What Does He Really Want From Me?

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WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO..?

This is the story of Jenny, a typical 24 year old graduate from Lehigh University in Bethlehem Pennsylvania. The regular girl next door. A cheerleader in her prime...

She shared her experiences with me. Why me?

She told me how hard was to commit with a guy nowadays. She graduated with a PhD in Economics and has a decent job in Manhattan. Her parents gave her the best education she could ever wished. Well, that's what we thought!

The thing is... she was the only child to her the parents, and missed the company of a brother or at least a sibbling.

Her Halloween nights were boring and on Christmas she always had to visit her uncles and her cousins. Nonetheless, she was always missing something deep within.

Here is the story

She dated four guys in nine months and broke up as soon as they wanted to have sex or were getting too impatient with the outcome. Some even got violent in the relationship.

"These guys today, all they want is to get in your pants and treat you like a piece of 'garbage' and move on. What's wrong with this world?" she said.

I asked her why fout guys in nine months? "I have a decent job making 68 grand a year. My apartment in Jersey city is half way paid off and... I think is time to settle down with 'Mister right', don't you think so?"

I told her that unfortunately quality of men has gone down the drain and what they really wanted was a "quick fix", and the hunt for an honest guy is not only hers. By the time she reaches 30, probably she will have met a dozen more. Talking about cheaper by the dozen?

"What do you advise me then?" she inquired. I tried to tell her that, humm, honestly if the guy is not worth even the try, she should focus on her own self. "But I have my own needs, you know? This is ridiculous. How can they say...Why do they think of us as whores, when we tell them the truth?" funny but she was raising her voice and her eyes were looking for answers...REAL ANSWERS!

I tried to be impartial, since I'm a guy too, and explained to her that every generation carries a hidden load of diminished quality. I'm a history buff, I told her that part of the problem started after all these wars, starting from World war II, passing through Korea, Vietnam and lately the Persian Gulf. Society itself has forgotten about this real love 'thing' that women look for and unfortunately I don't see a way out, unless we change society as a whole.

"You are scaring me now Joseph. No wonder Barry was such an asshole. I wanted to walk through the Mall and probably get that quality time in knowing him. All he was worried was about his cellphone and his own time. When he kissed me behind this Stand filled with perfumes, at the mall, he asked me to go to a Motel and I said no!!

You know what was his answer?" she looked at me almost in tears. Unconsciously she grabbed my hands as support

"He got mad and told me that he didn't want to waste his time with 'puritan Mary'"

I was feeling for her and...gosh!, tried again to... listen to her words. "Andrew was more polite, but there was something really strange in his behaviour; he always wanted to use my perfume and was a good critic about my undies colors.

Was that a fetish? On the third week, I caught a text message from his friend called Larry who wrote this, 'I will date you back again. Was a mistake to go back to my ex wife. Love ya!'"

I was getting sick as she continued. How could this be? I mean... she was not bad looking. Her body was in good shape. She had it all, except a man. I was trying to come up with some answers and she was waiting for a good one. Where are my FB friends to help me?

"Neil was a fitness trainer and we did click it from the beginning. He was charming and a real gentleman, but the problem was his ego and alcoholic problems transformed his whole personality."

I told her that there had to be a reason for all that and she said right away that, hum, "His dad was in Vietnam in his youth and when he was born in 1980. His father was already having issues with alcohol."

The more she was telling me. the more I was feeling for her. All was getting to a point that, she just wanted to cry on my shoulder. We were having this conversation at a 'Starbucks' Cafe in Downtown Manhattan. We met by chance. Actually I poured some of my coffee on her dress and I offered to buy her another cup of coffee. "Are you a Psychologist," she asked. "No, I'm a freelance writer and my regular job has to deal with the printing Industry."

"But how come you are like... a good listener?" I told her that it was the way I was raised. My mother was a single mom, and probably was keen to listen to women with certain respect.

"You don't even push it, like these stupid losers. I mean, it feels like I already know you, " she said as she finished her last sip.

"Nicola was this Art Designer from Eastern Europe. His blue eyes were stunning but, he also had a girlfriend with 1 baby in Budapest and eventually told me that he was hanging on to me for a green card."

There we go again, I said! What a bad luck; going from bad to worst! He even showed me his baby's pics, thinking I was gonna feel sorry for him and help him out. I had to change my number and close my gmail account. Actually," she said worried, "I had to change jobs because he was becoming an stalker and wouldn't leave me alone. You see now what women have to go through?"

Her eyes were tired, and I wanted to say something but I just kept my koolness. "So why are you still single?" I said that after a divorce, I was not really ready to look for a serious relationship and those free dating sites really suck!. "So, you just want sex like the others, huh" I said that I was going with the flow... and work and writing was taking my time. Sex was a secondary thing for me. "You are such a liar! Oh my god! Then you are gay, tell me the true!" She made me laugh, and I told her that I was not!', over and over... Then she made this lady Ga-ga move on me to make me laugh. Her poker face was hilarious, but now she was becoming the hunter. Was I wrong?


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"Josh was my last date, he had it all. He was a Mechanical Engineer with a masters degree from NJIT. all was cool and getting to the point that I really wanted to marry him. Sexually he was my type. Strong hands, soft talking. He drove me nuts. But here we go again... He was married!, and never told his wife about us. Of course not, she would've dumped him right away. He just... he was just another player and took me on that ride for 6 weeks."

She was searching in my eyes for an answer and suddenly saw myself a tear going down her face. She excused herself and headed for the bathroom for 2 minutes. When she came back, she told me that she was ready to leave and, "was nice meeting me."

I was wrong right? She was kind of upset, but a little relieved. "I want to thank you for listening to my messed up life. You were kind enough to take your time to listen to my shit. I need to take care of myself and then take care of the world." I apologized for any misunderstanding or bad feelings.... well she never let me finish; she just walked out and didn't want to show me her crying. Damn! What was wrong with me?

She was crossing the street and without knowing it... yep! She was about to get hit by a Taxi driver. I ran out of the Starbucks... and pushed her to the other side of the road. Barely I missed the front end of that yellow monster, saving her life and her nice... smile. She was in shock and thanked me for my action. Shaking and in tears..she wanted to hug me, but she refrained for a moment...is a slow motion of exchange of.feelings we felt some empathy.

Her tears were giving me that sign... and I cleaned those tear drops with my own fingers.

All I said was, "you want to go out again? Don't you want...? You know...I feel sorry..never mind. Do you want to go out again?" That was it. She composed herself and certainly agreed; her smile was charming and cute!. Her eyes sparkled an awesome view for me to see. Didn't understand why she was looking at me that way... !

FOR WOMEN ONLY

IS THIS REALLY HARD TO FIND MISTER RIGHT?

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Comments 47 comments

Terishere profile image

Terishere 5 years ago

What a touching story. Sadly, her experience is not unique.

I think it's best to be friends first. That way you get to know the person and feelings develop naturally, because you like who they are...

Just my 2 cents :)

Terri


Terishere profile image

Terishere 5 years ago

Yes, there is a problem out there...though not all are like that, it's just hard weeding through the frogs lol

And yes, sadly, even with close family members...

No beef yet, but I'll let you know when I do make and how if I liked it :)

Terri


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago

"I have a decent job making 68,000 dollars a year. My apartment in Jersey city is halfway paid off and I think is time to get settle with 'Mister right', don't you think so?"

(Love is not something you schedule that’s the first thing.)

Secondly the definition of a “monogamous relationship” for most men is “I will not have sex with other women BECAUSE I have my own woman to address my physical needs. Having sexual desires is NORMAL. Just because a guy wants to have sex with a woman he has been dating for awhile does not make him a jerk. A relationship (without sex) is a great friendship. A marriage without sex is roommates with the same last name. Our sexual desire for our mates is what distinguishes “relationship love” from (friendship, sibling, and paternal love).

Thirdly, a woman’s accomplishments, salary, education, or status is not a major drawing card for men. All of those things are what WOMEN look for in MEN. (Every hunter knows in order to catch something you have to bring “the right bait”). Men are more interested in physical beauty, great sense of humor, sexiness, and overall fun person to be with. The typical guy could care less if a woman he considers to be “hot “ is a waitress or a lawyer. That’s the sad truth.

Last but not least you have to match the age of the guys with your goals. Let’s face it the typical guy in his early 20s is NOT looking to settle down with a wife, kids, and mortgage. A main reason so many young women are frustrated with dating men is because of their insistence on dating guys their own age. A 24-year old woman who wants to get married would be better off dating a 32 year old man or older. The average guy her own age either just escaped from his parent’s basement or a dorm room. He thinks his male friends come before all women in his life. He’s still playing video games, drinking to get drunk on weekends, and trying to be a “player”. Having a “good woman” is not the priority in his life.

Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. There’s no getting around that. Hopefully with age comes experience and wisdom to aid us in the selection process.

One man’s opinion! :-)


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 5 years ago Author

Glad you enjoyed it Terri,

There is a problem out there and all of us know some stories first hand, even from close family members

Thanks for your feedback my friend.

LORD


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 5 years ago Author

Dashing scorpio,

you said it all. we leave this for the average reader and hopefully some women will come forward.. Thanks man!

LORD


AEvans profile image

AEvans 5 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

I believe people should be friends first before lovers. Couples no longer take there time getting to know one another, they just get intimate and then try to be friends. It doesn't work that way. You have to build a foundation before you can have a strong committed relationship. Just my opinion. :)

Whatever happened to respect for ourselves first and intimacy later?

Did you ever go out with her again? :)


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 5 years ago Author

Terri you think so? Lol! My sister think so


MellyMoo profile image

MellyMoo 5 years ago from Australia

I so enjoyed reading your story and can really relate! What a great writer you are. Thanks for following me. I will now definitely be following you too


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 5 years ago Author

Awww Mellymoo. You can check similar hubs! You won't regret. Thanks my friend. I feel so flattered..that sometimes I wonder, what the heck I was thinking about?

LORD


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

....I am out of touch with any thoughts of romantic love as I have not had a date in years - kinda sad really , all of the people in this world who are much like me , I have been online now for only 2 and a half years since January 2009 (never been on a computer before) so I have come a long way in a short time ( in reference to my writing accomplishments and meeting so many interesting and talented people in the process) but I really don't think romance belongs on the internet - because all of my relationships have been in the flesh .......these thoughts and sentiments were brought out of me by your landmark writing here dear LORD - you always manage to provoke, challenge and move your readers into deep thought with your words - always the stamp of a great writer - and Happy Thanksgiving to you my friend (and your sister too) as this is our Canadian holiday and I value our friendship and our time spent together online as hub colleagues ....lake erie time 11:09am


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 5 years ago Author

Thansk Epi, inviting you for supper one day!

And thanks for checking up....just finished another hub about brothers and sisters...HAPPY THANKSGIVING IN CANADA!

lord


tsmog profile image

tsmog 5 years ago from Escondido, CA

Interesting article. I liked it. I'm still looking at the story's picture. Does it reflect the story? They both are looking into the world. She is grasping comfort, her coffee, while preening - stroking her hair. "Listening to the story" I sense this in the woman.

Lying just beyond the protective element of the world - the glass, are countless men. And, unless perception is fooling me, there is another woman outside sitting. The wonder of its dualism. One sitting in the 'world' another protected from it with 'someone.' Causes contemplation of the story character's dilemma. Remain here where it is safe, and comfort is grasped, or out there.

Now, their legs tell a whole different story. And, they, in my view, exude the nature of the story. I ponder the protagonist, which for me is revealed with "Her eyes sparkled a special sight for me to see."


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 5 years ago Author

tSMOG,

Amazingly perfect. Wish more women would step forward and speak their mind. But..of course, they keep things to that 'woman to woman chat'..Thanks for that pictorial analysis. You did great, being myself a photographer.

Lord


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland

Excellent article Lord! I just hope this young woman realizes she can be happy alone - she should step back from wanting a mate so bad and do as you say, focus on herself. If something comes along that's right she will be in a solid position to choose to let the chap stick around or make him leave - while still feeling satisfied with her life.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California

Loved this story, and yes, it is very true for most women. Worst of the players are the ones who pretend/lie about everything a woman wants to hear, and once they've accomplished what they set out for, they disappear. These men have no remorse for the many hearts they break, and that is very sad. For me, finding a man who has empathy is already a rare breed, let alone one with intelligence, charisma, humor, integrity, and God forbid, IS SINGLE. This story reminds me that if I ever find a true love in my lifetime, it will be nothing short of a miracle (I'd probably have better luck playing the lottery). I've read countless times that the "good men" are already snatched up, and I believe it. If they do end up divorcing, they fall into a relationship with the first woman who comes along (and highly unlikely to be a "soul mate").

I'm reading a book at the moment that says that men deal with breakups differently than women. We women retract from love, afraid to open our hearts (thus avoiding new relationships for a while). Men deal with heartbreak by jumping into another rebound relationship. Either it makes them want to go back to their old love, or the new love interest distracts them from a woman who broke his heart. So the window of opportunity to find a good man between relationships is a small, limited one. I haven't been so lucky as to meet one...

Thanks for the Hub. It is a good description of what women endure with the many barracudas in the dating pool. Married men especially-- geez, if I had a dollar for every married man who made moves on me. Thank God I've never been anyone's "other woman." At least physically.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

hahaha! This is the longest answer I'd ever had in HP. What a beauty. Did you know that I can read WORDS? That's why I was laughing...think of Jim Carrey trying to give me a hug!! You are so funny! Thanks Wonderful1

LORD


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hi Ardie,

Didn't see you my favorite red head! You did say a lot without saying much. Women need to understand that most men were raised to say lies after lies in order to get that "ice cream" and probably for free. Sad byt true...you can ask Katy Perry. Did I say Katy?

Lord


time2rite profile image

time2rite 4 years ago from Navarre, Fl, USA

I definitely think it's very important to become friends first; to get to know someone before you step forward in the relationship. True intimacy comes from knowing a person in every way. And I must speak for myself, but sex is important for a woman too; you must click/be compatible. But in order for the relationship to survive, there must be a true sharing of the heart that allows you both to be open, honest and above all yourself: true intimacy. It is hard to find someone, but it is not impossible!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hi there time2rite,

We all come with our own issues into relationships and is up to us to give and receive. Not many will succeed; others will just take their time, but Love can conquer all....talking about real love that is hard to find nowadays

LORD


sarah 4 years ago

i've known a guy over email 6months, then he went missing, then when i wrote angrily out of anger to him he replied but he said "its not his or my fault he blames the situation, he has other things on his mind but does not care to share at this point, he pushed me away because he didn't want me to get hurt because of him, he thinks im pretty so thats not a problem either". What should i make of this? do i come back, give him time, space, i dont know??? anyway i have told him im in love with him and im here for him and that he doesn't need to jump into anything. what do you think??? im crazy about him, he initiated msn chat, should i have gone further and asked for web cam or his no? not that I have but where did i go wrong? im really upset and cry alot. pls advice me, different views would be appreciated (if any). Thanks ;(


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Dear Sarah from London,

In a few words:

-If a man wants you ladies, he should make the moves

-calm down and kind of ignore him, he knows you are pushing it. ignore him for 3 weeks, and he will come back surprised.

-Get ready to occupy yourself in your own things; meaning career, duties, hobbies...because if don't you will go back to begging.

-I f he doesn't come as you wanted to...it was not meant to be.

-Do not beg, you are too important for that.

-if you need more advice let me know. Good luck

LORD


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California

Hi LORD,

Since you are offering the male perspective, I'll ask away: there's a guy I'm interested in (and he seems equally interested in me), and yesterday, while I was sitting in the museum, I called him to pass the time. He seemed happy to hear from me. But now I'm curious: did I blow it by calling him? I hate the "rules of dating" that say a woman shouldn't call a man, because I still think you should be true to who you are. Was it wrong for me to call-- will he think I'm chasing after him? Your insight is appreciated!

-Sheila


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

I give you the upperhand and this goes to all the ladies:

-Are you in need of love or sex or both? Common sense answer is for both. But Women need more than that 50% of feelings before give up and give in.

-Do you think, just put the cards on the table. Do you see yourself dating this guy for longer than the 3 months average 'testing the waters' period?

-Are you really compatible according to that Zodiac Chart?

-Are you willing to waste or spend time with a guy that is really worth the try?

-Have you been inquisitive enough to know his answers by heart?

-Male prespective: 1 call means hi; two calls means, oh hi!; three calls means: hold it..I got a call on the other line. Let me call you right back.

Read the answer to Sarah (look the comments before this one), and feel free to write me again Sheila. Good luck!

LORD


sarah 4 years ago

hi lord just remembered, most times he was nice but at times he would snap at me then say sorry, i never understood that :(


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Just to be clear and my sixth sense tells me that this guy means trouble. I don't see any positive thing about him: Temper, blaming things and then apologize. Seems that you are 22 and he is in his late 20's or early 30's. Your Hindi backgroung, probably Pakistani tells me that you were raised to be humble. You better start moving forward, and if he comes back, he will come up with more excuses, which will be a normal move. I see better things coming your way. Just stay away from trouble.

LORD


conita 4 years ago

Unfortunately I'm in a similar situation as Sarah. A lot of mails, chats, web cam ... and then month ago - nothing, not one word ... one days I do not care, another I want to know why. And if he sent the mail I know that would never be as before...


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Conita, from Podgorica

I tell you what! Men are out there to hurt

16-19 years old young boy just think about having the most intimacy.

20-25 years old have a job or in College, what do they want from women? The same thing. Remember these generations come from parents that went through the scars from war and free love addictions.

25-35 years old, are professionals either parents that married the wrong person and want adventures and unfortunately know how to work that net.

Good luck to you!

LORD


conita 4 years ago

Lord, thank you for response.

Sometimes we need just a little "light" to perceive the whole situation.

All the best to you.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

You are welcome Conita!

Good Luck!

Anytime you want....I'll be here


Rusti Mccollum profile image

Rusti Mccollum 4 years ago from Lake Oswego, Oregon

I read your article and i wish you peace love and happiness. I have been married 29 years. I know there's someone for everyone. your right tho,men just want to get in your pants and there are many out there.Bless you.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

CONGRATS ON THOSE 29 YRS AND COUNTING Ms. McCollun,

These stories are so real that so many young women, and older as well can relate. Good lucK to you too.

LORD


victim1690 4 years ago

saul sliman is a woman abuser and a male rapist from acnchorage ,alaska.jay a preacher of a bapbtist church in anchorage alaska is a gangstalker and he is a liar!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

We hear you victim1690. So many abuses unheard of!! Hope you get away from these monsters!


conita 4 years ago

Hello Lord,

I have news. After several weeks, there was a really good explanation of why he did not answer. I think you know that the Balkans is almost a cult of death, especially when it comes to a close family member.

In any case, he came here last weekend, and although he was sad we spent nice time together. We have a bunch of plans, which will be ...

I will update.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Thanks Conita,

Perseverance and confronting the facts can clear so many situations.

Take care! LORD


Camo Girl 4 years ago

Hello Lord, Very Good Hub!!!! I just dont know what to do anymore about Boys or Guys now days they just want to have sex and go and never see you or have anything else to do with you i hope i find the right guy one day i am 16 and i have never had a guy yet ask me to have sex with them but i have got cheated on by 2 of my Ex boyfriends i have only had 3 boyfriends but that is all i want for now i am waiting till the right guy comes along and wants me for me and will wait till i am ready to have sex with them.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hi Camo girl, from Indiana. You are maturing so fast gal! Hope you read to the other stories and follow your heart. Good luck~


Camo Girl!! 4 years ago

Thank You Lord!!!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Take care of yourself. You are smart and get your schooling together. Who told me this? The one above.


Camo Girl 4 years ago

May i ask if you are a Girl or Boy?


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

105% Male! That was an intriguing question Camo!


Joeythegrreat 4 years ago

Very good hub, but listen from my experiences its hard for women to find Mr right because a lot of women are not attracted to the good guys. Most women have a type of dude they like and they just keep going for that type of guy in the same area hoping for a different result. Why do that it makes no sense, open your mind and the guy who you might not like could be Mr right. Remember that the cat and mouse game makes no sense either, because all you do is discourage the good guys from going after you. In my opinion most players and bad guys know the game so they love the challenge of chasing women but the good guys don't because they get discouraged.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

I give you an A+ Joey! Your testimonial corroborates certain statisticals. Women are attracted to the opposite type and sometimes leave a good party behind. Life is so unpredictable, that we are lucky to be born. Can you imagine if your parents never met?

LORD


Joeythegrreat 4 years ago

No I cant imagine that, I think I am a good guy and I am just finding it hard to find a girl I like so that is why I probably know a lot about this topic.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Be careful, some women are finding out this Joey the Great who is available. I think this year is your year! Let me know if I was right! Sometimes we are right in our predictions. Just read 'unexpected premonition' and you will be surprised about some facts from the future.


luckykarma profile image

luckykarma 4 years ago from Queensland Australia

I just wrote a hub before clicking onto this one, about men using women as a sex object. Read it! it's so true and here's a girl confirming my observations!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Morning luckykarma,

Seems that the true is out there. Unfortunately, what you are telling me does not need to be confirmed. Happened to our sisters and family. Men are degrading themselves to the point of becoming irrational animals. Will check that hub. Thanks for stopping by!

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