I do not call these feelings from the past or beckon them to haunt my days, my nights. They are simply there, unannounced and completely in control of whatever I was feeling or planning. Without fail, there is the absence of your presence. It...
If the shear creativity, wisdom and beauty of the people who are in my life could be harnessed into a single beam of light, it would shine brighter than the sun. If directed toward creating peace throughout the entire world, it could be accomplished...
The grass had grown in just this place to cushion her, the branches spread themselves precisely, leaves positioned only to provide her shade. Even the sun conspired to perfectly deliver warmth without blinding light or burning rays. As she lay,...
Last night, there was a power failure. I was folding the laundry and suddenly found myself in complete darkness, no street lights, no car lights, just black on black. So, did I stand there and wait for the power to come back on? No, I struck out,...
Foolishness, all of it for in the end, all takes leave everyone departs and must walk their own path It is not those who die we should mourn but those who are left behind It matters not the care that’s taken the vulture still waits and...
Life went on and I didn’t hear from him for a while and had no luck reaching him at the mother of his daughters, though I did leave a message. Then one day I got a call and he was in town, at the truck stop, with his rig! He was an over the road...
I have nearly driven myself into a frenzy trying to forget this person from my past and have examined and re-examined what possibly could cause me to dream of him so often or have his memory come sneaking up on me when I least expected it. I had...
If you’ve not read the original and the series entitled, “Memories We Share”, some of this will not make sense to you. The only summary I can give is that the first deals with memories of a young man who helped to save my life and the second...
Photo: Cindy Wilson/Telegraph-Journal Ida brought a single cup of coffee to the table and sat down, trying to ignore the chair across from her, now unoccupied. She had started to make his toast again this morning but this time caught she herself...
The threadbare weave covers me again and even though I protest I also can not deny, nor do I truly wish it to cease forever It matters not where or what a night sky foreboding clouds covering the moon or sultry breeze only adding to the...
The following, is my life depicted in word and video clips of one of my favorite movies, “A Chorus Line.” You need to watch the videos in sequence with the writing to understand. Unfortunately, the source of some of the videos is going to say...
The wife of a Viet Nam Vet shares her view of the man she loves, newly home from the war. What was it like for the spouses way back then?
She snuggles her head into the pillows and pulls the covers up tight around her shoulders hoping they will feel as if she’s being held by her lover. For weeks now he has come to her in her dreams and even the bad dreams are better than life...
She’d been toying with the idea, letting it tumble around with all of the other thoughts that whizzed through her mind at neck breaking speeds. Why should she bother? What would it matter? But then again, why shouldn’t she, it might make a...
photo - http://baltimorespectator.blogspot.com/2010_06_01_archive.html Sick of dying Sick of death Waiting for his final breath I want to scream I want to cry I want now only To say good bye NOT TO HIM To death and gloom It fills every corner of...
I’ve recently found a writer online who had MPD, Multiple Personality Disorder. She has been able to integrate these personalities and is doing quite well, especially considering the absolute Hell of her childhood. She and I have had a few short...
http://pictures-of-historic-nacogdoches.com/617abandoned.jpeg “Carly! Did you hear me calling you girl?” Mama’s voice broke through Carly’s daydream like a wrecking ball through a dilapidated old house. “Yes, Mamn, I am coming right...
I’ve had another bout of writer’s block, or at least that’s what I thought it was. I pondered this situation, reading others stories and poetry and all it did was make me even more sure that I have nothing worth writing about. I don’t...
Her voice of guilt comes on breezes blown through windows I have not the strength to close I stuff fingers in my ears to block the mocking sound Yet she, unrelenting, follows there, always knowing where I can be found On golden days with...
You stalked me for days, returning to the place you knew I could always be found. Why you chose me I do not understand. Maybe you envied my almost perfect skin or my shape, beguiling to many. I have heard the horror stories of this senseless...
Your presence has been with me for over twenty years now, never quenching my scorched silent desires. I have created a you, as an escape from my mental anguish, a you that never was and never could have been. We have been rejoined a thousand times...
As I sit savoring my morning coffee in a house warm enough to ward off the Fall chill, I swallow a handful of medication my older human system now requires. But I have the means to acquire my needs and I am struck with overwhelming gratitude for...
copyright by Phoenix51 Photo by Author - Old Iron Bench Older and alone is not a state void of emotion. It is, indeed, filled to the brim with self-reflection, longing, memories and dreams. Hours there linger. The sand of the hourglass falls...
photo by /alanklughammer.com Comes the Winter snow flakes falling You see them sparkle I hear death calling Who decides what’s right for me? because you love me Set me free You hear only words of hope I have...
Your eyes hold that glassy stare this morning that tells me you are in there somewhere but buried deep. You walk past me without a word as I say good morning and head for the front porch. “Where you going, hun?”, I ask trying to keep the...
You are still asleep this morning and I enjoy the solitude and my coffee. I feel guilty that I enjoy time when you are asleep but logic screams in my ear that any respite, no matter how short, allows me to regroup, calm myself and hopefully will...
Google images It was Saturday morning, August 13th. As you woke, I asked how you how you were feeling. “Rough” you replied and I told you it was time for your morning pills. I handed you the daily sleeve of pills for your medication box...
On July 30th you announce you are going to die on July 31st. You have expressed deep concern about my financial well being and have decided that if you pass away at the end of the month you will some how beat the government’s system of taking back...
It has been 12 days since this and much much more has happened! Here's the beginning of the new developments. A little after 1:00 a.m. I woke to find our cats Tiger and Lil-bit on my chest. Lil-bit was having strong contractions and...
cartoon via Google pictures A quart of hot coffee, creamer and two ice cubes fly out of your hand and thankfully past you and onto the table, chair and carpet with only a few drops on you and your shirt. The lidded cup was no match for the...
Flickr pictures Lynn ran with all of her might and cut across the railroad tracks taking a path she used to knock a couple of blocks off the walk back the hotel. It was not only faster but closer to the river, a view her eyes were always ready...
Google pictures It is not the young lovers who stroll, arms around each others waists that I envy. It is the old couple helping each other walk down the street, hand in fragile hand, slowly making their way home to spend their evening together...
Lynn had been constantly weighing her options as soon as she’d made eye contact with this jerk and knew in the pit of her stomach that he was some kind of trouble. He sure wasn’t no preacher and it seemed awful funny that he turned up here and...
It was too late to try hiding like the little mice so Lynn stuck out her chin, squared her eleven, almost twelve, year old shoulders and assumed what she hoped was an intimidating pose. “Whatca doin’ in here?” She made her voice deep like...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/graph_ite/3220612583/ The tiny store smelled of old paper, stale coffee and wood polish and it was one of Lynn’s favorite places in the world. The creaky old wood floors let the owner know the location of any...
My Mother has died at the hospital, in the city where we used to live, three days ago and yours is now in the hospital with bone cancer and pneumonia. She has chosen not to be treated for either, but kept comfortable. It is Memorial Day weekend and...
The sun shines on tender tendrils of a vine that climbs my window. Puffy white clouds float in blue skies and all appears right in the world … if you focus. Friday afternoon I started feeling the pounding of my pulse in my neck and chest....
Google Images To the tune of “My Favorite Things” Blood drops on pavement and slicing knives ready Pale murdered corpses the smell is so heady Body bags filling with life’s throw a-ways These are the things my mind brings me...
Author's photos Take me to that place again that we have been before where leaves torn from trees are food for your plastic dinosaurs Let’s go into your tent and have a picnic with your stuffed animals all in attendance and where...
A nurse, a spiritual adviser and a social worker walk into a bar and … No wait … that’s a prelude to a joke. Yesterday your other Hospice nurse paid a visit and brought a huge box to hold all of your pills in neat little compartments,...
Our old flag still flying 7/4/11 Lightening struck battered by icy winds tattered edges still unfurl who can imagine him not being in this world? scars? well, yes old battles won and lost he holds on still for my sake but to...
The morning sun and the sound of you stirring about, wakes me from my all too short sleep. I stumble for the bathroom and then to the coffee pot. I put in an extra scoop as if it will ward off the fatigue that has permeated every fiber of my being....
The moon cries tears of stars and the sun is washed away by fear avenues of pain and empty futures gut wrenching pain gushes and engulfs muscles spasm, teeth grit and eyes burn from lack of closing even the shadows cringe at the sound that...
Dying alone, was never meant to be Let me put my arms around you Tell your fears and hopes to me We have been together For as long as I remember And will be so now as we journey … Down The Dying Path My husband has COPD - Chronic...
The thunder shakes the very foundation of our house and lightening strikes like a cobra, closer, more threatening with each flash. I watch as people hurry to their cars and struggle to see the roads they drive to their jobs, to their normal lives. ...
Clatter Ruckus Commotion everywhere! “All I want is some quiet. Is that too much to ask – just some peace and quiet?” He slammed the door to his makeshift den and stuffed his fingers into his ears, which wasn’t an easy feat...
You want And you need You’re getting in My way I desire You Expect It can’t be Both ways You do not matter You have no worth I have certain Rights Given me by my birth You are a...
This hub was written some eighteen months ago but I have chosen it as my contribution to the H.O.W. challenge founded by fellow writer, Bill Holland. Many have joined together to bring an awareness that, banded together, we can make a difference....
“If you want to do this by yourself just say so and we will gladly leave! I don’t have the wealth of time that you do to sort though each and every piece of paper Mom has hoarded all of these years and the landlord wants this property ready to...
I watch my husband of twenty-three years leave for his visit with his doctor and have a flashback of letting go of my five-year old son’s hand so he can go into the kindergarten class with the other kids. It is the progression of life...
I will be sixty this year and I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how my life has changed. From some of the articles I’ve been reading by folks in my age range, I believe there is a lot of this going on. There seems to be three groups of...
The sun was shining, deceivingly illuminating and casting tiny shadows that appeared harmless. The day beckoned me to join in, to shed my protective layers and relax in its warmth. As I peered from my window I saw many who had heeded the call and...
I awake and wonder where I am and how I have come to be in this place. You are here and your presence fills my being, I am once more alive and young, full of energy and longing … for you. Even though you are here, your life is full to the...
Dark night She paces the floor Will he come home And begin calling her,” WHORE!” Should she try to make A break for it If he catches her leaving It’s all over she knows Better stay and chance a beating Just...
Longing for freedom To ride on the wind Set my face forward Not come back here again Why can’t I leave here I really must go To stay here won’t do me It’s killing me slow To feel how the wind plays With strands of my...
Somewhere and somehow I got old Believing all the lies they told I never used to think it true Believed every word About the Red, White and Blue Now please don’t get me wrong And think I don’t respect All that...
Fabric threadbare Shallow eyes Mouth turned downward From all the lies Said they’d always be the best Now no one is here As they’re laid to rest Gave it all And gave it again But they pulled em back Let...
Which way to go A decision to make One that isn’t so easy My life it may take I’ve put in my time God knows I have tried So many tears Witnessed, and cried Should I play out my hand Taking the ultimate chance...
The oxygen unit is much louder than the portable he used to use. This hums and makes a shish, thump noise as is shoves life giving air into his lungs. I have developed a love/hate relationship with this beast. It lives next to the bed on his side...
I heard a comment about pain. It was said that sometimes a person actually manifests physical pain because the psychological pain they have is too difficult to deal with. If that is the case, bring on the physical pain. Let’s get it over with. ...
Lynn and her children did move to Iowa City where she lived for the next thirteen years. Her children grew to love the city and had many more cultural advantages both in school and in meeting people from all over the world. Lynn’s life too was...
On the drive to Iowa City, Lynn’s mind wandered back to the day she had met Bobby. Never would she have believed her life would take such twists and turns. What cruel cloud hung over her, parting to expose the sunshine and hope of a new life...
There is nothing on this earth I look forward to more than my weekly visits with my, just turned, six year old granddaughter. I can be in the worst mood, aching from head to toe, my Depression threatening to pull me under for the third time but one...
As her car drove off I checked my purse, knowing before I looked I didn’t have car fare. Oh why did I wear these blasted high heels? Well, because that is what she would expect. I am always to do what is expected of me. After walking a...
A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided. ~ Tony Robbin “And furthermore”, she said, looking over her half-eye glasses, “repeating the same actions over...
We started out so delicious And then you turned vicious What was on your mind that day We made love and shared love And all was good Then you laughed and just walked away I followed your footprints To see where you’d gone...
Add all ingredients Even the deviants They hide well under Pleasant sounding tones Pound out the heartache The core comes out easily It only needs twisted, then torn Decorate the edges with never meant pledges ...
It should come easier and quicker since repeated so many times. Tuck the memories back into the crevices, fold up poems written, letters penned and never sent. Take out my present life and look hard in the mirror. Touch the memories and find some...
My grand baby learning to love Sometime in my early forties I started seeing a therapist. I was fortunate to find one with whom I felt an immediate comfort and someone who would listen to everything I had to say without a hint of judgment. It...
Lynn had sat by the river thinking and planning oblivious to time but as the sun disappeared behind clouds that had rolled in her attention was brought back to her surroundings. She noted the time and reluctantly headed for the car. She stopped...
Lynn had made a decision that was, at the time, the only one her circumstances seemed to allow. She and Bobby had discussed the dangers of her contacting the Spear’s accountant but she knew him to be an honest man, not one who would risk his...
A poem for all of us who have had to come to terms with our childhood.
In British Isles folklore, Jack Frost appears as an elfish creature who personifies crisp, cold, winter weather, a variant of Old Man Winter. Some believe this representation originated in Germanic folklore specifically in the Anglo-Saxon and Norse...
Memoir excerpt about an adult child trying to come to terms with her Mother's untreated mental illness.
I look deeply, studying the lines in her face, the turned down mouth Her eyes are flat – blue – maybe gray The hair is dull and has no particular shape Who is she? Why is she here? Her eyes will not rise to meet mine but I...
I wasn’t always like this You wouldn’t look away if only you could see me Back in the day Back in the day I had an office I had a secretary too I commanded everyone’s attention Never guessed it would be through ...
So, what about this new kid, what’s she got to show? Don’t know. Where’s she from? What’s she done? They say she’s got a stone for a heart. Takes no prisoners. Well, I don’t think she’s so much! No? Why not then?...
There are many faces of Depression. Lack of energy, the inability to concentrate, self loathing and trouble maintaining personal care are just some of them. This hub is about a woman who has had Treatment Resistant Clinical Depression for over...
I didn’t want to be the one who told you but she has left me behind to pass on the news of her leaving. She struggled for so many years from Depression and Anxiety disorders that left her a prisoner in her own home, in her own mind. She fought...
For my readers who have been following the "I Still Look For You" memoir, this is a peek at the final chapter. I don't know of an author who didn't see the end coming to their own story, but this happened to me. I wish tonight that this was a work...
Winter reluctantly admitted defeat to spring that year after several attempts to discourage new beginnings. For Lynn, every day was a challenge both at work and home. While Traci was in a self contained class for kids with ADHD and behavioral...
The next couple of months, Lynn was happier than she’d been in a long time. She found that the bookkeeping was not nearly as difficult as she had imagined although the logic escaped her that a rent subsidy could be so high that the tenant was...
The foreman took Lynn to the break room after another worker helped her to her feet and she managed to make it to the water fountain to get the cold water splashed on her face. “You pregnant?” he narrowed his eyes at her, ‘Cause it says...
Up until today, Lynn had avoided attending Group but after all she had experienced of this place she wasn’t concerned with what Nurse Rogers had to dish onto her plate. She should have learned caution instead of the bravado she now felt. ...
At least smile at me or lie As you lead me in the spiral down And down Down unto my demise If not a smile for me, then you Your triumph Curl up your lips in a snarl if that is your will Even razors cut Bullets...
The little window in the door slid open and Janis, the nice nurse that had gone over the rules with Lynn and brought her belongings was peering in. “Lynn? Lynn, listen to me hun, as soon as you calm down we’ll get you out of here. Your doctor...
Lynn had learned a great deal from her roommate, Jenny, the night before. First of all, even if she didn’t have off ward privileges, she could give money to another resident and they could buy what she needed. Jenny paid her back the...
one flew over the cuckoos nest Zach wasn’t used to anyone crossing him and this little snip of a woman would get hers and he’d see to it. Smart mouthed little bitch, just like all the rest. Lynn wandered over to the tv area, tired of dealing...
“See the one in the corner? She came in late last night. One of Dr. Pinden’s. Came banging on the door, honest to God – practically demanding to be let in. “Not too many trying to get in are there? We’re trying to keep them – JOHN IT...
Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind …. She read his obituary in the online newspaper of the town they had lived in. She stumbled across it, looking instead for information of a funeral that her daughter-in-law needed to...
picture from Photo-bucket - two sources Lynn declined pleas to join everyone bowling and watched comfortably with her legs pulled under her in the soft booth. This was one area where Tim would excel from his weekly trips with his Dad. Bill had...
Morning sunshine, Tim, Traci and Kurt found Lynn and Bobby asleep on the sofa wrapped in each others arms and half covered with a throw. Bobby was the first to wake, in part because his brother didn’t believe in quiet. “Well, lookey here! ...
Lynn pulled into the lot, parking near the office. So this was the complex she might be managing she thought to herself, trying not to be intimidated by its size. Two hundred and fifty-six units compared to the combined total of one hundred...
In the following months, Lynn would have to be tougher than she had been in her life. Her further cooperation with the investigation against her employer took her deeper into secrets she didn’t want to know and further out onto the thin ice that...
Lynn liked the new house, well rather the woods right next to it on one side and the cornfield that butted right up to the dirt driveway on the other. She spent most days in the thick woods of trees tangled and muted from much larger trees that cut...
MY JOURNEY THROUGH INSANITY – THE EARLY YEARS – continues It was bitterly cold and darker than any night Lynn had ever seen. She wanted to be home in her warm bed. Her Mom said they couldn’t run the car heater because somebody might...
SOME PEOPLE OUGHT NEVER BE PARENTS Lynn’s Mother, was one woman who should have never had children. She would agree so don’t think I’m being disrespectful here. I know you’re not to speak ill of the dead and she did the best she could...
I STILL LOOK FOR YOU – Part 16 Lynn saw the doctor later that day and discovered her ribs were bruised but not fractured. The cut above her eye should have had stitches but it was too late. The scar would remain for the rest of her life, the...
Each year, I find it more and more difficult to find that magic that once filled me from the day after Thanksgiving until well after the last present was unwrapped on Christmas morning. As I get older and there are no children in my house to feed...
I Still Look For You – Part 15 `She had found an Ace wrap and Traci helped her put it around her wrist but she knew she would have to go into the doctor on Monday. She showered, put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt needing the comfort and warmth...
I STILL LOOK FOR YOU – PART 14 Bill stepped away from her, slid the knife under the desk and opened the door to the office.“Yes, Officer, how can I help you?” Lynn slid past him on legs as weak as a new born lamb’s and saw an officer...
She couldn’t see the parking lot from her bedroom but she knew it was Bill’s car. She clawed at the register that held the gun but then she heard the door knob turn downstairs and the door open freely. Confused, she started down a few stairs,...
THE LINK TO PART 13 IS NOW APPROVED AND WORKING - thank God and TeamHub! I STILL LOOK FOR YOU – PART 12 Bobby laughed at her the next morning over coffee. “You were out before we closed the door,” he chided. Lynn was afraid she had...
I STILL LOOK FOR YOU – PART 11 The Monday after Thanksgiving break found Lynn on the phone with her attorney’s secretary and Bobby, with Kurt in tow, at her front door ready to take the kids to school. The kids had been together over the...
I STILL LOOK FOR YOU - PART 10 Lynn drove aimlessly for awhile, trying to calm the kids and reassure them that she would get their jackets and while, no, they would not be having Thanksgiving with their Dad, they could still have an enjoyable...
I STILL LOOK FOR YOU – PART 9 On the drive to Bill’s, Lynn tried to develop some sort of strategy to get herself and the kids away from him safely without having to spend the night and before things turned as ugly as she knew they could....
I STILL LOOK FOR YOU – Part 8 Thanksgiving was coming and the kids would be out of school for the next few days. Lynn decided to use this time to go and visit her sister and just get away from all of the mess that seemed to be piling up more...
I STILL LOOK FOR YOU – PART 7 Lynn did her best to keep all expression from her face attempting to ignore this bomb shell Kurt had dropped on her lovely morning. “Oh, so I’m making French Toast – staying then?” She didn’t wait for...
I STILL LOOK FOR YOU - PART 6 Bill had been in the house. “I can get in your house you fool, any time I want to. I was in the closet in your bedroom, close enough to take you both out if I wanted.” Those were the words she expected from...
I STILL LOOK FOR YOU – PART- 5 One of the obstacles of leaving an abusive relationship when you have children with the perpetrator is allowing visitation. At this time there were no agencies that facilitated supervised visits to ensure the...
Even though this house was a temporary home for Lynn and her children she loved it and enjoyed its beauty every day. Her boss and owner of the apartment complexes she managed knew all too well of the state her marriage was in and was glad to help...
I Still Look For You continues – 2 Exhausted, she had fallen asleep on Bobby’s couch. She awoke to the touch of his fingers, running through her hair gently pushing it away from her face, her mouth. “The kids?” she asked urgently....
“Come with me”, he held out his hand to her. She would have followed him to the end of time at that moment. “There are trails over there, by the bluff – let’s go!”He laughed, pulling her up the slope. “Slow down, youngster, I...
Learning Early She was the new kid in class grades K-6, once attending as many as three schools in a year. Terrible at sports, barely adequate in her studies and a complete failure at making friends, she found love and acceptance with the family...
Michael Joseph He paid for his night out with a copy of True Romance and a Snicker’s. Propped in bed with three pillows, she devoured both trying to ignore the gnawing pains in her back. Saying this sixteen year-old was naive, was a...
Soon coming in book form and Kindle, this series of memoirs written by a young woman who meets the one person who can help her climb her way out of an abusive relationship. Heartache, love, friendship and lifelong memories entice the reader to follow this story to the close.