When guys say the want to be left alone do they really mean it?

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  1. Stina Caxe profile image81
    Stina Caxeposted 11 years ago

    When guys say the want to be left alone do they really mean it?

    I think a lot of girls are like me, when I say I don't want to talk to anybody, I usually do want to talk to someone.  Is it different for men?

    1. Keira Luna profile image54
      Keira Lunaposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I feel like its as much or more about maintaining control over their own thoughts and life as it is about sharing emotion. Like I don't know if you use a diary, but imagine if someone wrote, "When girls say, 'please don't read my diary', do they really mean it?". I think for a lot of men and some women taking time to process their private thoughts in private is not about hiding or maintaining distance. Its about excluding other people from trampling all over your thoughts, judging your choices, and running into things you'd like to keep private before you even have had time to process them or know what they are or have anything sorted. Think of it like having a messy room or not. You might actually like someone to help you come into your room and help you clean. But you need a moment to hide the sex toys. Or porn magazine. Or throw out the egregious leftover taco bell bag that's been sitting on the table for a week and would just be _too_ embarrassing for someone else to help with. Or whatever. Obviously the problem is when it gets to a point where there's too much cloisteredness and you're handling ALL your problems yourself. Finding a balance between having enough privacy so that you have a sense of self, separate from that other person, and not being so private from each other that all you know is your guesses and projections about each other (often not always flattering), is probably best.

      1. Sield Wholesale profile image61
        Sield Wholesaleposted 3 years agoin reply to this


    2. dashingscorpio profile image80
      dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

      Men generally mean what they say.
      Very rarely does a guy say the opposite of what he wants. We also don't usually drop "hints" either when we do want something. :-)

      1. Stina Caxe profile image81
        Stina Caxeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        So I guess it's best then to just be a good girl and give the man the space.

    3. duffsmom profile image60
      duffsmomposted 11 years ago

      I think it is important in a relationship to take someone's word. If my husband says he wants to be left alone, then he will be left alone. But he also knows that if he needs me or wants to talk, I will stop whatever I am doing so we can talk.

      People should say what they mean and not play games. If I tell someone I want to be left alone, then I do. If I need someone, I will reach out. We can't expect people to read our minds.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.

      1. Stina Caxe profile image81
        Stina Caxeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        I agree, and that is something I have worked on in the recent past with myself.  I typically don't like to shut people out but there are definitely times I just don't feel like talking.

    4. MickS profile image60
      MickSposted 11 years ago

      If a man asks a woman for sex , and she says, 'no,' does she really mean it? I think you will find the answer is the same.

      1. Stina Caxe profile image81
        Stina Caxeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        I would never say no to my man in that instance! smile

      2. MickS profile image60
        MickSposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        Ah, we weren't refering to a specific man or woman, a man, a woman, is general, non-specific. I would expect couples to not refuse each other. When a man says something, generally, it is not an invitation to debate, to try and change his mind.

      3. Stina Caxe profile image81
        Stina Caxeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        I think my problem is that I just want to jump in and try help when I know someone is upset rather than give them space.  Especially in a relationship, I'd like to feel like knowing I care would at least make a little difference to the person.

      4. MickS profile image60
        MickSposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        Whenever I get into conversation with women, they seem to always take it that everytime I say don't want something they see it as a challenge to try and change my mind. I assure you that many men will see your attitude  as intefering, not helpfull.

    5. Faith A Mullen profile image80
      Faith A Mullenposted 11 years ago

      Having 6 brothers, I would say when guys say they want to be left alone they mean it. I have to admit, though, I usually mean it when I say it too. Perhaps that is the result from having grown up around so many boys.

    6. momfirms profile image60
      momfirmsposted 11 years ago

      When I say it I mean it, but I am a girl. My husband NEVER means it, but I would not know until after. He would say, why did you leave, just after telling me to go.

      Now here is the reality of it, most... all my friends and family say that I am extremely manly and when I dated manly guys in the past, I hated them because we would both mean what we say. There would be no comfort, no softness in the relationship. My husband is feminine and I needed that balance in my life.

      Bottom line 90% of guys mean exactly what they say, the space allows them to clear their heads and that is the only way that they can talk to you without saying something stupid. I have four older brothers and I am a tom boy... what I am saying is almost fact neutral

      1. shon1121 profile image71
        shon1121posted 6 years agoin reply to this

        Such a unique answer.

    7. mathira profile image77
      mathiraposted 11 years ago

      You should understand that a man does not open out as easily as a woman. When he is  facing any problems he likes to be alone as he is  vulnerable at that time and he does not want you to see his emotional upheaval.

      1. theodoresumrall profile image57
        theodoresumrallposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        I agree, Mathira.

      2. Alaina Smith Cain profile image61
        Alaina Smith Cainposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        Wow, I never looked at it that way! But that would make all the sense in the world since a man can never show his weakness of course he would want to be alone! Thanx!

      3. NitroD profile image64
        NitroDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        man here: yes partially true, but sometimes we just like stay alone and doing our old stuff we were used to do. Sometimes women can be boring and oppressive (they always keep on repeat you the same things - we don't actually care if they are right).

      4. Stina Caxe profile image81
        Stina Caxeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        That was pretty harsh Nitro. 
        Mathira, I understand what you are saying.  Thank you.

      5. profile image53
        Jane Eyerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

        hi new here I was toiling with this kind of questions for few days now.  I guy I'm talking to I like him a lot of the way he treats me now just shows he cares.  sudden he says something has happened in his life that will change his future needs that

      6. Mariah McCombs profile image54
        Mariah McCombsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        So what should I do tho ? Marthia

    8. Theophanes profile image89
      Theophanesposted 11 years ago

      I am utterly perplexed by women who say one thing while meaning another. It makes no sense to me... I am a woman, and an introvert, and when I tell someone to leave me alone it's probably best they do so. That being said I have always gotten along better with men than women because my brain seems to work more similarly. I would take their word for it and go chill somewhere else for awhile if one of them told me to leave them alone.

      1. Stina Caxe profile image81
        Stina Caxeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        Good advice, thank you.

    9. profile image0
      Just Nateposted 11 years ago

      Yes, when a guy says he wants to be left alone, that means exactly what he says. Men don't often think one thing but do another as ladies do, lol.

    10. lupine profile image68
      lupineposted 11 years ago

      When a guy doesn't want to talk, he means it.  They are not much on talking or showing emotion, if you insist on making him talk, he will just get mad, and so will you.

    11. howtobeasuccess profile image65
      howtobeasuccessposted 11 years ago

      Since im a guy, i would say yes. Men usually means what they say. This is why when a guy say that a certain relationship is over, it is really over. On the other hand, as what i have observed, when a woman say its over in a relationship, there is still a good chance that his decision could be changed.

    12. cam8510 profile image90
      cam8510posted 11 years ago


      1. cam8510 profile image90
        cam8510posted 11 years agoin reply to this

        Please continue leaving me alone. smile

      2. Stina Caxe profile image81
        Stina Caxeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        LOL  First answer that actually cracked me up.  Good job.

      3. cam8510 profile image90
        cam8510posted 11 years agoin reply to this

        It is a good question and there have been some interesting answers as well.

      4. profile image52
        Sgthesterposted 6 years agoin reply to this


    13. Borsia profile image39
      Borsiaposted 11 years ago

      I certainly mean it when I say it.
      I really don't open up all that much when I have something that I don't want to talk about.
      I require my alone time,,, but it drives my girlfriend crazy.

    14. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image86
      TIMETRAVELER2posted 11 years ago

      In short...yes.  Men, unlike women, sometimes need space and if you invade that space, it only irritates and upsets them.

    15. SunkistGirl profile image60
      SunkistGirlposted 11 years ago

      My hubby says what he means. If he needs space to be alone, then I give him space. I also have moments when I need space to be alone. I may say I don't want anyone to talk to, but once I calm down (most times within about 15 mins!) I am ready to talk and will seek out someone. My advice is take the words literally and leave the door open for conversation should the time arrive that talking is needed.

    16. Kierstin Gunsberg profile image95
      Kierstin Gunsbergposted 11 years ago

      Yes. When a man says he wants to be left alone it's because he actually really wants to be left alone. What a lot of us girls need to understand is that men are human beings with complex thoughts and emotions just like us--but their ways of dealing with the same things can be completely different than ours.

      1. Mariah McCombs profile image54
        Mariah McCombsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        So how long should we leave them alone for?

    17. healthyfitness profile image72
      healthyfitnessposted 11 years ago

      I can't speak for all men, but I sure as heck do! Alone time is very important to me.

    18. AlyssaLashown profile image60
      AlyssaLashownposted 11 years ago

      Your boyfriend tells you to "leave him alone" and you don't believe what he says. "He doesn't mean it," you say to yourself which causes you to call him consistently and possible even go over to his house unannounced. As a result, he doesn't answer... read more

    19. profile image0
      KEPitzposted 11 years ago

      Yes, the guy means it. Men's brains work way differently than women's brains, so you're able to take most of what they say at face value. (Just my opinion after a half a century on this planet observing people!)

    20. CrescentSkies profile image63
      CrescentSkiesposted 11 years ago

      A lot of girls will say the same sentence twice and mean completely different things in each instance. You've probably said you don't want to talk to anybody and meant it at least once.

      Guys are not that weird. When we're overcome with a strong emotion our general "translation guy to girl" mode is off which means we don't sugarcoat what we say.

      to the point: if a guy is angry/sad/etc. enough that he says he wants to be left alone in a serious tone...leave him alone.

    21. Valorie Esquilona profile image61
      Valorie Esquilonaposted 11 years ago

      i think men are more frank and real than women.  I believe when men say they want to be left alone, they really mean it or if they say they don't want to be with you anymore, they really don't want you or to see your face any longer.

    22. tenderLaine profile image67
      tenderLaineposted 11 years ago

      It's quite different for men. When a man says he needs to be alone, he most definitely means it. To rejuvenate and refresh, men retreat into a 'cave,' either physically or figuratively. With no interference from others, a man needing cave time will quite likely emerge ready to tackle anything! Being patient with the process, a wise woman will find this is a win-win proposition, while nurturing a safe atmosphere of mutual understanding and respect.

    23. Harishprasad profile image72
      Harishprasadposted 10 years ago

      This is a typical western behavior and eastern countries were bereft of this trait until they were influenced by the western values and culture. However, a minuscule of the people in the east exhibit such kind of behavior. People rather want company of   someone close to them when they are under stress or sad.    However, men prefer to remain silent when they are facing tough                             times. It is a sign of weakness if men express their helplessness    or if they cry in the face of difficulties. So these  traits " wanting to  be left alone" and preferring to " remaining silent "  coming from  different zones are quite similar though appearing as different.  When analyzed from eastern point of view, I would say, yes,the guys really meant to be quiet though not alone. As for westerners, responses here also confirmed it. You see, men will be men, everywhere !

    24. profile image51
      K Ocasioposted 10 years ago

      Guys have been taught since the dawn of time to bottle things up and I seriously think it's in their DNA now. Just give the guy space but let him know that when he is ready to talk you will be there to listen, and I mean JUST listen. Men tend to also hate when we have to dissect everything they say and feel:)

    25. be grateful profile image60
      be gratefulposted 10 years ago

      yes, I think so.  It is a fair warning before they get really heated or shut-down because they do want to be left alone,  They don't want to verbalize their feelings because it makes them feel bad/sad, they feel guilty, or they're just not an "open-book" like many of us females are.  Walk away from him...give him some time to cool down and reflect...and if he cares he will come to you when he is ready to get back on the same page and talk OR when you re-approach him he may be ready to talk.  If it is something personal to him, and has nothing to do with an argument between you two, than I would respect his wishes and not pry.

    26. lostohanababy profile image57
      lostohanababyposted 9 years ago

      Yes, usually. men are more 'direct' when they tell you something.  When they say 'don't bother me', really mean just that, at that particular moment!   Woman are different, we are usually, I know Iam, 'emotionally' challenged. and sometimes 'moody' that effects most of the time , 'what' I really mean!

    27. Oztinato profile image75
      Oztinatoposted 9 years ago

      No we mean we want to be left alone for a while only.
      No one wants to be alone all the time.

    28. edhan profile image38
      edhanposted 9 years ago

      Well, if a guy says he wants to be alone, it simply means cooling off time for him. This may be different like you but guess we had a different ways to release our stress or frustration. Just some quiet moments will help us to regain. Best not to speak to your guy until he is ready to speak with you.

    29. profile image0
      swilliamsposted 9 years ago

      Yes, they really mean it. Leave him alone. if you keep bugging him, he will storm out of the house. It starts at an early age. Yep. Just leave him alone.

    30. SteveWilson79 profile image60
      SteveWilson79posted 9 years ago

      While I agree men are less likely to say one thing and mean another, there are exceptions. Ask a guy how he's doing. He will most likely say "not bad, not bad" and the conversation will dry up.
      Things are probably not that amazing in his daily life, but it's easier than telling every single one of his acquaintances his personal problems. I do it all the time, specially with colleagues and people I hardly know.

    31. sweetpikez profile image68
      sweetpikezposted 9 years ago

      In most cases, guys really mean what they say. If they want space, they really want it. But in some instances, this is a clue that they want their partner's caress. So, we girls must know how to read between the lines.

    32. Joel Diffendarfer profile image86
      Joel Diffendarferposted 9 years ago

      My "quick" answer is yes...and no...
      I've raised 9 children and have experienced the need to be alone not only from the kids from time to time, but also, from my wife.  The thing is, it has work both ways in order to work.

      On the other hand, the desire to be alone sometimes actually means...I don't want to be around you--usually because I need for you to be quiet so that I can think about something you said.  Give me the time to do it...men process slower and want to consider their words. 

      Sometimes, it has nothing to do with you...or about being left alone...I could say I want to be left alone, but really what I want is to be with my brother Dave to "pal" out together...Give me my man time...it won't take long and I will begin thinking about nothing but of you.

    33. AlyssaLashown profile image60
      AlyssaLashownposted 9 years ago

      I wrote a hub about this. You should check it out smile

    34. Rae-LeighDawn profile image60
      Rae-LeighDawnposted 9 years ago

      Yes. If you push they'll just ignore you more.

    35. mastergreen profile image62
      mastergreenposted 9 years ago

      If a guy says leave him alone, that means leave him alone. Don't think why he said that, for how long, etc. When one feels better, one usually calls their loved ones. So yes, he will call you back but you gotta give him time. It's normal and yes, men mean what they say mostly. So just go with the words and don't try to analyze that much. We are mostly a happy-go-lucky group i think. Good luck.

    36. Autum Roberts profile image60
      Autum Robertsposted 9 years ago

      In most cases, it's not any different. Like if you had a fight, there needs to be a cooling down time. Then you go back and talk it out. One thing that creates more of a idea that there is a "problem", is not understanding that women or men are hurt. Just like when you get a cut, you clean it and put a band-aid on it. The "cut" is the fight or problem you're having, the "cleanser" is talking, and the "band-aid" is the knowing that the pain will heal and the bond is stronger. If communicating your feelings in a positive way is hard for you, it might just be just as hard for them. People always need to talk and have their voice heard, it's just we all need a comforting ear.

    37. evancat profile image64
      evancatposted 9 years ago

      Usually if a man says something, he means it. This is where men and women vastly differ. Now, if you are speaking of a boy, then the answer could be either. A grown man should not be telling you to leave him alone if he is in need of an ear to vent to.

    38. frantisek78 profile image79
      frantisek78posted 9 years ago

      Yes, especially when being annoyed by ridiculous questions.

    39. profile image0
      Joshtheplumberposted 9 years ago

      Absolutely. But just for a little while. He needs to miss you sometimes before he'll act right. Just don't fill your time with other men. If you believe he has other women, you will feel as if you are being cheated on regardless of whether you actually are and treat him accordingly. This will tempt him to. Please stop this torture. It is possible for a man to control himself if he knows that no man but him can have you. He just needs to come to grips with the fact that there are 2 types of women: you, and everyone else.

    40. Peter Wathituni profile image59
      Peter Wathituniposted 8 years ago

      If a guy says he wants to be left alone he means exactly that. Take every word a man says seriously.

    41. cperuzzi profile image91
      cperuzziposted 8 years ago

      Most of the time we mean exactly what we say. 

      There are some times... I grant you... that despite saying that we want to be alone, we need someone to fight us on it.  The emotion needs to be extreme though and you should never anticipate your man not telling you exactly what he means.  However, on those very rare occasions when , we need someone to stay with us regardless - we aren't in our right mind.

      If you really need to know ask him if he's sure... twice.  Then tell him when he's ready to talk to call you.

    42. Qmarpat profile image61
      Qmarpatposted 8 years ago

      I would take them at face value, especially if it is somebody I wasn't married to. If it was just a friend, I would feel the same way about him, he wouldn't have to worry about me. I wouldn't go second guessing men like that. One that doesn't want to be bothered, why frustrate yourself? When there are so many other people who want to talk to you or spend some time. A guy who told me that can let the Devil take his soul to Hell through his nearest exit.

    43. profile image0
      lisasuniquevoiceposted 8 years ago

      When guys say they want to be left alone, they do mean it. I have eight brothers and I know what I'm talking about. They need their space just like us girls. Think about it, don't you really need plenty of time to do the things you need to do? Well, they do too. The only difference is that they're not in there primping and putting on make-up with their time. Maybe they're watching or playing sports or something.

    44. Christopher Jay T profile image68
      Christopher Jay Tposted 8 years ago

      I can only speak for myself, but when I say leave me alone I mean it.

    45. Payal N Naik profile image61
      Payal N Naikposted 8 years ago

      Unlike girls, guys are very much straight forward in what they say. If a guy wants to be left alone, consider that he really means it. We girls try to analyze things too deeply and consider that everyone thinks like us. we always try to over think and always put ourselves in the same situation,which creates too much confusion and dilemma for us. We start predicting and analyzing things,but that's not always the case. Leave him alone for few days. After few days try talking to him politely on what is wrong with him and ask him if you can do anything to make him feel good.

    46. hubsy profile image68
      hubsyposted 8 years ago

      I really don't think that guys are hiding what they mean when they say things. I think that they usually mean what they say, unlike girls, so yes they mean leave the a lone. I also think that guys want space a lot more than girls and really hate being stifled.

    47. Evane profile image61
      Evaneposted 8 years ago

      Yes, they mean that. And I am saying that based on experience. Men are firm with their decision. But if you know what can please him, then you might be able to change his mind. It's just about knowing what he loves the most and not. smile

    48. choneycutt profile image68
      choneycuttposted 8 years ago

      A lot of guys are not like that.  We hate being babied or pitied when we are feeling down.  If a guy says leave him alone, do it for both his and your sake.  The women I have dated do always pull the stunt where they say they want to be left alone but they do not really mean it.  I will always be confused by this difference in preference.

    49. passionatelearnr profile image83
      passionatelearnrposted 8 years ago

      I do not know what they mean by that but its better to leave them alone when they ask for it.

    50. alekdo profile image59
      alekdoposted 8 years ago

      This depends upon the situation. As far as men are more straightforward, many of them really mean what they say and their words don't have any hidden contexts. I would recommend you taking into account the situation that made the guy tell these words and, of course, your relationships.


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