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GREAT MOVIES GUYS MAY NEVER SEE -- The Believer (2001)
As a member of the religion known as Judaism, one thing I know is that the thing that links all Jews, liberal or conservative, is the element of debate. Rabbis debate non-stop. Orthodox and Hasidic Jews debate. And people misinterpret this and hold...
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Hubpagian Justice -- MICHAEL CIMINO'S "HEAVEN'S GATE" (1980)
The most notorious film of all time, and remember, 1980 also featured "I Spit On Your Grave" and "Caligula".
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Great Movies Guys Won't Never See -- BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY
The terrible legacy of Vietnam was its' permanent removal of the thinking person's trust in government. The youth were indoctrinated into believing America was perfect. We didn't think about how damaging this could be to a young person who has yet...
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Inside the Republican Mind
It's so nice to come to hubpages.com and address you. My fellow 53 percent who have staved the tide of this incompetent incumbant socialist Barack Obama. It's important that you understand our point of view...well...until we're elected of course....
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Great Movies Guys Won't Never See -- THE HELP
There's a reason why we can't take down Wall Street. It's called "mutually-assured destruction". They go down, they will not tumble off us...they will crash through us. We are the stilts that hold up the mechanisms that run our economy. The best we...
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Great Movies Guys Won't Never See -- VATOS LOCOS
One of the great cinematic injustices was what occurred following the completion of the epic "Blood In Blood Out" (1993). I refer you to Sylvester Stallone and Al Pacino to illustrate my point, Sly Stallone's work as a whole is pretty much what...
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Great Movies Guys Won't Never See -- MONEYBALL
In 1996, a young man from the suburbs of Philadelphia who had spent his entire elementary school years in Italy would be faced with a dilemma -- go pro at 18, or go play at Duke with an SAT score well over 1400 (in the days when 1600 was a perfect...
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GREAT MOVIES GUYS MIGHT NEVER SEE -- Boogie Nights
There is probably no movie ever made that I liked more than "Boogie Nights". It's about the adult film industry, but it is not pornographic. It handles all its' characters with respect, thus letting their dysfunction flow freely. It has three foxy...
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GREAT MOVIES GUYS WON'T OTHERWISE SEE -- Quiz Show
In 1928, the British gave us an invention that proved to be a world-changer. The Germans would take said invention and make it even better. This invention would be called the television. Greater society would panic as it was now possible to view...
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American History Part 28 -- August, 2011 -- March, 2012
March, 2012 Approximately one leap year to the date of the capture of Osama Bin Laden in Northern Pakistan, Barack Obama would manage to quell the North Korean nuclear threat. In exchange for letting UN inspectors in to search them, they will be...
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Movies I Can't Help But Love -- BAD TEACHER
Ahhhhh, Bad Teacher. Bad Teacher is not a great film, but it's got far too much good stuff in it to deny. It's an absolute triumph in many ways, but very few critics understood it because they were never employees in a middle school. People,...
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WHEN MY KNICKS WERE LIKE THE NAMATH JETS -- History of the NBA Finals Part 47
1999 In June, 1998, after the momentous shot (and final forty-three seconds for that matter) of the yeah-I-suppose greatest player to ever play -- Michael Jeffrey Jordan -- he would retire from the game. The NBA would break down overnight, and...
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The Story of the Infamous Steve Bartman Incident At Wrigley Field
One thing to remember is that...the odds are not great that any team will ever ever win a World Series. 30 teams in a game where one team having four of the best players in the whole league doesn't mean a thing. It is a collective effort in...
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Welcome To Washington D.C. -- American History Part 27
Summer 2011 Yesterday I survived a near plane crash onto a runway at O'Hare Airport in Chicago thanks to the first two pilots I've ever seen in my life who were actually loose and giddy. Anyway, here I was at the end of my four day tour through...
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The 1993 Atlanta Braves
1993 Of all the Atlanta Braves teams to ever take the field, this one was my favorite. But it was overdone. I'm of the belief that you don't have to spend the most money to produce a winner. There comes a point when everybody who used to...
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So What About The NBA from 1996 to 2010? -- HISTORY OF THE NBA FINALS PART 46
1996-2010 In June, 1995, the Houston Rockets pulled off the most amazing feat American sports has ever seen. We've had things like the Miracle Mets, the Olympic hockey team that beat Russia, the upset of UNLV college basketball in 1991 by the...
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THAT WAS COOL HOW THEY SHOWED DIRK'S SHOOTING COACH IN THE STANDS -- History of the NBA Finals Part 50ish
2011 All the respect that the game of basketball has ever garnered...has been fiercely earned. Think about it........you got football, baseball and hockey. Hitting, punching, violence, danger, muscles, steroids, Ford tough, blah. And...
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RED AUERBACH ACCIDENTALLY BECOMES A BAD INFLUENCE -- History of the NBA Finals Part 35
June, 1984 Before the junior skyhook in Game 4 at the Boston Garden in 1987, the lingering and haunting image of the Larry Bird-Magic Johnson rivalry was an incident that occurred during Game 4 at the Great Western Forum in 1984. Lakers forward...
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American History Part 26 (2010-mid 2011)
2010 When we left off, everything was supposed to be so much better. Barack Obama was president of the United States. For the first time in American history, there was a happy ending to put at the end of the textbook. And Oprah of all people...
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GREAT FILMS GUYS MIGHT NEVER SEE -- The Social Network
The Social Network. A wussy title for what was undoubtedly the best film of 2010. Facebook creator Mark Zuckerburg originally did in cyberspace what the teenager at Oak Park River Forest High School in Chicago sort of did last month but on a piece...
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GREAT MOVIES GUYS MIGHT NEVER EVER EVER SEE -- Bruno
Bruno was better then "Borat". If they remake the Ali G movie to fit the format of Bruno or Borat, it will be a zillion times better then even Bruno. But for now Bruno is the champ. Chances are you didn't see Bruno because you didn't want to...
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Bobby Knight 3: The Program Falls Apart Not Even Two Recruiting Classes In
About a year ago I did some hubs in which Bobby Knight got the last laugh though Dane Fife nearly turned it into a frown, and how he was fired and all that. That was part one and two. This is part three -- the sequel that, like Spider-Man and...
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10 DOLLAR CLICK A SCAM?! YES!!! YES!!! ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE SWEAR ON MY LIFE
10 Dollar Click is like the movie "Hostel". In Hostel, American boys and girls, seduced by the promise of sex and fun, are lured via train to Eastern Europe to their deaths. If there's a trio, it happens one at a time, meaning that the remaining...
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DISSECTING FILMS WITH A BAD REP -- Karate Kid Part III
Lots of Marvel Comics fans were pissed off when Spider-Man 3 came out. Singing, dancing, Mary Jane being a bitch, having to give a damn about Mary Jane and her dumb career of flat singing to begin with, but the marketing around the film was designed...
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CBS's Big Bang Theory Discusses Who They'll Vote For In Election 2004
(Raj and Howard come over to see Leonard on election day 2004) Howard: Gonna go vote? Leonard: Oh come on Howard, they're all liars. And you guys know Kerry's screwed anyway, I don't even know why you bother. Howard: The Democrats are for...
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GREAT FILMS GUYS MAY NOT OTHERWISE SEE -- Blood In Blood Out
East L.A. is what happens when you take Mexico and infect it with the desire to eliminate it. That's East L.A., and the characters of this great, great, great film, personified. East L.A. is a part of California that there was never any gold rush...
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Bear Bryant -- The Great One
Today we're going to talk about the head football coach of the six time national champion Alabama Crimson Tide. 1954 The Bear was coach of the University of Kentucky before taking a job at a school he thought would be more serious about its'...
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HAKEEM IS COMING TO AMERICA -- History of the NBA Finals Part 45
Hakeem Olajuwon was the almighty Prince of Zamunda, but something was missing. And so he came to America to look for his bride. The problem was that the NBA had arranged a specific fate for Olajuwon. For the NBA had long been able to counter...
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SUPERPAX -- History of the NBA Finals Part 44
1992-1993 John Paxson was born on a planet called Krypton. John's the younger brother of Jim Paxson...a sixth man on the new late 80s, early 90s Celtics while Danny Ainge was helping bail out Portland and Phoenix. Like Jim, they didn't listen to...
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BULLSPOTTING -- History of the NBA Finals Part 43
1991 Choose teammates. Choose help. Choose big TV endorsement deals. Choose Gatorade, Nike, Chevy, Ball Park Franks. Choose Sportschannel, Johnny Red Kerr, Tom Dorr, chalkdust in the face of announcers, Benny the mascot, cheerleaders, 250...
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NOT ANOTHER PISTONS MOVIE -- History of the NBA Finals Part 40
In Hollywood they make alot of spoof films. The Zuckers make them, the Wayans' make them, and in 1989 -- the Pistons and Lakers would make one. The 1989 season was a parody of alot of things we've seen. It was almost identical...to Not Another...
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A LEAGUE OF ISIAH'S OWN -- History of the NBA Finals Part 39
The NBA in 1987 would see the edition of two players you will read alot about -- Horace Grant and Scottie Pippen. Pippen was a marvel, and Grant was getting there. The story of Horace Grant in Chicago is a terrible tale. The guy was the...
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DEAD CELTICS SOCIETY (AND THE WAY OF THE REAL REAL JUNIOR SKYHOOK)-- History of the NBA Finals Part 38
1987 Welcome to the greatest year in the Lakers/Celtics rivalry. It is the year that the Celtics will...despite injuries, despite the odds, despite doctors and sportscasters and celebrities warnings...stand up for their hallowed tradition, look...
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ALPHA DOG II -- History of the NBA Finals Part 36
1984 Jake's little brother, (in real life his name was Nicholas), lays buried in the hills of Southern California, miles away from their fat-ass Claremont homes. The wiggers go down in 1985. For we aren't even halfway done with the story of...
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NEIL SIMON PRESENTS THE PHILADELPHIA 76ERS -- History of the NBA Finals Part 34
1982-83 To understand the Philadelphia 76ers of 1983, is to understand "Brighton Beach Memoirs", and "Biloxi Blues". Again...very good movies that are probably only for chicks. But I liked 'em. And so did Moses Malone and Dr. J, for they will...
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HUNTER S. THOMPSON VS DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS -- History of the NBA Finals Part 33
1981-82 There exists a writer around this time named Hunter S. Thompson. Hunter is the Philadelphia 76ers. For the 76ers were a beacon of championships the way Hunter S. was a beacon of good health. They sucked at both, but that didn't stop...
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MEET THE NBA'S "SMALL WONDER" -- History of the NBA Finals Part 32
To understand the Philadelphia 76ers, is to understand not only Chicago sports, but "Small Wonder", a show that came on when we were younger about a little girl who's a robot. Now... Philadelphia and Chicago in itself are not racist. Nor are...
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MEET THE NBA'S SCHOOL OF ROCK -- History of the NBA Finals Part 31
1979 The Michigan State Spartans had just won the national title. Magic Johnson was Jack Black...performing live and showing extraordinary skill and enthusiasm... And so Magic ends up in a classroom of kids that are, you know, career...
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NOW TO COMPARE THE HUGHES TEAM TO THE FILM HUGHES SHOULD HAVE MADE -- History of the NBA Finals Part 29
1977 Welcome to the way it could have been for John Hughes. Sure he would have still had some work to do, but...he would have had Jennifer Love Hewitt while he did it. I'm sure Hughes got tons of hot tail, but read on. For there is one film...
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"KIDS", "BOILER ROOM", AND THE STRANGE ORIGINS OF KOBE'S SHARP ELBOW -- History of the NBA Finals Part 28
1977 In about 1995, one of the best movies ever made would be released. "Kids". It stars Chloe Slovengy as the beautiful and talented city of Portland, Oregon. And then there's the 76ers...having sex with virgins, and stealing your stock. ...
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THE NBA'S DAVID E. KELLEY VS. RUDY -- History of the NBA Finals Part 27
David E. Kelley got his start as a writer on L.A. Law in 1986 at the tender age of 30. He then moved on to Doogie Howser M.D., his own show and everything. Then came Picket Fences. Then the Practice. Then Ally McBeal. Then the magnificent...
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THE NBA'S S.F.W. (SPAB?) -- History of the NBA Finals Part 26
1974 The San Diego Rockets moved to Houston. West and Robertson would retire, sending both the Lakers and Bucks to the bottoms of the Earth. The Buffalo Braves had a guy who they expected to do everything -- Bob McAdoo -- who now had 34.5...
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MEET THE NBA'S TEEN WOLF -- History of the NBA Finals Part 25
1974 To understand these new Boston Celtics, is to understand not only Teen Wolf, but also myself. pgorner. I have fucked myself. The numbers have shot up for these NBA Finals hubs since I started incorporating movies. That tells me...I've...
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STAND BY BILL BRADLEY (DURING ALL HIS DIFFERENT SEASONS) -- History of the NBA Finals Part 24
Back in 1986 there was a movie called Stand by Me. Bill Bradley aka Richard Dreyfuss was sitting solemnly in his car, reading the day's headline with a sense of sorrow. "NEW YORK KNICKS SUCK A DUCK" And as the solemn music played, he felt...
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THE NBA'S COREY HAIM (RELAX, I WAS A BIGGER FAN THEN ANYBODY) -- History of the NBA Finals Part 23
The Los Angeles Lakers will at long last see the ultimate prize in 1972. But this came with it a lesson. In our last class, we discussed how John Hughes was the Baltimore Bullets. Well this era's Lakers...were Corey Haim. Observe. In...
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THE NBA'S JOHN HUGHES -- History of the NBA Finals Part 22
John Hughes made a lot of good movies, just as the Bullets franchise in the 70s would have lots of great moments. Just like Hughes movies, they have a lineup of stars that is pretty mesmerizing. But so were the bad parts similar too, and it...
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ALCINDOR IN WONDERLAND -- History of the NBA Finals Part 21
1969-1970 For the rest of time, children all over New York City would not be able to claim they had a headache, or were just a little tired, or were bored. For some adult would always say "Willis Reed would have loved a headache." "Willis Reed...
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BILL RUSSELL'S GREATEST VICTORY -- History of the NBA Finals Part 20
The 1968-1969 season features Bill Russell's greatest victory. It is the summation of everything he had ever tried to do. ------------------------------------ Elvin Hayes enters the league with the first pick in the draft. He's a San Diego...
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RUSSELL'S REVENGE -- History of the NBA Finals Part 19
1968 It is here that Bill Russell becomes Jackie Brown (1997). When Martin Luther King Jr. was shot, the stars of our hubs here...were crushed. King had been trying to preach to the wider world...what Auerbach and Russell had been doing...
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MEET KERNER'S FACEBOOK FRIENDS -- History of the NBA Finals Part 18
1966 There's a new scam in the literary world. No no not the NBA...but...they definitely learned it from the NBA, for it illustrates the 1966-1967 season. It's called a "marketing agent". They do all the things that you could do if you felt...
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RED'S LAST RUN AS COACH -- History of the NBA Finals Part 17
1966 San Francisco would get an astounding rookie in the draft in Rick Berry. The man who shot free throws like a girl was a bad motherfucker, and had all the freedom to create for such a lousy team. Walt Bellamy was traded from the Bullets to...
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CHAMBERLAIN GOES BACK TO THE DELF -- History of the NBA Finals Part 16
San Francisco had managed to make a huge breakthrough with the stocks of the clients who were not Philadelphia....at long last. Now the fans of Philly could be sold into thinking they were ingrates. They had watched this team go right to the...
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MEET TWO MORE AUERBACH ALWAYS BEAT-- History of the NBA Finals Part 11
1960 For a while after this, it will be Lakers vs. Celtics. We will discuss these motherf*ckers to the death, because this is a rivalry that is bigger then sports. Everybody loves...Lakers vs. Celtics. The pressure thus, is on. And thus I...
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ANOTHER GUY WHO ALMOST NEVER EVER BEATS AUERBACH -- History of the NBA Finals Part 10
1959 The terrible thing about Wilt Chamberlain was that he was precisely what Kerner and company had always been so cocky about. All their rules, all their thoughts, all their stereotypes, had been geared at stopping and containing what all the...
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ELGIN BAYLOR COMES TO SLAP KERNER WITH HIS JUNK -- History of the NBA Finals Part 9
April, 1958 Bob Kerner and the St. Louis Hawks had finally done it. World champions. Lots of people out there were very happy about this. Kerner's one little win, despite however many losses, was, according to likeminded people...all you...
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HOW IT LOOKS WHEN KERNER HAS EVERYTHING WORKING FOR HIM -- History of the NBA Finals Part 8
1958 Auerbach's first seven years with the Celtics had been everything he had hoped it could be. He took the worst team in the game all the way to the championship. His own way. But Auerbach was now Adrian Cronauer from "Good Morning Vietnam"....
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RED GETS HIS FIRST RING!!!! -- History of the NBA Finals Part 7
1956 The shot clock and free throw line had together been something that would ultimately spell the end of George Mikan. First Dolph Shayes at Syracuse would thrive in 1955 to win the title for the Nationals. Then Philadelphia would surprise...
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THE SLIMERS SLIME THEMSELVES -- History of the NBA Finals Part 6
1953-1957 With this NBL virus Auerbach infused into the BAA, you saw a choking up of the planet's orbit. In other words, the little city talent infused with big city status. The two sides of the brain would begin to contradict each other,...
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YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON BLACK-AND-WHITE TELEVISION! -- History of the NBA Finals Part 5
For these next couple years, Minneapolis kicks everyone's asses and New York simply finds a different way to lose in seven games in the Finals. The NBA I'm sure you might have learned one day...once played a best 2 out of 3 series in the first...
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OH, SO YOU'RE A HOT DOG ARE YOU?! -- History of the NBA Finals Part 4
1950s To understand Red Auerbach -- is to understand why people use Facebook. In other words...the people who use facebook...should really take a lesson from Red Auerbach. For people are always looking for an opportunity, for instance, to make...
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ABL, NBL, BAA, And To The Real Thing Before We End -- History of the NBA Finals Part 2
late 1940s The NBA would begin by the end of this decade. Television and returning veterans, Baby Boomers, new demographics, every sports league would change in order to stay relevant enough to capture the $$$$$$. This would all contribute to...
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Bill Bellichick Explains The Rules
Greetings. My guest tonight has 3 Superbowl rings as coach of the New England Patriots, Bill Bellichick. Glad to be here. So Bill -- people say that you cheated. We didn't cheat. The bylaws of the NFL were what I went by. And the by-laws...
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WHAT'S BEST TO THROW AT A PLAYER THROUGH A CAGE? -- History of the NBA Finals Part 1
This is a story of the men who have fought and perspired for the most sacred prize in all of sport -- the Larry O'Brien trophy, signifying the end of the NBA playoffs...and title as world champion. To win this fifteen-pound chunk of sterling...
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THE BEST COACH IN NFL HISTORY IS ACTIVE AND WELL -- History of the Superbowl -- Conclusion
2009 What happened a week ago in the Superbowl was the Eighth Wonder Of The World. Sean Payton's older sister used to hate my ass. She's a teacher at the last school I worked with. She works with Down's Syndrome kids. But she's cool. I...
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Pop Warner (Or He'll Beat Us) -- History of the Superbowl Part 39
2008 It was January, 2003. The National Championship game for college football, the Fiesta Bowl, Miami vs. Ohio State. Miami has a running back named Willis McGahee who goes down with a knee injury because of the Buckeyes. It's a famous...
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ELI MANNING -- Now THAT's What I'm Talking About -- History of the Superbowl Part 38
2004-2007 Peyton Manning is a once-in-a-millenia talent, yet there's a difference between Peyton Manning and his brother Eli. A very thin difference -- Observe -- Flowers are the best gift a person whose house you just burned down can ask...
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GOOD THING THE BEARS DIDN'T MAKE A VIDEO THIS TIME -- History of the Super Bowl Part 37
2006 Welcome to Indianapolis. You have entered a city that is very nice. As you travel down a busy road downtown, four way lanes with five stoplights and green directional signs, you notice a cop a few feet away from your vehicle. He's not...
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THE TWO MIDWESTERN QUARTERBACKS WHO SAVED PITTSBURGH -- History of the Superbowl Part 36
2005 Plaxico Burress will be discussed in the next hub, but know something -- the Steelers rise comes, amazingly, with HIS DEPARTURE. Because the Steelers had somebody that made him obscelete, as in, only good for one or two things in comparison...
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CHEAT NUMBER THREE, A RE-CHEAT, THE PAT-REE-ITS AND WE!!!!-- History of the Superbowl Part 35
2004 It's good to have religious players. Because when the Philadelphia Eagles come to injure them, God Makes Them Pay. In God we Trust...that the Eagles will never be rewarded for their efforts. Philadelphia and the movie Rocky are...
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THERE'S EVEN GREAT MANNINGS ON DEFENSE-- History of the Superbowl Part 34
2003 One of the best things to come along for the sake of national security and safety -- was facebook. Why? Because even the common brain-dead tool...types on laptops now. Ricky Manning Jr. is from UCLA, home of Hollywood. Where movies and...
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LEARNING TO PLUNDER -- The Tampa Bay Buccaneers Rise to Glory -- History of the Superbowl Part 33
2002 In early 2008, a movie becomes famous due to its' Oscar win -- Juno. People know alot about the screenwriter Diablo Cody. But what I'll bet you didn't know -- was that in 1976, Diablo Cody started a football team. They were the NFL's...
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THE RISE OF THE HATE-TRIOTS AND BILL BELLI-CHUCK -- History of the Superbowl Part 32
2001 Bill Bellichick's professional life wasn't always at fun at it seemed. As we've now gone through 31 of these hubs, we've seen some trends -- There was Mike Ditka, a great drafter and scout. There was then Bill Parcells, a great teacher...
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MEET AN AFC TEAM THAT WAS AFC THROUGH AND PAINFULLY THROUGH -- History of the Superbowl Part 31
2000 Brian Billick was a GREAT COACH. Believe it. This guy was cool. Billick understands EVERYTHING. Fuckin' EVERYTHING. Billick was Dennis Green's assistant at Stanford and Northwestern, places where the non-football life are SO...
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A Tale of Two Cities Filled With Suckers -- History of the Superbowl Part 30
1999 Greetings class, and welcome to Cheating-For-Football-Club-Owners 101. I assume everyone here owns an NFL team? Good. Then we can get started. Wouldn't want any...outsiders to hear what we're talking about. Who'd like to go first? Yes...
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HOW TO MAKE LOVE TO AN AFC PLAYER -- History of the Superbowl Part 29
1998 The 1990s NFL are more then West Coast stuff. In fact when it comes to what defines the decade, we're WAY off. It is in fact the very opposite of West Coast. For to understand the NFL in the 1990s is to understand that there was a...
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NEW WEST COAST, OLD WEST COAST, AND THE GRANDSON OF LANDRY MR. DAN REEVES -- History of the Superbowl Part 28
1997 The coach of the Denver Broncos when they blew three Superbowls in the 80s was a man named Dan Reeves. Reeves played and coached in Dallas, same as Ditka. Reeves thus will by the late 80s be like a Holmgren and Gruden...but not of Walsh....
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PARCELLS THINKS HE CAN BEAT THE WEST COAST OFFENSE AGAIN -- History of the Superbowl Part 27
1996 Sometimes the draft works for people. In sports, expansion teams are often the ones who prove to be the best at scouting, coaching, and ultimately playing and thrilling people. Who PROVE to be. There's a reason this actually takes...
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DEION JOINS BILL, SORRY UMA -- History of the Super Bowl Part 26
1995 Bryce Paup was a big bad motherfudger. So the Bills would pick him up, because the Bills will in fact get high-priced free agents. 1995 is also the year that both our favorite wacky, fun-loving owners -- Georgia Frontiere and Al Davis --...
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DEBARTALO STRIKES BACK, VOL. 2 -- History of the Super Bowl Part 25
1994 Free agency had turned the NFL upside down in 1993. Owners couldn't believe how bad they were cheese-tingled. All this time they had spent banning touchdown dances and making playful people obey rules...and now those players had attracted...
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DEBARTALO STRIKES BACK, VOL. 1 -- History of the Superbowl Part 24
1993-1997 This particular hub might be in two parts. The Weinstein company and I were in negotiations over funding to complete my latest homage to spaghetti westerns, kung-fu, and samurai films, and they agreed at long last. The deal is that...
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How Bout Those Bills Benchers? WHOOOOOO-HOOOO!!!! -- History of the Super Bowl Part 23
1992 I was far too old to believe, but I did anyway. I believed in the Buffalo Bills. I believe today...that the fans of Buffalo have the proper imagination to truly deserve and enjoy a world championship. Not many cities can take this...
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BO KNOWS HIP INJURIES -- History of the Super Bowl Part 21
1990 The 86 and 87 drafts would feature back-to-back top picks who got alot of attention -- Bo Jackson from Auburn, and Brian Bosworth from Oklahoma. Jackson was the most successful back of any kind in SEC history. Brian Bosworth was the...
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CALL ME CHRIS EVERETT ONE MORE TIME, I DARE YOU, I'M RIGHT HERE, DO IT -- History of the Super Bowl Part 20
1989 Bill Walsh would leave an ASSLOAD of professional children. Assistant coaches who had grown under him and were now about to spread his religion to the rest of the NFL. In this group include Jon Gruden, Mike Holmgren, Steve Mariucci, Andy...
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SWEET NUMBER THREE -- History of the Superbowl Part 19
I never for a minute got my hopes up about the Jets this year. They'll do it next year. Never go hunting in your underwear. Load up first. For perhaps if you do, you'll resemble...the 1988 San Francisco 49ers. As for Joe Montana, Bill Walsh...
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The New Redskins Song Has "Hail to Charles Martin" In It -- History of the Superbowl Part 18
Happy AFC Championship game Sunday to all! Since this will most likely be the last time we get to the see the Jets this year, what with a quarterback who is currently between about forty pairs of thighs when he should be in the middle of a...
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Oh Boy The Giants, Someone Hold Me Up -- History of the Super Bowl Part 17
1986 You're about to be introduced to a man who caused a lot of grief in people. Most people walking around today have no sense of imagination. There's a reason why a whole nation of children in the 80s could be the first ones exposed to so...
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Ever See The Movie Vice Versa? or Freaky Friday? -- History of the Superbowl Part 16
Prior to the Superbowl hubs, I was talking about the 80s Chicago Bears. There was only a matter of time before we'd have a crossover event...for this hub is where 80s Chicago Bears meets Super Bowl. You might find that this is the meatiest of...
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SUNDAY NIGHT CLUBBING -- History of the Super Bowl Part 15
1984 The NFL was funny. They tried exclusion. They tried reserving all its' permanent spots and honors for NFC personnel. They tried strikes. They tried moving. They even...god forbid...tried using ticket money to build winners so they...
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AL DAVIS WAS ONTO THEM -- History of the Super Bowl Part 14
1983 The first person to realize that all power personnel in the NFL were copying Al Davis...was Al Davis. As he sat in Los Angeles, surely atop some form of hill that people risked sweving accidentally off a cliff trying to drive up to, Davis...
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HOGS VS BEES -- History of the Superbowl Part 13
Joe Theisman's name is not supposed to rhyme with Heisman, but it would after Plunkett beat him out for the prize in 1971. If that makes any sense. It's actually pronounced "THEEZ" man. 1982 People wonder if a bunch of owners that are...
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BILL WALSH PUT ME IN THE HOSPITAL -- History of the Super Bowl Part 12
Bil Walsh becomes lord of an NFC that was about to crap on 10 years of work and progress in the AFC. Overnight, the AFC went down the drain. And there was a good reason, which we'll get to in a few paragraphs. (With the except of the L.A. Raiders)...
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THE LAST GREAT THING THE AFC SHOWS US FOR YEARS -- History of the Super Bowl Part 11
In 1977, John Madden won the Superbowl. In 1979, he would fall victim of a shitty heart. This is why he can't fly anywhere, and why part of the Superbowl pre-game show is always about where John's bus is pulling into. Al Davis recognized what...
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RAMS AND VERMEIL PROVE TO NEED EACH OTHER -- History of the Superbowl Part 10
1979 In life, we get smarter and smarter...as we begin to lose our motivation, drive, wetness. The fuel that got us to the mountain...is usually almost gone when we arrive. This is how all professional sports coaches, trainers and managers...
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CLARENCE vs. OCHO, THE JUNIOR SKYHOOK, and GETTYSBURG, All In One Game -- History of the Superbowl Part 9
Jackie Smith was a star reciever throughout the 60s. He was one of the best recievers to ever play for the Cardinals franchise, and that goes back about 100 years. With St. Louis (where they were at the time), Smith would not only go to the pro...
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CIVIL WAR II -- History of the Super Bowl Part 8
When we left off, it was the middle to late 70s, and parents were fighting back against coolness under the guise of being concerned parents. Now let's take a quick look at 1998, for it matters. The New Orleans Saints were LOUSY. They were 1-15...
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Madden for President -- History of the Superbowl Part 7
John Madden was Michael Jordan in the 80s. Jordan's myth-like image, like Madden's, had help. Jordan's help came from video games, the internet, CBS, Gatorade, Nike, Come Fly With Me. Madden's...came from the climate of the Oakland Raiders...
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WHAT A CATCH!!!! History of the Super Bowl Part 6
What came after the Steelers' first championship in 74 was indicative of something. The AFC was noticably better then the NFC in EVERY SINGLE WAY. The AFC had mo better hitters, mo better runners, mo better quarterbacks. As it's now been ten...
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HA HA YOU SUCK -- The Story of the Miami Heat (1995-this morning)
New York City July, 1995 Slow down, Crappy Carl. Calm down. Now...you say we lost Pat Riley, where did Pat Riley go? "The buster ass Heat!" Carl cries. It was one of the rare occasions when Carl wasn't lying. Needless to say I had to see for...
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People Tools Dislike -- ROGER EBERT
Roger Ebert is the best film critic there is. The only man who liked both "Doubt" and "Bully" equally. In over 40,000 movies reviewed, Ebert has made only three errors -- he gave Die Hard only two stars, he gave RoboCop only three stars, and he...
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HA HA YOU SUCK -- The Story of the Miami Heat (Part 1 from 1988-1995)
To understand the Miami Heat, one must be familiar with two things -- the show "The Golden Girls", and the film "Multiplicity." Chapter 1 -- WTF? The Golden Girls? The Golden Girls is the show that our moms and grandmas watch. It has a neat...
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Places Tools Work -- YAHOO!
Oh my god do Yahoo's writers know how to tool it up. Holy lord, man. One toolish top story after another from these people. First -- the top 5 men to avoid. It was a pretty fair assessment of our lazy selves. Problem is...the internet...
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The Nunchuck And You -- How To Use Nunchucks
I love when people come by, for it's not long before they give me an excuse to threaten them with my new nunchucks. Yet you have to be careful. Number one, nunchucks can be expensive. Number two, as you hold them, make sure to keep your thumb...
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Greatest Show of All Times -- 1 -- Click Below
Mathnet. There was a show called Square One TV in the late 80s that came on after "Sesame Street". Unlike Sesame which was for babies, Square One TV offered math help for kids up to like grade number six. They did square roots, fractions,...
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Best Show of All Times--3--FAMILY TIES
November 9, 1984 I'm six years old and at a birthday party. The music comes on, kids dance. I get on the floor, plant my shoulder into the wood, and start spinning like a can opener trying to keep my lips from touching said ground. The mom, never...
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Teams Tools Like
This is kind of an easy hub. I mean, clearly it's Duke, Yankees, Lakers and Miami Hurricanes just because they won championships and are full of stars. Okay... So instead we're changing it up... WHEN EVERYTHING WAS A GANG COLOR (1990-1994) \ ...
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BEST EPISODE OF DIFFERENT STROKES EVER -- Ladies and Gentlemen Meet Andrew Dice Clay
"I hate Andrew Dice Clay and if I ever see him on the streets I'm gonna **** him up." -- SAM KINNISON Why was Kinnison so mad? Because Andrew Dice Clay, he claims, stole his entire act from him. Kinnison was positive. Stoically, unequivocally...
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Best Show Of All Times -- 4 -- THE JUDGE
It was taken off the air -- the best daytime court TV show in the history of time. The Judge featured the best theme song ever, and a whole segment where he puts on his robe, leaves the house, and his wife waves. He settles family cases. Maybe...
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GREAT MOVIES GUYS MAY NEVER SEE OTHERWISE -- She's Out of Control (1989)
This movie was universally panned by critics when it came out, but they knew their market -- fat 12-year old boys. Man oh MAN did I love "She's Out of Control" when I was fat and twelve. Amy Dolenz, daughter of the Monkee Mickey, is so so FINE. ...
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GREAT MOVIES GUYS MAY OTHERWISE NEVER SEE -- Doubt
I've been in Father Flynn's position before. Not just me, but lots and lots and lots of hot young female teacher assistants, secretaries, paralegals, vice-presidents, etc. It works like this... If they don't work hard, but they still make the...
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The 30 finest Bollywood Ladies EVER
These are the finest women in Bollywood, in exact scientific order. The lady at the top of the list is so so hot. And so I went on photobucket and tallied up the ones I liked over the other ones. And this is how the final standings came out... ...
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Guns N' Roses Vol. 2
Late 1985 Axl Rose, now donning frizzy hair that looks like he was hit by electric shock, is worried to death. Axl knows he's doing alot more then trying to make it big at something he loves, he knows he's battling the concept of being overrated...
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Guns N' Roses Vol. 1
When it comes to fame, there are stages. Oprah for example...is only famous compared to us. There's a whole other level, where you're beyond a worldwide spotlight, where people who live a hundred years later are going to know who you are. Michael...
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GREAT NBA STORIES: Allen Iverson
June, 2001 It was overtime, Game 1 of the 2001 NBA Finals at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, 76ers and the Lakers. Allen Iverson splits the defense only to find himself matched up with the only Laker small and quick enough to contend with him,...
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Greatest Show of All Times -- 5 or 6 -- JENNY JONES
Winter, 2001-02 It was a joyous time, for I was on unemployment. Yeah I was looking for work because I was only making like 200 a week, but in the meantime I had the television on. In it's later seasons, Jerry Springer demonstrated the very...
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The Story of Rudy Tomjanovich's Houston Rockets
They were considered also-rans. Caretakers of a championship while Michael Jordan was grieving. The Houston Rockets had won the title in 1994 only to discover that nobody cared. The Rockets in the 80s had managed to be the only Western team to...
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The 2nd Best Simpsons Episode Ever -- Bart Gets A Phony Drivers License
I never watch the Simpsons anymore. But it's clear they're the masters. The jokes on this show come literally three to a single phrase. That means that by the time an exchange of dialogue is complete, there's eighteen god damn jokes. And every...
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Best Show Of All Timers -- 7 -- LIFE WITH DEREK
I want to sell a few scripts to Disney, for I've evolved into a commercial bum. So you'll never catch me dissing Disney in my blogs. It's not Disney's fault for being the NCAA of fine Hollywood chicks. Yeah, read that again. They supplant the...
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Crappy Carl And Me Go To Six Flags Great America
As I worked as a teacher assistant, there came a time when we had to go to Six Flags Great America in Gurnee, Illinois. Crappy Carl went with me because he was a "chaperone". We were in charge of these eighth graders, and they immediately got into...
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KNICKS N' LACERATIONS -- New York Celebrities Appear In Ads To Congratulate The New 1999 NBA World Champions!
Woody Allen Congratulations, oh my god this is such an honor, you guys finally did it I'm so proud of you hugs and kisses to all, please call, I want to talk to you about Latrell Sprewell's gym membership, now does he have to change his socks alot...
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KNICKS N' LACERATIONS - 1994 New York Knicks Do A Superbowl Shuffle But For Their CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
ALL KNICKS: We are the Knicks/shuffling crew Knocking PIp down cuz Mike got dope moves We so bad/your hip is broke/ Ewing and Starks and Bonner and Oak We ain't here To start no trouble Our dance sounds like the/Superbowl...
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Halloween Costumes For Fans Of The NBA
WILMER!!!! WIL-MER!!! What's wrong Gertrude? These young trick-or-treaters at the door were so rude! The trick-or-treaters? Yes, Wilmer! The trick-or-treaters! Well what did they say? Well, the first kid -- he came over and was...
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The Quintessential Review of Spider-Man 3
In about 10 years, comic book fans worldwide will be treated to a film called "Sinister Six". It will be actually Spider-Man 6, and Tobey McGuire will be going against six mamajammas. The problem is -- how do you pay for such a film? In...
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The Only Good Episode of 90210 Ever In Which Luke Perry's Girlfriend's Dad Doesn't Kill His Daughter Trying To Kill Luke
It was season one. The only one I saw. I remember tuning in for when Dylan laid Brenda, not to mention the SHOCKING conclusion in which a crying Brenda dumps HIM, but then it went on for about seven more years and I don't remember any of them...
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2nd BEST EPISODE OF DIFFERENT STROKES EVER -- Sam's Kidnapping
By now Arnold is older. An aspiring photographer ala Scoop Brady. The year is 1986 and Different Strokes is in it's farewell season, still appearing on ABC's Saturday night prime time line-up just behind Mr. Belvedere. It would proceed ABC's golden...
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What Are The Odds Of Making It To The NBA?
According to the National Federation of High Schools, there are 17,969 high schools in the country with a basketball program for a grand total of 540,207 aspiring NBA players. Now, on top of having to have the body to play this game at the pro...
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The Best Show Of All Timers #8 -- SAVED BY THE BELL
Saved By The Bell is a great show for kids. Very very entertaining. Let's make fun of it anyway, what the hell, as long as we're here-- What a realistic take on high school. Almost as realistic as High School Musical. Not NEARLY as...
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DON'T BUY WORK-AT-HOME PROGRAMS!!! THEY'RE ALL SCAMS!!!
Last January I had a dream. I bought a package from Yahoo that was supposed to show me all these at-home business opportunities. Unfortunately, Yahoo doesn't screen these people. Almost all of them are scams. From debtfreerights to all these...
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KNICKS N' LACERATIONS - A Day Derek Harper Has Never Forgotten -- May 13, 1984
Derek Harper as we all know was the great New York Knickerbocker who had to body slam Chicago Bulls' human shield Jo Jo English and got himself ejected during Game 3 of the 1994 NBA Eastern Conference Semifinals match-up between Jordanless Chicago...
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MAAAAAN COME ON!!!! -- The Story of the 1990s Phoenix Suns
Why are the Phoenix Suns the Chicago Cubs of the NBA? I'll tell you why. Because they're cute, they're adorable, they have a cool uniform, a cool mascot, and work harder then any team in sports to never, ever, ever win a championship. You really...
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Let's Build Your Biceps
First before we begin, it's good to keep a few things in mind. It's mostly genetic. Some guys cannot build biceps. Michael Jordan couldn't play baseball well because he was born with a basketball body. Not a baseball body. His thighs and lower...
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SITTING OUT WITH SCOTTIE PIPPEN -- Weekdays at 1.8 seconds)
Hello, thanks for the applause, alright. Tonight on Sitting Out...questions from the audience.Yes you -- "Scottie why did you sit out of the game with 1.8 seconds left?" "Because they were going to let Toni Kukoc have the ball, dribble off his...
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NBA ALL-STARS AS BABIES Episode 1 -- Pilot
Now now, little Karl Malone, did we use our conflict resolution skills on that one? Stop talking back to me, little Rasheed Wallace. I saw that, little John Stockton. Little Magic, relax. Now now, nobody's going to challenge you after...
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Bobby Knight Gets The Last Laugh, Dane Fife Almost Makes It A Frown
. Bobby Knight didn't honestly believe Indiana would fire him. How could they? He even hires their football coaches! But that's what happened to the General in September, 2000. He was tossed out because Myles Brand was trying to pad his resume...
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SCREWED!!! Tonight's Episode -- The 1992 Chicago Blackhawks
Bill Wirtz is a shnook. Don't televise the home games. Don't televise the road games if they don't sell out. Don't pay the best announcer in all of sports who's like Roenick shoots he SCORES!!! Roenick with the blah blah blah. Don't have...
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Michael Jordan Responds To The Pippen Blog Saying He's Better!!!
WTF? Honestly dog, WTF? What haven't I accomplished in the game of basketball? I feel my ultimate goal of finishing this point is near accomplishment. Scottie did everything he could to help me be the best Michael Jordan I could be. His...
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95 Houston Rockets Obtain Time Machine, Play the 96 Chicago Bulls (Part II of II)
The national press was hard on the Houston Rockets after going down 2-0. And the two-time champions would return home to Texas to see that the Houston press was even harsher. If you drove around Houston that Saturday and Sunday morning leading to...
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SCREWED!!! Tonight's episode -- Notre Dame Football, 1993
So it's two weeks before the end of the season. There's 11 games,, and both Florida State and Notre Dame are 9-0. They play each other in South Bend. Florida State is #1, Notre Dame is #2. Notre Dame wins the game, beats Charlie Ward who can't get...
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To Sink A Dynasty -- by Jerry Krause
Hi kids! I'm Jerry Krause! You might know me from the 6-time NBA World Champion Chicago Bulls. I was the general manager and as you should all probably know, it was MY DOING. Michael Jordan takes lots of credit, but what do you expect from Michael?...
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95 Houston Rockets Obtain Time Machine, Play Chicago in the 96 NBA Finals (PART I of II)
Charles Barkley's not my favorite player, just my favorite famous dude. On Inside the NBA a few seasons ago, Kenny Smith was talking about his Houston Rocket team and how interesting it would have been if Double Clutch played the Untouchabulls....
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John Stockton's Basketball Camp (Hope You're Insured)
7:30 P.M. -- land in Salt Lake City for John Stockton's Basketball Camp 11:16 P.M. -- leave the hospital after being treated for asthma because my first time in Utah 11:40 P.M. -- meet John and Nada 12:13 A.M. -- John rolls out a cot in his...
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The 1992 Atlanta Braves
The National League Champion Atlanta Braves hung the pennant high over the crowd at Fulton County Stadium in early April, 1992, and then proceeded to go 9 games below .500 by the middle of June. But that would be the end of it. The Braves were...
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The 1991 Atlanta Braves
The Braves had won three games in Houston and headed into Cincinnati on the evening of September 30th, 1991. They were now a half game behind the L.A. Dodgers for the N.L. Western Division, their first since 1969. Then Brett Butler of the...