When a man asks a woman out on a date, should he pay the bill?

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dawnMposted 13 years ago
what is this new thing going on in the dating world where a man asks a woman out on a date and then wants her to pay half of the bill. It's not about the money, it's the fact that he asked her out on a date, she took the time to get dressed up. For me that would be the last date, but what do you think?
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  Contriceposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  You got that right buddy. If a man asks a woman to pay half the bill after asking her out on a date, that is the SCRUB alert. That is totally unacceptable. To all my guys out there...DON'T LET THOSE WORDS COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH ON A DATE. LOL (but I'm serious)
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  dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Hi Contrice, you tell them!!!..lol
  I wrote a hub on this topic about going Dutch (not ok) and one lady went off on me, saying that she was from the time of the womens movement and comparing it to prostitution...what a joke, just wanted to share that with you.
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  rebekahELLEposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  to equate a man paying for dinner with prostitution?
  
  people have different views, but that to me sounds rather presumptuous on both ends. I think second time around dating is more open now but there are also women who very much use first time dinner dates as just that, a free dinner.
  
  I don't think this is probably the case for the average, decent woman who is seeking a date with a gentleman.
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  Lisa HWposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I'm of the Women's Movement era too, but here's how I see that one: I'm having an engagement party for my daughter. I invited a bunch of people, and they'll all be getting their dinner and desserts paid for! So, guys or gals/young or old - what - are they all prostitutes too?
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  Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Lisa, even at a party, in Australia there's an expectation of reciprocity - a plate of food, drinks or a gift, or a combination thereof. Anyone who arrived at the party empty-handed would be regarded as a cheapskate and wouldn't get invited again!
  
  And of course I'm not suggesting a man pays for one date and expects sex in return. But my culture demands he gets something in return, and I'd be up myself if I suggested it was simply the pleasure of gazing on my dazzling beauty (or gratitude that I "took the trouble to dress up" as the OP said).
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  Contriceposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I agree people do have different views, but I wonder where that frame of mind had come from? To think that a man paying for dinner is a form of prostitution. Where does that thinking come from? So is the man buying the engagement ring a form of prostitution also? I don't care how modern the times are a gentleman should still be paying for dinner.
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  tritrainposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Usually whoever asks the other out pays.
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  ediggityposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  This is not a "new thing". Unfortunately, this has happened for years. These men are called cheapskates. When a man goes anywhere with a woman he should pay, and open the door.
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  Stevennix2001posted 13 years agoin reply to this
  it sounds to me like some outragious feminist movement act. Don't get wrong, I'm all for equal rights among the sexes, but I think feminism gets carried too far sometimes. I apologize to anyone that i offend saying that, but I'm just venting out an opinion, and mean no offense by it.
  
  however, to answer the question, i always thought it was customary for the man to pay for EVERY date he goes out on with the girl. At least, that's how i was raised. even if the girl was the one that asked him out, then the guy still has to pay.
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  dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  you are right no apologizes needeed, it's more about the respect than anything else.
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  men these days are I don't know sex spoiled. too many women willing to lower their standards.
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  kimberlyslyricsposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  That is not a date that's a charity case respectfully
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  china manposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  and just what is wrong with charity - not everyone is a high flyer
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  tony0724posted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I have always maintained that a man should flip the tab for a date.
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  waynetposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Woman campaigned so tirelessly and quite rightly for equal rights, so they can foot equal amounts of the bill...it's only fair!
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  i heard that argument before from an old man in the bus, "you ladies getting our jobs, you sure won't get our seats"
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  dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  mmmmm waynet how has dating been for you lately....lol
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  waynetposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Don't know been married for 12 years!
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  prettydarkhorseposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  smiles, how are you waynet?
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  waynetposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Fine and funky like a fat little monkey!
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  Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  This is exactly how I feel.
  
  In my mind, I'm equal to a man. If I expect a man to treat me as an equal, I can't have it both ways - I'm either equal or I'm not.
  
  I can't fit "I deserve to sit back and let the man pay for everything" into that logic.
  
  Would someone explain to me how they reconcile those two things?
  
  (Edit: I'm not talking to those people who said they would also pay the whole cost if they invited a friend to dinner, too - in that case, they're clearly treating everyone equally so that's fine).
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Hmmm....the aphrodite on this one needs to be awakened.
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  Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Interesting that no one feels able to tackle this one!
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Caught in the classic trap between feminism and femininity. Laura Kipnis has written important work on this.
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  nicehubsposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I agree with Marisa Wright and waynet.
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  camloposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  The thought of having the girl pay half the bill has never entered my head - especially not in that situation.
  Even on non-romantic dates, I either pay the full bill, or somebody else does. If somebody offers to split it with me, I just pay the whole thing. I don't know, but splitting the bill seems somehow so stingy.
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  tritrainposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I always offer to pay on a first date, especially if I asked.
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  dutchman1951posted 13 years agoin reply to this
  The person asking needs to be honest and explain what he is wanting to do. Just meet some place low key and go dutch for casual meeting, or an actual real date. Unless he's a jigilo, he should pay.
  
  If he can't be honest, no need to date him at all.
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  busymom81posted 13 years agoin reply to this
  If he askes her out, he should pay. If she askes him out, he should at least offer to pay. It is the only thing acceptable, esp. if he wants a little kiss gonite or some nookie.
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  ravigill551854posted 13 years agoin reply to this
  if he feel like a men or make is relationship go forward i say defiantly he should pay the bill and if he just trying it let the woman pay to it
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  duffsmomposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Whoever does the asking, should pay the bill--or make it clear everybody pays their own way--in which case it becomes just an outing with friends and not a date.
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  lifeinprimeposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Duffsmom and others are right: Whoever invites should pay.
  
  Years ago, I had a woman ask me out. Fortunately for me, I brought enough money along, as I paid for everything--everything she wanted. What made matters worse: She said she was still hung up on some guy out West. Feeling the date was a total bomb, I politely left after paying for everything.
  
  A few weeks later, she promised to make it up to me. Fortunately, we had inexpensive pizza--a thin crust black olive and mushroom pizza. I hate black olives! But, still I paid! I decided to definitely forget her. However, out of the blue, she decides to call me and ask me to run to the store for her. She needs wild cherry cough drops. Oh, did I mention she lived 30 miles away from me?
  
  Somehow, there is a neon sign on my forehead--Marked "SUCKER"!
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  jimmy yangposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  who pay for the sex ? I want an answer ! !
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  Bel Marshallposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I believe the asker should always assume responsibility for paying unless it is otherwise agreed up in advance.
  Granted in this day and age and the economy being what it is, there are some factors to consider but to me it's just good manners.
  As a woman if I invited a man out to dinner, I would assume the bill was on me and in turn if a man asks me out then he should expect to pay.
  There is nothing wrong with splitting the bill as long as both parties agree and are AWARE in advance.
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  tysandersposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  If I have to pay for my own food then I don't need to go on his date. I can eat alone for that!
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  Dave Mathewsposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  What if it is the woman's idea to split the bill??
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  cpvrposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  When it's a date, all guys should pay for it.
  But, if the girl says "do you want something to eat", then that's her job to pay.
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  lady_love158posted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Only liberal men do that... it's about "shared sacrifice" LOL
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Website Examinerposted 13 years ago
You are right, absolutely.
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SomewayOuttaHereposted 13 years ago
........maybe if i was a teenager I could give it a second look.....but....."you better be good to me"......not now......

....and you know what, I wouldn't pay half....i'd probably have a good laugh and say 'see ya later'........and leave....................................................
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Diane Insideposted 13 years ago
Totally agree if he expects her to pay half after being the one to initiate the date, he is unworthy of finishing the date. I would call a cab. I'd much rather pay a cab fee than continue on this date for sure.
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Rochelle Frankposted 13 years ago
If you invite someone to come to dinner at your house would you expect them to pay for half of the groceries?

I thought not.

They could bring dessert or a bottle of wine if they wanted to . . .
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  Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  But on the other hand, if you invited a friend to have lunch at a cafe with you, would you expect to pay for her lunch? Thought not.
  
  I find this debate rather sad. I started dating in the seventies, when I would've been insulted if a man had expected to pay for my food. It implied a bargain - he pays for everything, until I decide he's paid enough to be allowed access to my body. Isn't that prostitution?
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  rmrposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  If I invited a friend to lunch at a cafe, I would expect to pay. If they invited me I would definitely offer to split the bill, but I typically don't extend an invitation unless I intend to pay.
  
  As far as the dating scenario, I can't believe it's an issue. I can't even imagine the piece of work that would ask a lady out then expect her to pay.
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  rebekahELLEposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  completely agree with you on both issues. it's good to see the male responses here. there are some gentlemen here at HP.
  
  yes, last date.
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  Rochelle Frankposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  No, I don't think that.
  If I invite you to lunch-- I pay. If I invite you to dinner at my house, you are my guest with no strings.
  
  If two friends decide mutually to meet for lunch it should be each pays their own, unless one insists on treating-- in that case, the 'guest' can offer the tip.
  
  The terms need to be established early.
  
  I dated in the 60's-- he paid for the movie, the dinner, the admission to whatever. He didn't get anything 'extra' until we married.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  He didn't get popcorn and a coke until you were married? You're stingy!
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  Lisa HWposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Call me "old fashioned", but it would take a whole lot more than covering my lunch or movie ticket before anything that AT ALL could be interpreted as "prostitution" would be happening.
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  china manposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Old fashioned may be the issue here - it is not about what you are, it is about what is going on in the social sense.
  
  As I said above, Too many people still view 'woman' as either (and only) virgin or whore and not simply as people who deserve equal respect. When a gallant Mr 'takes' you out and pays for you - he is demonstrating male superiority, subconcious or conciously. When women object, they are demonstrating their resistance to male domination.
  This is not an answer, just an observation about why this is even an issue in the first place.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  OR, they are demonstrating an attempt to navigate confusingly conflicting new expectations in a post-feminist social structure.
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Jim Hunterposted 13 years ago
A man will always pay the bill.

Sadly there are not too many men left.
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  Diane Insideposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Good Point Jim, A man.
  
  I found one, but they are few and far between.
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SilverGenesposted 13 years ago
Whoever invites someone to lunch, dinner or on a date should pay. Period. Anything else is just rude.
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fayehelenposted 13 years ago
If he expected me to pay half the bill, I would be annoyed, as HE asked ME.
But, if he didn't say anything, I would probably offer to give some money towards the bill anyway.
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  Jim Hunterposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  That means you are a keeper.
  
  A man will always decline your offer and take you dancing.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  In the nude
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  Dame Scribeposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I 2nd that motion lol
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bloodmoonaposted 13 years ago
when woman is asked on a date they want a real man and if you cant pay the bill then that tell us that they are not capable of pleasing us we don`t want to pay the bill we are trying to find romance
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Bill Manningposted 13 years ago
SO the next time a girl ask me out I should expect her to pay for everything? Cool!
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  SilverGenesposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Yes, I think she should if she did the inviting
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  Whikatposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I agree, If the woman asks the man she should be expected to pay the bill. I am wondering how many women ask a guy out on a date in this present time? Being old fashioned, I guess I have never heard of one of my female friends or family members asking a man out on a date. I am not implying that this is not acceptable, I was just curious if this has become a common thing to do?
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Waaaaaaay back when I was young and single (and dead sexy baby - yeah!) I was not infrequently asked out by young ladies.
  
  I always paid AND let them take advantage of me sexually later. How generous is that?
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  Whikatposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Hi Sab Oh, thanks for the reply. You stated, "When I was single" I am just curious did you marry someone who asked you out first, or did you marry someone you asked out first? You do not have to answer that one, I was just curious.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I married someone who struck me like a bolt of lightening from across a large and crowded room and whom I pursued with great vigor.
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  Whikatposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Great answer! Thank you for your reply
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  camloposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I've often been taken out on dates by girls, who have also paid the bill - I've got nothing against it ...
  Of course, if I invite, I pay the bill.
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  Whikatposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Hi camlo,
  Thank you for your reply. Hmm, I find this very interesting. The thought never crossed my mind to ask a man out on a date before. I always figured that if he was interested in me that he would ask me out. I somehow now feel like I lived in prehistoric times like the dinosaurs or something.
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  prettydarkhorseposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I will not ask a man either for a date..
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  ediggityposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  You should make a new thread topic of this. "Should women ask out men on a date?"
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  prettydarkhorseposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  ok, will do just that
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  Whikatposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Thank you for giving Pretty Dark Horse the idea. I think it is a great topic and would be fun to know.
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  me too. just talk to a guy and laugh at a stupid joke and you'll get him to ask. if he doesn't ask, he's not in to you. men do not get convinced, they do however make do. I do believe men need to ask, pay, make a move.
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Mighty Momposted 13 years ago
Definitely the asker pays for the date.
If it is a first date, that is absolute.
Same for the 2nd date, and possibly 3rd.
If the askee wants to initiate the third (or fourth) to let him know she's interested but doesn't want him paying for everything, she could offer to cook him dinner or take him somewhere she already has tickets for.

IMHO you don't start splitting the bill until you are an established couple.
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Cagsilposted 13 years ago
When a man asks a woman out on a date, should he pay the bill? Yes.
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  Stimpposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  And, if SHE offers to pay her half BECAUSE she has NO romantic feelings towards him, then he may consider one way or the other. I am a female....My german "daughter" was posed with this not too long ago....should she or should she not pay for dinner on this "date" whom she considered to be "like a little brother". We explained that he probably didn't see it like a "friendship" type of deal and she might consider offering up her half. My spouse suggested her offering not more than twice so he did not get offended BUT to ask nonetheless.
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Kidgasposted 13 years ago
The one who invites another should always at least offer to pay. I have even paid for some of my friends when I expressly invited them out for golf if I had invited them to a more expensive course than we normally play. It is a matter of simple etiquette.
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  europewalkerposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I agree!
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Gordon Hamiltonposted 13 years ago
I am posting this at the risk of being branded an old-fashioned sexist pig - or worse!

Irrespective, I was raised in a culture and by a family to believe that when a man and a woman go out on a date, the man always pays - full stop. That was a foregone, non-negotiable conclusion. I am not trying to be in any way controversial, or stir up any form of hornets' nest. I am simply stating a fact, in the way I was brought up to appreciate it and believe it...

So, given my levels of success in romantic circles, it's really cold under this railway bridge tonight for us bankrupts. When's that Salvation Army soup kitchen round again...
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  Anamika Sposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  In fact, I also think that irrespective of whomever calls the date a man should insist on Paying.
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  Originposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I disagree, somewhat. I've had girlfriends in the past that 'wanted' to pay the bill, but they did it because it made them feel good.
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Beth100posted 13 years ago
Yes. Call me old fashioned.
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Anamika Sposted 13 years ago
In my Opinion whomever asks for the date should pay the bill, be it the man or woman. If I call someone for coffee, lunch, dinner or movie, I always insist on Paying. But so far most of my Old fashioned male friends have not allowed me to really pay except once when I was so angry that I put the money on the table and stormed out.
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Originposted 13 years ago
If I were to ask a woman to go out on a date, I'll pay the bill.
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dawnMposted 13 years ago
thank goodness for hubpages forum, being married for 11 years, I though that my single friend was joking with me when she was asked out on a date and the guy asked her to split the bill. I told her to ditch him, it's not the money it's the respect for her, and being a man. How do you dingle people do it out there. For sure if that was me I would have just gotten up and left.....lol
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  dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  meant single not dingle...lol
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china manposted 13 years ago
In my first year in China my Chinese girlfriend insisted on paying every other time out - real equality is so simple to operate.

It only finished when she took me to an expensive restauarant with candles, violinist etc, and offered me a house, a BMW 735, never work again and go on holiday with her twice a year, only strings were that we had to get married Lovely as she is, and great as the offer was, I am not suited to being a house pet.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Would you label a woman who stays home while her husband works a "house pet"?
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  Joy56posted 13 years agoin reply to this
  i would if i was forever hoovering up her hair.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  That could be a medical issue (unless you were using some new sex term I'm not familiar with).
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Joy56posted 13 years ago
oh yes whoever takes me out pays the bill of course
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logic,commonsenseposted 13 years ago
Well, he better get somthing out of it if he pays for the meal!
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  Joy56posted 13 years agoin reply to this
  my company of course.
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  logic,commonsenseposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  My thoughts exactly!
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thirdmilleniumposted 13 years ago
You will bloody well pay
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  Joy56posted 13 years agoin reply to this
  you wont get my company then, i refuse.
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Sab Ohposted 13 years ago
Ok, so the answer is 'The man pays.'
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  Joy56posted 13 years agoin reply to this
  got it in one
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Pretty easy question
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ceciliabeltranposted 13 years ago
Well if you want to be precise about it.

When a woman has sex with a man and err bears his offspring, the cost on her biological resources and lifestyle is huge.The risk of going out with a man is that she might for the rest of her life provide for two and give most of her calcium deposits to his genetic line. He has no biological tie other than a decision to stay and support to the lifeform he is creating. So he pays for the date.
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  china manposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  From which it is easy to infer that you think that the man is paying for sex.
  
  BUT I don't think you mean this at all, you are just expanding, ironically, on the topic I would say. Freudian or otherwise, if you get my drift.
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  My dear China man, the above statement is not mine, and mine alone. It is actually an established anthropological view of why the "man provides". My freudian slip is peer reviewed.
  
  Here, get a wake up call:
  
  http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/u … 536873.ece
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  china manposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Bending other information to your use is not being peer reviewed - however, it was the point that was important in relation to your small minded little attack on myself earlier.
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I don't remember attacking you china man....another ballpark definition chinaman?
  
  I disagreed with you. that's not an attack now if I said,
  
  you have vagina envy, that would be an attack.
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  prettydarkhorseposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Cecilia, Kumusta ulit, (how are you?)
  
  I want the man to pay for it the first time. If there are next times, then it depends who is willing and able. No big deal.
  
  I like a gentleman though. I will cook and invite him over and I will spend for it, again No big deal..Give and take,
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Hi Maita, eto...kamusto (here...how are you?)
  
  Yes, I agree as the relationship becomes stable, it becomes more egalitarian...but a man must show ability to share resources as that is crucial in the raising of children.
  
  Men who are tightfisted give the impression that they cannot be relied upon to provide well for children.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  "I want the man to pay for it the first time."
  
  You mean dinner, right?
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  lol...quick...very quick. my husband would love you, maybe he'll pay.
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  prettydarkhorseposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Dinner, of course, what do you expect..
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  tony0724posted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Maita can I come over then ? I am starving !
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  prettydarkhorseposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  of course Tony, when?
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Would it? That would be an 'unusual' thing to say, but not necessarily an attack.
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  it's a reference to a forum banter that disappeared.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Yeah, what happened to that?
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I have no idea...it is a mystery. It just totally disappeared.
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AndyK26posted 13 years ago
interesting views

when go out on a date I would make sure I have money to pay , and will pay the bill...

However what I find Interesting from the posts is that -- The Maximum That a girl is offering to pay is her Half--- If i ask you on a date, the bill comes it will be nice if the girl offers to pay the whole bill or not offer at all.

If they offer to pay only their Half I would let them. I would actually test them and even make her pay for the whole thing just for the heck of it.

whoever asks pays unless he cant afford it in that case everyone helps. the main thing is the company and having a good time lets not make it about the money
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A la carteposted 13 years ago
Yes
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Onusonusposted 13 years ago
Usually the other person pays, because I seem to always forget where I left my wallet.
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I admire the honesty lol...let me put it this way, if you're brad pitt, you can get away with it.
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  Onusonusposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Well, don't tell anyone, but................ It's me, Brad.
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Hi Brad, love you!
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  Onusonusposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Your'e paying.
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  italian? french?chinese?thai?
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  Onusonusposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I prefer Indian food. After all Columbus was willing to sail off the edge of the world to get the good stuff.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Whoo! Y'all must be tired!
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Indian food is great, so what will be brad, samosa with chicken tikka with mango chutney on the side along with roti and naan?
  
  how about wine?
  
  And for dessert, we can go to MAGNOLIA, of course I'll pay. Just look torn and conflicted like you did in Legends and I'll keep on paying.
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soneblomposted 13 years ago
A True gentleman will take the lady to a place that he can afford, and make her feel like a princess in his company. Who knows, mayb next they can split the bill hey.
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  dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  that was a very diplomatic response...I like it...lol
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girly_girl09posted 13 years ago
I would be absolutely shocked if a man didn't offer to pay after inviting me out to dinner. It is simply proper etiquette for the man to pay.

Now, if a guy casually asks me out, I always offer to pay half, although no one has ever let me pay. I'm really picky so I only date guys who are gentlemen!

If a guy won't pay for your meal after asking you out, I think it shows a lot about his character and/or the fact that he can't afford to be in a relationship. I'd be totally offended.
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I don't know why this is even an issue. A guy asks you out and he doesn't pay? It's very strange.
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rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago
agreed girly girl.
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FloBeposted 13 years ago
I think whoever asks the other person out should expect to pay the bill. If the man asks, then he's committing to paying, but if the woman asks him out then she has to expect to pay. I think the only way it should be different is if it was agreed ahead of time that each person would pay their own.
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klarawieckposted 13 years ago
Whoever makes the invitation should pay. That's the way I see it anyways.
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  i think its counterproductive to ask a guy and pay, it sets the tone of a relationship where you know who's doing somebody a favor.
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  Rochelle Frankposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  So, you should invite him to pay for yours?
  Maybe I misunderstood.
  I'd rather he would offer.
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logic,commonsenseposted 13 years ago
I would pay whether I asked her out or she asked me! That's how I roll!
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ieifoodposted 13 years ago
To be completely honest, i think that dating should be about much more than money. If you care about who pays - you show that money means respect for you, and... in ideal conditions, respect cannot be bought.

Who said a date has to have a tab? Who said that dating means spending money of any party involved?

No offence to anyone, i don't have anything against men paying if they want to, and it might even actually be proper in some way. I'm asking you to think wider, though. Not everyone even has money to spend, does that make dating(which leads to love) an expense? Well, if it is, if you really care about who pays, maybe you should reconsider the definition of love, at least what it means to you.

To me, a perfect love(true love) is a state in which two people can have a relationship outside the boundaries of society(only between each other, though). Just my opinion, but... maybe love should have rules, i just... will never respect rules for loving someone.
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china manposted 13 years ago
A Chinese 'date' insisted on paying the second time out - so I asked her the question, she said "I do not want to be seen as being paid for by you, or paying for you." But then - they have an extremely long and relatively uninterrupted 'cultural' history - and they have not been divided by aggressive feminism to create additional complexity.
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  Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I do think cultural differences play a big part in this discussion.
  
  In Australia, a very strong part of our culture is the concept of the "shout". If I'm at the pub and a friend buys a drink for me, I'm under an obligation to buy one for her in return. If we leave the pub before I've had the chance to do that, the obligation remains - I have to "shout" her the next time we meet.
  
  The same applies for any social occasion - coffee, lunch, whatever. Similarly, if I invite you to a dinner party, you're expected to bring a bottle of wine (or similarly substantial contribution) to the evening.
  
  Anyone who makes a habit of not honouring their "shout" soon runs out of friends!
  
  I guess that's why I have a problem with the concept of the man paying. In my culture, if someone pays for my food or drink in a social setting, I have an obligation to repay the favour. And if I'm not going to repay my date in money...
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  china manposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I think the 'shout' is pretty much the norm in the UK now. The confusion over this is down to the historical over-domination by males, then the reaction of feminism where the unworkeable idea of equality clashes with the reality of male female relationships. Too many people still view 'woman' as virgin or whore and not simply as people who deserve equal respect.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Yes, showing respect is important...
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  china manposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Knowing what respect IS comes first - or you are just showing 'behaviour' that you think is respect, when often it is a petty display of male superiority disguised as manners.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  SOME people certainly don't seem to know, that's true, but it's a lot more complicated than slapping away an attempt to pull out a chair for a lady.
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Geez, didn't know you really have a thing with Sab...like a major thing pet peeve. If I had known I'd stayed out of that whole business with the centerfold.
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  ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  But then again, in situations like this, it's just so hard not to. lol.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Yeah, years and years ago when I dated an Australian gal she tried to do the 'shout' thing, but I just kept putting off her 'turn' to pay.
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brimancandyposted 13 years ago
If he asks her out, he should certainly expect to pay the bill.
He can always hope that she might want to pay for her half, but, he should be a gentleman and pay the whole thing.

I once went on a "date" with someone, and, He suggested that I pick the restaurant, but, then didn't like any of my choices.
he then suggested that we go to this place that he knew, and we went there and had a nice dinner.

Well, when it comes to paying the dinner bill, he whips out this free meal coupon. And, then expects me to pay for my own, which was $14.95. And, he wanted me to leave the tip. I saw right through that immediately. He intended to go there all along, just so he could use his stupid free meal card. (It was a buy one get one free.) And, he invited me, so he could use it.

I said...oh no buddy. You're paying half. Because not only did we eat at his restaurant of choice. I was also the one who drove us there. He bitched up a storm, and I never went on a dinner date with him again. Wouldn't even waste my time.
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rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago
I think there's a lot of truth in this statement in regard to feeling equal to a man.
I think it's kind of strange to equate feeling equal on a date to money. I expect a man to treat me like a woman on a date. a feeling of equality doesn't = being treated the same or acting the same.

Equality means being treated with respect. I would expect a man to respect me the same as I would respect the man. I know some women who end up acting like a man just to prove their ability to show their success. That to me is when feminism has lost the 'femininity.'

and yes, in this culture also, there is respect for the partner by inviting someone over for dinner or bringing a bottle of wine to a dinner date, paying for the late night coffee after dinner and a movie.. etc. I simply see it as respect. In long term relationships, I have paid for dinner occasionally, but in most cases, the man preferred taking care of the bill.
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  Whikatposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  I agree with your comment. I am clueless on how anyone could consider me less equal to a man, if a man invites me to a dinner or an event and I expect him to pay for the dinner or event. It would appear odd to me to consider that I would have to check my wallet or bank account to determine if I could accept a date offer from someone I have never met before.
  
  Example: Man asks, "Would you like to have dinner with me on Saturday night?" Me, "um, let me check my wallet and bank account and I will get back to you with the answer"
  
  Or, me checking my wallet first and then replying, "Sure, I think I can cover the expense if we go somewhere I can afford" ?
  This scenario just seems strange to me, but perhaps I am just old fashioned and set in my ways.
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couturepopcafeposted 13 years ago
When a man gives up his money for a woman (paying for the date), he is interested in her romantically. Otherwise, he's not. Sometimes, guys will do a little test and ask you to pay half just to get a feel for your character. At bill time, this is not the time to do it. If he wants to get to know her better before parting with his money, he should ask if she would like to meet him somewhere for dinner. This is her clue that it is not a date and she shouldn't expect him to pay. Most of the older generation males will pay for everyone regardless, even in a group.

It also works both ways. If you go out with someone just to get a free dinner, you are leading him on. If you go out with someone just to get to know him better and really don't like him after a while, pay your own way. That is his clue that you're not interested. Don't let the guy pay for your dinner, than when he says can I see you again you either say no, or you say yes and just never answer his calls. That's childish and trashy.
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  Sab Ohposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Any man doing such a "little test" is a chump and she should run, not walk, away from him.
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  Whikatposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  So in your response, If you find that you would probably not wish to continue a relationship with this man, that you should get out your wallet and pay for the dinner? Am, I understanding this correctly? So a woman can accept a date offer, but if she finds he may be a jerk or something, than she should be prepared with money to pay her own bill instead of just saying no, if he asks her out again?
  
  When has it become unpopular to just say no thank you? Would it be just assuming that if I did not have a great time, that he probably did not either, and would not ask me out again?
  
  Wow, I am really glad that I am not in the dating scene right now, it seems very confusing with a lot of rules.
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  couturepopcafeposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  No, you're still right. The best scenerio is to be honest. Don't tell the girl you'll call her just so you don't have to fell bad about not asking her out again. And the woman should just say no thank you. But I am always prepared to pay my own way just in case. It's only really happened twice that I can remember. And nowadays, unless I know someone really well, I always take my own car.
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  dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  counturepopcafe, I agree with you on this, now is not the time to test, and it's not about the money. If a man invites a woman out to dinner and then does not pay the bill, than a woman should run and this is why. do you want to marry a man like this. What when a woman has kids, is going to not pay the bill....It says alot about a man, and it is not about money it is about being able to give and wanting to be the man and take the woman out. Believe me if the woman really liked the guy she has already spent so much on a new outfit and time with hair and makeup...lol
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hot dorkageposted 13 years ago
Whoever invites, pays. Simple. If the guy invited me and paid for me, then if I liked him I would invite him back and pay. If I didn't like him at all I would decline. If I accepted but then decided I didn't want to see him again, he loses the price of a meal. And it should work both ways genderwise. I hate going dutch, even with my girlfriends. And people will notice if you get the habit of being a mooch (either gender) or always grabbing the cheque and paying for the whole table just to show what a "man" you are (again really either gender) and they don't appreciate it. Most people don't like to be taken for a free meal over and over without some reciprocation and likewise most people don't like to be deprived of the chance to be generous some times. Unless the perfect mooch finds the perfect overly generous martyr who doesn't feel right unless they pay for everything.
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Daniel Carterposted 13 years ago
Yes, the inviter should pay the bill. However, I have had the big surprise of being invited, and even a statment made that they "might treat." Then as the check arrived, the other person almost made a scene about me paying half, stating it was a "friend date, not a real date." I learned my lesson. If it ever happens again, I would simply stand up and walk out, and if necessary, call cab or take a bus. The "friend" has called several times, but I have never respond back, particularly after I learned that person has a habit of using people.
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rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago
I don't think that's necessarily true. Some men simply feel it's the right thing to do if they have invited a woman to dinner. If he's romantically interested, he'll most likely ask her out again. Paying the bill doesn't guarantee romantic interest.

If the woman invites the man to dinner, I think it's highly presumptuous that she would expect him to pay. Daniel, if a woman said, 'might treat', you know she has no intention of paying. that's a highly unclassy thing to say to someone.
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  Bill Manningposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Frankly I've gotten so jaded about the whole dating scene and so happy being alone I just don't ask anyone out anymore. I always pay the bill for myself and I, and they always seem happy with it.
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  nicehubsposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  In my opinion, gender should not be what determines who pays what. I don't like to send that message by agreeing to it. On a date, everything (pleasure or boredom) should be split, including the bill. Why not? That way, if that person is not a good match, or if you decided to move in with your date the next day, nobody owes anybody anything. Much better deal.
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CriselMegposted 13 years ago
I feel that when a guy asks a woman out, he should pay the bill. Otherwise, it can be dutch treat but if the man is feeling gracious to pay, let him do it.
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viryaboposted 13 years ago
If a man asks a woman out on a date, he MUST pay the bill.

If she offers to spit the bill, he SHOULD refuse. In fact, i think it's an insult to the man to offer to split the bill with him.

She should, after a number of dates paid for by the man (if he IS a man), take him out to a nice place, and then insist she is paying fully this time. Period. However, a man MUST insist he wants to split the bill with her.

But she must refuse and pay fully.
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  couturepopcafeposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Just curious - why is it an insult to him if she offers to split but not an insult to her if he offers to split?
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  dawnMposted 13 years agoin reply to this
  Yes I agree that if a man asks a woman out on a date the first few dates he should pay the bill but after that, she should either make him dinner or offer to take him out, I think that is the right thing to do.
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charll__xposted 13 years ago
obviosuly the man should pay, before he asks the women out on a date, hes basically saying, ''would you like me to take you out, but you pay for it yourself?'' whats the point?
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Laura Grace Davisposted 13 years ago
I believe that even if the man didnt ask he should pay. It's the polite thing to do. In all the dates i have been on the guy has alwyas paid.
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John MacNabposted 13 years ago
Of course he should!
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Stories Inc.posted 13 years ago
I'd be so offended I'd just get up and leave (and if I don't, I would never go anywhere with that person again) if I don't get to pay for my own food, regardless of gender issues.
What about when a woman invites a man, should she pay?
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rwedatingposted 13 years ago
I think a man should always offer to pay the bill on a date but there are other things to consider.
If you allow him to pay the bill he's only buying dinner and his shouldn't expect his date to put out! He's buying dinner, not sex. They are two very different things!
Just because he offers to pick up the tab doesn't mean you have to let him, you can pay the bill if you feel more comfortable.
I like a date to pick up the bill but will offer to buy the drinks later if I want to continue the date.
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Laura freemanposted 13 years ago
It all depends on who's idea it is...If the woman says "Hey lets do dinner and a movie!" Why shouldn't she want to pay? People think men should always pay. Not true. It will not hurt for the woman to pull out her wallet every once in a while too. But, thats just me. I am a pretty independent person. My boyfriend offers all the time and sometimes I want to be the one paying. It's only fair because he pays "way" more than I do. It's just to say "thank you and I love you"
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ItsThatSimpleposted 13 years ago
I think there is no blanket answer to this question. I agree with a lot of the comment's here. It involves considering the man's means, interpreting his intentions, and a little bit of give and take.
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When a man asks a woman out on a date, should he pay the bill?

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