i hate men i hate men i hate men im lonely ...and its cuz i could have tons of guys but i refuse to be with a jerk which leaves me with no one and im gonna cry and i should seriously write a hub about how love is a SHAM
It's weird, but the best way to attract great men is to get to where you don't need one and aren't thinking about it. Men can sniff neediness from miles away, and all the good ones run at the slightest whiff of it. Take good care of yourself, have fun, do things you enjoy, and the minute start feeling happy on your own and don't need a man, the right one will show up.
Don't ask me why. But that's how it works.
Hang in there. (o:
Dear Lady Luck,
I am saddened that you had to go through so much pain. But I am compelled to share this quote that has helped me in my darkest hour of doubt and despair.
"Doubt of the reality of love ends by making us doubt everything."
May these words help you as much as they had helped me, my friend.
Men are great to be friends with, but not to have a romantic relationship with. That's why I have a lot of male friends and no boyfriend. However, I wouldn't go as far as saying that love is a sham.
Come on, deep down you guys know you love us! (Or at least some of us.)
To attract the kind of partner you want, BECOME the kind of partner that the kind of partner you want, would want.
It's an ugly but true observation that you attract what you believe you deserve.
Change your beliefs, and the jerks will give you a wide berth.
I have so few jerks in my life these days, and the ones that do cross my path tend to take one look and RUN in the other direction. And I feel GOOD about the fact they they do that.
It makes more room around me for the fantastic collection of loving and generous guys I have around me now.
If you're serious about solving this for yourself, I suggest you have a read of this Hub:
http://hubpages.com/hub/How-To-Get-What … nt-In-Life
And my very best wishes for the journey.
It's worth it, I promise you ...
Very well-said, Jenny. I wish I had a collection of loving and generous guys too. All I have now is a collection of goofy and retarded ones. They're nice though :-)
This is by far a myth...Well, maybe not a myth but it makes no sense in reality.
In my last relationship, I was the best person I could be (usually am). I acted the same way before and during the relationship, and still managed to get a jerk. He constantly let me down.
A friend of mine is currently in a similar situation. She is a great girlfriend to her significant other. She pays for most things. Let her girlfriend live with her for a few months, eat her food, use her utilities, and the girl never paid anything in return. The girl is mean, rude, and just plain nasty to my friend, and yes she is nothing of the sort to her girlfriend. Never has been. I've even seen them act this way together. And this girl, thinks highly of herself and usually does not take this crap.
I on the other hand tend to be the welcome mat that you clean your shoes off on, but definitely don't deserve it. I'm glad my life isn't that way currently. But, even still, I don't carry myself as such.
But that's not being "the best partner you can be" or the "partner that you would want your partner to be," that's being a doormat.
In a way yes, but at the same time she asked for money several times, kicked her out a few times. She's done what she could. She's not doing it anymore.
From what I gathered what Jenny was saying, if you carry yourself and act the way you want a significant other to act, you should get that.... But, that doesn't always happen. My friend doesn't act like a jerk, and yet that's what she's gotten. I don't act like an inconsiderate jerk, but I usually get jerks. Although, I will admit I have allowed myself to be treated poorly. But on that note, my current B/F was a jerk for a year in our 2 yr relationship, but has just now realized how he should act- all on his own accord, as I haven't really changed towards him.
Your friend doesn't act like a jerk, no, but what Jenny was saying (imho, obviously - she can feel free to jump in and correct me) is not that you need to become the "perfect partner" but that you need to be the perfect partner for the kind of partner you want. If you want a partner who treats you with respect, you need to respect yourself first.
If you don't respect yourself, you will attract partners over and over again who prey on weak people who lack the self-respect to stand up for themselves, as your friend obviously does. She has not "done what she could" because she is still with the person. If she genuinely believed she deserved better, she would have been able to dump her (him? - sorry, I was a little confused by all the pronouns) for good.
Gamergirl is absolutely right:
Actually, I didn't say that, and as I have been misquoted twice, I obviously wasn't clear the first time. I shall try again.
Picture the partner you want.
Consider the kind of partner that person would want.
Become the kind of partner that person would want (NOT the kind of partner YOU want - the kind of partner THEY would want - not necessarily the same thing at all).
And then check your subconscious beliefs about what you deserve.
How can you tell what you subconsciously believe you deserve?
That's what you get.
What you consciously THINK you deserve don't amount to a hill o' beans. It's puff and wind.
What you subconsciously BELIEVE you deserve is what will show up, over and over and over ...
Until you change your subconscious beliefs.
I hope that's a bit clearer ...
You said it very well I think. I see this in my practice day-in and day-out. Women get out of one abusive relationship just to go into another. When you ask them why, they have no rational reason they can easily identify. Like Inspirepub says tap into your "core beliefs", and find out why you think the way you do. Change those beliefs and you will change the types of men you are attracted to. Abusive men know how to identify women’s personality traits that allow this type of behavior to be perpetrated upon them. Learn how to recognize the abusive personality traits in men and you could avoid the so-called “jerks” out there.
It's just like selling, especially the selling of services. You come up with a target market and think of your ideal client. This is a client that would need your services and you would most enjoy dealing with. Then, you figure out what it is that they want and you make sure that you give it to them. This ranges from the actual service to the way you present yourself. If you can present yourself and deliver just as your ideal client would want then you will be likely to form a mutually beneficial lasting relationship with that person.
Ah, yes, the good ole' subconscious After years of looking into it there have been too many instances where that has proven to be true...for instance concerning men...
you know how it has been said that the kind of relationship you had with your father could have something to do with the kind of relationship you have with men...well, I came to understand that because my father was gone so much working, the pattern my subconscious made out of that was, that men are not emotionally available and should not be expected to deal with stuff, and not only that, but actually women are to pander and pamper them in their inability to not cope or deal with life. Of course I learned this from my mother, that was how she handled it. She had the previous generation's door mat syndrome, which was that women don't matter...she also used to kick the washing machine repeatedly in her frustration !? What does that tell you?
There are so many other little things connected to this , that i had interpreted internally in my own way, that I ended up subconsciously looking for men that were extremely unavailable emotionally (because it was the late 60s, they drank too much alcohol and did enough drugs[pot smoking] to effectively be totally out of touch with their own needs let alone mine).
over and over again, relationship after relationship until I got enough of a clue to start doing some reading about psychology, the sub and un conscious (for instance books by Carl Jung). Now days there are plenty of books out there that interpret things more readily for us. But having to go "digging" into my own consciousness had its pluses!
You did not understand, Whitney
Doesn't matter if you are good or bad on your books. What matters is what the kind of guy you want to have wants to see Do you see the difference?
I did understand. Or at least think that I do. I just did not portray my thoughts accurately when I typed what I did..
From what I understand is that if you act the way you want a person to treat you, and carry yourself that way, you should get that in return. Which is similar to what you said, I think... Basically find out what you want and portray characteristics that, that person would want. Basically treat people how you want to be treated.
I've always done that and usually don't get it in return.
I agree. I ended up with a really abusive guy once, it took a while for it to come out, and a while to get out of it (very complicated), but that doesn't mean I was abusive, or the type of girl that likes to get abused.
Very well said, Jenny. I agree 100%. I've struggled with attracting the wrong people in my life, and also not attracting enough of the right people. Now I'm learning that I have more control over this than I've previously thought.
And that is an excellent hub as well. Makes me want to re-read Think and Grow Rich. Great book.
Sorry, didn't mean to hijack this thread but that's my 3 cents.
As a single woman I have learned it is hard to meet people. I go to church and I read all the self-help books, so I am doing all the right things. I have a positive attitude and many men tell me I am a wonderful person and my future husband will be lucky to be with me. I just want to let you singels know it is not always you, but it is not always them either. More and more we are living in a culture where people are afraid to commit and getting married, so if you are still looking for a soulmate do not think it is any indication you are lacking as a person. Keep up your optimistic and happy attitude and remember it is better to be happy and alone than to feel sad and alone in a relationship. There are many couples out there, but if you observe you will notice they are not all are happy. What I have learned is you should be happy being you and the rest will come if it is meant to be. You cannot force someone to date or marry you and there is nothing wrong with that . Never question who you are, and never change who you are just to be in a relationship. One positive thing about being single is you have so much time for hobbies and volunteer work, and later on it might be harder to arrange these activities. Smile and the world will smile with you.
if u hate men i do believe u have your reasons but i bet it if you meet a real man who is natural and real,you will be the one to say you would love them again
I agree with what Inspirehub has said, how we feel about ourselves pretty much determines who we attract, not only for women, but for men too! My mate had an emotionally abusive ex as did I... When he reached his threshold of not wanting this type of life anymore, and when I had my aha' moment when I realized I deserved a loving, supportive union, the ex left my path. Shortly after, I met my current mate, and we have a great, spiritual friendship where there is mutual love and respect. Neither one of us would expect any less.
There are wonderful men out there, just change how you feel on the inside and you will like a magnet attract a similar partner; birds of a feather do flock together. Nowadays, I keep meeting great guys. My mate's best friend is a psychologist who is a loving, joyful man who treats his wife very well and they have been married for almost 30 years; we have another friend who is quite wealthy, but very down to earth, not into material things, and is great to his girlfriend... I could go and on. When I changed how I felt about myself and what I would allow into my life, I seem to attract a different level of people; people who are genuinely happy with their relationships and life.
I agree with what several others have said: become happy with who you are as an individual, and good relationships will follow. I've seen too many women stick with inappropriate and sometimes downright abusive men because they've been taught to think they NEED a man to be happy. It's not true! Remember, "a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." A good relationship is a wonderful thing, a gift, but in order to have a good relationship with a man who respects you for who you are, you need first to respect yourself. If you can learn to enjoy being single, you will also be able to enjoy being in a relationship.
I agree with Pgrundy! I had been through so many bad relationships that I just said "To heck wit men"! I had a good job, my own apartment, bought my own car and was taking good care of my two girls. When I finally got to the point that I was content with it just being the three of us, I met my soulmate....next door to the apartment I was living in! We have now been married 13 years (will be in July) and loving every minute of it! When you stop looking, love will find you!
I love my man. He is fabulous, but I grew up watching my mom with idiot, jerk man after idiot, jerk man.
Some are jerks, but not all.
Please read my hub called "How Love Saved My Life."
I really do feel like, when we are brought to our knees with sadness and feelings of loneliness, our hearts are opened wide to healing. It sounds strange, I know.
Just let it come, all of it. The tears, the anger, the sadness, let it come, but more importantly - let it pass.
Besides, as the cliche goes, you don't need a man to validate your own worth. You are beautiful, you are awesome, and someone out there loves you. They just don't know it yet.
I guess I can't argue with such logic. You do suck. But, I still don't hate men.
Hey Ladies, don´t listen what Mark said. He was talking about mankind, I´m I right!?
Personally, I also prefer women .
Stacie - there you go. I didn't say you could live without us
Funride - OK that's what I meant.
Me too. Men suck.
In my uneducated and flawed male understanding logic is something along the lines "if this than that". I did not find anything of that kind, hence the question - where did you see the logic?
Where did that sarcastic smilie go?...
You aren't really trying to turn the banter into a discussion on logic are you?
Nope, I'm just kidding around asking for trouble
Isn't it ironic, ladies, that in conversations like these - all the men tend to take this road?!
A man's forte is "asking for trouble" - something they do best.
The sooner men learn that women are in charge.. the better.
Good job Charlotte. What kind of slap? Front or back hand?
Now people are going to start looking at me for laughing...oh, wait, no they won't. I forgot for a sec that I work in the land of loonies.
You slap like a girl though
I still know you're in charge as well.
I don't care who you are, being verbally abused by someone whom you have allowed to mooch off of you and not carry their own weight in a relationship, both financially and emotionally speaking, means LEAVE THEM.
Give and take. Compromise. Cooperation. Respect. Love. Dignity. They aren't just buzzwords.
I think you can look at relationships how you would look at friendships: be the kind of friend that you want to have.
It doesn't mean that this is the perfect answer to finding the "right" person, but it will mean you are doing your part. However, some people are just attracted to jerks. You either need to live with it, or learn to respect yourself enough not to stay with jerks.
Jenny posted: "It's an ugly but true observation that you attract what you believe you deserve."
Well I don't know if that's right seeing as my lack if success in attracting a partner is so bad that I have been single most of my life and yet as a younger guy I had conventional dreams of love and marriage but it has proved even more elusive than getting successful with my music and writing - and I am still looking for my "big break!" I believed I deserved to find a soulmate.
CJ Stone, who is now on Hub Pages too and a very good friend of mine, has said that I go after the most unattainable women and then complain about my lack of success. I used to it is true. But for the last several years I have become used to being on my own, however, with relation to Jenny's comment I have a lady cat in my life and another friend of mine once joked that you get back from the universe what you ask for but when seeking a girlfriend you need to specify the species. You didn't and have ended up with Tiggy! lol
Hi LadyLuck, may I invite you to check this hub http://hubpages.com/hub/MissingPiece
It's a great story about finding your missing piece. Maybe you will find insight on it as well.
Jenny wrote about the subconscious mind and what it thinks it deserves. One way to check this is to see if its a pattern. A set of patterns that occur in our lives for example, falling in love with abusive men, being betrayed and so on...will mean that something is quite not right yet in the subconscious state of your being. Maybe deep down there are issues that needs to be faced--like do you really believe that you deserve to be loved?
The conscious mind of course will answer with a mighty yes. But then again maybe deep down, maybe not yet. But it's good that you are seeking for the answers. It will come, if you so desire. Take care.
this is the best thing I've seen from this thread:
"'it's weird, but the best way to attract great men is to get to where you don't need one and aren't thinking about it."
This is good advice for guys looking for a girlfriend, too. I met the girl of my dreams when I wasn't looking and was comfortable being by myself.
Love is not a sham. I've actually never had a bad relationship (and I'd be willing to be $100s that every girl I've been with would agree that it was a good relationship). Sometimes things don't work out for one reason or another, even if both people are working 100% on the relationship. It's just not meant to be.
But you have to move on and keep living and enjoy things. Don't be bitter, because that will only hurt you in the long run.
It is easy to say what to do to change it, but I don't want to do that. I want to say that I know that in this moment you feel pain and hurt, but as they say "this too shall pass". I have been through A LOT of horrible experiences in my life and have come to realize that with some time and healing(LOTS OF IT!) I have learned from these experiences and become a better person because of it. So you can't force yourself to change overnight, but just focus on you and forget about the men for now. I have noticed that when you are not looking and your in your least favorite outfit and your hair is a mess they all appear.
Life will always be what you make it, you and I both know if you win the lotto you will be like a light bulb of joy, and people will want to be around you, they will want a piece of what you have, you will pull great people to you. Women pick crappie men and push the good ones away for one reason and one reason only. The bad ones make them want to you know, and if you can't turn em on then they will walk all over you. There is an evil in the hearts of all women, it grows as they let Bad boy, after Bad boy walk all over them. They like it, and will hurt you if you don't try to hurt them.
Not all women are like this, think of the kind of women you see around fly boys, astronauts and so on. Guys like lawyers, and doctors, you notice that the stupid women are afraid to speak to them. That's the status you need to portray, and no you don't have to be one of them to be one of them. The kinds of women the feel they can get guys like this are priceless wives they don't have to be told how to do much, to turn you on. They think for them selves, and they keep you coming back. Go for them and your problems will be over. Club girls will destroy you.
That's just the way people are sometimes - I've also been in your shoes. I'm sorry to hear about your broken heart
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