jimagain profile image83

Jim Henderson (jimagain)

Joined 10 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

  • 62
    Articles
  • 90
    Followers
  • 142
    Following
  • 2

    You Too Can Be a Tv Pundit

    10 months ago

    Do your friends think of you as smug, arrogant, a blowhard? Do you have an opinion? Do you enjoy controversy? Then you too can be a Tv pundit!

  • 0

    Why the Platypus Can't Make Up Its Mind

    10 months ago

    I suppose every phylum has one, a species that just can't seem to make up their mind what they want to be. No one does this better than the platypus.

  • The Care and Feeding of Pterodactyls
    2

    The Care and Feeding of Pterodactyls

    10 months ago

    Cute and cuddly? Of course they are! Who can resist the appeal of a pterodactyl. But taking care of a prehistoric, winged, carnivorous brute isn't all the fun it may appear. Before you take that next step, here are some things you should consider!

  • 4

    An Informal Guide to Alien Abductions

    10 months ago

    Just when you thought it was safe, those pesky aliens are abducting earthlings. How would you handle a delicate intergalactic situation? Read my informative How-to Guide on Alien Abductions!

  • 3

    You Too Can Be a Tv Doctor

    10 months ago

    Have you ever wanted to be a TV doctor? It's not as difficult as you think. Read my How-to guide collected from over forty years of television-induced stupor. Don't underestimate yourself! You too can be a TV doctor.

  • 6

    Observations of an 'Old Fart'

    10 months ago

    The older you get, the more you become a caricature of yourself. Growing old is like staring into a fun house mirror. Is that really me, you ask? Careful who you laugh at, you too may one day resemble the object of your scorn!

  • Why I Can't Pay Attention When My Wife Speaks
    0

    Why I Can't Pay Attention When My Wife Speaks

    11 months ago

    Strange things happen to me, inside my head when my wife is speaking. And that is why I can never pay attention to what she is saying. Here is the best way I can explain it.

  • 3

    That's Not What I Said!

    12 months ago

    You are about to take a trip to what I call, The Estrogen Zone! Nothing is said that cannot be turned to mean whatever she thinks it should. This explains subconsciously why men run off to the golf course, or spend inordinate amounts of time in the woods 'hunting' or 'fishing'.

  • 3

    Meanwhile, Back at the Dungeon!

    10 months ago

    Plagues, pestilence, wars, rampant disease, and more pestilence …forgive me if I try to bring a little ray of sunshine into the world. I'm sorry if we're not like all the other dungeons!

  • 4

    Somewhere In Left Field

    8 weeks ago

    Recess. Third grade. This was serious stuff. Careers were made, reputations lost at recess. One day, one play. That was all it took to go from hero to zero. "Harold has the measles", they said. "You're in left field. Don't screw it up" In the back of my mind I knew Mary Kay was watching!

  • Blueberry Farts!
    4

    Blueberry Farts!

    2 years ago

    It sounded like a good idea at the time. Most bad ideas do. I suppose the paradox is if it tastes bad, it must be good for you. If eating healthy is so good for you, maybe someone should tell the taste buds!

  • RV Shopping Again?
    0

    RV Shopping Again?

    13 months ago

    Turns out, women plan everything....from picking out their wedding dress to what they're gonna' bury their groom in. Talk about, "Til death do you part?!!"

  • The Microbes Win Again
    2

    The Microbes Win Again

    12 months ago

    If microbes don't even have a brain...why are they winning the survival game? Caution: you may have the urge to whack yourself over the head with your laptop after you read this.

  • Writers' Cage Match: How to Get Your Asterisk Kicked!
    2

    Writers' Cage Match: How to Get Your Asterisk Kicked!

    10 months ago

    Think talent is enough? Desperate to attract readers? Have you tried shameless self-promotion only to fail? Then it's time for the Writers' Cage Match!!

  • My Fate, My Script
    6

    My Fate, My Script

    13 months ago

    A victim of my own making, my narrative pursues me like some dread beast of prey. My words, my fate cast in stone. I wait ...and then the inevitable comes.

  • My Ipad for a Typewriter!
    2

    My Ipad for a Typewriter!

    12 months ago

    Despite my best efforts to diligently improve my ability to write, typically done in the ten frantic minutes remaining before my homework was due, I don’t seem to have improved much.

  • How to Write Hubs That No One Reads!
    7

    How to Write Hubs That No One Reads!

    12 months ago

    It's true! Jimagain was once abducted by aliens. Then he had a run-in with Sasquatch! And he once dated Brittany Spears! Or maybe it was the other way around? Anyway, being a writer, you can know I would never pull your leg. -wink!

  • Tour Guide to the Perils of the Multiverse
    14

    Tour Guide to the Perils of the Multiverse

    13 months ago

    Not since the days when ships routinely sailed off the edge of a flat earth has something so ominous, so nefarious been revealed. Go back to the comfort of your boring and mundane lives, while you still can!

  • Politics, Like Love...
    0

    Politics, Like Love...

    12 months ago

    I compare the political process to getting drunk and wondering who you’re going to wind up in bed with the for the next four years. To me it seems the selection process is more befitting to an episode of American Idol than the mechanisms of a sane electorate

  • Disturbing Trends In Evolution
    7

    Disturbing Trends In Evolution

    12 months ago

    If evolution were true, man would be extinct now. this suspicion is confirmed every time I go to the mall or watch TV.

  • The Incontinent Blogger
    6

    The Incontinent Blogger

    13 months ago

    Not to be confused with 'brain farts', otherwise known as 'cerebral flatulence'. Brain-turds are often accompanied by strenuous cerebral effort, peculiar facial expressions, and are often met with disdain by others. Has this happened to you while blogging?

  • To Purgatory and Back - in a Shopping Cart
    9

    To Purgatory and Back - in a Shopping Cart

    12 months ago

    Clank, clank, clank...my shopping cart and I wobble and clatter along, like Jacob Marley’s chains being drug behind me. Catching my reflection, I see a grotesque caricature of my former self staring back at me, minus the soul. Welcome to purgatory!

  • Defining Utopia
    0

    Defining Utopia

    13 months ago

    Utopia seemd like a good idea at the time, if we didn't have to blow up the world to get it. Despite dictators and organizations dedicated to World Betterment through Genocide, Utopia just isn't what it used to be.

  • Bears & Fools
    2

    Bears & Fools

    11 months ago

    Forget Yogi snatching another pic-nic basket right from under Ranger Smith's nose. Think again. Wrap your brain instead around 400 pounds of fur-covered fury; a monster-sized brute of paw and claw and a very bad disposition.

  • Good Night, Bob! Late Night Conversations With a Gelatinous Mass
    3

    Good Night, Bob! Late Night Conversations With a Gelatinous Mass

    3 months ago

    At first I was freaked out but what can a gelatinous lump of metastasized leftovers do to me that my ex-wife already hasnt? Forget Sasquatch, Bob is real!

  • The Wee Hours
    6

    The Wee Hours

    11 months ago

    I feel this sense of something amiss, a general state of foreboding yet lacking a specific, discrete cause for it. Once again, I stagger off with trepidation to investigate. Strange things happen in the wee hours.

  • The Man-code: Explained
    12

    The Man-code: Explained

    12 months ago

    Simply stated, the man-code is the unwritten rule of conduct for the male species that governs how men react toward other men. It expressly forbids men to exhibit gushing or effusive displays of affection to members of the same species. This apparently confuses those from the other side of the gene...

  • Primitive
    2

    Primitive

    12 months ago

    Frustrated with technology? Do you sometimes feel you were born in the wrong era? Feel like a Flinstone stuck in the Jetson era? It all started way back when...

  • Back to the Dark Ages
    2

    Back to the Dark Ages

    13 months ago

    Just when things were really good, technology came along and ruined it for the rest of us. It seems every advance in humanity comes with it's own inherent problems. So How do we apply the retro-fix to all of our modern day predicament? The answer may be simpler than you think!

  • The 25 Cent Psychologist
    2

    The 25 Cent Psychologist

    13 months ago

    All this talk about the brain reminds me of a scene from the Wizard of Oz when they pull back the curtain to unveil the levers and controls. While thankful for MRI and all the other devices allow us to look behind the curtain, to peer inside the inner workings as never before; we are still left as...

  • Mom! The Washing Machine Ate My Brother
    0

    Mom! The Washing Machine Ate My Brother

    11 months ago

    That old piece of primitive machinery was responsible for one of the single-most traumatic episodes of my young life. Watching my brother being gobbled up by a greedy machine right before my eyes! Due to mom's quick thinking, my brother is able to pick his nose with either hand. Thanks mom!

  • 6

    Things to Do at the Mall - While Your Wife Shops

    11 months ago

    Let's face it, the mall is no place for pansies. Men, let put it to you bluntly...they are testing us! What to do when your wife drags you out shopping with her.

  • Blogging for Dummies: A Guide to Those Who Can't Find Real Work
    4

    Blogging for Dummies: A Guide to Those Who Can't Find Real Work

    13 months ago

    Underacheivers everywhere, unite! Quit work, spend hours writing on the web, entertain yourself with delusions of pending fame & wealth while you become desperate and homeless. Why work for a living when you can live in poverty writing a blog that no one reads? I suppose I could ask for my job...

  • Thy Visitation
    2

    Thy Visitation

    12 months ago

    I came upon him unaware. Suddenly he was there! Standing to meet me, waiting to greet me. Sweet unexpected Presence!

  • Ten-Thousand Lives
    4

    Ten-Thousand Lives

    11 months ago

    It's a grim scene at the gallows to watch an execution. The condemned conducts himself with resolute firmness; resigned to his sentence, unapologetic to the end. But is this his end?

  • The Creaking Door
    2

    The Creaking Door

    13 months ago

    The sound of a door turning on un-oiled hinges as it slowly creaks open seems an invite, a portal into the unknown. I fear my door has become an unguarded passageway into the world of flesh and blood I inhabit, where visitors cross over to co-habitate my world.

  • The Devil in the Top Hat
    7

    The Devil in the Top Hat

    12 months ago

    Since I may have arrived at the last hour of my life, I am curiously beset with an urge to negotiate with the devil in the top hat." He then grinned and tipped his hat to the adversary. "I have a proposition to make you instead.

  • Pass the Mono-Sodium Glutamate!
    5

    Pass the Mono-Sodium Glutamate!

    13 months ago

    Can you imagine ‘Granny’ in her kitchen, hair rolled up in a bun on the top of her head, in her apron laboring over a cook stove. She’s leans over her iron skillet with a wooden spoon to taste her homemade recipe. “Hm-mm," she says. "Needs a little more mono-sodium glutamate, I think.”

  • Unplugged: The History of the Universe
    6

    Unplugged: The History of the Universe

    12 months ago

    If evolution were true, humanity would be extinct by now. Man would have died out from mass stupidity. This suspcion is confirmed every time I watch TV or go to the mall. First we evolved from lower life forms, we know this from episodes of the...

  • Writing With Flatulence!
    2

    Writing With Flatulence!

    13 months ago

    How's that for a title with some flair ...and maybe a bit of an odor too?!! Yeah! You can put that one in your Search Engine and... click it!

  • Imaginary Self-Help Clinic for Delusional Writers
    8

    Imaginary Self-Help Clinic for Delusional Writers

    12 months ago

    Ever want to be a writer? Perhaps I should first ask if you have a history of entertaining other delusions as well? Are you given to frequent departures from reality? Then, pull up a chair and join our little group of literary misfits.

  • Do Atheists Exist?
    9

    Do Atheists Exist?

    12 months ago

    Ah, the atheist! I have to ask myself; does God ever ask himself, do atheists exist?

  • Misery Loves Camping!
    6

    Misery Loves Camping!

    12 months ago

    Let go of any idyllic delusions you may be harboring, or you too may find yourself exiled in a primitive state of self-imposed discomfort. If being miserable is your idea of having fun, then camping is for you!

  • Things You Won't Watch on Espn
    2

    Things You Won't Watch on Espn

    12 months ago

    Look at the expression on his face. Is it writer's block or is he constipated? Somebody toss that man some Kaopectate! Now you know why writing will never be a spectator sport.

  • Relative Discomfort - Part Two
    2

    Relative Discomfort - Part Two

    9 years ago

    Time takes it's toll on all of us. Forty years ago we were the young-uns zipping around like somebody kicked over a fire ant mound. All the while our parents fussed at us for being too loud or leaving the door open or coming in and out too many...

  • Relative Discomfort - Part One
    2

    Relative Discomfort - Part One

    8 years ago

    Last week the sheriff wrote four citations for an expired tag and one for a dog with malicious bowels and an errant aim. Said dog allegedly missed his tire and got his pant leg instead. Turns out if you know the judge you can get a restraining order on a dog's bladder. If that dog so much as hikes...

  • Off Key
    2

    Off Key

    13 months ago

    Somewhere on this planet there exists a group of musicians that are not a collective bunch of dysfunctional misfits. I believe that. There may even be more than one. I have never seen one myself but that doesn’t mean that it isn't possible.

  • I Undo: Love & Second Thoughts
    1

    I Undo: Love & Second Thoughts

    12 months ago

    That's me diving inside the garbage. Is she gone? Yes, she's gorgeous..so why am I running the other way? Because I know how it all ends! Some men will do anything to fall out of love.

  • Useful Phone Apps For Men
    6

    Useful Phone Apps For Men

    12 months ago

    Men aren't impressed by these new apps -big deal! Give me an app that tells me when my wife is going to be mad at me, or when my mother-in-law is coming to visit, before she shows up! Now that would be useful.

  • Why Cows Can't Fly
    2

    Why Cows Can't Fly

    12 months ago

    "Help, my cow is stuck in the tree and I can't get it down!" OK. that may sound silly but what if evolution had a sense of humor? Imagine the mess one cow could make flying overhead! Yech!!

  • The Paper Towel Bandit
    2

    The Paper Towel Bandit

    10 days ago

    It's a garish crime scene, littered with shreds and tatters of the remains of what used to be a roll of paper towels. Loose scraps and fragments are strewn haphazardly around the floor. Apparently it's the work of the serial paper-slasher, the...

  • Deputy Cletus and The Great Cheese Heist
    6

    Deputy Cletus and The Great Cheese Heist

    12 months ago

    Sometimes a crime happens so brilliant, so audacious that it boggles the mind. This isn't one of those times. This is one where someone gets taken in by their own schemes.

  • Reading Between the Lines: Deborah Kicks Butt!
    4

    Reading Between the Lines: Deborah Kicks Butt!

    12 months ago

    Barak is still whining. "Sisera and his goons are on their way over here with nine-hundred chariots of iron …I've got mud all over my new shoes," picking up one of his muddy number tens. "How are we supposed to fight in all this mud?"

  • Back - with Vengeance
    6

    Back - with Vengeance

    9 months ago

    You left this, last time we met. The piece of lead clattered noisily at the toe of the storytellers' boot. Flushed with rage, the gunslinger has just been called out. His blood ran cold. Death, warmed over glared back at him. It seems the stranger has a new ending to his tale.

  • The Elusive Week-end!
    4

    The Elusive Week-end!

    12 months ago

    I don't know about where you work but here it's not a good idea to get between the door and the other employees about quitting time. When the clock hit four-thirty, the parking lot looked like a scene from the 'Running of the Bulls'!

  • Pirates in High Heels!
    4

    Pirates in High Heels!

    12 months ago

    Pillage and plunder, that's what pirates do. Mark my warning, pirates in high heels lurk about. Prepare to be boarded.

  • Cletus Moves In
    0

    Cletus Moves In

    12 months ago

    This morning I woke up to find an overgrown beast sleeping on my couch. Is it a dog or... Kong- zilla? He's already huge; I estimate him to be somewhere between the size of a heffalump and Mr. Snuffalufagus. I'm talking about our new on-line...

  • Only A Hunter Would
    0

    Only A Hunter Would

    12 months ago

    Two things bother me...just HOW do they get deer urine? ...and who would want to buy that stuff? After you read this you won't ever wondered why hunters are required to dress like trees and wear orange in public.

  • The Remains of the Night
    1

    The Remains of the Night

    12 months ago

    Lonely walks in sleepless nights seems to be my lot of late. Eventually my aimless wanderings and morose thoughts carry me along as I traverse this meandering route. My destination seems to be a place. Not just any place. I feel as if I've been here before. And then I hear that baleful sound...

  • Around the World In 88 Minutes
    7

    Around the World In 88 Minutes

    12 months ago

    What does a French science-fiction writer have in common with a Russian girl and a cosmonaut? What event could reach across the span of nearly a century to give their lives continuity? Intrigued? Then, keep reading!

  • Of Plowshares and Swords
    7

    Of Plowshares and Swords

    12 months ago

    Flesh carries out its evil agenda. Steel, then becomes naught but the tool of hate. As long as hate reigns, as long as flesh succumbs, steel is left to ravage.

  • Don't Eat The Coffee Table!
    0

    Don't Eat The Coffee Table!

    12 months ago

    To say that our family is dysfunctional is probably an understatement. I don't mean that in a bad way; we just tend to, shall we say, 'color outside the lines' when it comes to family decorum.

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