Herein you will hear from me. I've been gone and now I'm not.
It's true: people read my laundry articles. There's hope for this Little Blue Marble we call Earth.
Herein I reveal my writing secrets. You're welcome.
You know you want to.
Unless you live in an old-growth forest without WiFi, you've bumped up against limitations. Life holds us back. We all want to be all we can be, but all too often we find ourselves face-to-face with nameless faceless agents of Big Internet. Big...
Yes, The Donald could be your next US President. Here's how.
It's true and it's for you.
In other news, water is wet and McDonald's tastes good.
HubPages has niches. Do you?
Nothing is your fault. The world owes you a living. Vote for Bernie!
Bernie wants us to turn on each other, but to what end? What's in it for him?
It's that time of year again.
I don't know what that is, do you?
Sadly, he's probably right.
Your mind is up for grabs. Switch off Wheel of Fortune and pay attention!
Get on the Sea Salt bandwagon.
It's there and you know it.
Leverage your core synergies to optimize digital competencies.
Google thinks they know. Do you?
It could happen.
My hubs have been stinky lately. Please accept my apologies. Dole out your forgiveness. OK?
No one will get mad, no one will call me names. I think.
It's a seed ship or it's a planet or it's made from Lego bricks. We're not sure.
... so I grabbed a crayon and wrote this.
Write any way you like, as long as it's Google's Way.
We all lust toward flat stomachs. Abs rule the day. It's a hot-button social issue.
Keep a close eye on your T and the T of your loved ones. If you don't do it, the NSA will have to.
He's our guy. The right guy at the right time. Here's why you should vote for him. We need this guy.
nicomp, I'm tired of you now. Clearly, this discussion is going nowhere. I won't approve any more of your comments, so don't bother responding... maybe you'll find some Nazis to hang out with you, too.
Check out this handy list
Are you ready? Here's a handy guide. Don't be not ready.
Your life needs changing. Coconut oil can help.
It's that time again and you need to support me. Join the movement!
They love me over there. You can, too.
Tragically, Cecil was hunted by a human. What could have been done to save him?
Your clothes don't dry? Here's why!
Tom Brady suspended for four games. How will Tom fill his time?
Warning: this article has been deemed to not contain fresh, high-quality stuff and supporting capsules. When I find out what those are, watch out!
This media-rich hub chronicles my struggles to help Liberals come to terms with their lack of understanding of social issues and politics and this is a run-on sentence.
Grab your credit card and shop away your weariness.
Jason Statham foreshadows Uber.
Stay away from me when I'm in a funk. Shop online instead.
Everyone wants to help you improve your hubs. Why should I be any different?
This'd better be funny -- I put it in the Comedy section of HubPages
When something in your life gets you blue, go online and shop.
... is the last thing you want to read. I can help and you should let me.
We all know her, but do you really know her?
Here's an example of what NOT to do
Not everyone needs ballet shoes. Here's how.
Wouldn't that be cool? A serious example of Survival of the Fittest!
Your Mom loves your writing: HubPages not so much.
Here are 6 commom misconceptions about evolution
Twice yearly government invades my chronology. They owe me.
I love dogs and children. I've earned your vote.
From me to you via the Interweb.
Take time from your day to hate The Rich.
Didja miss me? Seems that liberals and MarkEwbie are taking over. This place never changes.
Spewing 750 or more words presents problems for new writers on HubPages. We grizzled veterans easily compose useful, funny, awesome, beautiful, and interesting compositions.
In the interest of creating a 750-word article replete with media, we indulge in the topic of gratis energy.
This original, long-form, and media-rich hub tells you many things.
Let's see why he's so honked off.
It's a big world. Find something to do.
You might not be a good driver, but is Google any better?
Yes, I went. And it's fun. And it's not a sport.
Don't show up empty-handed. We can help.
There's no such thing as bad publicity, even it's Dutch.
If you write something, you want it indexed. Me too.
Congratulations to me. Share my joy with yourself.
It's taking over the Internet and it's a portmanteau. But you probably already knew that.
Sports teams want to be your friend. Here's how.
Google knows what I want and they put it in my Internet.
Think your skin is OK? We doubt it.
Can you construct a non-substandard hub? Take our simple tutorial.
It's true and it's unbelievable. We don't believe it either.
If you follow me, congratulations. If not, you are missing something.
We all need a little help once in a while
You think you're a real fan? Ha!
You can do it. Millions of college students do it every day. So can you.
The greatest most fantastic contrivance known to mortals, it is. Get one before another minute expires.
Smoke stinks and we want it to go away. Here's how.
Many people have a Police record and have forgotten about them. Such an oversight may come back to haunt them.
Instead of playing, kids need to get busy saving the Earth. We can help.
We present perfect surprises for long-lost friends.
Herein we investigate the intersection of two sets.
You'll never have the best computer: technology changes too fast. Just go outside and play.
Herein we do our best to produce quality content and to talk about the serious subject of low T levels.
Everyone loves a party. Everyone loves to celebrate Bridal Showers and Engagements. What could go wrong?
Revenge is a dish best served cold. With fries and a Coke.
We all crave attention, but individuality still matters. Here's how.
The Rain Forest needs saving. Here are some hot tips.
You can't have too many trees. We can help with that.
You don't have to pretend, but it helps.
Your child may be a genius. You could just ask them, but this is more fun.
Some say it's illegal. We don't like those people.
Can you get rich with eBay. Many people claim to have done so.
Bad grammar aside, the stuff costs money. Don't waste it.
We all want to look and smell like Jimmy Choo. Here's how.
Very few of us will ever buy wresting shoes. Here's how.
Most of us will never write a syllabus, thank goodness. Here's how.
When you go looking for a man, look for these 6 things.
We peel back the curtain to reveal exactly what you can do for your woman.
They're easy to store and exchange, but bad things can happen. We're here to help.
There's no gold behind them. They exist only in cyberspace. Are they actually worth anything?
Everyone else already knows, or thinks they know.
Learn the tricks of safe driving and secret-keeping.
The adorable mink has no place behind the wheel of an automobile. Follow these simple guidelines to achieve mink-safe driving.
Keep your eyes and your brain on the road. Don't get distracted by external stimuli. You need all your synapses to arrive safely.
Life goes by pretty fast: if you wink, you might miss it. The same goes for driving.
Stay safe on the road with this simple advice. Resist the urge to ink-up.
Prinking while driving just might be the worst thing you can do behind the wheel. We're here to help, and we're not from the government.
Don't let your car stink up your personal life. These products can help.
Keep your manliness within acceptable limits or help your favorite manly man. We're here to help you do that.
Google doesn't like you unless you're fresh. Here are some suggestively helpful suggestions.
We all need something but we need to know what we don't need as well. Here's a list that you need to know about so you know what you don't need.
A the risk of being declared substandard, we present online animal games. Play on!
Sure, you can pound out hundreds of words formed into sentences, but do you actually know what you're doing? We're here to help.
Without fear of being labeled Substandard, we introduce the HubExchange. Join us or perish at your own risk.
Energy makes the world go-round and makes sales brisk at the convenience store.
Stock up on Disney memorabilia. You probably don't have enough. Here's how.
We present the top picks of cucumber-related products.
Golf has come a long way since the first caveman went for the green over a sleeping T-Rex. At the risk of being labeled substandard, we present 5 amazing products that no golfer should miss.
You may be shocked to be without these important products. Keep yourself and your family and your stuff protected.
Everyone with a birthday needs these things. We're here to help.
Spend your money wisely when shopping for snow supplies. Sudden blizzards will blanket your neighborhood with White Death: be prepared.
Your government has cut 2.3 per cent of your federal budget to the bone. Government meddling plummets, the media has something to distract them from Benghazi. Here's a buying guide help you survive.
It's fast, colorful, dangerous, and it goes in circles. It's not Congress, it's NASCAR.
It's referred to as 'snail mail' because it rhymes and people love a good joke at the expense of the USPS. Don't give up on a good letter in the mailbox.
Here's a suggested gift list for the President on your list.
We present the definitive Christmas wish list for Matt Cutts. Our favorite face of Google need a bunch of stuff and we're the ones to give it to him.
If you're not an English teacher, take a few moments to check out my list. There's still a lot of objectionable nonsense out there for you to discover, if you have the thorax for it.
We all know someone who wants something. They usually don't deserve it, but I do. After all the time I've spent crafting over 800 hubs for you and your family, it's time for you to give back. In the interest of efficiency I have engineered a handy list of presents for you to buy for me for...
Yes, it's true! Many computer parts can be ordered online.
Buy some stuff for your cat before it attacks you in your sleep.
Ready for more HubPages followers, I am.
Horse gear for the horse-conscious.
Never shoplift anything, but especially these 5 crucial items.
5 things that will make your clown interaction much easier. We're here to help.
5 surprising things never to eat in a restaurant.
Yay! I earned some money by writing online! You won't see this on Google.
You can sleep, we promise. Here are bullet-proof sleeping tips from our experts.
5 things that you eat that will gain you weight.
Here are 10 foods that will bust your diet.
Make the Internet say nice things about you.
Recently expounded upon the hatred of language professors, we did. Read more about that here.
He's young, vigorous, and attractive, relatively speaking. He's married. He used to work at McDonald's. No one disputes these facts. We must learn more before deploying our constitutionally-mandated right to vote. Don't stroll to the polls in November without digging deeper for more truth.
Territories come and go, but they mostly go: much of the continental United States was classified territorial before statehood was granted. Probably the most famous example was the Louisiana Territory, unless you lived in Alaska when it became a territory often referred to as "Seward's Folly."...
Run away from your problems and settle in Coolville. It's a great place to be from, but you'll feel welcome even if you were raised elsewhere.
Without states, America would be The District of Columbia and a few clingy islands. We all have our favorite states: here are the top 50 states as picked by a gang of experts. If you disagree, write your own list or start your own state.
Some folks would say that suing Google is akin to suing General Motors for making the car used to haul pirated DVDs. Those folks don't make their living producing digital media. Whether right or wrong, Google is permanently inserted into the debate.
Blatant examples of media bias. Sometimes it's so unfair that these people must be called out.
A Celebrity Chef is what I want to be. I can do and you can help, if you want.
Eat whatever you want, as long as you don't pig out on these foods.
A big truck pulls up in front of your house. Burly friendly men carefully pack up all your stuff, load it, and drive away. You're heading to Coolville!
You need not be from Coolville to enjoy the majestic beasts populating this southwestern Ohio village.
We all love living in Coolville, but sometimes the bugs tend to annoy. This little village of about 400 people is no different from the remainder of southwestern Ohio when it comes to insects.
Long a well-traveled east-west route through Ohio, The James A Rhodes Appalachian Highway passes through Coolville, Ohio on its way to West Virginia. This part of the country has hosted many famous battles, disagreements, tiffs, spats, dust-ups, and tête-à-têtes.
Fortunately for you, hats popularized in Coolville can be ordered online. There's no need to speed down the James A Rhodes Appalachian Highway, risking a professional encounter with the Ohio State Patrol.
Animals launching themselves at each other comprise 16.7% of all online games. The birds got angry at the pigs, initiating avalanches of digital mayhem and copycats.
Coolville, Ohio, is a great place to be from. Here are interesting people not from there.
Coolville Cats are all the rage on the Interweb these days... Varieties of cats share this .9 mi2 of real estate with over 500 sturdy Ohio folk. Current census data conveniently omits cat counts, therefore we can only assume precisely specific numbers of felines. Let's go with 425.
I am not from Coolville, Ohio. I typically spend my spare time searching for myself.
As all our psychics tend to say: "In the Dark? Get Enlightened." It's written on their cubicle wall and they never forget it. Pick out a mentalist from our stable of stars. They're here to help, mostly themselves, but they will keep you occupied until The Bachelorette comes on.
Spend a little time online to learn strange and wonderful shortcuts virtually guaranteed to solve nagging problems. Your belly can be trimmed away, your hair restored, and your mortgage repaid (probably by the government) simply through the deployment of a single weird trick here and there
Evaporation provides free cooling for this towel. Water molecules infuse the fabric, but not for long. The molecules vibrate, absorbing energy in the process. Eventually individual molecules accumulate sufficient energy to break away from the towel: they become vapor.
In the interest of free cats, we provide photos of cats. Don't thank me, just gaze lovingly and resist the urge to pet your screen.
At the risk of being labeled substandard, I will dispel the #1 HubPages myth. You're welcome. We all need something to cling to, but enough electrons have been wasted by so-called experts.
Stories get told online these days. Trees need not be mangled into physical books. Mere electrons assemble into words, sentences, paragraphs, chapters, and epics, which can be more efficiently ignored by more people than any automated rejection system contrived by Borders and Barnes & Noble.
Join me on a journey of sales and redemption.
Everyone needs a little length in their lives.
Honestly, how We The People can possibly allow this travesty to continue unabated eludes me. Stand up, people! Disallow this travesty. Abate it.
The current president recently identified an opening in his busy schedule. In between haranguing Congress and chatting with Jimmy Kimmel, he has you penciled for a languid lunch.
A new programmer needs a rigorous language and development environment that provides immediate feedback for syntax errors and potential logic errors.
I want to be a foodie. Are you a foodie? Does exotic cuisine replete with unpronounceable spices cause your heart to beat faster and your arteries to clog more efficiently? I do.
Today I made a nickel, an eBay capsule worked. I picked a common item, I hoped that riches lurked.
There's no need to feed them or scrape algae from the sides of the tank when your fish are rendered in glass.
Crab ArtGlass represents the pinnacle of crustacean craftmanship.
Build your own hoard from hoards up for auction on eBay.
Make toast. It's good.
An oatmeal recipe. Eat lots of oatmeal.
Herein we provide just a few narrow opportunities to make a buck before massive marketers swoop in to corner the market.
Top 10 reasons why horse racing is stupid.
A service company such as HostPapa will let you store your site on their computers.
Protect your investments. Our favorite auction site provides numerous opportunities for money hiding contrivances that would fool 007 on his best day.
Ee focus laser-like on badly constructed grammar examples illustrated in-sutu as a benefit for budding online writers and bloggers and people learning English as a third language. It's all here.
Science marches on, providing us little people with invaluable guidance and also valuable guidance. We understand that hamburgers and fries consumed at every meal will probably kill us in 50-70 years. We learn to moderate. What do we know about coffee?
Each of us fondly recalls our first edible encounter with Pringles.
Look to our favorite online auction site, eBay, for cornucopias of opportunities for happiness. Simply bidding on your dream auction inspires spasms of joy heretofore available only by adding the Oprah Winfrey Network to your cable TV package.
Chicken may be ordered online through our favorite auction site. PETA is not all that upset, as far as we know.
A junk drawer auctioned off on eBay might hold unexpected treasures.
The best online deals at eBay.
Sure, we can dig up the back yard for some free dirt, but bidding on eBay for other people's crud provides a much more enjoyable way to spend a rainy weekend at the computer.
It's a fact of life: kids wear watches.
Bid on the most stylish styles guaranteed to keep your men happy. No male wants to be seen in public without at least one wristwatch adorning our collective muscular forearms.
Everyone wants to know what time it is, but no one wants to make ask the person behind them in line at Starbucks.
Stop reading my stuff and shop online for things to do. Go to eBay. Bid.
As indicated in the title, this type of funding does not have to be paid back to the taxpayers. The federal government wants every qualified woman to have a fair opportunity to attend college regardless of financial need or social status.
Free money for education is a basic human right for women. Every woman deserves a grant from the government in order to better herself by earning a college degree.
Someone gives you free money. That's a grant. Going back to school on a government grant means that friendly caring folks in Washington, DC drop money into your checking account for you to pay your tuition bills.
When hungry, look to your well-stocked shelves for satisfaction. Here are some suggestions for doomsday preppers and frugal shoppers alike.