as "blood sweat".

It's neither blood nor sweat.

(So- you got to get it from a hippo?)

The word "scruple" derives from the Latin for "small stone".

Having scruples refers to your conscience bothering you as a pebble in a shoe.

(Our leaders could walk barefoot!)

The word "arena" is Latin for "dust" or "sand".

The arena floors were covered with sand to soak up spilled blood so that the gladiators still fighting wouldn't slip.

("and hurt themselves." The Romans were so sensitive to these gallant men!)

Some turtles can breathe through their butts.

The butt-breathing turtles have the ability to stay under water for extended periods of time by sucking water in through their cloacae and passing dissolved oxygen past papillae, as fish use gills to respire.

(I really wish I had one of those! Forget about the breath mints though!)

Joseph Stalin (Steel) was voted the third most popular Russian.

Stalin was responsible for the deaths of sixty million people.

This is four times the number of deaths attributed to Adolf Hitler.

(Does drinking vodka make you mean? It makes you vote stupid!)

The Civil War was the bloodiest war in American history.

620,000 people died.

During the same period, from 1850 to 1864, in China, a Chistian Convert named Hong Xiuquan led a rebellion to eradicate Confucianism, Buddhism, and folk religions. He was to replace them all with a Christian utopia he called Taiping Heavenly Kingdom.

The Taiping Rebellion was put to a halt but after 40 million Chinese men, women, and children were killed.

(You know- it's just WRONG whether Christians or Muslims or Catholics or...)

Mussolini developed revolutionary fascism in Italy with Sarfatti Margherita, his Jewish mistress. He kicked Sarfatti out of his bed and Italy and passed race laws in 1938.

Bonito was just cuddling up to Hitler on the eve of World War II.

(What a romantic! His trains didn't run on time either!)

The first Japanese geisha were men.

(I bet they were purty too!)

During the reign of Queen Elizabeth I, 1558-1603, beards were in vogue.

The treasury instituted a beard tax to raise revenues for Britain wars.

(The United States is going to tax the air we breathe!)

In 1698, Peter the Great attempted to civilize Russia.

He forced his subjects to cut off those beards or pay a fine.

(In 2010 Micky the Mediocre combed his beard and broke wind in the direction of Peter the Idiot!)

Hollywood was founded by Midwestern pioneers, Horace and Daeida Wilcox.

They wanted to create a community based on sober religious principles.

(They would be SOOOO proud today!)

Queen Elizabeth II is the largest landowner in the world.

She is the legal owner of nearly 6,600 million acres of land.

This is one sixth of the world's land mass.

She owns entire countries like Canada and Australia.

Her "holdings" are owned in trust and cannot be sold for her personal benefit.

(I just want to thank the Queen for allowing the Canadians and Australians to live at her place!)

The original Monopoly game was called the Landlord's Game.

It was a critique of capitalism.

(I play monopoly in real life but I just go to jail a lot!)

Mortgage literally means "death grip" or "death pledge".

The deal dies when all payments are made or they can't be made.

(I thought it meant sacrifice everything for THIS!)

Based on data from the 2008 Gallup World Poll, the ten happiest countries are:

Country: Some ingredients for happiness "?":

10 Beligium (chocolate, beer, waffles)

9 Norway (ice cold, beer, indoor activities)

8 New Zealand (kiwis)

7 Switzerland (ice cold, hot chocolate, chocolate, indoor activities)

6 Canada (it's warm there- all year 'round!)

5 Ireland (neighborhood pubs)

4 Sweden (cold, beer, indoor activities)

3 The Netherlands (AmsterJam! Say no more!))

2 Finland (icy cold, beer, indoor activities)

1 Denmark (icy cold, beer, indoor activities)

In 2007, Reverend Al Sharpton, Jr., Democratic campaigner and Civil Rights activist, discovered that some of his ancestors were owned by the pro-segregationist, arch-conservative US senator from South Carolina, Strom Thurmond.

(When's the family reunion?)

The nursery rhyme, "ring around the rosy", a pocketful of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down!" is about the bubonic plague.

Symptoms of the plague included a rosy red rash in the shape of a ring on the skin.

Posies were carried to combat transmission of the disease.

The ashes refer to the cremation of the dead bodies.

(Very dark days!)

Croatia means "tie-land".

Hravat is the Serbo-Croation word for Croat, which is the origin of cravat, the forerunner of the modern tie.

Cration mercinaries brought their military style of wearing a cravat around the neck to Paris in the 1630s.

King Louis XIII enlisted them to support his power struggle against his own mother, Marie de Medici.

(The tie and suit have brought about nothing but trouble!)

In the mid-1700s, the flowing cravat was reintroduced by British "macaroni".

These were the stylish and well-educated men who were the metrosexuals of their time.

The word was co-opted from the Italian maccherone, meaning "boorish fool".

Anything that was in fashiio was said to be "macaroni".

(Yep! I feel the same way about a tie and a suit. Trouble, mischief!)

The Taj Majal in Agra, India, was built as a tribute to Shah Jahan's third wife, Mumtaz Mahal, who died in childbirth.

After its completion, the Shah, 1592-1666, was deposed and imprisoned by his son, Aurangzeb.

Aurangzeb forced his father to live out his life in a cell overlooking his majestic creation.

(There's nothing like a son's love for his father!)

Economists Jayoti Das and Stephen DeLoach conclude, in a paper titled "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: The Effects of Time Spent Grooming on Wages", that men can increase their weekly wages by six percent for every extra ten minutes a day they spend grooming.

(If I comb my beard too much, it falls out.)

(The hair on my head jumps out if I look at it!)

(Some of us can't look at something that hideous for that long even if it's us!)

In Leviticus we are told that:

Shaving one's beard is a sin.

Getting a tattoo is a sin.

Wearing a cotton-poly T-shirt is a sin - or wearing any garment of mixed fiber.

(Eating bar-be-cue is a sin!)

The builders of the Els Club gof course at Dubai Sports City in Dubai import sand from Saudi Arabia for the sand traps.

The sand in the Arabian Desert, in which Dubai lies, is too symmetrical.

Perfect sand traps require angular grains of sand so that golf balls roll to the bottom rather than sticking to the wall of the bunker.

(The Masters Golf Course in Augusta imports their sand from Mitchell County N.C.

(It's not sand at all, but crushed white rock!)

Ski Dubai is one of the largest indoor ski resorts in the world.

An insulation system keeps the temperature at just below freezing.

The temperature outside is 120 degrees F.

(Maybe I should go there to beat these horrible winters!)

Viagra reduces jet lag.

This is based on experiments with hamsters.

Scientists say that a small dose of Viagra,

(small enough to avoid embarrassing "side effects"),

may neutralize jet lag in humans.

(Were the hamsters flying coach or First Class?

An airplane's flight data recorder, known as the "black box" is orange.

(So our folks have been looking for black boxes?)

We have more bacteria living inside of us than we have cells.

The human body contains 100 trillion cells and two quadrillion bacteria.

An alien might surmise that humans exist to provide homes for bacteria.

(I was feeling pretty good. Now, not so good.)

The Amazon River flows with such force,

                      sailors can drink fresh water two hundred miles out to sea.

(It's the largest river in the world. It has no bridges.)

"No taxation without representation" was the rallying cry that helped set off the American Revolution.

Britain's taxation was at 2 percent of personal income.

The average tax on American workers today is 30 percent.

(That's because we have a government we can trust!)

In 2007, a luxury pizza was offered up for $1,000 a pie.

It's toppings included caviar, lobster, and salmon roe.

But that pizza wasn't nearly as good as the food we were eating!

These people brought the GOODS!!!

The French horn comes from Germany.

German Chocolate cake is not German. The recipe originates in Texas in the 1950s. It utilized Baker's German's Sweet Chocolate, named after the Englishman Samuel German.

Ireland's patron saint, St. Patrick, was British.

A 2008 study shows that males who share in domestic chores have more sex than those who don't.

                                              HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE!!!

                                        HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE!!!

                                                       (AND KENT!!!)

We started our Birthday ride from right off Dumont, on St. Mary's Road.

So this ride is very easy to join from Hillsborough, NC. (4 miles).

Rt on St Mary's from Dumont to
Lft on Schley Rd. to
Rt. on Walnut Grove Church to
Lft. on Wilkerson.
Keep str where it becomes Wheelers Church Rd.
Cross 49 (Gordonton) I think the rd. changes name after you cross. Keep str. to
Lft on 158 to
Lft. on Frogsboro Rd. I think.
Str, until 'T" with 86
Lft on 86....Store.
Lft from store onto 49 & left on Prospect Hill Rd. [Cross 86].
Lft on Corbett Ridge {cross49} stay St on Carr Store.
Rt on Efland-Cedar Grove to
Lft on HIghland Farm to
Lft Kenion to
Lft. on 86 to
Rt on Phleps to
Lft on 57 to
Rt. on Walker to
Rt on New Sharon to
Lft on St. Mary's.

About 65 miles.

We enjoyed this a lot!

Dave said he intended to take us on these roads in lieu of some we rode:

Heading south from Leasburg (before Frogsboro)
Rt. on Griers Chapel Rd. to
Rt. on 119 to Hightowers (store) to
Next lft [Hooper?] Str across Compton?
Lft on Gunn-Poole brings you into Corbett (store)

Next time Brother Dave!

May you live as long as you want!

                                                         May you never want as long as you live!

Thanks for being a great friend!

MD

Yo Kent! The toast goes to you too Dude!

Happy birthday Kent!

August 15, 2010 Sunday DG Bicycle Ride- North Carolina Tarwheels

Stem-O-Rama Bicycle Ride- July 17, 2010 Stem, NC

Ode To The Rattleheadedcoppermoccasin!

April 7, 2010 Union Groovin' To Saxapahaw, Carolina Tar-wheels Meet Miami Biking Gang and Buena Vista Social Club

Bicycle Pace-line Etiquette

The Playtex Cycling Team

Why Cyclists Wear Lycra!

If Mona Lisa Had A Bicycle!

She's Even Faster In The Nude

When a Cyclist’s Chamois Freezes

What Happened To Wednesday's Ride? 01-12-10

July, A Month Of Wednesdays (And A Couple Saturdays)

A Poem of Cycling-What Can I Say?

Bicycle, How Do I Love Thee?

Breaking The Wind In A Pace-Line

The Rockefeller Salute

Paris-Brest-Paris 1995

Eddy Merckx-the Sphinx

How To Build A Squirrel's Nest- by Squeaky Squirrel

My Squirrel Food Is For The Birds

Skippy And Squiggy

Oh Deer! Don't Fawn Over Me!

Mayberry Garden Club

An Epigram To Epigramman

Take My Heart

Take Me To The Light

You Take My Breath Away

Tell me A Story Mama

An Ode To: The Wise Old Man - Woody Graham, Bicycle Bum

Listening Post

Don't Try A Track Stand On Three Margaritas

Heaven Is Knockin' On All Four Doors!

He Had Scrambled Brains For Breakfast Since 1968

To Mir With Love!

Soldiers Don't Cry When They Say Goodbye

I'm A Hypochondriac- With The Wrong Placebos!

Ode To Sisyphus

My Love Loves A Man Who Snores! An Ode To A Snore

A Tale Of Two Idiots-A Poem By 50 Caliber & Micky Dee

Where Does Satan Dwell?

An Ode To Prisoners Of Love!

Romance Noir